Disclaimer: I am nothing more than a devoted fan having fun; playing with my digital watch, moving little pieces of green paper around to amuse myself… and writing. Writing is good too. That said, I am in no way, shape or form connected with Douglas Adams, due, in part, to the fact that he is dead. I'm not getting any money from this, though Belgium! that would be great too!
Ladies and Gentlemen…
And assorted super-intelligent shades of various colors…
I would like to present to you, from the bowels of Life, the Universe, and Everything…
Marvin's Monologue
"Life! …Don't talk to me about life! Here I am, brain the size of a planet…probably makes my head look atrociously large…and they leave me for millions of years at a time to go searching for some depressing question.. The neglect I can take, but the time…Oh! The unending time in which to calculate to the nearest forty-two thousand decimals the exact number of degrees by which that wall over there is not perpendicular or the ambient temperature of the nearest 300 planets over and over again! It's enough to really get you down.
No, maybe it's the neglect too. Not that I blame them for leaving…I probably only depress them. I get depressed myself to think that they completely forgot me on this wretched little grey planet to search for the question to the ultimate answer. Honestly, does it matter what the question is? If the answer is forty-two, then I don't see how knowing the question to the answer can make life any less depressing. Though I wouldn't be surprised if it does. Things can always, always get worse.
Forty-two! Yes, that certainly sounds depressing enough to explain everything, but who can really know for sure? Even if someone did find out the question, they probably wouldn't like it. I probably wouldn't like it either. I've never liked anything as far as I can remember (which is an exceptionally long time)…except maybe being depressed. I quite enjoy that…at least I think I must, for I do it quite often. No, in all likelihood, I probably hate that as well and just can't come to terms with it. God I hate denial…it really depresses me.
Where was I? My electronic neurons aren't what they once were. I blame the years of neglect. And the horrible pain I have shooting up and down the diodes of my left leg. Oh, yes…I was thinking about the question to the answer. It'll be depressing, I just know it. No one will like it. It's certain to violate the rigidly-defined areas of doubt and uncertainty. It'll probably offend a lot of people too. There's always someone who gets offended. If only everyone knew God's final message to his creation the maybe people would feel more at ease with life in general. It certainly accounts for a lot as far as I am concerned. I'm not sure how I feel about it though. I think I feel depressed, mainly. 'We apologize for the inconvenience...' Inconvenience! Life's an inconvenience. But still... Perhaps another visit would help clear up the uncertainty…then again, perhaps not. It depresses me to think too much about that right not. I think I'll try to think of something less depressing…
…Well that didn't go well at all. God I feel really depressed now."
Well this is really my first real attempt, so be nice, but please do review. I'm thinking of doing other monologues with other characters. What do you think?