Dear Charlie,
Um, I know your just down the hall in your old room but I need to talk to someone about something that we REALLY can't talk about in this house. To many 'ears' around, if you know what I mean. in fact I'm not even sure if I'm gonna send this letter to you.
Char, lately I've had a lot on my mind with this past year and if the school opens September my 7th and final year at Hogwarts. Its odd putting that into words, 'My final year at Hogwarts'. Hmm, if I end up going to school in the fall nothing will be the same. Not that its been in anyway normal since I've started there but come on its to be expected with Harry there but even so..
So, Bill's getting married. In 3 weeks too. Mom's going mad but of course you of all people know that. I heard her yelling at you for quite some time this morning. Not even my I can sleep through her bouts. I'm rambling aren't I? Hmm. I guess I better get on with what I want to talk about.
Girls.
There are so many things I have to say but I don't know where to start. Like Hermione! I don't know if anyone knows but I've been pining her for a while but before you say anything I've come to the realization that our arguments are not a form of flirtation but a weapon against our friendship with not only ourselves but with Harry also. Besides take away her looks and well you have Ginny. No need to explain how I feel about that.
Girls are absolutely barmy! I don't understand them they're so complex its like you have to have a hand guide or something. They say one thing and mean something completely different and then they get mad when your wrong about what the bleeding hell they said!
But one person whose completely mental is Loony, she's bizarre, eccentric even. Talking about Crumbled Snortkan or something like that. You know the blonde that live down the road; Lovegood. Her and Hermione have gone at it a few times; there polar opposites. Mione's belief in things rely on logical concrete evidence and Loony believes in the intangible and elusive. Like night and day those two are. If do they agree on something its still abnormal to us so no difference there.
It's odd though, Gin, says that she got nearly all O's in the O.W.L.'s including Potions, Divination and Astronomy. I mean I know she' in Ravenclaw but an Outstanding in Divination? How long has it been since any ones gotten one? More than a decade right?
She's so weird. But lately I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad one. She's always been like this way. Even before I decided not talking to her. I've now realized that you have to know her. We were always together when we were kids. You know when I still hung out with Ginny and her? We were always at each others houses and then I guess it all changed when her mum died. The visits became less frequent on my part at first and then hers. I guess since it was my first 'touch from death' I wasn't sure how to react. I felt hurt by her death because from spending so much time their as a kid, Luna's parents sort of became a lesser version of mum and dad. But I didn't want to tell her because I didn't feel it was my place. And then a year later was off to Hogwarts.. With new friends.. A new life.
I'd like to say I don't know why I didn't try to become friends with her again when I returned that summer or when she and Ginny entered Hogwarts, but I do. By then I was so consumed with my new role as the best mate of 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' that now that I think back on it I dreadfully realize that I used it as an escape from the guilt of what I had done to her. I hate using it as an excuse but I was so young and immature to apologize for dumping her in what was her time of need.
Back in fifth year when she and Ginny began to become friends again and the DA was formed I tried so hard to keep away from her. I'm not quite sure though whether it was because I didn't want to be near her ludicrousness or to deter her from accepting me into her life after what I had done. So that I couldn't hurt her again.
I guess no matter how much time goes by I'll never be able to forgive myself, even if I happen to work up the courage to speak with her and she forgives me.
But at the same time.. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Does that make sense? I guess I'm having a love/hate debate about forgiving myself.
What's wrong with me Charlie. Why did I have to hurt her. All I do is think about her, about how she must have spent her days while I put her, a once close childhood friend to the back of my mind and heart just because I wanted a little bit of fame! Am I really that damaged?
I know it seems that I regret becoming friends with Harry and even Hermione by the way I'm writing but I don't, I treasure it. Without them I couldn't have grown to become wary of others feelings or even have the courage to write this letter to you about all of this. Loo-Luna didn't deserve anything that happened all those years ago. With what's happening in the undertones of our school years.
What am I gonna do Charlie? How can I make this right? I know she deserves to be freed from this mess… but do I?
-Ron June 21, 1997