Title: Never Enough
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Word Count: 567
Characters/Pairings: Ed-centric, mentions of others; slight EdWin
Spoilers/Timeline: vague spoilers for entire series; no timeline.
Summary: As Edward Elric once learned, nothing we say is ever enough.
Notes:
-Inspiration for this came when I read the quote below on someone's signature on MF. I've never actually read Skip Beat, but the line immediately reminded me of Ed. ;)
-This was written a while ago, but I never got the chance *cough*wastoolazyto*cough* to type it up. xD It really isn't my best work, but I decided to post it here anyway.
-Also, here, we're going inside Ed's head, and he thinks of himself of some terrible guy that's done horrible things. The truth is, he's doing his best to make up for it, and he really isn't as bad as he makes himself out to be. So, since this is his opinion on himself, some points are exaggerated to show that. You'll see what I mean.
-Also, Happy FMA Day! I wasn't aware when posting this, but the two coincided perfectly. ...Okay, so I was a day off, but whatever. xD
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist; it is property of Hiromu Arakawa-sensei. I also don't own Skip Beat which belongs to... I'm not really sure who... ._."
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"If 'sorry' was enough, there'd be no need for a Hell."
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If 'sorry' was enough...
...Edward Elric wouldn't have to endure this living Hell day in, and day out.
...he wouldn't have had to grow up at the age of 12. He would've had more of a childhood to recount than murder, war, and opening his eyes to the true horrors of the world all too soon.
...he would still call the place he grew up "home".
...he could see his brother smile again. He could hear his brother's carefree laugh, and not that resounding echo of a long-lost joy. His brother would still be human, not a soul chained to a cursed suit of armor, paying for sins his older brother had committed.
...meetings with his best friends wouldn't always end with her in tears. He could have a conversation with her and not feel guilty over having to tell her less than the whole truth He wouldn't have to feel guilty over telling her less than the whole truth. He could tell her how he truly felt about her; how he wanted to be more than just friends. And he wouldn't have to worry about any enemies finding out that he wanted to be more than just friends. And most of all, he wouldn't have to turn his back and pretend not to notice the tears she no longer bothered to hide.
...he wouldn't have to see worry in the eyes of his makeshift military family each time he set out, and pity and hatred in the eyes of all else. Though he hated to admit it, Mustang had become like a father to him over the years. And Hawkeye was as motherly as a sharpshooting, gun-wielding woman of the military could be. And the others -Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery- were like siblings. (Older, adult siblings that were his subordinates and sometimes afraid of him, but siblings nonetheless.)
...he wouldn't be a dog of a corrupt military, whose life was in constant danger, never knowing if he was eating his last meal or not.
...his sleep wouldn't be plagued by nightmares of the horrible things he believed he'd done.
...each life, each pure soul he touched wouldn't be tainted by his unclean hands.
...he could think that his golden-hearted mother-wherever she was-forgave him, and he might actually believe it.
...he might've forgiven his bastard of a father for walking out on them, and not being there when they needed him most. And he wouldn't have to realize that he was following in his old man's footsteps.
...he might've believed in this so-called God.
But the time for might haves, could haves, and would haves, has past, and Edward Elric knows that 'sorry' never was and never can be enough. He knows that for his unforgivable sins-attempting human transmutation, playing God, and dragging everyone he knows and loves into it-he has to pay the ultimate price, and suffer a fate worse than death. It was only equivalent exchange, after all-the one principle he held above all else, his most fervent belief. And in the midst of it all, he carries a small, foolish hope in his long-since hardened heart that perhaps one day, things will be as they were; the way things would've been, if 'sorry' was only enough...
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owaranai
A/N: *nervous laugh* Heh, so... What do you think? Not very good, right? Probably a complete waste of your time. I don't know why I'm bothering to post it here, but give me your response anyway, would you?
-Sora(: