A/N- This was spawned from stumbling across a really good, yet depressing one shot. If you wanna read it, it's called A Letter by NotQuiteBerserk. Go read it. It rocks.

So… Yeah. Enjoy.

Oh, and this is NOT SLASH. I just decided to show a different side of Arthur. A more compassionate side, which is hardly ever shown. So don't ask me if it's slash, cuz it's not. Thank you.

Merlin ran. He couldn't stop running. Deep in the forest, his legs
were burning but he just couldn't stop. It was too much. Just too
much. He had failed her. Said he would protect her. There, hidden in
the dark, he let his grief flow free. Tears streamed down his cheek, he
couldn't contain them any longer. Arthur had tried to make him feel
better, but being anywhere around him just made the agony more
pronounced.

Finally, he could take it no longer. So he ran, into the forest and
away from those horrible catacombs. He hoped no one had followed him.
They wouldn't approve.

They wouldn't understand.

He collapsed, sinking at the edge of a small creek. The warlock pulled
a small dagger from his jacket. Rolling up his sleeve, he prepared
himself for the pain that would inevitably come. He welcomed it.
Anything to remove the horrible numbness. The tears stopped, nothing
left to give.

The first cut. It was long, slow, and painful. He felt with relief as
the numbness drifted away. He hoped everything else would drift away
soon, completely gone.

The second cut. Deeper, more blood. More pain. But not enough.

The third. This time it was a gash, barely missing the main artery.
Merlin may be an idiot, but he wasn't that insane. As the red welled
and dripped off his arm, he didn't know why he didn't just end it all.
One simple thrust and it would all be over. One thrust, and all the
pain and agony and just plain heart wrenching guilt would be gone.

He made his decision.

The blade lifted to his chest. He took a deep breath, preparing for
those few moments of living before he would see his lover again. His
dear Freya. He pulled away, taking in the darkness one last time, glad
that no one would find him until it was too late. Until he was gone.

His body fell to the ground, dagger jerked away and landing in the
dirt, not in his reach. He screamed, trying to pull away from the arms
circling his waist, holding him back from salvation. From Freya.
"Freya!" he wailed, over and over again. "Let me go! My fault, all my
fault! Let me be with her! Its my fault, my fault..." He could take it
no longer. Breaking down into sobs, he fell limp in his, though he
didn't think so at the moment, saviors grasp. A few minutes and he was
released, curling up on himself. Crying, sobs wracking his
malnourished body.

He didn't notice when the person flung the dagger as far as they could
into the forest, at the same time removing all of their weapons. They
hid them in a bush, not that Merlin would've gone looking for them
anyways.

He did notice when he felt himself being pulled into a warm pair of
arms, as if to protect him from the world as much as to comfort him.
Little did he know though that his savior had tears streaming down
their cheeks as well.

"Why?" was whispered in his ear. "Why would you leave me? What
could've been so bad that you couldn't tell me, Merlin? Don't you
trust me?" The voice was regretful, like it had been their fault
Merlin was like this. Full of misery, there was a crack at the end of
his words. "Why would you take your own life?"

Surprised, Merlin looked up into the grief and guilt ridden face of
Arthur. "I trust you with my life. But you would never understand.
Could never understand. And its all my fault," he whispered brokenly.
"It was the only way out."

Arthur pulled him closer as Merlin tried to control another wave of
grief. "There is always another way out. And I could have understood
if you told me. Of course I never would if you never told me. Please,
tell me now, you need someone to tell it to."

Merlin shook his head. "I wish I could Arthur, I really do. But I fear
that if I told you you might let it slip. And I don't want to burn
Arthur. I don't want to burn. I don't want to burn." The last sentence
was lost to a violent shudder and a cracking voice. "And now she's
lost. Lost because I couldn't keep one simple promise. I was too much
of an idiot to even do that. Thats all I ever am. An idiot. Thats all
people will see me as." He twisted to look at the prince once again.
"No one will ever see who I really am. I am living a lie. One horribly
dark lie."

By this point Arthur had stiffened slightly. He didn't know why his
servant- damn it his friend- thought Arthur would slip and he would
burn. But he did know he had to comfort Merlin. He forced himself to
relax, to hear out the end of Merlin's reasons. "You're not an idiot
Merlin. I don't mean that when I say it. You are so brave, braver than
any knight. In no world are you an idiot. And I truly doubt you are
living a lie. You couldn't tell a lie if your life depended on it."
Wrong choice.

Another wave of tears. "Now I am. She's lost because I couldn't lie
well enough to keep those who wanted to kill her from finding her.
Couldn't convince her that she was not a monster. That I am a monster,
not her."

Arthur was horrified at hearing this. "Merlin, you are NOT a monster.
Don't think that for a moment. And who was she? What happened?"

"Arthur, you have to promise me that what I am about to tell you won't
make you think it was your fault. It was mine in the end. Promise me
you won't freak out until I finish." The prince nodded. "That druid
girl... Her name was Freya. I freed her. I couldn't believe someone
would sell her to be killed. She had a curse placed on her. T forced
her to turn into a bastet at midnight. She didn't want to hurt those
people. I didn't know, she didn't tell me. We planned to escape
together, find a quiet place to settle down. When I came back with the
supplies, Freya was gone."

Arthur blanched. "I... I killed her. Oh, Merlin I'm so sorry. If I had
only known..."

"Is alright Arthur. I forgive you. You were protecting your kingdom,
your people. I don't blame you. I should have looked after her. I
promised I would keep her safe. It hurts so much. Arthur, the reason I
wanted to take my life... It felt so hard to see the man who killed
the woman I loved everyday, let alone work for him, even though I knew
you didn't know and were doing it to save every innocent in Camelot. I
should have died not her. And the day I disappeared? Thats when I took
her to the lake of Avalon, where she died in my arms. I put her on a
boat and burned her body." Tears flooded his vision as he recalled in
detail the events of that night and day. He could do nothing else but
break down and receive comfort from his best friend.

Shudders suddenly wracked his body. He was so cold, nothing on but his
usual pants, shirt, and neckerchief. He didn't even have his jacket.
Arthur seemed to realize this, as he pulled Merlin over to a tree and
propped him up against it. He then proceeded to collect firewood,
watching Merlin cautiously as he shivered and trembled.

As soon as he got the fire going, the prince helped Merlin steady
himself and got him to sit near the flames. After a few moments
silence, Arthur took off his cloak and draped it around the boy's
still shuddering shoulders. "Thanks," the young man said hoarsely.
Arthur just nodded his head in recognition.

"You won't..." he swallowed. "You won't burn. I promise you that. This
will never reach another's ears."

Merlin smiled weakly at him as the tremors slowly subsided. "Thank
you, he whispered. "You don't know how much that means to me."

And for the first time in quite a long while, Merlin thought that
maybe, just maybe, someone might begin to understand.

A/N- So would you guys like a companion to this, from Arthur's point of view? I know, I know, I have to get the next chapter to Mind Games up! Please be patient (I probably got the wrong homonym there!) with me!

Please review! :D