Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own them.
Rating: T, to be safe.
Pairing: Clint/Phil
Warnings: MPREG, violence, swearing, magic, one case of domestic abuse, mention of the word abortion (no one gets one).
A./N.: I always wanted to write mpreg and Marvel is the perfect fandom with all its magic and mutations. It's the sequel to 'Everlasting bond', you can see it as a spinoff if you prefer to do so. The idea was born by a dream about Clint being pregnant and I edited 'talking at cross purposes' and stumbled over a scene I wrote. I was thinking what would have happened when he had lost control over himself instead of holding back.
I hope it turned out okay :)
Jeez, I accidently selected TV-Show, no idea how that happened but mistakes are possible at two in the morning.
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The morning started like so many others before. Loki decided to cause some mischief and terrorized half Manhattan with his versions of the Blob.
It took them hours to find a way to neutralize them but in the end Bruce developed a serum which decomposed these thingies without destroying half the city.
Clint and his dog Barney left their nest, shortly before they reached their friends a blue flash appeared on the bright blue sky. Hitting them.
"Clint," the shock of seeing his lover get hit by the flash made Phil gasp. It felt like his heart stopped for a few painful seconds before he was able to get his body into motion, hurrying up to his hurt husband, followed by his comrades. The archer was writhing on the ground while seizures cause him incredible pain. Barney was luckier and just unconscious, at least Phil hoped that was all that was wrong with their little friend.
"Clint," he took Clint into his arms. "Medics are on their way. You have to hang on, okay?" The pain within the bond was burning through Phil's body like a wildfire. "Hang on, do you hear me?"
He felt Clint nod against his chest, gasping in pain.
"Hush," Phil whispered, rocking back and forth. "You'll be okay."
"Loki?" Thor raged, "Where are you brother? What have you done to the Hawk?" There was no answer. Loki was long gone.
Tony tried to find a trace of the God with the aid of JARVIS but they couldn't find him either.
Steve took Clint's hand into his own, offering silent comfort.
Clint felt like he was vaporizing from within, the pain was unbearable. Not even his husband's panicked voice could help to focus on something else. He couldn't understand a single world Phil was saying but at least he wasn't alone. Phil would guide him through god knows what.
There was a hint of fear and comfort in the bond but the pain drowned out most of it.
He clutched Phil's shirt in his fist, while his other hand squeezed something strong and warm. He cried out in pain as his abdomen cramped awfully.
"Come on Clint," Phil sniffed softly. "Hang on."
"Buddy it's an order," Steve decided to say something. "Two more minutes."
They got the scare of their life the moment Clint passed out in their arms from the pain, "Is he...?" Tony whispered.
"He's still alive," Phil could feel his shallow breath against his chest and the slow rise and fall of his archer's ribcage.
Tony sighed with relief, "I'm too old for that." He muttered.
"Thor, find your damn brother," Phil gritted out. "Now."
"I'm on my way son of Coul," Thor swung his hammer and disappeared on the horizon.
"Take Barney," Phil clung tighter to his husband as he set eyes on the paramedics. "They're here," he kissed Clint's forehead. "Help is here."
They tended to Clint and put him on a gurney while Steve carried Barney to the ambulance. The paramedics weren't happy with him, for putting a dog in their ambulance, but Coulson's glare silenced them before they dared to say a word.
The ride to HQ was long and insufferable, "Five more minutes." He informed his sleeping asset, the fire still burned inside their minds, "Five more minutes."
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Phil held his husband's hand for hours, the doctors said there wouldn't be lasting effects from the flash but his body needed time to recover from the trauma. The pain had been intense and drained Barton's energy reserves.
Phil kissed his lover's knuckles, "welcome back." He said gently as Clint began to move.
"Phil?" Clint forced his eyes open, waiting for the pain. But it was gone, all the agony he experienced hours before was gone, leaving him sore and tired. "What happened?"
"Loki zapped you with a blue flash, why we don't know," and it didn't matter as long as Clint was fine.
"Barney?" Clint tried to get up. Phil pinned him down, "Don't move so much," he warned. "Barney is fine, he was unconscious for a while but he's well and wide-awake. Don't worry, he's waiting for you at home."
Clint relaxed, "How are you?"
"You're the only one who got hurt," Phil listened to the bond. Clint was agitated and tired.
"I'm glad," the archer swallowed thickly. Phil was okay, that was all he needed to know. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.
Phil caressed his lover's forehead for a long time, watching over him like a guardian angel. It was a close call, they could call themselves lucky that Loki was not in the mood to kill them or cause serious harm. Coulson bent forward until his upper body touched the mattress, he rested his head on his arms before he closed his eyes to get some sleep. He could feel Clint's body heat against his arms, reminding him that his archer was very much alive.
"Coulson," someone shook him. "Time to go home," it was Natasha.
"What time is it?" Phil stifled a yawn.
"11 a.m., Tuesday." She handed Clint's discharge papers over to Phil, "Sign them and we're out of here in no time."
Phil did as he was told before he woke up his husband to take him home. Clint was still tired but more than happy to leave medical.
"Hey buddy," he got down on his knees, ruffling Barney's soft fur. "How are you?"
"Woof," Barney barked loudly, wiggling his tail with joy. "Woof," he licked over Clint's cheek, telling him how glad he was that he was alright.
"Missed you too buddy," the blond got up. "Where is Cap?"
"I'm here," the super soldier yelled. His voice came from the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready."
Clint walked into the kitchen. There was a huge amount of food on the table and a cake.
"Welcome back, hotshot," Tony gestured at an empty seat next to him. "How are you feeling? That was quite a shock."
"I'm fine, thanks for your concern," Clint huffed in amusement. "Are we having a party?"
"We celebrate your recovery, my young friend." Thor boomed, "you deserve it after what my brother has done to you."
"Thank you," the archer blushed. "Sit down Phil, you're making me nervous."
The agent took a beer out of the fridge and joined his husband. Dinner was loud and funny. They talked and talked and talked until nothing was left to say, and no story was left untold.
"Nope," Steve swatted Clint's hand away. "We do the dishes; you will rest while we do so."
"Yes, daddy," Clint rolled his eyes, feeling a hint of satisfaction at the way Steve blushed.
"Go, son." The super soldier shoved him gently out of the kitchen and into their handler's arms. "Take care of him, sir."
"Always," Phil wrapped an arm around Clint's middle and guided him into their room.
Clint changed into his sweats and got under their blanket. It wasn't even evening yet but he was too tired to stay awake any longer. Phil settled down next to him with his laptop on top of his thighs, "Sleep well."
"Don't work so much," Clint yawned. "Your paperwork will still be there in the morning."
"I want to finish my report today and move on. I don't want to live through the incident again tomorrow because I was too lazy to do it now."
"You will live through it anyway," Clint mumbled barely audible. The archer was right he would remember what happened today forever, and it would haunt him for a very long time.
"Try to sleep, don't worry about me. I'm fine as long as I have you by my side, alive and kicking." He stroke through Clint's soft hair with his free hand. His other hand flew over the keyboard, writing down what happened that day.
The final question was what did he expect to achieve by that? Why shooting a flash at Clint? Only to teach him a lesson? Was he still angry that Clint escaped his mind control?
"Stop thinking," Clint poked Phil in the side. "You're making me nervous."
"Sorry," he kissed Clint's forehead. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Clint snuggled closer. "I love you, Phil."
The agent frowned a little at that, "I know."
"I don't say it often enough," he realized that he could have died, without telling Phil how much he meant to him. Sure they had their bond but it was no reason to neglect their verbal communication. It was the first time this week he used the three words.
"I love you too, just so you know." Phil put away his laptop and slipped under the blanket, pressing his body against Clint's. "You scared the hell out of me."
"I know," he could feel it between the pain. He still could feel it now, the echo of Phil's fright lingered between them. "I try not to do that again."
"Like you promised not to flirt with Alexander?"
Clint sighed, it was a onetime thing. No not even that. The kid had flirted with him and Clint had flirted back without realizing what exactly he did. The signals he sent were kinda confusing and he had to live with an angry Phil and a smitten fledgling for a while.
Phil was pretty insecure and it got worse the older Phil got. He turned fifty a few weeks ago and Clint could feel Phil's discontent. He was more jealous than he used to be, and he started to distrust him. He had never seen Phil as angry as after his communication accident with Alexander. Not even after Natasha joined S.H.I.E.L.D. all those years ago.
He had yelled at Clint, asking him if he intended to replace him with someone younger, if he got bored with their marriage. What saved them in the end was their bond. Clint was able to persuade him that all the love in his heart was reserved for him, and for him only.
There was no one else Clint would rather have in his life. He belonged to Coulson and that was final. "It was an accident. I was in a good mood and didn't realize what was happening. People flirt with you all the time."
"But I never flirt back," that stung. Clint flinched at the venom in his lover's voice.
"Phil?" The archer sat up, avoiding body contact, "What changed?"
"What do you mean?"
"I love you, you love me but since when do you doubt us?" It was never an issue since they found their balance.
"I don't doubt us," Phil denied.
"You do," there was desperation in Clint's voice. "I don't know why. I am who I am and you always loved me that way, why can't you love me anymore the way I am?"
"I never stopped loving you," Phil said offended. "I just have the feeling you don't desire me anymore."
"More sex, is that what you want?" Clint straddled his lover, anger in his eyes, "because I can do that. I love touching you."
"It's not that," Phil placed his hand on Clint's chest, moving it up and down his broad chest.
"What is it then?" Clint bent forward, capturing his handler's lips.
"I'm getting old," Phil confessed barely audible.
"And so am I," Clint breathed against his lover's swollen lips. "We grow old together and I will still adore you when your ninety and wrinkled like a raisin."
Phil grabbed his archer's firm buttocks, pulling him closer against his body until their hard-on's touched. Clint moaned into Phil's mouth at the contact, "undress. Now."
Phil helped Clint out of his shirt before he got rid of his own. Clint turned his lover on by preparing himself before he rode him, until the stoic agent screamed his lover's name, begging for more.
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Clint didn't feel well for a while now. He thought he might have caught the flu but his morning sickness didn't fit the symptoms. He was on the verge of freaking out. Hiding his anxiety from Phil got more and more difficult. Their relationship was alright since their little talk and the mind blowing sex but that was no reason to burden his busy lover with his problems. Not until it was absolutely necessary.
"Clint," Phil called out. "Where are you?"
"I'm coming," he yelled back before he flushed the toilet and rinsed his mouth with mouthwash.
"Are you alright?" Phil studied his lover, "You're pale."
"I think I caught a bug, don't worry," the archer buried his fear deep within his mind in hope Phil would never find it but the narrowed glare he got spoke volumes. Phil wasn't happy with him for hiding his emotions.
"Make an appointment with George after we kicked some Hydra asses, understood?"
"Yes, sir." Clint suppressed the urge to salute.
"And be careful, I can't be there today."
"We will be fine, don't worry. I'm an Avenger."
"Somehow your statement worries me even more," the older agent smiled before he left for work after a long and sweet goodbye kiss.
"Hawkeye, report." Steve ran around, kicking asses and didn't even sound out of breath.
Clint envied him for that, "Iron Man is fine, grilling agents. Sadly, Hulk tore down the wall of a mall, but I'm sure Tony will pay for that."
"Hey," Iron Man nagged. "Not my mall pal, Justin has to pay for it by himself."
Hawkeye chuckled, "Thor is nowhere to be seen, and Natasha started a killing spree. Watch out Cap," Clint shot two Hydra agents with one arrow.
"Thanks," Steve took a deep breath.
"You're welcome," the archer studied his surroundings. Everything seemed under control as a strange flutter appeared within his stomach, sending a strange wave through the bond. He could feel Phil's surprise and worry at the change of the mood. Clint was sure it wasn't his own, he couldn't even put a name on it, and it wasn't Phil's the older man was just as surprised as he was. Clint placed a hand on top of his belly, waiting for something unusual but the bond remained quiet.
Clint decided to pay Dr. George Roe a visit.
"Barton, what can I do for you?" The older man put down his clipboard and focused his whole attention on his guest. It was rare that the archer came to medical on his own accord.
"I don't feel well and, ..., I'm worried."
"Symptoms?"
"Sickness in the morning, a strange fluttering in my belly. I'm tired and lack some motivation to get up in the morning," he almost stuttered.
The doctor gave him a strange look, "I have to draw some blood."
"Do you know what it is?"
"Would you be a woman, yes." He joked, making Clint even more nervous.
"How long?"
"Two hours, I know what I'm searching for and your blood work is my top priority. Okay?"
"Thank you, Roe." Clint stayed where he was, he wasn't in the mood to wander around HQ. And he absolutely wanted to avoid his husband.
Waiting drove him nuts but one of the nurses was so kind to give him a crossword puzzle to solve.
"Clint," his doc returned with a grave expression.
"Do I have to die?"
"What? No, no my friend. I talked with Dr. Bryant and we came to the conclusion that Loki's attack had a deeper meaning than stunning you."
"What do you mean?"
The older man gave him a kind smile and took Clint's hand, he placed Clint's hand on his abdomen, "You're pregnant. There is a little child beneath your palm."
Clint's jaw dropped, "How?"
"Loki made you partly a woman, you have an uterus and a small passage way for the semen to reach your ovum. You gonna be a daddy, congratulation."
"I-, oh my, I'm, a daddy?" Clint stuttered, not able to form a coherent sentence. How was he supposed to tell Coulson that? His husband was going to kill him.
"I prescribe a few pills and I want to see you again in two week. Take it easy and be a good little sniper and stay out of harm's way, deal?"
"Deal," Clint agreed, "Don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry it's on you to tell him about the baby."
"Thank you, doc," Clint grabbed his stuff and headed home after an ultrasound scan. He was even more scared than before. But to see the little 'smudge' on the monitor made it real and it kind of warmed his heart despite the fear.
Phil was waiting for him when he returned home, "Where have you been?"
"Obeying your order and bug our medical stuff," Clint took off his jacket.
"What did they say?" Phil frowned at the nervousness his lover radiated. What was all that about?
"Nothing serious just a stomach bug," Clint lied. "I have to take it easy for a few days."
"That's all?" His lover was lying, he could feel it in the bond.
"That's all," Clint faked a smile before he took a towel out of the cabinet. "I'm back in ten."
"Don't hurry, I have a lot of work to do," Phil stared at his laptop, typing angrily.
Clint knew how much his lie angered his husband but he wasn't ready to tell him about her. Don't ask why he just knew he carried a baby girl. He could feel it, she was telling him who she was in her own unique way.
Barton braced his hands on the tiles while the hot water hit his back, "You're real." He whispered to his baby. "You're not a dream, are you?" There was a barely noticeable flutter.
"I can't believe it," he closed his eyes, taking deep calming breaths. "Don't worry, kid. I'm not getting rid of you. I might be scared out of my mind, but you're born out of love and I don't give up such a gift. If I wanted it or not. I take care of you baby gal, no matter what your dad says about it. Damn, we have to tell him." Clint sighed, placing his palm on his belly, I'm going insane, I'm talking to a bunch of cells inside me. I can't tell him. What if he doesn't want you? What if he doesn't want children with me? What if he doesn't want kids at all? Will he put up with us because he's such a honorable man? Or will he be happy?... I can do it, I can do it.
Clint turned off the water and returned to their bedroom, Phil was still busy with his reports. Purposely avoiding him.
Clint lay down on the bed, watching Phil for ten minutes before he turned his back on the older man. Phil was obviously not interested in him at the moment. His husbands rejection hurt, deeply. All his motivation to tell him about their baby faded away. He closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep.
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"Slow down man, you're eating for three." Tony snatched the plate of pancakes away from Clint, "I'm hungry too."
"Sorry," Clint chided himself for not being careful.
"You gained some wait," Tony poked him in the side. "Getting chubby?"
Phil raised a brow at Tony's comment but remained silent. The billionaire was right his husband gained weight.
"I'm not," Clint whined. "I'm a healthy not so young man with an awesome metabolism."
"Nope, you're getting fat," Tony smirked. Clint flipped him off, stealing the remaining pancakes while Stark was unprepared.
"Hey," he pouted.
A moderate A.I.M invasion put an end to their breakfast. A.I.M. placed a bomb inside a apartment complex. The Avengers had to work fast or else many families would die.
Clint was less than happy to enter the building while he carried his unborn child under his heart. The explosion wouldn't kill him alone, it would kill both of them.
"Hawkeye, report." Phil sensed Clint's hesitation.
"Two more families on my floor, sir. We should leave," the risk was too high.
"We've got ten more minutes, Hill's men try to defuse the bomb. With some luck we can save them all," Phil barked out a few orders before he picked up their conversation again. "Since when do you care if you survive or not anyway."
"That's low, sir. Even for you, I don't have a death wish. I come home every god damn time, cut me some slack." Clint felt his anger rise. Sorry, he thought, rubbing over his belly. Roe told him that stress was not a good thing, especially in his case. He was a man after all, his body wasn't meant to carry a child.
"Woof," Barney pulled on his leg, dragging him along the corridor.
"Did you find someone?" Clint asked absentminded.
"Woof."
Clint followed his friend until he found the source of his distress, there was a child. The young boy hid in a niche, curled up into a shivering ball. "Hey pal, I get you out of here, okay?" Clint offered him his hand, "I promise."
Barney nudged the kid until he moved towards Clint, taking the archer's hand. He led the boy and one of the families to safety before he hurried back to check on the last apartment.
It was empty, "5th floor, clear." He reported.
"Evacuation accomplished, get out of there," Coulson sounded stressed.
Hawkeye ran down the stairs and had to stop for a minute between the third and second floor. "Come on baby girl, don't do that. Not now." Her agitation was suffocating him. "Hush," he whispered.
"Good girl," he switched his radio back on and started to run. Coulson yelled in his ear, panicking as the timer of the bomb reached zero.
Clint jumped out of a window on the first floor, sliding down the fire ladder. "I'm fine, sir." He was out of breath and tired but unharmed.
"Return to base," Coulson ordered. He was scared enough without having Clint around him. He almost lost his lover. Phil hated himself for accusing Clint of having a death wish.
Clint left the scene with a heavy heart. He had at least two hours until Phil returned to base so he paid Dr. Roe a visit.
"How are you?"
"She's stubborn," he rubbed his belly. It grew into a habit. He loved feeling her beneath his hand.
"Like her daddies," he cluck his tongue. "Have you told him about her yet?"
"No," he knew he should but it wasn't easy to find the right moment and the right words.
Nick knew, only because he had to but their secret was safe with him.
"You can't hide her forever," George checked his blood pressure and heartbeat.
"Are you sure you're alright?" His friend's heartbeat was too fast.
"A little stressed, nothing to worry about."
"Don't overdo it, call me immediately if something seems off."
"Yes, sir." Clint's mood lightened and he was able to smile. Not one of his broad ones but a happy smile nonetheless.
"See you next week," he patted Clint's shoulder before he left.
"Agent Barton," a nurse slipped into the elevator with him. The medical staff knew about his condition but they had to remain silent. It was a direct order from the director.
"Miss," he greeted.
"We talked about you during our break," she looked apologetic, "and Dr. McKay runs a prenatal class for S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and we thought you might be interested to join. A friend of mine attends her class and says it's the best decision she ever made." The nurse smiled shyly, "here." She gave him a business card.
"Thank you," he gave her an honest smile. "I'll think about it."
At that exact moment the elevator door opened, and Phil stood right in front of them, glaring daggers at them.
"A-agent Coulson," she stuttered and fled the elevator.
"It's not what you think," Clint could feel his lover's inner turmoil.
"What am I thinking?"
"What a cheating bastard your husband is," Clint left with a sad expression. Phil didn't stop him.
Clint met with Alexander after the briefing, it was more a coincident than an actual meeting.
"How's Paul?" It was nice to forget his problems for a while.
"He's fine, he's in Prague. I miss him."
"I know how you feel," he truly did. "No matter what people say, you don't get used to it."
"Nice to hear the truth for once," Alexander pulled Clint into a brief hug. "See you."
"Bye," Clint nursed his coffee. He could feel Phil's gaze on him. "No questions?"
"No," Phil turned around and left.
"Damn it," Clint hit the table with his fist. "I hate my life."
A soft flutter reminded him that he was not alone in it. "Sorry, baby. Forgive your daddy."
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"Hey Clint," Steve entered the living room with a bowl of popcorn in his hand.
"Hey, ol' man."
"You don't look good," Steve forced the archer to sit down. "Pacing up and down the room won't help."
Clint did as he was told, his whole emotional world was a mess. His baby broadcasted comfort while his husband broadcasted doubt and anger.
"What happened between you two," Steve brushed his shoulder against Clint's to offer comfort.
"He doubts me," Clint put his arms around his middle. "I don't know why, but since his birthday he,..., he thinks I will leave."
"Bullshit," Steve huffed. The archer was devoted to the agent. "Nothing is strong enough to part you guys."
"Jealous?"
"Maybe," Steve grinned, directing a loving glance at Tony.
Phil snuck into the living room, taking a seat next to Natasha. The distance broke Clint's heart.
"We have to talk," Clint got up. "I-I have to tell you something." Now or never.
"What do you want?" The agent's tone was cold.
"I-, god, I don't know how to tell you that," Clint's mixed feelings pushed Phil over the edge.
Guilt, shame, fright, "Are you cheating on me?" What else provokes such feelings?
Clint's eyes shimmered wetly, "No, I'm pregnant." The silence was deafening.
"You're what?" Phil moved closer his expression darkened. "Say that again?"
"I'm pregnant, Doc Roe says Loki changed me. Medical gave their okay after the attack because no one thought about checking out my organs." He rambled, taking a shaky breath.
Clint held Phil's gaze and the anger inside his husbands eyes scared him deeply, "Phil?"
Coulson did something he, or Clint, never thought possible, his arm moved on his own accord and his fist connected with his husbands jaw, splitting his lip.
Clint hung his head in shame, the time had come. He was on the receiving end again. He felt a huge part of his heart die, the archer licked the blood from his lip. He wasn't defending himself, he just defended his belly by wrapping his arms protectively around his middle.
He patiently waited for Phil to land the next hit, they never leave it at one. They hit until he could barely move. Cursing, yelling, hitting and kicking until he stopped moving.
To his surprise Phil backed away from him, "I'm infertile," he hissed. His emotions were twisted, he hated himself for being so weak as to hit his husband on the other hand he was angry beyond words. The shame Clint felt was a confirmation for him. "I never told you because children of our own were never an issue."
"I never cheated on you," tears streamed down Clint's face. His eyes were empty, no life, no anger, nothing was left in them. He was lost in a past he hoped would never come after him. "She's yours, and mine." It was almost a whisper, "She's ours."
"Get the hell out of my life," Phil panted. "How dare you...? I trusted you and you cheated on me. I loved you." The agent turned around and left the communal floor. He punched the wall of the elevator, "No." He squeezed his eyes shut, suppressing the flood of tears that threatened to fall.
"You're pregnant?" Natasha got up, eying her friend suspiciously. "Can I?" She avoided to address his fall out with Phil, he needed something else to focus on.
He nodded, his arms went limp. She let out a noise of awe while she touch the little bump, "A girl? Isn't it too early to see that?"
"She told me," Clint sounded absent. "She's not happy with me."
"She's just upset because her daddies got into a fight," Natasha said lightly. "It's not your fault."
"I should have told him sooner, but I didn't know how." And how is it possible if Phil is really infertile?
"Clint be honest with us son. Is that truly agent Coulson's child?" Steve stared thoroughly at the archer, analyzing every move.
The question broke Clint's heart even more, he thought Steve would trust him. Tony doubted him too, he could see it in his eyes. His family lost their trust in him.
Clint gasped, pressing a hand against his heart. His heart hurt, like daggers hitting it again and again. He bent forward fighting for each breath, "No, no," he rasped. Calm down Clint, you're hurting your girl, calm down. He repeated it like a mantra inside his head. "Don't touch me," he took short shallow breaths.
"You need a doctor," Natasha dialed the S.H.I.E.L.D. version of 911.
"No," he took a deep breath, and a second, and a third. "I'm fine," his panic-attack subsided.
"Clint you should..."
He didn't listen to her, his only goal was to reach his floor without further trouble. It was time to move on, he should have known it would end like this. He was a Barton after all.
"Clint wait," he heard Steve yell but he didn't stop.
He let out a sigh of relief the moment he reached his safe haven. Phil wasn't home, it was not a big surprise.
The archer walked into their bedroom and sat down on their bed, inhaling Phil's unique scent.
He rested his elbows on his knees, before he fidgeted nervously with his hands.
Clint let his tears flow freely, giving in to his pain and sorrow.