AN: Hell yes I wrote a story for once. LOL You guys should be proud of me or something. Kuroshitsuji? What? NL, what are you doing! I have no idea. This was spur of the moment.
Do not own Kuroshitsuji, or the characters. Yeeeahhh.
There he was again.
Again.
That lifeless eye was once beautiful. It held such an enigmatic stare, such an entrancing colour, that it was always hard for me to look away. It was gorgeous, simply put, engaging everyone and everything fixed by it.
So why?
Why, now, could I not stand to look at it?
Was it the dulled hue? The blank gaze? I must have seemed so distant to it. Just another face who didn't really care, who only wanted the power and wealth to be gained from associating with the sapphire tones that engulfed the body.
Even now, with a grayed complexion, blues and greens fit him best.
That's what I had observed.
The room was kept cold for him. I left every day with a chill, but it was worth it, to spend as much time as I could with him. Sitting him up, I undressed him from his bedclothes. "Good morning," I whispered to him - as if afraid I would disturb his restful state. "Did you sleep well?"
There was no answer. But I didn't mind. He wasn't so talkative anymore.
"It's warm out today," I went on - wanting to keep our one-sided conversation going. Wanting to tell him more. "But I'll keep this room cold. I know you like the cold. Don't you?" I stroked his cheek. Even his skin was frozen.
I helped him off the bed. That lavish bed I had made, just for him. Nothing less of a custom mahogany headboard encrusted with sapphires would suit him. Sapphire, like his eye. The sheets, with yellow linen. Faded, dirty yellow. That colour always reminded me of him. Something that should be happy, but wasn't. The mattress, soft as his hands. The bed skirt, white and clean as his soul.
Dressing him for the day was always a task. He refused to stand up on his own, and so I had to hold him up and somehow wriggle him into his clothes. To button his shirt was to simply have him sit once it was on, and tend to that in a position he at least cooperated with. His trousers were slid on while he sat, and pulled up while he leaned on me.
The basics were covered. Now, his vest. It wasn't nearly as difficult as the shirt. After the vest, was his coat.
And now the ribbon. My favourite part.
I chose a black ribbon that day, and pulled it around his neck. I tied it in a foolish way at first, just to make me smile. To make him smile. It was upside down. How improper; I could hear him scolding me, even. "Oops. I'll try again." Gently, I tugged it free, and retied it properly. "Is that better?"
No answer. But I knew it was.
He wasn't quite ready for the day yet. No, not without his eyepatch. That faded-black eyepatch I'd made sure to recover. Not just any eyepatch would do, you know. It had to be this one.
You wouldn't understand. It had to be this one.
I tied it around his eye - no, not the sapphire one. Not the one I loved.
The other eye. The one I hated.
Even now, that damn contract stayed. The symbol of his tie to that beast. I despised it.
"Why do you hang onto that contract?" I whispered. I asked him this every day. He never gave me a straight answer. "Do you hate me? Do you want to go home? This is your home now. That demon's gone. Long gone. So why?"
Nothing.
"You're so stubborn, Ciel..."
Ciel.
Ciel Phantomhive.
Even his name sent shivers down my spine. No one but myself had said that name out loud in years. I had made sure of it.
I was the only one who knew that name now.
As it should be.
I smiled at him. He frowned back. How unbecoming. "You're grumpy, too," I lamented. "Give me a smile..." Grabbing his cheeks - gently, oh so gently, he's so fragile - I molded his mouth into a grin.
"...It doesn't suit," I commented afterward.
That wasn't my Ciel, the one with the big grin.
I let his lips go slack.
"Now... Are you going to eat today, I wonder? I'll go get your breakfast." I carried him away from the bed, to the armchair set beside that table. I settled him there comfortably, with his right arm propping up his cheek. He loved doing that.
And I left him.
It hurt me, to leave him. He watched the door so patiently when I left. I knew, because I looked back and caught him staring once. No, no, don't look back - I'll stay if I look back. I closed the door before I could have the chance to look back.
The mansion was so empty now. It was just Ciel and I. Hannah, the triplets, and even Claude were all gone. Just my sweet, sweet Ciel. And me.
That's how it should be.
The decor was all gray. It had been red and gold, navy, midnight blue, and all other sorts of colour schemes before. But never gray. Now, that's all I ever saw. Gray. The gray carpet flattened beneath my gray socks. The gray wallpaper was peeling off, to reveal grayed paint. Even my hair was beginning to turn gray. How laughable.
'In this mansion, even time itself is caught up in the spider's web,' wasn't it? That's what Claude had told Ciel - my Ciel - and it seemed more true than ever now. How many years had passed since I had taken Ciel home? At least ten. But I couldn't tell. Maybe it hadn't even been a year yet. Maybe it hadn't even been a week.
I didn't care.
I had Ciel.
That's all that mattered.
His breakfast. Nothing short of the very best would do. His meals were more lavish than even my own. Nothing short of the very best.
As expected, he was waiting for me. Looking at the door, waiting for it to open. I knocked, out of courtesy, and let myself in.
"I'm back," I told him quietly. I knew he would have scoffed. Ciel never outwardly enjoyed my presence. I know he loved it, though. He loved me. I know he did.
I carried the tray over to him, and set it on the table beside. "I hope you eat today, Ciel. You're worrying me." It was just the game. I knew he wouldn't eat.
Even so, I tried to feed him.
He wouldn't open his mouth. As always. I tried to open it for him, but he nearly toppled over. I rushed to sit him back up, frowning. "Fine then. You can just starve." I let out a huff of breath, before my smile came back.
I couldn't stay mad at him.
"Silly Ciel," I whispered, stroking his hair away from his face. "You're just not cooperating at all, are you?" Despite myself, I began to laugh. I haven't laughed in a while. But I just can't help it now.
It reminds me of those days. When we still had something to laugh about.
Well...maybe not Ciel. He never laughed.
But I loved to laugh. I wished he would laugh for me.
It reminds me of those days. When we still had a wish to fulfill.
Well...maybe not me. I already had my wish.
But he had an amazing wish. I had laughed when he told me about it. But now I wish I hadn't.
Because in those days, when I still laughed, and he still wished, we had only each other. When he stopped wishing, I stopped laughing. And then he left me.
"But now we're together again." I stroked his cheek...his cold cheek. "We can wish and laugh all we want now. Can't we, Ciel?"
And as the vans pulled up outside, I could only smile. Smile and laugh.
"Alois Trancy... No, Jim Mackken. Jim Mackken and Ciel Phantomhive."
I heard them. I knew they were coming. But I couldn't stop them. I could only make sure Ciel and I stayed together.
"I have you...and I'm not letting go, Ciel." I gripped his hand - that soft, frozen hand. "So don't worry."
They were in the hall now.
"Don't worry."
The chaste kiss tasted awful. His lips were chapped and reminded me of fish that went bad. But I didn't care.
Just so long as I had him when the door burst open.
