For various reason I've taken down my account. Now its back up and this is the product of, something. Maybe my sadness at the general lack of Quick. Please tell me what you think.
She says they've know each other forever. Despite her Catholic upbringing, the little blonde girl believes in the most nonsensical things. She claims that in their past life, they knew each other, and when she says forever, she means in in its literal sense. That belief stays in her soul long after she's grown.
But all he knows is that for his forever, all his six years, he's known her. He's seen her luminous blonde curls bouncing as she plays, he's touched her milky white skin, and he's heard her laugh. Its the most glorious sound in existence, like the ringing of bells at Christmas, the wind's soft whisper, the childlike noise that escapes her throat. That laugh stays in his world long after she's grown.
But twenty-five years isn't enough.
The words blur through his ears like the tears welling up in his eyes. Crash, accident, didn't make it. They don't matter. She matters, and she's gone.
When they were little, she'd put him to work twisting and cutting broken tree limbs and branches until he presented her with a make-shift fort. She called it their home. They'd lay next to each other, bits of the cerulean sky peeking through the cracks in the roof.
"Let's stay like this forever." She would say.
"Okay." He nodded.
After they married in a quiet back-yard setting equipped with loads of yellow flowers and a grassy isle, they moved into the cheapest apartment they could find.
Tangled in sheets and staring up at the cracks in the ceiling was how they spent every morning, at least for a moment.
"Let's stay like this forever."
"Okay."
But forever doesn't come. The soft cotton dresses on her side of the closet remain untouched. Her toothbrush becomes lonely in its holder, unused. He's speaks to her side of the bed every night, but never gets a response.
Every morning, he waits a beat before saying "okay." to her pillow.
She hated alcohol and drinking but its the only thing that gets him through. He drowns himself in whatever catches his eye, drink after drink.
He spreads out her dresses on the floor and weeps as her honey and lilac scent fills the room.
He steps into the scalding water of the shower fully dressed and waits for the water to drown him as he sinks to the bottom, cradling his head in his hands.
It never does.
He never knew he could cry this much.
She was all the simple things in life, and that's why he can't breathe. The flower pushing up through the crack in the sidewalk reminds him, the outdoor cafes remind him, the blonde women pushing strollers remind him.
She wanted children. Blonde little girls that would wear lacy dresses and play house in the backyard. She would say how she wanted to watch the sunlight hit their hair and the grass stain their dresses and that she would never scold them for having an imagination.
She wanted a son to twist sticks together with old rope and build them a house.
She said that she would never tear it down.
She can't do any of that now.
He hits rock bottom when he finds himself wanting to go to her grave and see her face again, to dig through the earth and ground and just see her.
She looked like a sleeping angel in a coffin that was too big that day. People gathered around and touched her cold hands and whispered prayers to themselves.
When he saw her, all he wanted to do was lie next to her.
One night he gets his wish. All that's left of him in broken bottles. The television screen is a blur of black and white static. Her dresses blanket the floor. The last thing he hears is the running of shower water and her laughter.
Drips of hot water make their way out onto the bathroom floor as the room steams.
He clutches her picture as his breathing slows.
She says they knew each other in a past life, and now they know each other in a new one.
He doesn't ever want forever without her in it.
So he takes her hands as they lay in the lush grass and stare up at the magnificent sky.
"We'll stay like this forever." she smiles at him.
He laces his fingers in hers as the sunlight peeks through the cracks above him.
"Okay."