DISCLAIMERS/NOTES
1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by the BBC. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun.
2. This is a femslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this.
Yaz Khan wandered the corridors of the TARDIS, wondering what she was doing. She knew what she should be doing: it had been yet another very exhausting adventure, with the already-expected life-and-death thrills. She should be in bed.
Ryan and Graham already retired for the evening - well, at least it was nearly evening when they finally left Kandoka - after Ryan insisted the giftbox the Doctor's fez arrived in, and it's explosive wrapping, was jettisoned. To be honest, though, Yaz wondered why the boy was so worried: she was pretty sure Ryan himself already popped some of it before she even found the "Help Me" message.
Regardless, Yaz should be sound asleep now, or thinking about their next adventure, or - most likely - fantasising about a certain Time Lady. Indeed, Yaz would go, well, kerblam from embarrassment if her friends knew what got her to sleep smiling most nights. Even if it was a bittersweet smile.
Yaz was quite good at hiding her feelings for the Doctor now. They still filled her very being, but she was determined to never let them show. When they split up at various points on Kandoka's moon, and the women were not once paired together - alone, that is - Yaz said nothing, nor gave any hint of hesitation. She just went straight with Ryan, poor Dan, or deluded Charlie.
She shook her head at the thought of the cleaner. Maybe it was her police training, but Yaz had very little sympathy for the guy. As soon as it became apparent he was behind it all, any affection she had for him evaporated.
Unlike the Doctor, of course. She still waited until the last moment to teleport them to safety, even when it was clear Charlie was not willing to save himself. It took Graham to get the Doctor to save them. Her desire to save everyone, even the criminal, again awed Yaz.
But everything about the Time Lady awed her. Quite, just because Yaz left the Doctor's side various times today without a moment's pause did not mean it did not sting everytime. She wanted to spend every, well, moment with the alien. She was completely in love with her, and wished more than anything for the Doctor to return her feelings.
Which was why Yaz was not in bed now, instead prowling the TARDIS corridors. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but for Yaz it only made it grow more pained. She knew it was stupid - the Doctor might even be asleep herself, which was admittedly a rare occurrence - but Yaz spent enough time today apart from her heart's desire. It was selfish, yes, but right now she did not care; she needed to see the Time Lady one more time... even if it was just to say goodnight.
Finally, after what seemed days - that was love for you - Yaz saw a slightly ajar door, and light bleeding out from the room beyond. A mixture of curiosity and hope led the policewoman on, as she slowly approached the door and nudged it ever-so until she could peek in. What she saw had her silently gasp.
The Doctor was sitting in her spacious and bizarre wardrobe. Yaz thought she was nowhere near it - did the TARDIS direct her here? But what shocked her more was the Time Lady's posture: sat at the foot of the weird spiral staircase, coat off and head down. She looked so sad, making Yaz's heart sink. Without even thinking, she opened the door fully. "Doctor?"
The Gallifreyan's head shot up. "Yaz? What're you doin' 'ere? Is somethin' wrong?"
Yaz knew she should be apologising for invading the woman's privacy, but her concern overrid manners. "I think you should tell me."
As the girl approached, the Doctor grinned weakly. "I'm alright, Yaz. Always am. You know me."
Yes, she did. Yaz watched her for ages when she hoped no one was paying attention, her attention solely on the woman who fell from the sky and into her heart. She knew the Time Lady's taste in clothes. She knew her favourite biscuit. That she liked and wanted a sofa - a purple one. That she drank tea from glass cups, always watching the leaves slowly mix with the water like it was the greatest thing ever. That she muttered in her sleep, so quiet it was unintelligible, yet Yaz could listen to it for hours.
She knew the Doctor was the kindest, most wonderful person in all the universe, who would do anything and everything to leave a place better than when she arrived, and wanted to save anyone needing saving, even if they did not deserve it. And most of all, Yasmin Khan already knew the Doctor was the love of her life.
However... she also already knew when the Doctor was lying.
Yaz looked down as the alien kept the fake smile plastered on her beautiful face. "You ain't been right since we got back from Kandoka." Yaz's constant, hopefully-not-obvious gazing on the Doctor proved that: something was off with her.
"You did a wonderful thing for Dan's daughter," said the Doctor. Usually Yaz's cheeks burnt anytime her crush complimented her, but not now. This was classic redirection. Avoidance. Yaz knew it when she saw it - police training 101. "You said such beautiful things."
"Thank you." Sighing, Yaz sat down next to the Doctor on the bottom step of the wardrobe staircase. "Now talk to me."
The Doctor stared at her, and again Yaz was taken by her perfect eyes. But no: she would not be distracted. Because if there was one thing as strong as her love for the alien, it was her wish to make sure she was happy.
Eventually, the Doctor gave a rueful shake of the head, clearly accepting defeat. "Remember when I said it wasn't the system's fault, or technology's fault?" she asked with a heavy voice. "That it's how people use technology that's important?"
"Of course," said Yaz. "It was Charlie's sabotage that killed all those people. He was the monster, not Kerb!am."
"Please don't use that word, Yaz," the Doctor said sternly. The girl was momentarily taken aback by the curtness, but nodded in supplication all the same. As if realising she shocked her, the Doctor reassuringly stroked her arm - which gave Yaz goosebumps, as it always did. "But you're right," the Time Lady then continued. "It was Charlie's paranoia which led him to do such terrible things. His lack of faith in Humanity."
Yaz was still confused. "So what's the problem?"
The Doctor turned to her. "Charlie didn't kill Kira."
Frowning deeply, Yaz silently shook her head questioningly.
"The system did." The Time Lady's jaw was now clenched. "Kerb!am killed her, of its own volition."
Yaz's eyes widened. "You're right... " How did that not occur to her before? She was a police officer, for crying out loud. "But... like you said, it did that to show Charlie what his actions did to other people, how their loved ones would feel." Which they tragically saw for themselves when they gave Dan's little girl his pendant. Yaz almost had to take a gulp to dampen the pain of that moment.
"It still killed her. It still committed murder." The Gallifreyan turned away and groaned. "I was wrong. I did a fancy speech and I was wrong. Systems can act for themselves. Why did I forget that? I even told you some of my best friends are robots! Of course they can make their own decisions! It sent the distress message itself, after all. And it also murdered Kira itself."
Yaz looked down as it sank in. Kerb!am trying to assassinate Charlie in Slade's office was one thing, but an innocent like Kira? "The wrong thing for the right reason... " whispered Yaz.
"There's never a right reason to kill," the Doctor snapped, her eyes nearly like fire. "Ever." Before a stunned Yaz could respond, the Doctor was biting her own lip in determination. "We need t'go back there. We need to make sure the system has a complete overhaul and nothing like that can happen again." She made a move to stand up...
... and was stopped by Yaz's hand on hers. The Doctor looked down and blinked, then up at the Human girl. Yaz sat still, refusing to let her go. "Doctor, it's not your responsibility."
"Yes it is," came the hurried reply. "I was wrong, or at least half-right, and I've got to fix it. I can't be half-right, Yaz. They've got to know all the variables."
"I'm sure Maddox and Slade are fully aware of the variables now," insisted the policewoman. "After what happened, they'll go through every link in the system... " - a bad way of putting it? - "... every possible permutation, everything to make sure it's working again. Trust me, there are times when you just have to let go and accept that your part in something is over."
The Time Lady looked dumbfounded. "That's never been how I've lived my life before. Well, maybe when I was younger. But looked older. Truth be told, I used to run at the first sign of trouble. Cavemen with spears are very scary. But that's not the point! Eventhough spears are pointy, that's not the point!"
Yaz knew the Doctor rambling was a good sign, but also knew she could not stop now. "Doctor, I'm obviously not saying you need to ignore any problem you see - I know you literally can't, which is one of the most amazing things about you - but you have to trust in other people to do their part, as well."
"I know that, Yaz. My whole philosophy is based on trust. Didn't you hear my big speech?"
The girl let out a giggle. "I did, and it was great. But did you?"
The Doctor looked at her with scrummy confusion.
"Like you said, trust in people to use the technology correctly, and that includes fixing it." Yaz began stroking the Time Lady's hand with a thumb. "You've done your part with Kerb!am. Let the ones who are actually in charge of the bloody place finish the job."
There was silence for several moments, as the two finally realised what Yaz's hand was doing. With an audible swallow, the police officer quickly broke the contact and placed it in her lap. The Doctor meanwhile, cleared her throat, no doubt in embarrassment.
Eventually, she gave a slight shrug. "Maybe you're right. Maybe... maybe just this once, I can let them sort it out." She looked back at Yaz with a quirked eyebrow. "I guess it is kinda bigheaded to think they can't do it without me, eh?"
Her playful tone was coming back. Good. Yaz smiled and nodded despite the lingering embarrassment. The silence resumed, though now far more comfortably. After several beats of Yaz trying to avoid eye contact with the woman she cherished, she gave in and turned to face her again, only to finally notice something by the Doctor's side alongside her on the bottom step. Her new fez. "Is that why you're in here, of all places?" she asked, nodding to it.
The Doctor turned to the headwear and sighed again. She picked it up and examined it infront of her. "Yeah, but now... I dunno. Seems kinda wrong. Kinda takes the fun out of it when you know it was sent by a company involved in terrorism."
"No need to take it out on the hat," smirked Yaz. "It is, by the way."
"Is what?"
"You." Yaz grinned wide. "You looked cute." And cheeky. And adorable. And lovely.
"I looked cute?"
Oh God. What had Yaz said? "Um... yeah."
Silence once more, now with the unease back. Again their eyes met, and now Yaz did find herself lost in them. It was a hopeless battle. The Doctor, meanwhile, was glaring at her like Yasmin Khan was the only thing in the universe.
Yaz's mouth went dry.
Was that uncertainty in the Doctor's... ?
Suddenly, the Time Lady blinked rapidly, cleared her throat again and snapped her head away. "Right," she said resolutely, shooting to her feet so fast she was like a blur. "Well, I think... "
"Er, y... yeah," stammered Yaz as she rose herself. "Time for bed." Wonderful, best thing to say!
"Yep, big day tomoz." The Doctor was deliberately keeping her back to her.
With that, Yaz stode to the wardrobe exit, her heart now racing. "Goodnight, Doctor," she managed, turning her head back.
The Doctor was now again composed, facing her fully, though making no effort to follow her. "Sweet dreams, Yaz."
Only the bittersweetest. Yaz reached the door, and was about to leave, when she paused. Something was not quite right. Slowly, she spun on her heel to face the Doctor once more. The alien looked at her expectantly.
Then Yaz sighed. "We're going back there, aren't we?"
The Doctor's shoulders slumped, and she let out a grunt. "I'm sorry, Yaz," she said simply. "I have to."
Yaz just smiled. "It's OK, Doctor. I understand."
They did go back to Kerb!am HQ, the next day. And the Doctor did insist on overseeing the system investigation personally. But no one on Team TARDIS minded, least of all Yaz. She did not even care her advice was technically dismissed by the Time Lady giving into her need to make sure she definitely left the place better than when she arrived.
If anything, it only made Yaz love her evenmore.
THE END
As well as addressing a plothole in the actual episode, there's also an intentional plothole in this story. Did you spot it?