Cassie's Anorexic Life

by PrincessKLS

This is one of my favorite characters and it gave me a view of eating disorders I've never seen on tv before, it was great.

Hello, I'm Cassie Ainsworth-Jenkins and always be after my divorce from Sid. It was a mutual divorce; we never had the perfect marriage but who does? Apparently Tony's happily married to Michelle with 3 small children but he has affairs all the time and Michelle pretends not to know.

Anyway, my life since graduating from Roundview College in Bristol, England; well first off I ran away after Chris' death to New York City, lived her with Sid for awhile and we were married for three years and I unfortunately had a miscarriage, so no children. Probably no children for me ever. Doctors tell me my eating disorders have wrecked my reproductive system among other things. "Whatever!" I say, maybe I don't want any children or maybe I want tons like this one lady I saw on TV who has close to 20 children. Wow, so lovely but so fat all at once. God, I can't really imagine having that many children, how big my hips would get! Or maybe I could but I would not dress them all in such conservative clothing like that lady on TV, I'd have them dress like me or maybe not! Maybe I'd put them in funny hats and glasses and give them all J names! Sort of like that lady on TV, except for the funny hats and dresses part. She has them all named with a J.

Oh well, anyway, you probably are wondering if I ever eat. I do eat, just not everyday. Like today I woke up around noon and ordered a pizza from a local shop and then some Chinese food. The pizza was yummy, big, with just the right consistency of crust. Not too thick and not too thin, just right. And it had a bright red tomato sauce with lots and lots of cheese. Gooey mozzarella, feta, parmesan, and large tomato slice with sprinklings of spinach. And the Chinese food was literately 3 lbs of fried lomein noodles with lots of fresh vegetables, sauce, and chicken. But it was just tiny chicken pieces. And I sipped a bottle of red wine. Thank god, I am back in Bristol (actually just outside the city in a small, country cottage my grandparents left me)! So I don't have to worry about nicking wine, its legal here for people under 21 to drink. Except I'm almost 30 now, so I could drink anywhere in the world, but I left New York after 5 years when I was about 23 because it reminded me too much of Sid. Sid's lovely really, it just, it just couldn't work out. He wanted me to eat but I just couldn't. He'd feed me things that were more than 1800 calories a piece. I mean the food I ordered today was worth more than 1800 calories all together but I didn't eat it, just smelled it. I could taste it with my eyes, nose, and fingers; I didn't need my tongue or my mouth, just four, no three senses. Take out pizza and Chinese food was so easy to get in New York, but in this small town I live in now, I actually had to travel to Bristol for the Chinese food and then the pizza was actually delivered.

Wow, so I travelled 3 miles for Chinese I didn't even eat? Actually I did eat it, not all 3 lbs but just a piece of broccoli, a piece of chicken, and a tiny noodle, with just a little sauce. The only thing I finished was my bottle of wine (within 4 hours), all 40 ounces of it. Oh wow, I think I'm going to be sick. (Goes to the bathroom to vomit and brush her teeth).

I was hospitalized some in New York, and just to make them happy I ate 3 square meals a day, everyday for 5 years, everyone was happy, even my parents and my little brother came to visit for Christmas that first year of "success" to congratulate me. I was happy for a while. I could eat loads of fish, chips, burgers, hotdogs, pizza, nuts, soup, and salad; some of which I never ate before. And I drank wine on occasion, no other alcohol, snacked on chocolate, and occasionally smoked spliffs with Sid but gave up most pills; expect for the Prozac I had to take daily. Everything was good, the doctors said I met a reasonable goal weight of 140 lbs, but one day I lost it, I stopped eating almost everything for 3 days and when Sid tried to get me to eat a bunch of fatty sausage, I just freaked and went out to buy 2 big bottles of vodka and Aspirin pills, went to a quiet local park and overdosed on my Prozac, warehouse pills, and vodka. I was rushed to a hospital by a large, black man who knew Sid from work and called him to come down. I found out two days later I almost died and I miscarried a child I didn't even know I was carrying. That all happened when I was 22, and two weeks later Sid served me up some divorce papers and filed for seperation. After a year and half the divorce was finalized. Sid stayed with his coworkers/friends in New York, while I went back home not to my parents, but my grandparents in this cottage. They told me after they passed I could live in it forever. My grandmother passed away immediately and my grandfather recently passed away. While living with my grandparents, I would trick them into thinking I was eating and when I felt I was about to pass out and go to the hospital again I started eating two small meals a day and throwing one up and occasionally taking pills. No longer Prozac but Aspirin and IB Profhren. I supported myself with temporary waitressing jobs and part time school work at a local university. While in the country, I learned how to drive and my grandparents bought me a car. My parents and brother rarely spoke to me when I came back. We never really had the best relationship anyway.

I did meet up with some of my friends from college but it seemed like they were over me. They had their own lives and new friends. I'm all alone in a cottage but I love it. No one tells me when or what I should eat, I go by my own schedule. What's so great about eating anyway? I find other ways to entertain myself. I actually enjoy learning at my university. I'm going to major in anthropology and maybe study the eating patterns of the cavemen or something that would be interesting. And when I am not studying I like to go on walks in the country or go to my job at a local bar. I'm a waitress/barmaid. I have no problem working for just seven pounds an hour plus tips; it gives me all I need. I don't need to waste money on food. I can still fit the clothes from my teen years. I have practically worn the same size since grade six. That's when I started my journey into not eating. My parents had divorced; my mother is actually married to my stepfather who still loves to paint her nude. Anyway, when my parents divorced my mom got tired of cooking dinner for us every night until she met my stepfather. She would basically eat Ainsley chocolate bars all day and night. I wasn't much of a cook but my friend Michelle at the time taught me how to make eggs and toast and for a long time that's what I'd eat for dinner. But I'd get tired and fat from it so I started just drinking milk or eating one candy bar at night. Some nights, I didn't have food just went out for a walk and to meet up with friends to try pills and weed. The first time I was ever hospitalized for not eating was grade 8; my mother walked in on me fainting and called the hospital. She pretended not to know that I was not eating properly. At least at first she did but she admitted to a therapist later that her parenting went down the drain after the divorce. After being threatened to have me taken away for neglect, she made me dinner every night and all my meals on the weekend. That was a hard 3 years for me because she rarely let me out to talk and hang out with my friends and I gained 12 lbs during that time. Which made me 5'3 and 7 and 1/2 stone (112 lbs-American)approximately (now I'm roughly 5'5 and 6 stones) and too fat in my opinion. So that's when I started to do my "not eating" tricks, and create lively conversations at the dinner table, and pretend that I needed to do homework (which sometimes I did), so I would say "got to go to the library" or "up to my room" and if I was going to my room to "study" I normally would sneak out to hang out with my friends for pills, alcohol, and weed and of course normally if I was going to the library so to speak, I'd usually hang out with friends or go on one of my shoplifting walks. Basically I went to town to shoplift at stores. I love clothes but I can rarely afford them. And almost 3 and half years of this and my mom met her current husband. When that happened, everything changed, we rarely had family dinners and they spent most of their time painting each other nude or fucking. After 3 months they got married and shortly after mom got pregnant with my brother Rueben. My brother Rueben, is almost done with Roundview College, he plans to go to university in New York. NYU to be exact. He's a good kid, or so mom and dad think. He makes excellent grades in his A level classes, works part time in the summer on a distant cousin's farm outside London and eats. But I know he also gets high around his posh friends and tries to impress mom and dad. My grades were never good enough to impress mom and dad. It was hard being hospitalized off and on since grade 8, and concentrate on homework and schoolwork at the same time. But even before then I had to get evaluated in Kindergarten and almost thrown into special classes because the school board thought I was too mental. But I proved them wrong and got to remain with the "normal" kids. We are all a little mental anyway, that's what makes us all connected.

It's May 11, 2020 and I had nothing to eat today just a big bottle of mineral water and 3 pills. I called up my friend from my clinic days, she's coming by later. She told me, she still doesn't eat but once in a while, and is married with a child. Wow, she had children! And her husband loves her and accepts her lifestyle. Wow, I wish I had that! Anyway, all she had to eat today was 1/4 of a fried, lemon-y piece of Cod and smoked 3 spliffs and tons of water. She loves water. She used to drink all the time before weigh ins. She said the water usually made her gain a kilo, just enough to be let out once in a while. One day she said she just stopped going to hospitals. She refuses to go for just about anything anymore. She says she doesn't want anymore children, she said it was hard enough being forced to eat 3-5 meals a day and limited exercise while she was pregnant. She says it's hard to feed her child all the food she can't have. Her daughter is 10 and supposedly normal weight. I remember being 10, it was so fun, you could play all day outside and eat ice cream right before dinner and then get lectured that you spoiled your appetite.

Oooo, ice cream, my favorite flavor is French Vanilla with colorful sprinkles. I haven't had any for such a long time.

Maybe I'll convince my friend to go eat at an ice cream shop later.

This post has been edited by PrincessKLS: 24 March 2010 - 03:05 PM

"Hi Cassie," my friend waved while on my porch. I allowed her to come in. "So what have you been doing all this time, Cassie." "Oh, I basically ran off to NYC and couldn't stay, it didn't really work out with Sid", Cassie is about to cry. "It's okay, girl", they hug and kiss. "Hey do you want to get ice cream", Cassie chirps up. "I mean I haven't had any since I was maybe 10." "Oh fudge royale is my favorite" "Mmmm, a scoop of fudge royale on a cone with chocolate syrup and sprinkles." "Oh yes, sprinkles I love them". "I love the French vanilla with sprinkle". The girls go merrily running to a nearby shop. Once seated with their favorite ice creams on cones and in large bowls, they talk and reminisce. "Oh my god, do you remember when we first met," Cassie asked. "Oh yes, we were both in clinic and I was trying to gain a kilo and half with all this water." "And all of a sudden I had to pee so badly, (laughs while taking a tiny lick of the cone)." "Oh, (Cassie laughs while mixing three different ice creams and a broken cone in a bowl), yes, I so remember, and I was trying to gain 1/2 kilo using weight blocks I hid in my skirt." "LOL, needless to say I didn't gain all the weight and they had to keep in there", her friend exclaimed. "God, what did you do," Cassie asks. "Basically, I reluctantly ate all the food they gave me until I gained the weight, and went back home and threw it all up for days and only ingested water for 3 three weeks straight!" "You never did take my advice on the blocks." Cassie's friend shrugs, "I've always been obsessed with water."

After 4 hours of talking and not much eating the girls walked back to Cassie's house. Cassie allowed her friend to stay over; they talked about everything, their friends, pregnancy, miscarriages, children, etc.

The next day, my friend left and Anwar actually came to visit. OMG, I haven't seen him in years! "Hi Cassie", Anwar walks toward her for a hug. Cassie lets him in and they start chatting on a sofa. "So what have you been up to Anwar?" "Oh nothing much, just work," Anwar shrugs. I noticed how he has changed, he has a tiny beard now and actually is bit more tan with a few more muscles but still very thin. "Are you still living in Bristol?" "Yes, I moved back after a few months with Maxxie and James." Anwar inquired that he wasn't cut out for the rough London life of a poor young adult. "I came back soon and started working at a bar and taking classes at the local university." "Now, I'm a working stiff in a finance firm," Anwar laughs at himself. "Cool," I said to him. "So what about you Cass?" "Oh, well I moved to NYC and Sid came looking for me, we were together for 3 years but he divorced me and I came back," I told him more about having a miscarriage and missing out on having children. "Bummer," he said. Anwar talked about being married to a pale, English rose looking girl from Ireland for about 3 years. They dated a few months before and they met in the bar he worked at and she was also going to the local university. "We divorced because she couldn't handle my lifestyle anymore and we couldn't agree how on many more kids," Anwar sulked a bit. "Bummer," I said. Anwar ended up having two of children out of wedlock with the girl and two more after marrying her. The last two were identical twin boys. "One girl and three boys, yeah that's my children, and I rarely see them," Anwar sulked more. "Why?" "Because Karyn didn't want me to be around them, she didn't want them growing up Muslim and wanted them to be good, Anglican children," Anwar grew a bit irritated at the memory. I felt so bad for him, you could tell he loved his children and his evil ex-wife didn't want them to have his guidance. I'm not sure I would've wanted my kid around Sid either. I offered to make Anwar some dinner and he agreed. I made him spaghetti with meatballs and homemade tomato sauce. Actually, the meatballs were also homemade. Later that night we (or actually he) ate our dinner with white wine. I offered him some chocolate cake I made earlier but he said he was full. "Aren't you eating, Cass?" he asked as he noticed none of my spaghetti and just a few sips of wine passed my lips. "Oh, I'm not hungry," I looked away from him. "Cass, I love you," he looked at me worried and I somehow looked up at him. "Oh," I looked away. He reached out for me and gently caressed my arm and hand and he kept telling me how much he wanted me to eat and be happy. "I am happy," I protested. Anwar just shook his head. After dinner, he took me to my room and talked to me some more. He told me about how he always had a crush on me but I was almost always with Sid and his parents worried about him not being with someone who wasn't of Pakistani and/or Islamic descent. As the night went by we started kissing each other passionately and Anwar started unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off while on top of me giving me passionate kisses. He then proceeded to take off my clothes but my underwear at first and kissed me all over my cheeks, neck, and breasts. "I love you," he muttered. And after 3 hours we had both oral and vaginal sex and we cuddled in bed. Caressing each other and just talking about the good old days.

Anwar stayed for an extra day but he had to leave to visit his kids in Cornwall. He kissed me goodbye and said he wanted to meet up later. "Ohmigod," I can't believe this, I was in shock for days.

It's Friday and I haven't been to class or work for days! OMG, I got so caught up with all the visiting from friends and thinking about my night with Anwar, I forgot. Anyway, I have class in an hour, an anthropology class and then I have a biology class after that. Each is about 2 hours long. Anyway, I'm behind on homework and I'm probably going to fail these classes. I'm starting to think a college degree isn't in the cards for me. This isn't the first time I failed classes by forgetting about my homework and not going to class. That's why I'm 30 with still a sophomore status. I mean I did get my grades a month later while in NYC and I got two E's and a B. Anwar got 2 E's and U but manage to get accepted into the same university but we both had to do remedial classes at first. We never saw each other, he started school there years before I even came back to Bristol and I didn't go to school in NYC, and he graduated a year after I got back and I started there two years later at age 26 (almost 27). Anyway, I haven't eaten anything in days either. I just smoked a spliff and tons of water this morning. My chocolate cake has gone bad and crusty; I need to throw it out.

Well I'm off to go to my class; hopefully, I can talk to my professor before class.

11:40 p.m. (20 minutes before class): "Professor Kain! I need to talk to you."

Cassie stops him in the hallway near his office. "C'mon in Ms. Ainsworth-Jenkins," Cassie followed him in his office. He sits at his desk and her across from him. Cassie takes a piece of hard candy from a bowl on his desk. "Cassie, you haven't been to class in a week, and you have a paper due today!" "I know, I don't have it ready yet," Cassie looks down and plays with the wrapped candy. "You haven't done it!" "What could be more important than a research paper on the eating habits of Neanderthals?" he starts to get stern and nearly shouts. "Sorry, Professor Kain, it's just I've had friends over and I had to work overtime a bit and I just got caught up with things," Cassie looked up pitifully. Professor Kain, shakes his head, "Cassie, Cassie do you understand that I can't give you an extension and you don't time to type it up now and you'll fail?" "Okay," Cassie slumps still looking at him. "Do you want to go ahead and drop the class today?" the professor asked. "Because even if you passed the final next month with a perfect 100 points, you won't pass!" Cassie paused for a bit. "You do realize this is my third time taking the class and I can't take it again!" Cassie is about to cry. "That's not my problem!," he shouted. "Oh, Oh well," Cassie gets up, gather her things and walks out and proceeds to the admission office two buildings down.

"I want to drop all my classes," Cassie said sternly to the dean. "Why?" "Because Professor Kain basically just kicked me out and I know I can't pass the biology class either," Cassie looks away. "Well let's take a look." The dean opened her records, and finally shook his head. "Cassie, I am starting to feel you need to rethink your anthropology degree," he looked up at her over his glasses. "Why?" Cassie kept holding off the inevitable. Well, first off, you have had to repeat nearly every class in your major and mostly due to not doing homework or coming to class". "And we've made exceptions for you on the number of repeats," he shook his head. "Fine, I'll just drop out!" Cassie gets discouraged. "Cassie, do you realize that if you drop out with your record and grades you won't be able to come back here?" he got really serious. "Okay, I was rethinking this degree and career path anyway," Cassie shrugged. The dean gave her the paperwork to completely drop out of the classes and school and around 2:30 she went her merrily way and decided to stop by her work and speak to her boss.

"Kerry, I need to talk to you," Cassie walked toward her boss as she was working. She followed her into her office. "Cassie, you haven't been to work in a week!" Kerry sternly said. "Tell me why you should stay?" "Because this is my last hope to a life!" "I just dropped out of my school without the choice to go back again and I can't become an anthropologist!" Cassie begged. "I was so busy this week dealing with personal stuff and I needed to be away!" Cassie is on the verge of tears. "Cassie, this isn't the first time!" Kerry showed no mercy. "Please grab your things, take your last paycheck," she hands her the check. "And go!" Kerry motions for her to leave. Cassie is in shock. "Oh wow, fuck you," she starts screaming. "Who wants to work in this shithole?" Cassie storms off after gathering a few things. She takes the bus to her bank to cash her last check and blew it on new clothes.

I stayed up all night crying and actually eating the pizza and Chinese food I didn't eat the other day and washed it down with water. I fell ill and threw it all up later. I didn't get to bed until about 5:30 in the morning. My life felt like it was over. No job, no education, what was I going to do?

The next day Anwar called me on my cell phone and he said he wanted to come down later after he spends a couple of hours at the Mosque. I allowed him to come and naturally he asked how I was doing. And I just told him everything happened. He tried comforting me and promised me he'd come down around 7:30 with some food. I said OK and hung up. I lied in my bed for a few hours and finally got myself up to drink some water, pee, and take a shower and then I brushed my teeth. I also noticed some vomit near and in the toilet was there so I cleaned up a bit before getting dressed and doing my makeup. When I was going through my closet and drawers I noticed the time was about 4:30 and I started counting the minutes until he came shortly after 7:00. It didn't occur to me at all that I promised to love Sid forever and all of a sudden, it felt like the promise was broken.

I finally chose to wear a pair of matching lacy black bra and string bikini knickers and sprayed my body with a vanilla smelling body spray and put on a green, sparkly dress I bought the other day. It felt a little tight and it was a size 0 women's. I figured it was all the pizza and Chinese food last night. I guess not all of it exited my mouth. And I put on a pair of bright red high heels (3 and 1/2" stilettos). I put my now medium length wavy, sandy/brownish blond hair in a tight bun. And I spun around twice to check myself out. I ended up smiling and I realized I may be falling for Anwar. OMG, I always thought the way he bent down to pray to Allah was so cute but to actually love him. "Oh wow," I said aloud just a minute to hear a knock on my door and I quickly sprinted to the door in my high heels and Anwar was at the door.

He sprinted toward me in my kitchen to give me a hug and passionate kiss on the cheek and then a peck on my mouth. I sprinted to close the door and locked it. Anwar had a bag of deli style chicken with lemon and brown rice, and a bottle of fine champagne.

"Here let me set the table." Anwar offered as he sat the food down on the counter. He grabbed a tablecloth out of my cupboard and some candles. Within a few minutes the kitchen table was clothed with white linen and had red and green candles lit in the middle with a rose in a vase (that I had). And he dimmed all the lights. "Cassie, I love you so much," he came to me to hug and embrace me and looked into my eyes with his forehead touching mine. Just barely since even with 3" heels I was still quite shorter than him. And he kissed me passionately. "I love you too," I whispered as I felt weak and powerless in his arms. After a moment we sat down with plates and glasses full. We toasted with champagne and Anwar began cutting his chicken while I picked at my rice. "Please eat, Cass," Anwar pleaded. "I just can't, Anwar, you don't understand," I pleaded back. We both looked at each other with sad, begging eyes. Anwar sighed irritably and excused himself from the table, he hollered for me to sit with him on the couch. I obeyed. He cuddled me in his arms and whispered in my ear nearly crying that he cared for me so much, and it hurt him to see me suffer and as he went on his embrace grew tighter as if I'd run out of his arms. "I love you too, and please don't take it personal," I'd whisper back while staring him closely in the face. "Not even Sid could make me eat forever," I scooted back and said louder. "How could I listen to a causal friend who I just slept with once," I enquired. Anwar let go of me and got more frustrated. "Sid is in your past, I'm here now, and please do it for me if not for yourself," Anwar started to shout. I just leaned back startled and speechless. "There are people who love you out there, they don't want you to die of your everlasting eating disorders," Anwar pleaded loudly. "Yeah, well, only Sid went to NYC for me," I cried out. "Not everyone knew where you were at first, and we had things to do," I didn't even get a passport until my 3rd year of university when I studied abroad in the U.S. for one semester!" Anwar cried. "Well, good for you, Anwar," I shouted. "Sid is the only one who can love me," I cried loudly and spewed tears. Anwar shouted, "If Sid loved you so much, why did he divorce you?" "Especially after just 3 years of marriage?" There was a long pause. "Oh wow," I said in a regular voice. "I never thought about that before." "An old traditional says that we are supposedly to marry forever and for true love," I said while looking around. "Apparently there was no divorce in the older days," I said while looking at Anwar. "Nearly everyone in our generation came from a divorced family and blended at times with stepparents." "I remember Michelle only knowing 6 of her supposed fathers." "She never knew her real dad, and when she searched for him, she found out he died in a car wreck shortly before," I said to Anwar as I scooted closer to him. He hugged me as I started to cry and kissed me passionately on my forehead and then my lips. "its okay, Cass," it does take some people a while to find their true love if they ever do," Anwar sympathized with me.

Anwar offered for me to move in with him in his London flat. Anwar was a mildly rich man now and quite generous with friends, family, and charity. He wanted so much to help me in my situation. I agreed to move in with him. Partly due to the fact that I couldn't pay for my bills now. And Anwar offered to help me find a good job despite my lack of decent education.

The next day Anwar called me on my cell phone and he said he wanted to come down later after he spends a couple of hours at the Mosque. I allowed him to come and naturally he asked how I was doing. And I just told him everything happened. He tried comforting me and promised me he'd come down around 7:30 with some food. I said OK and hung up. I lied in my bed for a few hours and finally got myself up to drink some water, pee, and take a shower and then I brushed my teeth. I also noticed some vomit near and in the toilet was there so I cleaned up a bit before getting dressed and doing my makeup. When I was going through my closet and drawers I noticed the time was about 4:30 and I started counting the minutes until he came shortly after 7:00. It didn't occur to me at all that I promised to love Sid forever and all of a sudden, it felt like the promise was broken.

I finally chose to wear a pair of matching lacy black bra and string bikini knickers and sprayed my body with a vanilla smelling body spray and put on a green, sparkly dress I bought the other day. It felt a little tight and it was a size 0 women's. I figured it was all the pizza and Chinese food last night. I guess not all of it exited my mouth. And I put on a pair of bright red high heels (3 and 1/2" stilettos). I put my now medium length wavy, sandy/brownish blond hair in a tight bun. And I spun around twice to check myself out. I ended up smiling and I realized I may be falling for Anwar. OMG, I always thought the way he bent down to pray to Allah was so cute but to actually love him. "Oh wow," I said aloud just a minute to hear a knock on my door and I quickly sprinted to the door in my high heels and Anwar was at the door.

He sprinted toward me in my kitchen to give me a hug and passionate kiss on the cheek and then a peck on my mouth. I sprinted to close the door and locked it. Anwar had a bag of deli style chicken with lemon and brown rice, and a bottle of fine champagne.

"Here let me set the table." Anwar offered as he sat the food down on the counter. He grabbed a tablecloth out of my cupboard and some candles. Within a few minutes the kitchen table was clothed with white linen and had red and green candles lit in the middle with a rose in a vase (that I had). And he dimmed all the lights. "Cassie, I love you so much," he came to me to hug and embrace me and looked into my eyes with his forehead touching mine. Just barely since even with 3" heels I was still quite shorter than him. And he kissed me passionately. "I love you too," I whispered as I felt weak and powerless in his arms. After a moment we sat down with plates and glasses full. We toasted with champagne and Anwar began cutting his chicken while I picked at my rice. "Please eat, Cass," Anwar pleaded. "I just can't, Anwar, you don't understand," I pleaded back. We both looked at each other with sad, begging eyes. Anwar sighed irritably and excused himself from the table, he hollered for me to sit with him on the couch. I obeyed. He cuddled me in his arms and whispered in my ear nearly crying that he cared for me so much, and it hurt him to see me suffer and as he went on his embrace grew tighter as if I'd run out of his arms. "I love you too, and please don't take it personal," I'd whisper back while staring him closely in the face. "Not even Sid could make me eat forever," I scooted back and said louder. "How could I listen to a causal friend who I just slept with once," I enquired. Anwar let go of me and got more frustrated. "Sid is in your past, I'm here now, and please do it for me if not for yourself," Anwar started to shout. I just leaned back startled and speechless. "There are people who love you out there, they don't want you to die of your everlasting eating disorders," Anwar pleaded loudly. "Yeah, well, only Sid went to NYC for me," I cried out. "Not everyone knew where you were at first, and we had things to do," I didn't even get a passport until my 3rd year of university when I studied abroad in the U.S. for one semester!" Anwar cried. "Well, good for you, Anwar," I shouted. "Sid is the only one who can love me," I cried loudly and spewed tears. Anwar shouted, "If Sid loved you so much, why did he divorce you?" "Especially after just 3 years of marriage?" There was a long pause. "Oh wow," I said in a regular voice. "I never thought about that before." "An old traditional says that we are supposedly to marry forever and for true love," I said while looking around. "Apparently there was no divorce in the older days," I said while looking at Anwar. "Nearly everyone in our generation came from a divorced family and blended at times with stepparents." "I remember Michelle only knowing 6 of her supposed fathers." "She never knew her real dad, and when she searched for him, she found out he died in a car wreck shortly before," I said to Anwar as I scooted closer to him. He hugged me as I started to cry and kissed me passionately on my forehead and then my lips. "its okay, Cass," it does take some people a while to find their true love if they ever do," Anwar sympathized with me.

Anwar offered for me to move in with him in his London flat. Anwar was a mildly rich man now and quite generous with friends, family, and charity. He wanted so much to help me in my situation. I agreed to move in with him. partly due to the fact that I couldn't pay for my bills now. And Anwar offered to help me find a good job despite my lack of decent education.

"I have a flat in London that I stay in for 5 months out of the year," Anwar whispered into my ear. "You can stay there for a while if you want." "You can even move in forever." "Wow," I said excitedly. "Anwar, are you sure?" I asked him. "Yes," he leaned in to kiss me. "I don't know what to say." "Say yes and tonight you can move into my Bristol home, and tomorrow morning I'll drive you out to London," Anwar offered. "You can drive now?" "Yeah, I got my license when I moved back and got myself a loan for a car." Anwar starts to laugh. "It was a junky old car, literately, a 1966 Aston Martin." "I got it for just 5,000 GBP but with all the repairs and petrol prices, it costs nearly a million." I laughed and said, "my grandfather taught me how drive before he died." Since I was living in the country side with no buses, I had to learn." "I just got tired of taking buses and train myself." "I rarely use them anymore."

Anwar and I got up from our cuddling session and turned on all the lights for a moment and blew out the candles that were dripping wax on the linen cloth. I threw out the nearly dead rose and put the vase back in the cupboard. We backed up the food for later and we took the linen cloth with us but I kept the candles and vase in the house, and honestly I kept a lot of things in the house for now. I even left my car that was halfway full with petrol in my driveway. I rode in Anwar's slick economical, fashionable space car. It wasn't like an UFO or anything, it looked like the normal cars we saw growing up but it had literately outer space materials in the engine and didn't need petroleum to run, just water. Seriously, being the year 2020, it was a vast improvement. Not like my old, junky car from 2010 that still ran on petroleum that was now over 5 GBP a gallon!

On our way to Bristol I suggested to Anwar to stop at this eatery I used to go to all the time. He argued that we could just sit out the chicken and rice at his house. But I insisted. "Please, Anwar, I know it's still there and I have such fond memories." "My taxi driver from the clinic, Allen met me there once to encourage me to eat." Anwar sighed, "Well okay but let's not stay too long." I kissed Anwar on the cheek, "Thank you" and I smiled big. An hour later we were parked in the back parking lot of Joe's and we went around the corner and went inside. It was nearly 9:30 and about closing time. "Let's get something to eat, the food is good here." Although Anwar didn't see the point given that they still had plenty of now warm chicken and rice to eat, he agreed.

"Yes, I want to order the 1/2 pound cheeseburger with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and ketchup." "Oh and don't forget the lightly salted fries with a strawberry milkshake." Cassie ordered at the counter. Anwar looked in amazement but looked away when Cassie stared at him. "And what would you like, sir?" the waitress asked. "Oh, I'd like a BLT salad with boiled eggs and ranch on the side." "And a glass of ice water, mineral." "Okay," the waitress went back and gave a cook the orders. "Oh wow, it hasn't changed in years!" Cassie looked around smiling. "I had my first kiss with Sid here." I told Anwar while looking at him. "You can't forget Sid, can you?" Anwar seemed slightly irritated. I stopped smiling and said, "I can't forget him so easily, I was supposed to love him forever." The waitress came back with their drinks. "Thank you," I turned my attention to the waitress for a moment. Anwar did the same. We quickly took a sip of our drinks and continued the conversation. "Anwar, do you ever think of your ex-wife?" "That's not fair!" he protested. "The divorce was just finalized!" "Still, you can never forget your first true love," I said and took a long sip of my milkshake. And at the same time the waitress came back with our orders. Anwar was so hungry started chomping on his salad. "You still eat pork?" "Yes, I always do what good Muslim boys shouldn't," Anwar laughed. "I eat pork, I drink, and I've tried cigarettes, weed, and even cocaine once." "Cocaine! Wow", I said in shock. "Yeah, just some college experimentation." "I hated it, so I couldn't build up an addiction," he said sarcastically. I started to eat a fry with my fork and dipped it in ketchup. "But I rarely do these things anymore," he said. "I still have trouble praying 5 times a day but I try to make it to the mosque at least 3 times a week." "Wow, what devotion." "It was never good enough for my parents though," Anwar said. "Nothing ever was," he said solemnly while he temporarily stopped eating to take pity on himself. "Oh, well, I always thought if there was a god, he or she would love you regardless," I chimed in. "When I was a child, my grandparents still lived in Bristol, downtown actually, and they'd take me to the town's Anglican church every Sunday morning and night." "My parents weren't big on religion, but my grandmother wanted to believe I could be saved." "Saved from what?" Anwar asked. I sighed and took a deep breath. "I don't know, my heathen parents, myself, my eating disorders," I told him. "When did you start not eating?" "When I was about 12, my parents divorced and my mom quit making dinner for us (myself and her), and Michelle taught me how to make eggs and toast and I'd eat it for days at a time." "But I got fat and didn't want to eat it anymore," I solemnly reminisced. "So I started to do what my mom did and just eat an Ainsley chocolate bar nightly." "At school, I slowly went from eating most of my food to just drinking the milk." "At 12, I started puberty, boobs, hips, and my bloody cycle." Anwar cringed as I mentioned it. "Sorry," I giggled. "It's okay," Anwar straightened up and continued eating but looking at her. "And I didn't like myself anymore; I wanted to be a little girl forever." "I first passed out and was hospitalized from not eating in the 8th grade when I was about 14 and that's when everything got complicated." "How?" Anwar was almost finished with his salad. "Woo, you must be hungry", and I took a long sip of my shake. "Go on, Cass, I want to know." "Okay, my mom broke down in therapy and almost lost me to social services, so to compensate she started making dinner and I hated eating so much, I learned a few tricks." "She normally had friends and family comes over for dinner, so I'd make lively conversations so people wouldn't concentrate on how much I didn't eat and I'd cut things up while talking a lot and start asking them questions when I looked like I was going to take a bite." "Sometimes, I'd even act interested in their food and ask to take some of it." "And I normally would excuse myself after a while saying I had homework." "But I rarely did it, normally; I'd sneak out to meet friends for spliffs and alcohol." "And when my mom met her current husband she stopped being a mom again and devoted her time to her new boyfriend." "Bummer," Anwar said as he drank his last bit of water and asked the waitress for some chocolate cake to go. "Wow, that's a lot to take in," Anwar said. "I never knew you had all that going on." "No one did, it was a secret," I said while picking at my nearly untouched food. "The diner closes in 10 minutes," a waiter came up to the cash register speaker to make an announcement. "Oh I guess we should go," Anwar collect the new cake that came out and thanked and tipped the waitress and took his credit card out for the bill. "Are you going to eat that later?" he pointed to my uneaten burger and mostly uneaten fries. "Oh, I guess I should get a take away box," I said. The waitress bent down to get a box. "Thank you," I said as I collected the food to put in the box and left my nearly undrunk shake behind. After Anwar got his credit card back, we got up to leave. As we were walking to the car, another waitress locked the door and started dimming the lights. "OMG, it's 10:05, we should get to your house," I checked my cell phone. "It's okay," Anwar took my hand and we walked slowly to his car. Within minutes we got to his house. "I remember the diner used to be 24/7." "New laws in Bristol say that most business has to close down by midnight now." "Really stupid, though," Anwar jokingly informed. "Oh I haven't noticed," I smiled up at him. "Wow, you have a great house," I exclaimed after he opened the door. He smiled and said, "Do you want a tour?" "Sure!" "Well here is the kitchen that never gets used," Anwar joked as we went inside to put the food up. We grabbed our luggage and he guided me to his bedroom. "And this is where the magic happens," he joked. I started to laugh. "Of course there hasn't been any magic here for two months, that's why you see lube on the nightstand," he pointed to a nearly used up tube of K-Y jelly. "Oh," I laughed as I walked to the bed to sit. "Is there going to magic here tonight?" I asked seductively but playfully. Anwar got serious. "No, maybe tomorrow night, I'm tired." But it's Saturday and not even midnight yet." "Sorry Cass, I promised tomorrow, maybe in the morning." "Okay," I smiled. Anwar started to unpack his suitcase and got ready for bed. He plopped down on his bed and I left before he turned off the light. We kissed each other good night and I walked myself to the kitchen as he fell asleep around 10:45 pm. I turned on one of the lights and opened the fridge to get my diner food out. I also took a small bottle of wine. I ate all of the food within 3 hours and drank all of the wine. Naturally my stomach couldn't handle it so I threw up, brushed my teeth, took a quick shower, and went off to bed. I wore the same black lacy underwear that I put on that morning.

Lying next to Anwar in his bed; that at this point was too "dead" to respond to my gentle caressing of his arm and a peck on his cheek. I fell asleep nearly on top of him.

The next morning Anwar woke up around 8'o clock and I rolled over dead tired still. He bent down and said, "Cass, we need to get up, we're going to London today and I have to report to the London office tommorrow morning." I grumbled and muttered, "I don't want to." Anwar shrugged and said, suit yourself. He went off with some new clothes into the bathroom to shave, and shower. I barely opened my eyes as I barely had 6 hours to sleep. I finally got up anyway and went off to the kitchen to lay out a big breakfast for me and Anwar. I made oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins, fried up some egg and sausages, and baked beans. I made toast and put out two types of jam. I made coffee and tea and squeezed out juice. Anwar showed up about an hour later looking at the spread of food I jut made and I sat the table for two as he talked, "Wow, you are pretty domestic," he said. I smiled up at him and said, "well you made me dinner, I'll make you breakfast." "Well, you can actually cook; I had to stop by a deli for our meal." I laughed at his self-deprecation. Anwar sat down at the head of the table and I sat nearby. He laid a napkin in his lap and asked for some eggs. I passed a plate of scrambled eggs and I watched as he got some out onto his plate. "Do you want some coffee, tea, juice?" "Coffee would be fine," he said. I got up and got the pot of black coffee and poured it. "Do you want some milk or cream?" "Half and half please," he requested. I got out the cream. He poured it into his coffee until it was nearly white. "Oh, wow," "Light, petite coffee," just how I like my women Anwar grinned up at her. I laughed. Anwar had put 2 scrambled eggs, 3 sausages, and a piece of toast with apple butter jam on his plate while I was getting the coffee. I took some oatmeal and poured a cup of strong, black coffee with a little milk into my cup. I took a sip. "So what are we going to do today?" "Maybe instead of going to London we should stay here and eat all this breakfast," Anwar joked. "It is a lot of food." "I did eat my diner food last night," I inquired. "You did?" Anwar seemed shocked. "Yup, it was so good," as I took a bit of my oatmeal. Anwar was about finished with his plate and wanted more. "This is so good, Cass, I'll probably have to do an extra hour in the gym to burn this off," he said through a stuffed mouth and reached for more sausage. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Oh, thank you, I've got to go shower," I got up.

And as I got up, Anwar mentioned I barely touched my food. "Cass, eat!" he motioned to my plate. "I'm not hungry," I protested. "Than why did you make so much food"," Anwar asked as he finished off his coffee. I sat down and told him, "I did it for you, Anwar." "I'm falling for you; Sid is becoming a distant memory." "But Cass, I want you to eat and live with me," Anwar pleaded. "And maybe some day we'll get married and have babies of our own," Anwar passively proposed. "Seriously, you want to marry me?" I asked. "Yes, and soon I'll get a ring and get on one knee and officially ask you," Anwar smiled. "Awww, how sweet, but this all seems to be going by so fast," I said. "Well we did know each other since middle school," Anwar said. I stared at his tanned, shaved face; he looked like his old self but more handsome. "I guess, but most of the gang knew each other since grade school and me and Maxxie went to two different grade schools and transferred to you all's school district in the 7th grade for me and 8th for Maxxie," I remembered. "Maxxie transferred from Dorset," Anwar said. "Oh, now I remember," I smiled. "Maxxie was always gay, you could just see it, but he didn't come out until we started at Roundview College," I reminisced. "Yeah, I remember the day he finally came out had had a boyfriend," Anwar smiled. "Yeah, what was his name, William? James?, what was it?" "I think his name was William," Anwar remembered. "Oh yeah, Maxxie had his first crush on Prince William," Cassie laughed at the memory. "He never said it was a crush but in middle school we could tell he was infatuated with him, and claimed he wanted to go to St. Andrew's University, just like him," I sighed. "Yeah, and I remember feeling so uncomfortable," Anwar said. "Why?" I asked. "Because in my Muslim family gay was a sin and it was an issue that even at college I struggled with," Anwar admitted. I ate more of my oatmeal that was going cold. And drank my warm coffee. Anwar noticed my distaste. "I guess we can go ahead and clean up and go off to London," he suggested. "It's about 10:00," he pointed to the clock. "Oh, I guess we can," I said getting up and collecting the plates. "Oh, let me get that, you go ahead and wash up," Anwar offered. "Okay," I gave him the plates and went off to his private bathroom. As I brushed my teeth and showered, Anwar was throwing out all the food from the table and fridge. Anwar seemed to have food left over in both his houses. He knew when he went to London he'd have to do a cleaning out. Despite his busy schedule and upper middle class riches he rarely depended on housekeepers and other assistants. He liked being humble and "normal". After Anwar cleaned up he noticed his "clean clothes" were dirty so he went back to his room to pick out another outfit. After redressing he went into his hallway bathroom were Cassie went last night to get ready for bed. He noticed some vomit in the toilet and smelled it strong. Besides cringing Anwar looked at the vomit sadly and just knew Cassie threw up her food. A tear went down his cheek and he quickly rubbed it away. He didn't mean to seem so possessive of her this past week but his crush on Cassie was a secret he kept since grade 7. He flushed the toilet and sprayed the area. He sniffed the air, "That's better," and after remembering he had to go very badly turned around to use the toilet. Around this time Cassie was done with her shower and towel drying her hair. He had changed into a pair of pink boy shorts knickers and a matching strapless bra. Cassie's bras were just a 32-34 A cup. Cassie actually liked having smaller breasts, she thought large breasts and the artificial ways women enlarged them were overrated. Even in 2020, women were obsessed with having the biggest boobs.

I started going through my suitcase that I didn't unpack, I found a pair of 00 size pants that I bought in NYC. Actually I didn't pay it; I nicked it and almost got arrested for it. NYC was a lot more conservative about catching shoplifters. I tried it on but they didn't fit and then I remembered I could barely fit the size 0 dress the other day and I ate half my oatmeal and drank a cup of coffee today, I was probably bloated. I took them off quickly and found an old size 2 pair of jeans from grade 7 that fit perfectly. "Those look great, Cass," Anwar complimented as he came in. "These are a size 2!" I haven't been a size 2 since grade 7!," I cried. "Cass, he grabbed my shoulders, and looked into my eyes, do you know how many women would kill to wear that size?" I put a green tank top on from grade 8 that was a size 1 and fit fine. "Just don't worry about it, Cass, you are beautiful," he lifted my head by my chin and kissed me softly. He smelled so good and musky. What was happening to me? Anwar told me to eat this morning and I actually ate my oatmeal, half of it, but that was more than usual. Now, he's telling me to accept my size 2 butt and I'm about to accept it. "Okay, I said and slipped on a pair of 4" black pumps (Mary Janes). I put on some perfume Anwar suggested to use, and finished packing everything. Anwar was packing his bags. He walked through the hallway to the front door with our bags and Anwar went back in to get two giant trash bags threw them in a large bin just down the road. He walked back to pack up the car. Within a few minutes we were driving down the road toward London and it was almost lunch time.

"Should we stop somewhere to eat?" Anwar suggested. "I don't know," I said dazed. When we were going on the highway near London, Anwar saw a sign for a small cafe in a tiny village. "We're stopping there," he said as turning off to the exit. "Okay," I agreed. We walked into the cafe and found a sit near a large window. A waitress came by to give us menus and asked what we wanted to drink. "Do you have any beer?" Anwar asked. The waitress excused herself for a moment and came back with 2 menus full of alcoholic drinks. She gave it to the both of us. "I'll have a pint of Sammy's," Anwar chirped up. "And I'll have a strawberry daiquiri," I ordered. The waitress took the alcoholic menus and ran off with the orders. "Oh wow, look at all this food," I showed Anwar a page from the menu. "Cass, its okay just picking something, there's nothing wrong with eating," Anwar assured her. I turned my attention back to my menu and decided on the number 2 special of the day, split pea soup with country ham and cheese with a roll. Anwar decided on a fish and chips combo with vinegar. The waitress came back to take our orders and menus back. And gave us our drinks before hand. When the waitress left to take our orders we sipped our drinks for a while and talked about the hot, sunny weather. "I don't know if I should've ordered soup with this weather," I said observantly. "It's okay, people drink hot coffee and tea on summer mornings," Anwar said. I laughed at the truthful comment, "Yeah, I know, people are so unseasonal." We laughed together at my joke and the waitress came out with our orders. Anwar chopped down on a fry and then a piece of fish, and I took a spoonful of pea soup with a little cheese. "How is London like?" I asked Anwar. "It's usually foggy, rainy, and drab." "Although with global warming intensifying it'll probably turn into a tropical beach soon," he joked. "Oh," I laughed. "It's also quite lively and crowded, lots of tourist," Anwar mentioned as he ate through his meal and chugged some beer. "Wasn't Prince William current mistress a tourist?" I asked. "Yeah, I think so," I can't believe it took him over 10 years to marry Kate Middleton, and they even had a child, and he's running around with some common American born tart," Anwar exclaimed.

"I know, like did you see her before and after pictures?" She was such a fat pig, and now she's 5' barely and 110 lbs or less without her huge boobs," I exclaimed. "I know, and it took her until 2015 to get her college degree and most of that time she spent living off the U.S. gov't," Anwar pointed out. "I heard she wasn't even Anglican, or even a Christian," I said as I noticed I was half way done with my soup and started to break and butter my roll. "Wasn't she supposedly a Wiccan/liberal Christian or something," Anwar asked. "I don't know, all I know is supposedly the couriers said she was desperate to be a princess and she wasn't really princess material, and she supposedly screwed a bunch of actors and former rapper turned actor, Kanye West," I said. "How old is she?" I asked. "She's like 30 something and graduated from American high school in 2002 or something like that," Anwar informed.

"OMG, why are we talking about some celebrities we don't even know?" I asked Anwar. "I don't know, for conversation, maybe." "Perhaps our lives aren't as interesting as theirs." "I doubt it, Cass, these people are told what to say and do, we just do what we want," Anwar informed her. "I guess so, but if we can do whatever we want, why are we stuck in our situations?" I asked. "What do you mean?" "Like I'm starting to eat more again, and I'm back in Bristol, although I loved New York, and you said you're a working stiff at a finance firm," I said. Anwar took a bite of a fry. "I don't feel stuck or controlled." "Yes, university, bar work, long unemployment for a while, and entry level positions were brutal, but I'm happy now," Anwar smiled. "We're middle class British born we can't lie around like royalty and get everything handed to us, we have to work for a living and our riches," Anwar inquired. "Yeah, and as for me, I still owe my parents for all the times they sent me off to clinic," I looked down at my bowl. "What do you mean?" "Basically they inquired a large debt over the 5 years of my hospital stays and they had to go bankrupt recently," I whispered. "Oh, sorry about that, did they say you had to pay back?" "No, they don't expect me too; I'm just a job-hopping-barely-making-it-type-of-girl." "Maybe I could help you get a position in the firm," Anwar offered. "Doing what?" "Maybe paperwork or shredding documents," he said. "Oh, I don't know about that," I said. "What did you want to be when you grew up?" Anwar asked. "Well, before I started to starve myself I went through phases where I wanted to be a ballerina, pop star, actress, model, and under the age of 7 a princess." "Well, Prince William is taken, so you have a few more options, other than princess," Anwar joked. "I never liked Prince William anyway; I was always into Prince Harry, and non British royalty." "Really?" Anwar asked. "Yeah, Prince William always seemed too boring or unconventional for me." "Plus, he came across like he'd be a bastard like Tony." "Not like Harry, Sid to me was like Prince Harry." "How?" Anwar asked confused. "Well Sid wasn't a conventional hottie and was deemed a loser for a long time, like Harry was, but I saw something different." "I didn't see a loser, I saw a sweet, innocent, honest, and somewhat rebellious man," Cassie smiled. "So basically Tony's like Prince William and Sid is like Prince Harry," Anwar concluded. "More or less, in my opinion, anyway," I said. "So who would I be?" Anwar asked. I had to think a minute. "I think you'd be a mix of William and Harry." "Oh so I'm an uptight bastard with a rebel/loser side?" "No, no, that's not what I meant," Cassie defended herself. "What I meant was, you have the regalness of William but a wild streak like Harry." "Oh I see," Anwar nodded. "So doesth my princess wants to go off to London?" Anwar asked in a super posh voice. I laughed and agreed to go. Anwar left a small tip on the table and went to the counter to pay the bill. We left our uneaten food this time, since there wasn't as much left.

After another 30 minutes we entered London's main road and Anwar had to stop to use the restroom. We stopped in front of a shop and he ran across the street to a public port-o-potty type toilet and I found myself having to go so I went into the shop and asked if they had a restroom. "Where's the loo?" I asked the girl at the front desk. "In the back around the corner," she answered looking somewhat annoyed. As I made my way to the loo, I looked around at this somewhat tiny shop and was awed by the knick knacks. I eventually found the restroom and used it. As I was coming out, I heard a bell at the door and turned around noticed Anwar was coming in. "Oh, hi Cass," he said as he came toward me. "I had to use the restroom too," I said. "That's okay; do you want to buy something here?" "It's on me," Anwar offered. "Oh no, you don't have to Anwar, in fact I should probably pay you back for all those meals," I said. "No need, you are my partner now", he hugged me around the shoulders and leaned over to kiss my cheek. "It's just oh so fast," I said. "Do you want me to slow down?" Anwar asked. "Just a little, Anwar." "I'll buy something for myself; I have a little money left." "Okay," Anwar shrugged. I walked away from his embrace and picked up a couple of headbands to buy. "That'll be 20.09 GBP," the cashier said as she rung up my purchases. I rummaged through my purse and could only find two 5 GBP and I didn't have a credit card. "Will you take 10 GBP?" I asked handing it to her. "No, that'll be 20.09 GBP," she said sternly. Anwar rushed in with his credit card and again I had no choice but to put my money back. "Allow me," he offered. "Thank you, sir," the cashier graciously took the card and swiped it. "Thank you," I said to Anwar as I grabbed my bag and made an exit. Anwar followed me to his car and said, "Its okay, Cass, we all fall on hard times," he rubbed my back. "It's just, I'm so used to being financially independent despite not having much money," I said as we were seated in the car getting ready to go off to his flat. "I mean Sid supported me while we were married, but afterwards, I went back to my shoplifting ways," I admitted. "You shoplift?" he asked. "Well, yeah, but not so much anymore," I admitted solemnly. "When I was a teenager, I loved clothes and accessories so much and my mom being single most of the time and in and out of work due to her depression rarely had the money for anything." "So I started to shoplift." "And it was easier before most places had cameras, and alarm systems." "I learned how to get through them." "It's not like I didn't want to pay, I just couldn't," I admitted. "Wow, so did you ever pay?" Anwar asked. "Once or twice, but rarely." "I have so many clothes and accessories from throughout the years, I could open a boutique," I giggled. "Really?," Anwar asked. "Maybe we could donate all those clothes and get you a new wardrobe," Anwar offered. "You're doing it again," I said. "What?" "Trying to buy me stuff." "What's so bad about that?" "I don't know it's been awhile since a man supported me." "Oh okay, I was just suggesting that, since I thought maybe you'd want a new start." Anwar looked at her. "I don't know if it would be so easy to get rid of all those clothes, they have memories."

Later that evening after we made it to Anwar's flat and unpacked, we were sitting at the dinner table eating some cold cuts Anwar got from the deli. Or actually it was Anwar eating mostly and I was just picking at my food. I made a turkey sub with cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles with a small bit of mayonnaise. Anwar again had a BLT sandwich with mustard. We didn't have any alcohol at dinner; we figured we had enough at the country cafe today.

"Cass, are you going to eat that?" he pointed to my nearly untouched sandwich. I got really frustrated and threw it on the plate hard, I got up, and started to yell. "I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF YOU TELLING ME TO FUCKING EAT!" "I DON'T CARE IF YOU LOVE ME OR NOT, I'M NOT GOING TO EAT." And I ran off before he could say something. I ran out the front door and ran down the street. Moments later I saw Anwar's car drive down the same road and I just faster, despite wearing 4" Mary Janes. I eventually fell and nearly twisted my ankles near a pothole. Anwar pulled over and ran toward me. "Are you okay, Cass," he knelt down beside me. "I think I sprained my ankle," I cried. Not caring about why I was running from him in the first place. "Well, let's go ahead and take off these shoes," Anwar offered. "I didn't know you had a talent for running in such high heels!" he exclaimed. "Neither did me," I said. Anwar went ahead and took off my shoes and sat them down for a minute to pick me up. He practically draped me around his shoulders as I barely hopped on one foot back to the car. After he set me back in the car, he went back to get my shoes. "I'm taking you to the hospital," he said as he started the car. "NO, YOU'RE NOT," I tried to get away but he locked all the doors. "YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET YOUR ANKLES CHECKED!" Anwar yelled. "Cass, I'm so tired of this, I don't care if they throw you into a clinic after taking your vitals, and it's what you need." "Fine," I said reluctantly. "Anything to get away from you for a while," I said. Anwar sighed irritably and took me off to a nearby hospital. At the hospital, they checked my vitals and found out I did in fact had not one but two sprained ankles. They told Anwar, I'd need a couple of days in the hospital and I could go home but needed extra care. Anwar agreed to their terms and of course paid the bill. "Cass, I love you," he told me in the privacy of my hospital room and since I was weak from the events of today, I had no choice but to submit to his desire to hug and kiss me passionately before leaving.

For three days, I got a lot of rest, sleep, and tricked the nurses into thinking I was eating. How I did that was using the wheelchair they gave me to use and wheeling myself to my private loo and flushing everything down the toilet or pouring it down the sink. They did tell me my vitals worried them and of course I seemed malnourished, but I lied to them saying, "I eat so well." And that's halfway true, the days I spent with Anwar is probably the most I ate in a while. The only thing I ingested at the hospital was 1/2 a bran muffin and tons of orange juice and water of course.

On the third day, Anwar came by and picked me up. I was energized and told him I was happy to come back. Luckily, Anwar's car was big enough to carry a folding wheelchair, so it wasn't too hard to transport. I was confined to the wheelchair for 3 weeks. During that I was so frustrated because he monitored my food intake and forced me to eat 3 small meals a day. He promised me sex after I got better, since we actually haven't had any since the day he visited my cottage. That did motivate me some, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to take the relationship any further. I was so jealous of Anwar during this time, he was allowed to go to the gym nearly everyday to work out and I couldn't. In fact I gained weight and by the end of 3 weeks, I had no choice but to donate all my 00-3 sized clothes and get new 4-6 sized clothes. I felt so huge. I knew I had to stop eating again.

"Cass, you look so great," Anwar exclaimed as I tried on a size 6 red dresses in the dressing room. "Anwar, I feel so heavy," I sulked. "Cass," he bent over to me as I was sitting on the bench and hugged me tightly. "Stop doing this to yourself," Anwar pleaded. "Maybe Allah or God had a reason for you to gain all this weight and rid of those clothes," he tried to reason. "Anwar, I can't, I love you but I can't." "Just don't think about it, just let me buy this dress, these pair of jeans, these shirts, these pairs of knickers, and this size 34 B bra, and let's go home and relax. It's Saturday, and we should have sex today and all night," Anwar grinned. I relaxed a bit, smiled, and agreed.

Two hours later, we were in Anwar's master bedroom with dimmed lighting and I had some sexy lingerie in size 5 he bought me, and he came forward in a cute pair of boxers out of his bathroom and I couldn't help but just go with the flow. We embraced and started to make out and fell to the bed. "I love you so much, Anwar," I breathed in between kisses. "I love you too, Cass," he said back. Again, he kissed me passionately everywhere above my navel and we made great, passionate love for an hour.

"Cass, I'm going to the mosque, you can make dinner if you want," he leaned over to kiss me as he got dressed. "Why go?" "Well, because honestly I haven't been for a week or more and I think if I don't go soon my dad's going to kill me," Anwar laughed. "Can I meet your parents?" Anwar shrugged, "I guess you can go to Mosque with me today and meet them." "Okay," I got up and started to get dressed. "Oh my god, what should I wear?" "I don't own Islamic clothing!" "Cass, relax, they won't expect an outsider to dress exactly like them," Why not wear this white, gauze skirt and white blouse, and these white shoes." Anwar offered, picking some new clothes out. White is a major color in mosque wear. "Should I cover my head?" "No, don't worry about it, just pull up in a bun or something," he offered.

Anwar didn't seem bothered by the idea of introducing a non Islamic, white girl to his parents. I don't think he ever introduced Sketch to his parents but then again, he didn't love her like he loves me. Oh and of course his now ex-wife. But unlike most of his white girlfriends, I had blond hair and very fair. Oh well, its 2020 and no one cares about that stuff anymore.

"Mom, Dad, this is Cassie," Anwar introduced her in the foyer of the mosque before services began. "Oh, so this is the girl you were telling us about," his mother smiled at Cassie. "You know he really loves you!" his mother exclaimed. "It's not often that he introduces girlfriends to us," his father chimed in. "Oh, wow," I started smiling. "This is so cool!"

As the services began I remember feeling nervous and whispering to ask Anwar if it was alright for me to do the prayers. "Do whatever you want Cass, us Muslims aren't as strict as we used to be," Anwar smiled as he was about to bend over and pray. I did the same.

After the services Anwar's parents invited us over for dinner and I was so nervous. I didn't want to eat her spicy lamboona. I just couldn't, everything was going good in my life, but I still desired not to eat and be as thin as the air. "Here, try some of my lamboona," Anwar's mom threw some on my plate with a couple of boiled vegetables. Over at his house we drank mineral water instead of alcohol. Anwar's parents were still nondrinkers. Anwar's dad still spent most of time in the mosque or in his private prayer room adjacent to his bedroom. They were old now. His mother had gray hair and slowly was getting sick and weak. His dad was completely bald with a few gray whiskers on his head it seemed and a gray beard. I still didn't get to meet his two older sisters.

As we seated and they said a quick mealtime prayer, I started to pick at the lamboona and as I was cutting it, I started to talk to Anwar's dad. "So what do you do?" "Oh, I'm retired (4 years next month) and I prayer at the mosque nearly everyday." "Do you ever pray Cassie?" Anwar seemed nervous at this question. "Oh sometimes," I admitted. "I take it you weren't raised Muslim, what about Christian? Jewish?," his father asked. "I wasn't really raised at all," I thought to myself. "Well, I wasn't really raised in a religious household, but my grandmother used to take me to a local Anglican church when I was young," I said. "Oh, I see, so do you consider yourself anything?" his dad asked. "Dad!" Anwar started pleading embarrassed. "I just want to get to know her," his dad said in defense. "How about some strawberry cake," his mother chimed in getting up to get the cake. "Oh, no thanks, that's ok," I said. "Well, you barely touched your food!" his mother exclaimed. I looked around and noticed that everyone else had either an empty plate or nearly empty and ready for dessert. And my plate was still full with noneaten, cut- up food. "I think we should go," Anwar said while getting up and getting his coat and hat. "Nonsense," his mother pleaded. "Let's have some strawberry cake!" she offered. "No, mom that's okay I'm full and we can take Cassie's plate home with us." "Thank you for visiting up in London though, it was nice," Anwar smiled. I started to get up and said thanks to both his parents and told them I'll talk to them soon. "Well, we couldn't visit if you didn't pay us this lovely house," his mom smiled. "Well, on that note, we really have to go," Anwar went and kissed his mother on the cheek, said bye to his dad and walk out. I followed waving at them and saying bye.

"Oh, wow, that was intense!" I said. "Sorry," Anwar sighed and started to look at me. "It's just parents react so badly about me dating non Muslims." "They don't care if you are white, black, Pakistani, whatever, just as long as you are Muslim," Anwar said. "So how did they feel about your wife?" "Well, other than the fact that we had two kids of wedlock and we know finalized a divorce, I say they were ecstatic," Anwar said sarcastically. "No, they never liked it, just tolerated it," Anwar said more seriously. "Karyn wanted the wedding in an Anglican church and my parents insisted on a Muslim wedding," Anwar explained. "Oh, wow, that's wild," I said looking at him. "So did she ever convert?" I asked. "Well, I think she pretended too, I think, but I guess she couldn't keep up with the fasade (spelling)," Anwar looked solemnly.

We finally made it to Anwar's house and he was starting to look tired. It was around 10:30 and he decided to go off to bed. I didn't eat any of the food at Anwar's parent's house but I decided I was hungry now so I drank 2 liters of water and half of an Ainsley chocolate bar.

I found myself lying next to Anwar all night but barely sleeping. I can't really sleep anymore; I don't know what it is.

The summer came and went and by the end of August I and Anwar started packing up to move back to his Bristol house. During the summer Anwar convinced his boss to give me a small job in the office. Basically I was a secretary and got paid 12.50 GBP per hour. Not a lot of money but more than I usually make. I normally worked 8-9 hour shift almost everyday and find it to be an easy way to not eat and lose two dress sizes. Down to a size 4. Anwar did get worried but I think he started to realize he wasn't in control of my eating. But he finally proposed to a week before we left. It was so cute; he got down on one knee, just like in the movies and asked if I'd marry him. I found myself so happy that I actually said yes. I was over Sid now; I couldn't keep my promise to love him forever. Anwar breathed new life in me and I couldn't go without him. The day we left I asked him if we could stop by my cottage and he agreed.

"Anwar, can we stop by my cottage?" "But it's outside of town!" he protested. "That's a special house to me, my grandparents gave it to me, and this was their house." "Okay," he agreed reluctantly. "But let's not stay too long." I leaned over to peck his cheek. He leaned over and kissed me on the mouth and started to realize we were about to roll off the road. "OMG," Anwar said as he maneuvered the car back on the road. He decided to drive to the same village we stopped at on our way to London and decided on a big pub in town. "Let's stay here for a night Cass," Anwar offered. As we were parked in the parking lot he leaned over to give me a passionate kiss. "I'm in the mood of all a sudden to fuck you silly," he smiled. I giggled, "Okay just for one night." We rented a small room above the pub and had a long afternoon of fucking. Not just sweet passionate love but just hardcore...

"Let's go down for some drinks shall we," Anwar asked while getting dressed. "Sure, and we'll smoke some spliffs later?" I asked. "Sure, why not," Anwar shook his head.

"I'll have some Pimms please?" Cassie ordered. "Just a Jack and Coke for me," Anwar ordered. We spent two hours at the pub just talking and carrying on. "I lost another 1/2 stone," I said ecstatically. Anwar looked disappointed. "Cass, why?" he asked worried. "Why, what?" "Why do you do this to yourself Cass?" "I want to be skinny, a size 00 again, or maybe a size 000 that would_" Anwar interrupted me. "Cassie, it can't be over just size and besides there's still no such thing as a size 000," Anwar shrugged. "You haven't talked to your parents or brother since we've been together."In fact, you haven't talked to any of your friends from college, or seemed to make friends in uni, and I'm worried about." Anwar leaned over to caress my arm. "It's complicated," I said solemnly. "What is?" "Michelle and Tony haven't talked to me since I found out about Tony's affair and Sid hasn't talked to since our divorce." "And I haven't seen Maxxie in a year, or anyone else." "Cass, just call one of them." "Even Sid?" "Cassie, I'd be scared if you talked to Sid again." "Why?" Anwar sighed irritably. "Because, I'm afraid I'd lose you," Anwar said. "You slipped through my fingers for years and I finally could have you." "I had a crush on you since I first saw you in the 7th grade." "Do you remember the day?" "Oh, yes, you were walking along the sidewalk toward the entrance and my mom had dropped me off, it was my first day there," I smiled at the memory. "You had this little white cap on and a white overshirt because you just came from the mosque and I remember stopping you on your way and I laughed at your outfit and told you how funny looking it were." We laughed at it. "Yeah, I don't think you've ever seen a Pakistani Muslim in your life at that point." "I remember getting so defensive about your comments." "Yeah, and I was oh, oh wow," That's when I started using that phrase. We sipped our drinks some more and decided to head back to our room. Anwar lit a spliff and with that spliff fired an end of another one and gave it to me. "I remember when I first smoked a spliff." "It was in the 6th grade and Michelle who I knew from church at that point gave her first spliff." "How did she get her first one?" "Oh, we were at a shop downtown behind it and these two older guys from Roundview College thought we were cute and started talking to us." "Damn, what a bunch of pedos," Anwar exclaimed. "Oh, they didn't try to fuck us; they just ran their finger through our hair and pecked our cheeks, which were my first cheek peck from a boy." I said as I smoked my spliff. "And then they started lighting up these long, white things and we've only seen those things in health and science books and got lectured on how bad they were." "And I remembered Michelle asking them why they smoked and they somehow convinced her to try one and I guess she wanted to impress them so she tried one and offered me a puff." "I was so memorized by it; I didn't care about how bad it was for me." "I just took a puff and it was the most euphoric time in my life." "So me and Michelle stayed with these guys for an hour and talk and laughed and we got high on spliff and drank what was probably our first taste of alcohol." "I remember we started to run home because they started to get fresh with us and went beyond pecks and hair caresses." "What did they do?" Anwar asked. "Oh, they started to rub our legs, arms, and breasts, and one of them started going up Michelle's skirt and actually touched a part of her labia." "And she got so scared and before the other guy could get too far with me, we started to freak out and we dropped everything and ran so fast back to Michelle's house." "OMG," Anwar said in complete shock. "Yeah, soon after Michelle met a boy named Robert in our class and started to fuck him, and the next year she met Tony and the rest was history." "Oh, I always thought Tony was her first," Anwar said. "No," I shook my head. "In fact Robert wasn't her first, at least at giving head." "Basically Robert popped her cherry and she started to give older guys head in the 5th grade." I started to light another spliff. Anwar also lit one. "So why did she freak out so bad when an older boy was trying to get fresh in the sixth grade?" Anwar asked. "Oh, I don't think she liked him she loves being a tease," I said. "One time she told me her first stepfather fucked her on a number of occasions." "She was only 5 when he married her mom," I said. "Shit!" Anwar said extremely shocked. "She never wanted to tell anyone because she was worried everyone would think she was a ho." "But it wasn't her fault!" Anwar exclaimed. I shrugged while puffing on a spliff. "Her mom dragged her to church when she was young, she was really religious for a while and considered moving to America where they were more prudish and up their ass about things like that." "From a young age me and Michelle learned about how to proper ladies for God/Jesus Christ and there was this one girl in the church who was older but didn't go to Roundview, and everyone gossiped about her being a whore because some people found out that she'd fucked one of the alter boys in the church basement on a regular basis and ended up pregnant." "So yeah, we learned about sex too early and it fucked us up." "What happened to the girl?" "Oh, well her and her family was kicked out of the church and they moved to Wales and forced her to go to a strict Catholic all-girls boarding school in Paris." "She didn't get to keep the baby; the mother adopted the child and raised her as the younger sister." "Damn!" Anwar said in shock. "We didn't get any excitement at the mosque when we were young." "The worst that seemed to happen was one of us being grabbed by the ear because we misbehaved during services and drugged out to the foyer." Anwar laughed. "You would be so shocked by everything has ever happened in Christian churches, Anwar." "It's amazing how much rebellion goes on!" "Even in 2020, the Christian church is split and at odds," I laughed at the insanity. "So do you believe in God, Cass," "Yes and no, I'm kind of agnostic but I'd love to think the man Jesus Christ was real." "Why, he always seemed like a nutcase to me," Anwar said. I shook my head. "No, that was the Old Testament god that hated everyone it seems," Cassie went on. "He fucked up Job, sent plagues onto his chosen people and the heathens," I went on. "He's the god who'd hate Maxxie for being gay," I took a puff of my spliffs. "But Jesus Christ, the man in the New Testament, he was supposedly God's only son that he sent out to preach the gospel, but Jesus he was calmer and collected." "He actually taught his disciples and followers to love one another, be kind, and didn't preach against gays." "Oh, because from my understanding, Jesus basically had bipolar and went off one minute on the Jews and was sweet as pie the next," Anwar laughed. "I mean seriously, the freaky Christians I've ever met would go off about how God was God the father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit, and was basically 3 guys in one," Anwar shrugged. "I remember Karyn trying to explain that to me and still to this day I don't understand," Anwar took a puff. "Yeah, the Anglican Church had taught us about the holy trinity but somehow I learned that Jesus and God were two separate people," I said while lighting yet another spliff.

"What happened to Michelle after all this, did she tell someone?" Anwar asked to try to change the subject. "Yes, she eventually told her mom a day after she turned 6, she didn't believe her at first and smacked her for making up lies," I actually witnessed this since I stayed over and he didn't touch Michelle that night since I was over," I said while twirling my spliff. "OMG," Anwar just couldn't believe it. "It went on for two more years until her mom had enough of him and divorced him." "And Michelle didn't see him again, but she was still scarred, even to this day," I said.

Anwar was so speechless; he couldn't curse for a few minutes. "She always said Tony was the only guy to make her comfortable as well as Sid." "At first Tony was her knight in shining armor and she was able to tell him about the abuse." "Tony was kind and sympathetic back then." "He was also a big geek and was going through an awkward stage," Anwar laughed. "Yeah, but he was still cute, he was like Sid but somehow cuter," I reminisced as I puffed away. Anwar and I didn't sleep at all that night. We stayed up for hours talking and finally we decided to leave the pub around 5:30 in the morning.

Anwar made it through Bristol and we stopped at my cottage. It was starting to look dirty and old and we rummaged through some stuff I left behind. "Look at this," I said while holding up an old black and white photographed of my grandparents. "This was back in 1932 when they first married," I said astonished. "1932?" Anwar said in shock. "Yeah, my grandmother had 10 children and my mom was the youngest and born in 1960," I looked at Anwar. "OMG, the oldest person in my family growing up was born in 1960," Anwar gasped. "Yeah, my father who I haven't spoken to since grade 6 was born in 1962 but his grandparents married a year before and he was an only child," I said. "Wow, you must have a big family," Anwar exclaimed. "Yeah, except we didn't get together much, my mom and dad's side feuded so much over differences that we couldn't handle family reunions and such," I said. "Wow, you're grandparents must have lived to an old age," Anwar said. "Yeah, grandmother was born in 1921 and died in 2015, and grandfather was born in 1920 and died two years ago," "So they were well into their 90s," I said. "I hope I can live that long." "Do you think I can make it to 90, Anwar?" There was a pause. "Cass, I'm not sure, in fact I'm surprised you made it this far and soon you'll be 31," Anwar explained. "Anorexia can't kill me Anwar," I denied. "It helps me live, I'm powerless without it," I admitted. Anwar leaned over to hug me. "Cass, no you're not!" "You are so beautiful and I don't want to see you waste away," Anwar pleaded. "Anwar just stop, let me starve, and let me die in peace." "If I die perhaps I can understand God more and I'll see Jesus," I looked up at him. "Why can't you stay with me and let's grow old together and try to make babies," Anwar started to cry. "We can die together and we'll get all our questions answered together," Anwar said as he held her tighter.

"Anwar, the doctors tell me I can't, and I'm not sure I want children," I said. "Let's try anyway," Anwar pleaded. "I want you to eat cake at the wedding, and we'll have the wedding near Christmastime," Anwar said. "Do you like Christmastime, Cass?" Anwar asked. "No, I hate it, I can't stand all the food," I said. "Though I love to look at it, I just can't eat it," I laughed. "Yes you can, Cass," Anwar said as he let go. "Let's go on to my house," Anwar offered. "Do you want to take your car and try to sell this house," Anwar asked. "No, I want to burn it, too many memories," I threw down the picture of my grandparents and got out my lighter. "Cass, are you sure?" Anwar asked. "Yes, get out now so I can do," I instructed. Anwar walked back to his car and parked it further from the house. I took out my matches as well, lit a few and as I stood on my porch threw them on the kitchen floor and ran. Anwar came back to watch the house burn with me and I threw my lighter lit and in my old car and we ran back to Anwar's car and watched all this burn in the beginning of daylight.

A few hours later, we were back at Anwar's house and sleeping. It was a Sunday and Anwar had to report back to work in the Bristol office the next day. And once again he convinced his boss to give me the secretary job in one of the departments. I never thought I'd ever be working at a corporate job or actually liking it but it kept me busy.

On Tuesday when we were both at work in separate offices, Jal came over. Not only was she applying for a job opening but she decided to visit Anwar and me.

"So what have you been doing all this time?" I asked as we sat at a private round table. "Oh, well, I did go to music college and I dropped out when I realized, I couldn't do it anymore," Jal said. "I loved music, that's what I grew up around but what gave me so much love, also gave me so much sorrow," Jal shook her head. "What made you quit," Anwar asked. "I just decided I needed a more conventional job and life, so I quit Music College, enrolled in a business school in London and here I am trying to find work in an office," Jal said. "I also got married during my time at business school and I'm pregnant with my second child and I'm ready for it this time," Jal said. "I just couldn't have Chris' baby, the pain was just too great," Jal started to cry at the memory. "If he had lived, would you have kept him," I asked. "Yes, and I would've been a better parent than my mom too," Jal said. "I love my husband, Barry, but I can't get over Chris," Jal admitted. "Wow, I never expected to see you and Anwar together," Jal said in shock. "When's the wedding?" Jal asked. "Oh we were thinking maybe a week before Christmas, we haven't set a date yet but I know I want you to be a bridesmaid and I was going to get my clinic friend to be a braids maid as well," Cass said. "Well, it would be more like matrons of honor since we are both married," Jal laughed. "Yes, but I can't have a ceremony without my two best friends now can I," I smiled.

"Cass, let me help you plan your wedding it would be so fun!" Jal offered excitedly. "Sure, we'll start tonight," I said.

That night, Anwar's office friends decided to kidnap him and surprise him with a bachelor party at a nearby strip club and Maxxie, James, and their adopted son (who stayed at our house) dropped by to go as well. Jal and I were left to start planning my wedding.

"Jal, it is so nice of you to do this." "I remember when Sid and I got engaged Michelle and Tony came in and Michelle helped me with the wedding and was my maid of honor and we were married in St. Paul's Cathedral," I smiled reminiscing.

"Yeah, sorry I couldn't come, I had finals that week," Jal said. "It's okay, not too many people wanted to come see me it seemed." "Maxxie was doing a play in London and Effy didn't even come along with Tony." "What's Effy doing these days?" Jal asked. "Oh, last I heard she was finishing up uni and planning to move to Paris to teach art," I said. "She is also still single and very heart broken over Freddie's death," I said solemnly. "Who's Freddie?" "Oh, just a guy she knew in college who was shot by her therapist," I said. "Oh I heard about her psychotic episode, Tony wanted to go help her but as always he's too busy with work, his kids, and cheating on Michelle," Jal said. "I heard Michelle is pregnant with their 4th child," Jal said. "Oh, I wouldn't know, they haven't talked to me in 3 years since I blabbed about one of Tony's affairs," I looked down at the list we just made. "Do you think Anwar would cheat on me?" "No, he's changed so much since he met his ex-wife, Karyn," Jal said. "I think Karyn taught him what love was," Jal said. "I don't know, she didn't love him enough to keep him around and let him raise his children," I said. "Yeah, I know, that's horrible," Jal said. "Maybe you can show him what true love is," Jal smiled. "I don't know, I thought I knew once and I realized maybe I didn't," I looked up at her. "I know, I don't think I could love Barry as much as I love Chris," Jal admitted. "I almost killed myself once because I wanted to be with him," Jal said. "When was this?" "When I first went to music school and it was the third week of classes and I had the knife pointing to my heart and I could feel it on my skin because I was only wearing a bra, I had unbuttoned my blouse to feel the pain," Jal started to cry. "And just before the tip went through Chris' spirit appeared to me begging me not to do it," she said. "I was so shocked, it stopped me in my tracks and since the knife was so close to my skin I bleed a little when I jumped out of fright." "Oh wow, did you talk to him," I asked. "Yes, I asked him why and he told me that one day we will be together again and he even swept toward me to wipe the blood away and I still have a scar from the incident," Jal started to unbutton her shirt to show Cassie the scar. Cassie looked close and noticed a slight dent that looked like a tiny heart. "Oh wow, no wonder you can't remember," I said. "I think I don't love Sid anymore," I admitted. "Anwar has really showed me the way, but he wants me to eat and I can't," I admitted. Jal leaned over to rub my shoulder. "Cass, Anwar isn't the only one who wants you to live," Jal said. "We all love you and we just want to see you live," Jal started to cry. "Sid had told me about how at one time you were getting better and then he cried once on the phone telling me that you stopped eating again and tried to kill yourself," Jal said. "He was so worried but he told me he couldn't take it anymore and he was considering divorcing you," Jal admitted. "What did you say to him?" "I told him to do what was right and that no one could choose for him, I didn't tell him to divorce you," Jal said. "But you didn't tell him no," I started to say in a shocked laugh. "Cass, I couldn't tell him what to do," he was a frustrated man at the point. I started to cry. "But I loved him and he just let me go at such a venerable state," I cried so hard. Jal leaned over to hug me and kiss my cheek. I broke from the embrace and started to yell. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM TO FUCKING STAY WITH ME?" "WHY?" My face turned red from the tears. "And what is worst of all is, I found out I lost my baby," I started to wipe my tears. "I didn't know I was even pregnant and before I was released they told me, I miscarried a fetus that was two months old," I cried. "I'm so sorry Cass," Jal started to cry. "I didn't know, and I know how it is to lose a baby." "But that was your choice, you had an abortion, I miscarried." "But it wasn't easy Cass," I shook my head. "I couldn't decide whether to keep it or not, but the day Chris died, I knew I couldn't keep it, so I went to the nearby clinic and went through it." "I cried for hours before and after." "I also had to think about my family and my music career dreams." "I was a selfish teenager and I can't take it back now," Jal cried. "I guess this new baby that'll I'll carry to term and keep is here to teach me to handle it, to be a good mother," Jal said. "How far along are you?" I asked. "About 5 months," Jal smiled. "I found out last week I'm having a girl." "What will you name her?" "I'm thinking of naming her Cassandra Michelle Smith. (Barry's last name) "Oh wow, after your two best friends?" I smiled in amazement. "Yes, you all are very important to me." Jal leaned over to hug me. "Now let's finish the list," she said.

"Let's see we have blood red roses for the bouquet and candles all over," Jal read off the list. "Who will you invite?" "Well, so far_, well I really don't know," I said. "Maxxie for sure and your husband, his husband, and little William," I bent over the pram to tickle Maxxie's 5 month old son. Somehow the baby slept through all the yelling and screaming that just occurred. "What about Tony and Michelle?" "Your mom, stepdad, Rueben?" I sighed, "I don't know." "I don't know, why invite people I'm not close to anymore." "Let's take a break," Jal suggested. "Want to take the baby for a walk?" Jal asked. "Well, it's quite dark outside," I observed. "And Anwar should be home any minute." I looked at the clock and noticed it was midnight.

We sat the date to be November 23, 2020 and I finally did cave in to invite Michelle, Tony, and their 3 young children and yes Michelle was 8 months pregnant at the time. Maxxie and James were there with their baby. Even Sid came and Anwar wanted him, Tony, and Maxxie to be his best men. And Maxxie being the cream of the crop. Anwar's whole family came and finally got to meet his two sisters and their husbands. At least 150 people were in attendance and we got married by a justice of the peace in a park in the village where I and Anwar stopped on our first trip together. We had two receptions. At the pub and at the cafe where we ate on two separate occasions. I didn't put up a fuss; I willingly ate my wedding cake and lunch. Even though I did worry about it affecting my now size 0 figures. Tony, Michelle, and I made up and admitted to me, after the baby is born they plan to file for divorce and just be friends.

"We realize we can't go on like this, and I can't be monogamous," Tony admitted. "And I need a man who can be monogamous," Michelle said. Tony and Michelle had 3 beautiful children. The oldest being 7, the middle child was 5, and the youngest was 3. They were so cute playing in the parking lots and parks nearby the receptions.

Oh, for my wedding, I wore a rosy red halter dress with white stripes, and a pink veil. And white 3" heeled stilettos. It was an unseasonable warm late fall day and the summer clothes were appropriate. I wanted to wear a white dress but it wasn't traditional for a second time bride and plus I was far from virginal anyway I should've worn black. Anwar wore a black tuxedo suit and changed into jeans and a polo for the reception. He had black stubbles on his face that day.

Even Sid came with his wife and two small twin daughters. They were so cute and played around with Tony's children. They were older though, almost 10 (as of tomorrow).

Sid and I found a private hallway in the cafe and sat down on a sofa to talk. "It's been so long," Sid said. "Glad to see you are happy," he said. "I thought I'd love you forever and I guess I couldn't," I sulked. "I won't forget you, Cass," he gave me a peck on the cheek. "Do you love Carol?" "What?" "I said, do you love Carol?" "Of course I do, Cassie, geez," Sid answered defensively. "When did you first meet?" Sid sighed irritably. "Three months after you and I divorced," he admitted. "Oh wow, and was it love at first sight?" "Yes," Sid admitted. "I knew she was the one when I first laid eyes on her," Sid went on. He noticed that I started to cry. He leaned over to hug me. "Cass, things change, life goes on," Sid said. "When did you know Anwar was the one?" "I don't know, I always thought he was cute but never pursued him," I admitted. "And he admitted once he had a crush on me since grade 7," I said.

"I've got to go." I ran off into the dining room of the cafe and looked at Carol from across the room. She was a tall, average sized woman (I thought she was fat), with black skin and once dated Sid's coworker who saved me that fateful day. Even he came to my wedding but had to leave shortly for business. Carol was really dark, like chocolate. She had typical African features and seemed very content. Sid's daughters were a perfect mix. They had Sid's nose, wavy hair (that he never cut shorter than his shoulders, although he gave up the beanies), and had slimmer figures than their mother. They had a light brown color that could rival Anwar's. They had light brown eyes and straight, white teeth. They happily munched on sugary foods, not seeming to care about the calories or how big they could get. "Cass, let's dance," Anwar extended a hand and we danced to our wedding song in the middle of the dance floor. Near the end we kissed and he whispered in my ear that he'd love me forever. I just smiled and accepted this new chapter in my life.

Ten months later the impossible happened. I had a baby, a son, just like Anwar. A perfect mix of me and him. He had lighter skin than Anwar but darker than me with piercing blue eyes that eventually turned dark green. During my pregnancy I had to eat. I struggled to eat 3-5 meals a day. I didn't even eat the first 3 months of my pregnancy because I didn't know I was pregnant! When Anwar and I found out, he forced me on a diet even making me stay in the hospital for a while. We named him Anwar Sid Kharral and I took Anwar's name and dropped the Ainsworth-Jenkins name. But I couldn't stay for the birthing festivities. See I died in childbirth and now I'm speaking to you from the other side. "OMG, I watched my funeral, and I realized how many people missed me. Even Michelle and Tony showed up with their new partners and children. Michelle's baby was so cute! Everyone cried to death. Anwar and Sid shared hugs and tears over the woman they both loved. My baby son slept through the services and burials but was nearby. Even people that I didn't know from college showed up in tears. Even Anwar's and Sid's wives, and ex-wives, and children cried. Amazing Grace played at my funeral and burial, they set off fireworks like they did for Chris. I met Chris today in the spirit world. He told me, he missed me and still loved smoking spliffs but not pill popping. He told me, he couldn't stay long because soon Jal was having a baby that would encase his soul. "God and Jesus both told me I'd reincarnate as Jal and Barry's second child and I will also be reunited with Peter, the monkey man," Chris said. "Where's Peter?" "Jal had him first and he's a healthy baby boy and Jesus had negotiated with God that I'd also be born out of Jal's womb and be Peter's brother again." "Oh wow, cool," I said. "So God is real? And Jesus?" "Yeah, in the spirit world you get to meet all kinds of people," Chris told me. "But who is God?" "I can't tell you, you need to consult Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, or whoever of this God," Chris said. "I want to meet Jesus," I said excitedly. "Okay, I'll go get him for you, follow me," Chris grabbed me and pointed me toward an upward direction. "Here, here's Jesus Christ," Chris said. "Chris, had you had enough spliffs, today?" Jesus asked. "Oh, sorry Jesus, he butted it out on the cloudy ground," I need to cut back. "This is Cassie by the way," Chris introduced. "I know, I been watching her for years," Jesus smiled and turned to her. "Oh wow, you don't look like Jesus," I looked in amazement. Jesus wasn't pale, or had brown hair, and recently shaved his beard. He was only 5'5 (my height) and dark skin with medium length black hair. He had a large but narrow nose that screamed of his Jewish heritage and piercing dark brown eyes. He had scars where a crown of thorns was pushed on his head and he had lightly bloody holes in his hands. And scars on his back from the beatings he endured near the end of his earthly life. "These hands, they never stop bleeding," Jesus laughed. "God says they are permanent and that I must see the positive of my death," Jesus said. "Oh yeah, you were crucified, I remember from Sunday school," I said looking at them. "Cassie, look up, I need to tell you something," Jesus instructed. I obeyed. "You are probably wondering why this happened to you," Jesus said. "Yeah, I was wondering why I died in childbirth, especially given all the advanced medicine in the 21st century." "Sometimes God and the committee of divine ones such as me have plans." "You have a committee in heaven?" "Yes, all the gods, goddesses, and divine prophets of all faiths have a committee headed by God, who by the way is not my father anymore than anyone else in all the universes," Jesus admitted. "We allow all creatures to choose which divine head they want to follow but we all give our input, especially on various situations," Jesus said. "Oh wow, so there's no fighting?" "No, not really, we have to stay neutral to help humans out," Jesus said. "Oh," I said. "I know Anwar thinks I'm a complete nutcase but I'm so misunderstood." "I'm really just a peace loving hippie," Jesus laughed. "Come let's go sit somewhere," Jesus led me to a room near a blue cloud. "I have so many questions, I don't know where to start," I admitted. "Well first off let me tell you that the committee of divine ones have decided that you need to stay in the spirit world for a while and see the universe and other dimensions from this point of view." "And after 40 earthly years you are to reincarnate." "As what," I asked.

As Jesus and Cassie sat on an ice blue couch with a nearby matching table, he laid out three possible future lives. "Cassie, your first choice is of a man who is born into wealth and privilege in the United States (in NYC) but loses it all in his elder years through a bad business deal and he becomes destitute."

Jesus showed her through a magickal portal in the table. Cassie saw an elderly man, who was gray haired, heavy set, wore glasses and seemed to be enjoying a Champaign dinner with his family and friends, then the portal turned a grayish black and she saw the man on a dirt road, with a straggly beard, and torn clothing looking rugged and worn. "Oh wow, Jesus, this is interesting!" I said. "Want to see your other two options," Jesus asked. "Yes," I agreed. "Okay then your next option is of another wealthy man born into privilege but in the UK, but he doesn't get experience it long because he dies at age 21 of a serious disease that hasn't been diagnosed yet." Cassie looked at a young, super thin man on a hospital bed. "What's next?" "Okay your next option is of an African princess, born into privilege and during a time when Africa is experiencing great wealth and steals some of America's and the UK's shine." Jesus pointed to the scene in the portal. Cassie saw a very dark but very overweight young lady covered in gold, diamonds, and many other things. "Does she ever lose weight?" "No, she lives in a part of the world that goes by the old adage that fat is beauty and a standard of wealth." "And due to the new African influences on the world, the standard of beauty will change." Jesus pointed out. "Oh wow, people get to eat and not feel guilt or shame," I said wide eyed. "Yes, in short, yes," Jesus shook his head. "So do I have to choose now?" "And do I get any other choices?" "As of now Cassie, you have 40 earth years to ponder your next move and for now, no other choices," Jesus said. "But why do I have to eat and get fat in my next life?" "Cassie, we want to eat and live," Jesus said in sympathy. "Who are we?" "Your friends, all the divine ones, including me," Jesus looked at her. Jesus offered Cassie a plate of cheese and grapes and some wine he made. "Eat," Jesus pushed the plate toward her. Even though Cassie was dead and her spirit in a like minded world, she couldn't get herself to eat. "No, I'm not hungry," Cassie refused. "At least have some wine," Jesus handed her a glass. Cassie accepted it.

The next earth day in the spirit world, Cassie woke up in a bluish green misty meadow far from the heavenly cafe her and Jesus sat and talked of her next lives. Cassie only drank the wine Jesus had made out of the misty blue spirit water, the grapes came from a heavenly vine nearby the meadow and the cheese was made from the milky blue ground. Jesus had explained that all meat and dairy products in the spirit world were not made from any of the animals resting in the realm. "We have a haven for many animals that died from meat production plants, farms; etc who come here to rest and a divine one lets their soul know of their reincarnation options." Jesus had told her. Cassie walked through the meadow to a misty forest and she saw many tree and plant spirits that most of them chose to stay in the spirit realm for the nature aspect. Cassie ran into a divine god, named Mohammed, and he startled her. "Oh wow, you're Mohammed?" "Yes, I am, Cassie, is there something you want to know or have questions about?" Mohammed asked. "Yes, do you watch over Anwar?" "Yes, I do," Mohammed inquired. "Is he okay?" "No, he misses you Cass, and you may have to go down there soon to tell him everything's okay and possibly to keep him from killing himself," Mohammed informed. "Oh, well, should I go now?" Mohammed peaked over a cloud. "Yes, Cassie, go ahead, he is waiting." As I journeyed back to earth, I felt a surge of panic, I miss Anwar and all of them but I didn't want them to die yet. "Anwar," I said as I appeared in a mist near his bed where he was still sleeping. Anwar jerked up in shock. "Cassie!" "I wanted to make sure you were okay and to let you know I'll be watching you and Mohammed is watching," I informed him. "You've met Mohammed?" "Yes, and Jesus too." "And Chris as well." "Oh wow, what about Allah?" "No, Anwar, I can't go directly to a god for the most part, I can only speak to the divine prophets such as Jesus." "Oh, that's cool!" "Are you supposed to be telling me this?" Anwar asked. "I'm not sure, I just wanted you to know everything is fine and you will come to the realm when it's your time and don't rush it." I rushed off back to the spirit world before Anwar could reply.

Anwar sat in shock for a few minutes. He looked at the clock and realized it just turned 5:00 AM and in a few hours he'd have to go work. "I guess I'll go for a run," Anwar said to himself. Anwar got and started to put his jogging clothes on and started running down his drive near the city and went around many city blocks and decided to stop for breakfast at a nearby cafe. It was around 6:00 when he stopped and after about 15 minutes took a bus back home and quickly showered and dressed to go off to work. It was 7:30 when he finally hopped in his car to go off. "Oh wow, what a way to start the day!" he kept talking to himself. "Don't worry Cassie, I'll live, I'll make the most of it." On his way to work Anwar stopped by Jal's house to pick up the child he made with Cassie, he'd stayed overnight at Jal's since Anwar was in a very depressed state and needed the house alone. While at Jal's house, he told her about Cassie's ghost. "It was there by my bed this morning before the sun came out and told me about things I didn't know I had the privilege to know about!" "Wow, so interesting, so are you better?" "Yes, I think I'll be okay now," Anwar inquired. "If you need anything you know I'm here," Jal said while grasping his shoulder and gave him a hug and cheek peck. "Bye," Anwar said while leaving Jal's house. Jal waved back and Anwar quickly went to a private nursery to drop his son off. Anwar noticed it was around 8:00 when he left the nursery and realized he was going to be late. "Oh shit, I've really got to go," he said while stepping on the gas. While driving he almost bumped into a nearby car and he hit the brake hard. Anwar breathed hard in shock and then realized he was in a traffic jam and realized it really might be a while until he got to work. Anwar looked around outside the window to find a road that would get him there faster and he couldn't find one. "Bullocks, I might as well wait," he said to himself irritably. Anwar switched off his car and started to read the newspaper. It wasn't until 9:30 that he was completely out of the traffic jam. His cell phone rang and he knew it was his angry boss. "Anwar! where are you?" "Sorry Mr. Chaz but I got stuck in a traffic jam and I had to drop my child off at the nursery." "Why did it take you so long?" "I saw you run around town this morning." "Sorry, sir it was a long morning, you see Cassie woke me up with her ghost_" "I don't want to hear it, Anwar, just get her right now, clean out your desk, and go." "You can't fire me!" Anwar shouted. "I'm VP now!" "Oh yes we can and we're draining out your retirement and insurance you have with us." "Shit!" Anwar finally parked in the parking lot and still on his cell phone as he got out to the employee entrance of the building. "I'm here now." "Good," his boss hung up. Anwar went off to his office to start cleaning it out. On his way out he stopped by his boss' office to have a talk.

"Anwar, I know you are hurt and you took a few days off but if you are coming to work, you need to be here," his boss said firmly. "I know, I'm sorry," Anwar said sadly. "I'll put in a good word for you over at my best friend's firm, it's like mine." "But you'll have to move out of Bristol to take the job and live in Wales." "Wales?" "Yes, Wales." "Oh, that means I'll have to sell my London flat and Bristol home." "Do you want the job or not?" "Sir, I'm going to have to think about it, my whole life and most of my friends are here." "Okay, I'll get back to you," the boss said understandably. Anwar went on.

As he drove to the nursery to pick up his son and then on his way home, Anwar was in near tears and couldn't believe everything he's worked for in an almost 10 year period was about to crash or leave Bristol and London behind for a similar job in Wales. Most of his friends lived in Bristol. Jal still worked in the firm. Maxxie and James lived in a suburb of London now where both of them were semi professional stage actors, even his ex-wife, Karyn and four other children who he saw on occasion lived near London still. If he was in Wales, it would make it harder to visit.

As Anwar pulled into his driveway, he thought about another friend he could visit that he hasn't seen in years. "Sketch!" He said out loud. The last he saw of her, it was the day he left with Maxxie and James to London. He sensed that she followed them to the bus station but she didn't get on. He saw her run the opposite direction when he was seated near a window and the bus was leaving. Sketch, Maxxie, and he had a rocky relationship together. She stalked Maxxie, harassed James, poisoned Michelle, and had a teacher wrongly fired for sexual harassment. Yet, Anwar was smitten with her and for a few months during college slept with her over and over. She basically was a friend with benefits and Anwar was too much of a hornball to care about how bad she hurt his best friend, Maxxie. Anwar, however, didn't know where Sketch lived now and figured she probably still lived in Bristol.

After Anwar stopped at his house to change and feed Anwar Jr., make quick phone calls to Jal, Tony, and Michelle, and watched a TV show, he went off with his son to find Sketch's house. He typed in her real name in his phone and found that she still lived in the apartment buildings she grew up in. As he drove off, Anwar Jr. slept and woke up giggling to play with a toy of his. 20 minutes later Anwar was in the parking lot of the apartments. "Okay, let's do this," he said as he let Anwar Jr. out of his car seat and cradddled him as he started to cry. "Oh you need changing," Anwar cringed. Anwar went to the backseat of the car and laid his son on a blanket and started to undress him. Anwar noticed a trashcan nearby and started to take off the diaper, waded it up, and wiped him. He quickly ran to the trash bin and threw all the used materials away and went back to powder his son and decided to put a cloth diaper on him. He also changed his outfit since it also got dirty. He then gathered his son, the tote, and walked over to Sketch's door. He paused before ringing the doorbell. After a couple of minutes Sketch came out onto the porch. "Anwar, is that you?" "Yes, Sketch, it's me, and you, now you look different," Anwar looked her up and down. Sketch had browner hair now with a few gray streaks and glasses. She also was slightly heavier with a slightly wrinkled face. "Come on in," she held the door open for him. Sketch's apartment that no longer housed her mother as well was still dark, dank, and musty, almost like she never left. They sat on a clean couch near the hallway. "So where's your mom?" "Oh, she died about three years ago, her condition worsened and she acquired other issues," Sketch informed him. "Oh, sorry," Anwar said. "It's okay, it's nice to have the place all to myself," Sketch smiled at him. "Do you want some tea?" "No, no thanks I'm good, thank you," Anwar smiled. "I see you have a son," Sketch looked at his cradled baby. "Yes, Cassie and I got married recently and we had a son, and I also have 4 more from an exwife," Anwar nodded. "Oh, I see, so how's Cassie doing?" "Um, she's dead, she died in childbirth," Anwar sulked. "Oh sorry to hear that," Sketch said. "Oh it's okay, I know she's watching over me," Anwar smiled. "How do you know for sure," Sketch asked. "Oh she actually came for a visit this morning," Anwar admitted. "Oh I see, did she look okay?" "Oh she looked like an angel and acted like one too," Anwar smiled. Anwar Jr started to get restless. "Do you mind if I put him down?" "He hasn't crawled or anything today." "Oh yes, go ahead," Sketch permitted. "So do you have any children, Sketch?" "No, I was pregnant once but I couldn't go through with it," she admitted. "So you got an abortion?" "Oh yes, and I don't want any children," she admitted. "I take depovera now and I can't menstruate or anything," she informed. "Oh, okay, so do you have someone?" "Someone?" "You know, like a partner, Sketch?" "Oh, no, not right now, the guy who got me pregnant years ago turned out to be gay and doesn't live in Bristol anymore," Sketch sulked. "Oh sorry about that," Anwar patted her shoulder. "Oh, it's okay, I always fancy guys I can't have," Sketch sulked. "I haven't had sex in about 3 and half years." "Oh shit!" Anwar said. "It's okay I haven't had sex in about a month since Cassie died." "I'm going to make some tea," Sketch got up to boil a kettle of water. "So have you ever considered leaving this apartment?" Sketch paused, "I can't, I belong here, it's like I can't go anywhere else." "Oh, well, it's good to get out," Anwar offered. "So what do you do for a living now, Sketch," Anwar asked. "Oh, I collect disability checks," Sketch admitted. "What for?" "Oh, for depression, anxiety, OCD, and a whole list of mental illnesses," Sketch laughed. She started to pour the water in tea cups and soaked tea bags in them. "Do you take anything for them?" "Well, I take about 1,000 milligrams per day of pills." "I currently have 16 different prescriptions and I go to therapy twice a week," Sketch admitted as they sat at the kitchen table to drink their tea. Anwar Jr. had found a corner to lie in and exercised. "Have you ever tried working?" "Yes, I worked part time at the bowling alley once." "What made you quit?" Anwar asked. Sketch looked up. "Sorry don't mean to pry just curious," Anwar said. "Oh it's okay, I was fired after 3 months because I fell in love with the manager of the establishment and he ended up taking me to court for stalking and harassment." "Oh, I see, and was that when you were put on disability pension?" "Well about 5 months after the trial." "I was fired a couple of weeks before he sued me and I was immediately thrown into the psych ward and force feed medication and therapy." "Oh, sorry," Anwar went on. "I tried to kill myself," she admitted. "When?" "Oh once when I was fired from the job, I threw myself off the balcony but only fell two stories down on another balcony and broke my hips, knees, and ankles." "Oh wow, how did you live through that?" "Well, the occupants called the ambulance and I was in the ER overnight and thrown into a psych ward while I was bound to a wheelchair and recuperating, and of course getting sued." "I healed up and was able to walk again after 6 months," Sketch chirped up. "Congrats," Anwar laughed in amazement. "What about the other time?" "The last time was last week, I tried stabbing my heart with a kitchen knife but couldn't go through with it," Sketch admitted. "Why did you do that?" "Look at me, Anwar!" Anwar looked at her. "Why wouldn't I want to kill myself?" "I have nothing to live for, I'm in my 30s and I look 60, 50 on good days, my hips still hurt from my first suicide attempt and will need replacement surgery soon, and probably will get confined to a wheelchair, walker, etc!" "I have no children; I've only had sex 10 times in my life since I was 16!" "And not to mention, I'm going to live on the disability pension for the rest of my life, only getting 250 GBP per week!" "That doesn't go far in Bristol these days," she cried. "Could be worse," Anwar tried to sooth her. "How?" "Well, you could look 100 years old and be dead!" Anwar shrugged. "Let me guess what you are doing now, Anwar!" "You are a millionaire working at a fancy law firm!" "Not quite, I just got fired from my new VP position at a financial firm that I worked at for about 9 years." "I have no insurance or retirement and I may have to move out of Bristol permanently to get a similar job that my now ex-boss is trying to set up for," Anwar went on. "That's great Anwar, why don't you take it?" "Because most of my friends or really all of my friends are on this side of the island, either in or around Bristol or London, including an ex wife and 4 other children I visit at least once a month," Anwar said. "I don't want to leave that, but if I stay here, I have nothing," Anwar sulked. "I have to move to Wales if I take the new job," he went on. "Maybe you should go ahead and take it," Sketch said. "Why?" "Because you'll have a job and get back your retirement and insurance, and you'll might make more money if you sell your houses in Bristol and London," Sketch went on. "Wait! how do you know I had houses in Bristol and London?" Sketch looked as if she'd answer defensively. "Anwar, you're nearly famous in Great Britain now, the financial firm has their own website and networking site, you can find all the employees and some former employees' profiles." "Here let me show you", Sketch motioned toward her 2010 laptop. Anwar picked up his son and walked over to the laptop. Sketch opened it, put in her password, and pulled up the firm's front page. "See," she pointed to it. "Yeah, but still how did you find out all this?" Sketched clicked on a link, another link, and another until she got to the networking site for the employees which most of them were set to private. "You don't have yours set to private," she clicked on his photo. And there it was Anwar's name, age, height, weight (from 3 years ago); other descriptions of his appearance and in the description box his hobbies, likes, and dislikes. Sketch clicked on a link underneath the box and it took them to Anwar's private information, basically his addresses and pictures of his house, Cassie, all his other friends, ex-wife, Karyn and his four children he had with her. "OMG," Anwar exclaimed! "I didn't realize, everyone could see this!" "But how did you know about this firm?" "I passed it a few times while out shopping and I saw you a few times getting in and out of your car and sitting at tables inside." Anwar's jaw dropped. He got frustrated and decided to lay Anwar bundled up on a couch. "SKETCH, STOP IT, YOU CAN'T HAVE ME ANYMORE, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE MAXXIE, DON'T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING TONY, OR SID!" "AND DON'T YOU DARE GET NEAR MICHELLE OR JAL!" "I'm sorry Anwar; I didn't realize you would be upset."I will never speak to you again," Anwar gathered his son and tote and stormed off to his car. Sketch ran to the door and parking lot begging forgiveness. Anwar didn't look at her and quickly put his son and tote inside his car and drove off wildly nearly knocking Sketch out of the way and blowing wind in her face and hair. Sketch curled up in the parking space crying and compteplating suicide yet again. As Anwar drove off to his Bristol home he shouted out of anger and his son started to cry. He leaned over to his son and softly said, "Sorry, it'll be okay, we won't ever talk to that nutcase again," Anwar rubbed his tiny hand. Anwar's son seemed to calm down and as Anwar laid his son in his crib after getting home and locked all his doors, he laid on a comfy couch, barefoot and decided to call up his ex boss. "Chaz, I need you to go ahead and take me off the networking site," Anwar pushed. "Why, what's wrong?" Anwar sighed in concern. "It's just I know of someone from my past who is cyber stalking me and I don't want her to get the information anymore, she knows too much," Anwar said. "Anwar, in your case I will set it to private but you were a big star in the company, I'd hate to not have your face out there, and have you thought about my offer?" "John said he can make you a CEO with a multimillion, possibly billions of dollars per year." Anwar's mouth watered at the offer. "I'll take it!" "I'll pack my things and be in Wales first thing in the morning, and put my houses on sell," Anwar jumped up excitedly. "Are you sure?" "Yes, positive, it'll be a good change!" "Okay, I will email you directions to his house and he says you can stay there free of charge for about 6 months but you need to be looking for a house there." "Okay!" "Goodbye," the boss said and hung up. Anwar was in shocked and smiled for hours. He rummaged through his things and tried to decide what to keep and what to take. Within 3 hours he was ready and filled his car up with 3 gallons of mineral water and packed his stuff and his son in his car and drove off in the middle of the night. It was about 10:00 pm when he left his Bristol home and he realized he hadn't eaten for a while and was hungry. He stopped at a nice restaurant in London and after he ate decided to stop by Maxxie's for a quick visit.

"Maxxie, you won't believe who I saw today!," Anwar exclaimed. They were seated at a booth in a really nice Eurasian fusion restaurant with a lot of blood red in the color scheme. A cover, but lit candle adorned the middle of the table. A waiter came by to take their drink orders and they both ordered mineral water since none of them felt like drinking into a drunken stupor yet. "Who did you see?" "Sketch," Anwar admitted. Maxxie looked very concerned. "Why, how?" "Well, for some reason as I was coming back home from getting fired, I decided to look her up and go see her," Anwar admitted. "But why?" Maxxie seemed confused. "I don't know, I guess because I was remembering back near the end of college I went to her for comfort because I secretly checked my grades and they weren't great." "And I was so worried that I couldn't leave Bristol for college," Anwar sulked. The waiter came back with their drinks and had a bread basket of various types of breads to put in the middle of the table. The waiter took their orders as well. "I'll have a prawn and tomato salad with French Onion soup on the side," Anwar ordered. "Yeah and I'll have hot, spicy Singapore noodles with the beef and vegetables on the side," Maxxie ordered. The waiter took their menus and went off. They sipped their water and continued the conversation. "Why her?" "Because Maxxie, I was scared and couldn't face my closest friends," Anwar admitted. "You know you can always go to me," Maxxie rubbed his arm. "So what happened?" "Well I found out she seems to have aged, she looked 60 now and she's on disability for all these mental illness that she's doped up on prescriptions for," Anwar went on. "Shit, how did she ever get diagnosed?" "Well, after 3 months of working at the bowling alley, she sued by her boss for stalking him and she was hospitalized around that time and she ended up attempting suicide around this time," Anwar went on. "Damn, how did she attempt suicide," Maxxie asked as he bit into a breadstick. "Well her first attempt happened around the time she was fired and she went up like 4 or more stories to jump off a balcony or something and she fell onto another balcony and broke her hips, knees, and ankles!" Maxxie leaned back in shock. The waiter came by with their orders. "Thanks," Anwar said and the waiter went off. Maxxie laid down his breadstick and started twirling his noodles. Anwar started to bite into his salad. "So she attempted suicide a second time?" "Oh yes, she said last week she tried to stab herself in the heart but stopped herself," Anwar went on. "I assume she attempted suicide the first time since the boss rejected her advances," Anwar suggested. "Yeah, probably, she does some crazy stuff for love," Maxxie said observantly while chomping on some noodles. "Was she in a wheelchair?" "No, not at the moment anyway," Anwar said. "At the time, she was hospitalized and stayed in a wheelchair for about 6 months and she says her hips still hurt her and she might need them replaced soon," Anwar went on as he chomped on a prawn and sipped some soup. "Oh, and she's still living in the same apartment?" Maxxie asked. "Yes, and it still smells as if her mom lives there," Anwar went on. "Shit," Maxxie exclaimed. "Yeah, she apparently died 3 years ago and supposedly Sketch temporarily dated some gay guy who moved away and he got her pregnant," Anwar said. Maxxie about chocked on his water. "You mean she has children?" "Not exactly, she had an abortion and claims she's on birth control now to not have any but she also said she hasn't had sex in like 3 years," Anwar went on. "So, why did you live her apartment," Maxxie asked. "OMG, that's the scary part!" Anwar exclaimed. "What?" "Well, she supposed knew where I worked even though she called it a law firm at first and looked it up." "And the website has a semi private networking site for the employees and my profile wasn't set to private like I thought and he found out where I lived, she saw pictures of my houses, my ex-wife, Cassie, and my children!" Anwar seemed frightened. "What did you do?" "Well, I told her off and said to stay away from all of us and drove off quickly." Anwar started to feed his son some bottled milk. Anwar Jr stayed in a highchair near their table and was pretty good during this whole time. "It's odd to see you care for a child like a mother," Maxxie observed. "Why?, I already 4 with Karyn," Anwar shrugged. "Well, during that time you didn't do most of the childcare, just playing," Maxxie said while chomping on his meat and vegetables. "True, but I don't have a choice now, Cassie died in childbirth and left me with a son," Anwar sulked. "Oh, that reminds me, I saw Cassie this morning," Anwar exclaimed. "You saw Cassie," Maxxie seemed confused. "Her ghost came to me shortly before 5 this morning," Anwar went on. "And she told me things I didn't know I was allowed to know." "And she told me before leaving that my time will come to go to the realm or something." "What? What does that mean," Maxxie seemed concern. "Well, honestly, I was thinking of killing myself and I almost died in a traffic jam this morning," Anwar went. "Seriously!" Maxxie asked alarmed. "Yes, Maxxie, I can't live without her and I lost my job today," Anwar rolled his eyes. "But you didn't really lose your job, your boss talked his friend into giving you a job," Maxxie pointed out. "You have a reason to live Anwar," Maxxie said softly bending over to rub his arm. "Don't leave me mate!" "Maxxie, I have to go to Wales." "Yes, but you know what I mean." "Maybe James and I will move to Wales to be closer to you," Maxxie offered. "Maybe we could all get a house together!" Anwar said excitedly. "Yeah, mate, that sounds cool," Maxxie smiled. "But you couldn't play on the London stage." "That's alright, I'm sure Wales has theatre," Maxxie reasoned. "Well, okay, and it's almost midnight and little Anwar's getting tired." Maxxie asked the waiter for the bill and offered to pay for both meals. Anwar accepted and they hugged each other goodbye and Anwar went off to Wales with his son sleeping in his car seat. Anwar played some hip hop music low while driving to Wales that night. He finally got to John's house around 4:30 that morning.

"Welcome Anwar," he said groggily. "Let me show you to your bedroom and I have pram in there for Jr. There," he pointed to his son. Anwar followed his new, tired boss to a medium sized brownish white bedroom near the back of his mansion on the first floor. "You only have a couple of hours to sleep really, if you want, you can wait another day to report to work, you look like you need rest," John said groggily. "Thank you Mr. Karl," Anwar shook his head. "Please call me John," he said while going off to his bedroom. "Goodnight Anwar," he said while going back. "Goodnight," Anwar hollered back and made him comfortable in his new bedroom. Within minutes he was in his bed and had to wait until he woke up around noon to unpack.

Another earthly month passed and Cassie had spent many of her spirit realms days talking with Jesus, Mohammed, and even met Krishna and a few others mentioned in history and mythology books in her current life and others. Jesus explained to her why she couldn't meet certain historical figures but only see their spiritual residue around.

"Marie Antoinette has reincarnated many other times and soon will have a new body she can rest in heaven in," Jesus explained one day as they walked through many forests and meadows. "Winston Churchill has done the same." "Princess Diana will not even reincarnate until her sons are on this side," Jesus inquired. "She's supposedly a guide for them for the rest of their lives, especially William," Jesus explained. "Oh wow, so can I meet her?" "Sure, but give her another earthly day," Jesus said. "Today is February 29, 2021 on Earth today and it's a tough day for William and Harry," Jesus explained. Their grandmother the queen has passed. "And Charles will reign for a few years and then William will reign for a few decades," Jesus explained. "Oh, I see, so they need her today," Cassie said. "Yes, they need her now." "So, have you given anymore thought about your next life Cassie?" Jesus asked. "Well, I don't know, I'm thinking of being the young man because he stays so thin," Cassie chirped up. Jesus shook his head. "Sit down Cassie; Jesus pointed to a grassy knoll." Cassie obeyed. "Okay, Cassie the reason why the young man is so thin is because he's sick, he chose to eat when he could." "The rich man who loses his riches near his life has no choice, he starves to death and it's during a time when America is becoming a third world country and doesn't have the same power it does now," Jesus pointed out. "And what about the African princess?" "Well, she never is thin, she's very wealthy and setting new beauty standards for the changing world, but just like you've deprived yourself of food, she indulges to a point where it kills her," Jesus pointed out. "Oh, so my next lesson in life is to learn to enjoy food again?" "More or less, yes, that's right Cassie," Jesus nodded. "Oh, oh wow, so if I chose the male lives I go back to starvation but not out of choice?" "That's right, Cassie," Jesus nodded. "If I choose now, can I be reincarnated quickly?" "No, Cassie, we have plans, you need to stay in the spirit realm until roughly 2061," Jesus estimated. "Oh why?" "Because that'll be around the time that most of your friends are here, and your clinic friend, Rebecca, she's coming soon." "Oh, does she die from starvation?" "Yes, she's in the hospital now," Jesus directed Cassie to a nearby cloud and instructed her to look over it. "Oh, she's hooked up to IVs and everything," Cassie looked shocked. "And her 11 year old daughter is becoming very depressed and controlling eating now," Jesus said seriously. "Her child will also be a victim of anorexia/bulimia," Jesus informed. "Oh, so why didn't I starve to death?" "Cassie, that was a hard decision for us to make." "We've decided that you needed to come to the conclusion to eat, yourself." "But I'm not, I'm being forced my next life into eating and enjoying it," Cassie sulked. "But you have 40 more earth years up here to work on it." "Let's go back to cafe." Cassie followed Jesus back to the cafe but was very upset and felt like Jesus was dragging her. "C'mon Cassie, they are selling cloud burgers today," Jesus said excitedly. "And I'll make some more wine if you don't mind stopping by this stream," Jesus started to slow down. "Okay, wine's good," Cassie smiled. Jesus held his bloody hands over a golden cup and the water magickally sprung up to the cup and turned a purplish red color. "Here," Jesus offered. "Drink." Cassie took the cup and started to gulp it. "Why is it, you drink my wine but you won't eat the food?" "Wine makes me happy, pills, and weed euphoric," Cassie admitted. "Mind if I go to Chris and get some spliffs?" "No, he's being conceived right now," Jesus informed. "Oh, I see, can I watch," Cassie smiled. Jesus rolled his eyes. "Sure, you seem deprived," Jesus showed her to a nearby cloud. Cassie watched as Jal strutted in her sexiest lingerie toward Barry lying on the bed. In a hurry they were jumping on each other, giggly, and stripping each others clothes off. And within minutes the God given magick was happening. "Woo, easy girl," Cassie laughed. "Okay that's enough of that, let's go eat," Jesus pulled her away from the cloud. "Within 2 earthly hours the two had made themselves to the cafe and sat on the same couch and Jesus went to get the burgers and fries. He made some more wine and urged Cassie to eat before drinking. "Come on, just one cloud fry," Jesus pointed to some bluish white steak fries dipped in bluish ketchup. Cassie got frustrated. "FUCK YOU JESUS!" She screamed while getting up. "YOU MAY BE A DIVINE ONE BUT YOU CAN'T GET ME TO EAT!" Jesus seemed shock and speechless for a while. "Cassie, have you ever heard of purgatory or even hell?" "Those are real?" "Well purgatory is and so is hell but most people don't go there." "In fact very few go to hell and even fewer stay there for eternity." "You can get of hell?" "Yes, Cassie, Hitler from War World 2 fame lived there for about 20 earth years until he promised to make it up for 6 more lives," Jesus said. "He's literately gone through hell since roughly 1953," Jesus informed. "But he's in his last life and still having trouble grasping the idea of humility and kindness, I don't know what to do with him," Jesus shook his head. "And the majority of the Westboro Baptist Church have been and still are in hell for quite a few years now," Jesus said. "I've heard of them, they got banned from the UK," Cassie said. "Yes, it's shocking what some people will do thinking I approve of their behavior," Jesus shook his head. "Cassie, I can't send you to hell and no one else can." "You aren't evil but you torture yourself and you've been torturing yourself for many lives." "Since your spirit first appeared in 10,000,000 BCE on Earth." "So, did I ever live on other planets?" "Yes, a couple of times on Venus and once in another galaxy outside of the milky way," Jesus informed. "But anyway, your first life, you were a hominoid living in Africa and you lived 15 years." "Oh wow, cool," Cassie smiled in amazement. "One day you couldn't get yourself to eat the vegetation and you stayed near the coast occasionally drinking out of the ocean." "Why did I starve myself?" "Because life in the Serengeti became difficult, your parents started to ignore you and they died shortly after, you had no family." "Another hominoid named Sid tried to give you support but you ignored him and he gave up." "Oh wow, so I knew Sid." "Yes, you've known him for most of your past lives." "In fact there hasn't been a life where you haven't known him or most of your friends." "You will rest with him in heaven one day." "What about Anwar?" "You've only known him since 500 BCE, starting in Rome, he was actually your older brother in that life and being royalty, you two married each other and had kids," Jesus informed. "Oh wow, will I see him in heaven?" "Yes, Cassie, you'll see everyone in heaven one day and everyone will be at peace rejoicing."

Cassie was in shock for many years and before the end of 2021, she got to meet Diana and her friend, Rebecca met her within days of her last hospital day. Rebecca was also subjected to similar future life options and struggled to come to terms. Jesus also tried to get her to eat.

Nearly 40 years had passed and one day Tony, Michelle, Sid, Jal, Maxxie, James, and Anwar came to the spirit realm. Sketch had come earlier due to a successful suicide attempt she did after Anwar left her that fateful day. Even Posh Kenneth and Tony's on/off again mistress Abigail had came a day later. Effy had came a year later but quickly reincarnated in another galaxy and barely saw anyone. I never got to see my mom, dad, and stepdad come up. Jesus said they were on the other side of the spirit realm and didn't really want to see him. They were all old and gray and few of them crippled from old age. Anwar was in particularly bad shape. Not only did he have an unrecognizable face and gray hair but he came with a wheelchair.

"Cassie the time has come, what is your decision?" Jesus asked. "I thought I had 2 more earth years!" You do Cassie, but that's virtually 2 seconds up here and let me tell you, love is in the air in the US, UK, and Africa," he winked with the hint. "Okay, I have thought, maybe not long and hard but let me be a princess in Africa," Cassie smiled. "Are you sure, Cassie, you barely touched anything while up here?" Jesus asked. "Yes, totally." "Okay Cassie, your wish is our command and you will see Anwar, Sid, Jal, Chris, and Michelle again in this life." "Tony will probably choose to be a middle class transsexual in Ireland," Jesus said. "Oh wow, that's quite a change," Cassie said in amazement.

Two earth years later in a new kingdom called Koresha in English formerly South Africa, a baby was born of a very dark couple who were royalty. The father was the new king of the kingdom, and the mother the new queen. The baby was named Allia Malia Swatata with the title of "Princess of Koresha". The parents have only been married for a year and half and both fell in love at a ball where they found out, both were born to noble parents in Kenya. They were well educated and knew seven modern languages each. They were very plump from their privileged backgrounds and Allia was their first born child. Gone were the days when a son had preference over an older sister. Allia was meant to rule over the kingdom when her parents died one day. Two years later they had a son they named him Kaia-Meela, he was to rule only after Allia's future husband, and last child ended their reign. Two twin sisters and two other brothers followed, roughly 3 years apart each. They all gained privilege and power over the course of their lives. The official religion of the kingdom was of old Afrikaanas traditions and Christianity, Islam, and other major religions of the past became minor religions. But Allia remembering the prophet she talked with and walked with during her time in the spirit realm, had a private, tiny alter to a man that she called Jesus but using his name in the Koreshian language. Kaia-Meela, her brother also had a private altar to a prophet/god he followed in his current life and visited while in the spirit realm. He used the Koreshian word for Mohammed in speech and prayer. Allia was close to her brothers Kaia-Meela, Obama Su-nami, and Jophiera. If incest wasn't a forbidden practice in the kingdom she swore she would've either married Kaia-Meela or Obama Su-nami. Allia loved to eat more than anything, she often joked that she must have starved in a past life because she was always famished. Whenever she'd hear about anorexia or bulimia she cringed and her stomach turned. Kaia and Obama seemed to be sympathetic toward her with this issue. They rejoiced with her while eating meals and snacks. Allia didn't live long, she did reign as queen but only for a year and never married or had children. She was roughly 52 years old when she died and doctors said it was probably her heart that gave out.