I have to mention a few things before you read the story.

1: If you think I'm retarded or sick for writing this, please tell me in a review

2: This will be my stupidest yet most serious story yet

3: I will be coming out with a list of everything I referenced in this story next weekend.

4: This will be my last stupid story for a while as I'm working on the serious 'Blood of Kohona' story

Naruto Ultimate Mass Murderer

Chapter 1: The Guy From Saw

After the Super Saiyan Invasion, Kohona was weak and without a leader (Honestly, you'd think the village hidden in the leaves wouldn't get attacked every fucking week). A week afterwards, every main character was called to the town square.

In the center of the square was a big screen TV. When everyone came, it turned on and on it was….THE GUY FROM SAW!!!

He said in a dark grainy voice that appears in 35 of all horror movies "I am the Guy from Saw. I'd tell you my name but this mask is cutting off my air and my brain cells are rapidly dying. Now I'll make this quick as every word I speak is slowly killing me. I have called you all here to choose the next Hokage."

Sakura interrupted "But there's more ninja then this."

"You're STD's killed them you whore. You're the only survivors."

"But what makes us so special?"

The Guy from Saw sighed and said "Anime cliché #52 states that 'Main characters can't die and those who do will come back to life.' Just ask Goku. Oh wait, he got the chair, yeah nevermind. Anyway, you all will first have to play a game with me"

Suddenly, an obviously gay man said "Ooh, I'll play with you, you delicious little thing you."

The Guy from Saw groaned and said "Oh great, it's Orochimaru. Who let that transvestite faggot in?"

"Master Guy incited me over for some riceballs and they don't call him master for nothing."

The Guy from Saw stared at him blankly and said "I'm gonna ignore that. So anyway, the rules are simple. It will be a battle royal. Last man standing is the next Hokage. You have until midnight to prepare. Then when the clock tolls 12…..THE GAMES SHALL BEGIN!!! But until then nobody can kill. If you do, you shall face punishment."

Orochimaru interrupted "Well until then, who wants to play with my Grass Halberd?"

Then a sandstorm suddenly erupted. When it calmed down, Garra appeared with the Village People's police guy's uniform on. "Oh I willllll!"

Kakashi yelled "Garra! You got shot like 40 times!"

"And would you believe all 40 bullets were made of marshmellows?"

"No."

"And you'd be right."

"So how'd you live?"

"Love."

"Love?"

"Love."

"Whose love?"

"You're love"

Kakashi then said cooly "Ohhh yeah."

But suddenly, Master Guy appeared behind Garra with a fire hose. "You must be this tall to ride on the Grass Halberd." He switched on the fire hose and blasted Garra into the air. "Thank you Luffy!" He suddenly jumped into the air and screamed "Shooting Dragon Star!" He then did a lighting fast kick that slammed Garra into the ground below, shattering his head and skull. Guy got up and did his signature gay smile and thumbs up but a gunshot pierced the silence, blowing his head all over the pavement.

The Guy from Saw then laughed and said "That is the punishment for breaking my rules and JESUS! Is Choji eating Guy's corpse!?" Everybody turned to see Choji feasting on Guy's kidneys, but suddenly, he was knocked into the air by Rock Lee.

"Get away from my godly sexy master. Now the ninth gate, Saya….RELEASE!" Lee's hair turned spiky blond and his chakra levels skyrocketed. "Lotus style, Ultimate Technique! KA-ME-HA-ME-HA!!!" Lee then shot a massive beam of energy obliterating, Choji, body and soul, from existence. But suddenly, Lee was shot too.

The Guy from Saw laughed even louder and said "Now I think all of you are smart enough to listen to the rules. Now I'll say this in Japanese (In Japanese) The price you pay for breaking the rules is I blow off your fucking head. Just like this fucker here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!"[pause "I didn't think so." [calmly, in English "Gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned."