This is something totally random I found at a Twilight Haters website. It was discontinued because everyone started laughing too hard to finish it. I have a nuetral take on Twilight and decided to post this on and have the premission of those who wrote it. If you don't like us completely massacring most of the story, don't read it. This is quite funny and I put it up here so everyone can have a good laugh.

In the land of Forks, a coven of sparkling vampires lived together in harmony. Then... the fire nation attacked!!

Oh... wait..

That was avatar...

Sorry wrong story!

Anyways, there was a guy named Deadward CULTen who just so happened to meet a very delicious piece of meat, no sexual hints implied, named Bella Swan.

Apparently, the so called Bella Swan is nothing like what her surname compares to.

She was klutzy and very graceless... something a swan is NOT.

The 5 minutes that they shared a mindless conversation, with some very restrained blood sucking impulse, they have fallen deeply in love.

Mike was furious.

Jessica was ecstatic that she has Mike for herself, yet jealous that she wasn't able to charm Deadward like the plain and charmless Bella. How she envied her klutziness, and unrealistic karma.

Eric was somehow disappointed.

Barney the dinosaur went on a rampage. "HOW COULD SHE NOT LOVE ME!?!?! HE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN A PURPLE DINOSAUR LIKE ME!!"

Jacob was even more furious that he transformed, using his 'shapeshifting' abilities, into a werewolf shape shifter's form. His rough howling was NOTHING compared to the over exagerated adjective of Bella's description of Deadward's voice...

"Oh, Deadward," Bella muttered.

"Oh, Bella," Deadward murmured.

"I love you, Deadward," Bella muttered.

"I love you too, my Isabella. I only love you!" Deadward murmured, "But I'm too dangerous for you! I could snap you like a twig, and I want to eat you!"

Bella smiled, totally oblivous to the fact that he totally could eat her. "That's alright, Deadward. You love me too much to eat me."

No, I... I can't" he murmured once again. "You are too good for me!"

"No! It is you who is two good for me!" she muttered loudly.

This went on for hours, or maybe it was days, but they didn't care, their love was to inevitably strong.

"DEADWARD!"

"BELLA!"

"DEADWARD!"

"BELLA!" and so on and so forth.

Finally it was Monday again, and Bella and her Deadward walked and murmured and muttered all the way to school.