Killua was laying back in bed, not asleep yet, listening to Gon sleep. Gon's ability to sleep impressed Killua, always able to drift off and so easily, it was hard to fathom. He was laying on his side facing Killua as he always.
Gon seemed to consistently follow Killua in his sleep. If Killua got up and moved around the bed, Gon always seemed to end up facing him anyway. More than once Killua had wondered if Gon was actually just faking being asleep and was doing it consciously but so far hadn't come up with any proof.
Suddenly, Gon's breathing sped up and grew uneven. Muscles all over his body got tight and tense. Killua gave it a moment to see if it would pass but when Gon's breathing became increasingly panicked and he suddenly let out a cry, Killua leaned over and started shaking Gon by the arm.
"Gon, Gon, wake up," Killua said.
Gon's breathing didn't change but after a moment he twisted his head to push his face into his pillow like he was hiding it and his hands which had been tensed into claws, closed into fists.
"Are you awake?" Killua asked after a few moments like this with no developments.
Gon nodded. It seemed like he was probably crying and he was trembling, shaking the bed.
"Are you okay?"
Gon didn't respond.
"Are you upset because of the dream?"
Gon nodded again.
Killua decided to give Gon some time to calm down before trying to press him for anything else. He rested his hand on Gon's head and stroked his hair a little bit. He could hear Gon trying to take deeper, slower breaths, trying to calm himself down.
After a few moments, Gon turned his head slightly to the side and, barely audibly, breathed out, "Sorry."
No surprise there, it was that kind of nightmare again. It usually was.
Gon's legs curled up towards his chest and he started sobbing. When Killua tried to roll Gon over so he at least wasn't smothering himself with the pillow, Gon grabbed the blanket from the bed and pulled it to his face, hiding and refusing to look at Killua.
"Don't look at me," Gon whimpered, muffled by the blanket.
"Well, don't suffocate yourself," Killua said. "What if I close my eyes?"
Gon refused to answer again so Killua sighed softly and waited again.
It was hard to bring Gon down from his nightmares oftentimes. He tended to wake up far too wound up to come down easily.
Killua forced open one of Gon's fists and put his hand inside of it, holding Gon's hand. Gon gripped back pretty hard, not enough to hurt Killua, but still much harder normal.
Gon was still shaking and crying but his breathing started to slow and even out and the trembling began to subside. Killua made sure to make a soft, reassuring face when Gon pulled the blanket away from one of his eyes.
When Gon saw Killua, he looked over Killua's face carefully and entered into renewed sobbing.
"I'm so sorry!" Gon said again.
Gon started repeating, "I'm sorry," rapidly and fervently. He always did when he had nightmares of blowing up at Killua. Apparently they usually ended with Killua disappearing or leaving but sometimes he ended up dead. Killua wondered if this one had been the latter.
Gon sat up, still crying but somewhat in control. "I'm sorry, Killua, I should have never said those things. I know I can't make up for it but I'm really sorry, I'm sorry I hurt you, please don't… don't…"
Gon threw his arms around Killua's shoulders and squeezed. " Don't kill yourself, please, " Gon begged. After he said that, his composure dissolved again and he quickly soaked the shoulder of Killua's shirt with his tears. Killua could also hear Gon start repeating "I'm sorry" again.
Killua hugged Gon back much more gently than Gon was clinging to him. He gave Gon a little time to calm down again and asked, "I killed myself in your dream?"
Gon nodded into Killua's shoulder.
"Well, I'm okay, see? I'm not going anywhere," Killua said, resting one of his hands on the back of Gon's head.
Gon nodded. Eventually his grip relaxed and it seemed like he had mostly cried himself out. Killua sat him up and Gon took Killua's hand again.
"Are you thirsty? Do you want me to get you some water?" Killua asked.
Gon initially nodded but then shook his head. "Don't go," he croaked.
"You need water, listen to yourself," Killua said.
Gon frowned and didn't let go of Killua's hand. He looked like he was trying to resolve the situation but couldn't come up with anything, probably still overwhelmed from his nightmare.
"Okay well why don't you come with me then?" Killua suggested.
Gon agreed to that and, so he didn't have to let go of Killua's hand, scooched over to Killua's side of the bed and got up with him. Killua gave Gon some light kisses on their way to the kitchen and back after they had gotten some water, which Gon seemed to appreciate.
When they got back to their room, Killua asked for his hand back so he could take off the shirt he was wearing. Having a shoulder covered in tears and snot and drool was not the most enticing of sleeping conditions. He considered putting on another shirt but it seemed like unnecessary effort and Gon looked like he might have been feeling antsy. His nightmares led him to be even clingier than usual.
When they settled back into bed Gon snuggled up to Killua, holding his hand again, and said, "I'm sorry, Killua. I shouldn't be the one crying over this. I'm the one who hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Killua ruffled Gon's hair with his free hand. "I know, I've already forgiven you for that, stupid. You don't have to keep beating yourself up over it."
Gon sniffled and nodded.
Killua started running his fingers through Gon's hair. He softened his voice and said, "I know that won't make the nightmares stop though. It's okay. You're here for me after my nightmares, I'll be here for you after yours."
Gon's grip on Killua's hand tightened and he pulled himself closer to Killua as he nodded again.
"And I won't go dying on you, don't worry," Killua said. Then, in a tone more like his usual one he said, "But don't make yourself start crying again now, geez."
They both laughed at that.
"Thank you, Killua," Gon said quietly, snuggling back up to Killua. "You're so nice to me."
"Duh, it's because I love you. Now go back to sleep," Killua said, trying to sound nonchalant.
Gon smiled and nestled into Killua, quickly drifting back to sleep.