A/N: CX Hello again, everyone. This is another oneshot, but surprisingly it's an AlbedoxJr. one. I've been feeling sort of bad for putting Albedo on the backburner and this idea just popped into my head like the others and wrote it down before it could get away. It's sort of an experiment as I've never really written from Albedo's actual POV and I've toned down his language a bit from how I usually write him. Basically this can be taken as another experiment. XD
The idea behind this story is taken from an earlier GaignunxJr. story I finished earlier called Perhaps. This is Albedo's answer to that story, portraying the way he feels about Jr. It took a few unexpected twists and turns but oh well. XD Another urge i can check off my urge list.
I do not own Xenosaga or its characters but I would gladly trade them a unicorn for it. CX
Oh, But It Is
It is the way that darkness claims him. It drapes around him perfectly as if he is royalty and it his robe. Undaunted by the fact by it encircles him he shoves it aside to glare through fire in dark blue eyes. The burning heat of them could scare away even shadows that reside in my soul. That is, considering that such an entity as I was ever entrusted with such an essence. Oh, but it is, Rubedo.
It is the fury in his features. The deep set frown on his young lips and the threatening shake of his body. His rage is beautiful and it is all focused on my being. I drink it in; my life elixar or rather the poison for my death. Yes! Yes! That is indeed what it is! The deep blue liquid filled with such dangerous red hatred. It sustains me! The very vitality of it all! Mmm! Yes, Rubedo feed me with this emotion! This passion! I long for it! Destroy me. Kill me! I know it is what the Dragon desires. There appears to be a flicker of hesitation in those eyes. What, my dear Rubedo? Can't you do it?
It is the way his body moves. The tremors that seize him at the sight of me. It is fear? Oh how I wish! To bow the Dragon in my prescense! To have him, to take him here and now! No, no that's a lie. I grin at him as he writhes with anger. Pure anger! And I know, oh how I know that submission of the Dragon is not something I'd want! I want that hatred, that fire, that passion! Oh Rubedo! Mon Précieux! That's it. Come on! Come on! Show me the feeling that drives you! It is in the way his body shudders under the strain of his power that makes me desire him! Oh but it is, Rubedo.
It is the strength and warning in his voice that sends chills down my spine. How can any being stand against such wrath? It never leaves his speech that anger! It haunts my mind! Curses my dreams! Oh Rubedo, don't deny it! You know what it does to me. Roar once more! Send these waves into chaos! Don't hold back. You know it's that strength Rubedo.
It is the way he struggles to contain himself. He bends over to wrap arms around his small frame in an attempt to silence the awakening beast. He does not wish to kill me. He would plead with me if it wasn't for the mighty power of pride. Beg me not to make him, not to push him to that limit. But I love the fire. I need more of it! My disease! I must have it. I will have it! Yes, it's the struggle that reigns within him that drives this emotion. Oh but it is, Rubedo.
It is the sick pleasure that arises from his turmoil. The delicious distrubance in his heart at the fact that he will bring me to destruction and the way I long for it. Oh no candy could be as sweet! No liquor as intoxicating, my savior! Free me from this body and its inexhaustiable lifespan! Send me to Oblivion! You are the only person, my Rubedo who can grant me this reality.
It is the passion that consumes our link in thunderous waves. Hot and burning it threatens the integrity of my insanity. Compelete and utter lunacy is the direction it pushes me toward! Every ounce of anguish courses through me as if I were him. Every flicker of sadness, every moment of hesitation, every painful attempt at keeping in the beast is as much mine as his. For a moment regret captures me. Sentimental sanity traps my blackened heart with the knowledge of pain I am pounding into him.
Perhaps I am being too cold. Perhaps this vision of my dream is too much agony for him. Perhaps I should stop and eliminate myself. I am not without that ability after all...Would one so impassioned with a being such as this push the very limits of his own capacity to proportions this disastrous?
His eyes again meet mine and in them the fury is paralyzing. Waves like fire evaporate from him. Sanity is forsaken for all consuming lunacy. No! This is right! This is perfection! This is the way it was supposed to be! I laugh madly at the notion. How soft I have become! A moment of such weakness is so unlike me! Odd that I should fall to habits fitting of the Executioner. A disgraceful being!
Nigredo can wish and he can want but I? I'll take. My love is a selfish love. Oh but it is, Rubedo.
It is the connection that we share. It is the foolish design of fate that we were destined to end like this. It is a common knowledge. We are one and the same. He denies it. Through his mind he screams angrily that this is folly. Faux thought, foolish ideas! Yes, that's right Rubedo. It is in his stubbornness I find ammunition.
It is the way my insanity stirs him. Disbelief at my laughter makes him certain of my instability. The anger rises and surprisingly he embraces it. He unwraps his arms to stare electricity down my spine. Yes he finally agrees. He wants this. This end! This completion! Craved it as much as I have. Since our separation! Let us fight, Rubedo! It is the way his eyes have sharpened into daggers. He is quick to draw his guns. It is the lust for combat he can't deny. Oh but it is, Rubedo.
It is the way he fullfills my wish. He is merciless. The pain is amazing! Impossible! Marvelous are the sting of bullets. Unbelievably satisfying are the Red Dragon's waves. Sound, color, noise all are meaingless in this realm of pure agony! And this! This dear Rubedo is what I have longed for! This is what is the reason for your torment! And this is the reason...
It is the way he rushes to me. The world collapses. This domain is falling. Peace. A creation I would never have believed in before. It is the way he frees fear. Rubedo has always been present to rid the night of monsters. Of the sort of creature I have become. I chuckle at the thought. He frowns. Is that worry, my Rubedo? Don't give way to such foolish emotions. I couldn't be happier. You've granted me my wish and that is why...
"At least I don't have to be afraid of losing anyone anymore."
It is the way his eyes fill with tears. The way he cries for me as realization hits him. He insists that I tricked him. He shakes his head and yells that I knew what he would do. I knew what would happen. It is the way his eyes demand truth. Truth we both know. A truth we both understand without my admiting. I can only smirk and trade one stubborn exchange for another. It is the way that he knows without my saying. He shakes his head. Crystalline substance falls from the fire. Oh, but it is, Rubedo.
It is the way he sobs. The way he hates himself for what he has done. His body shakes with a different emotion. More of the rare substance travels down his youthful cheeks. In this moment it is hard to tell where I am. Has sanity won over lunacy? It is possible that this insanity is the strongest it has ever been. Uncertainty perhaps is the motive behind my movement. Water stops and is replaced by surprise. Rubedo...
It is the very way his lips meet mine. The addictive taste of tears on his tongue. It is the way he whimpers against my fading form, pleading me not to leave. It is the way he's given up pride for a moment. It is the way his hand tries to grab for me and keep me close. His hand slides through disappearing particles and he begs against me not to leave.
It is the way in these few moments that he yearns for me. It is the way that the Dragon in him is silent, but not sleeping.
It is him. It is his very essence and while he shakes his head in frustration at my mind, I know. Before hallucination sets in to carry me away he must know the truth. He is fading from me as I from him. It's not true.
"Oh, but it is, Rubedo."
A/N: Eh, didn't turn out quite as bad as I thought it would. Might be sort of confusing. Any questions or complaints you know who to tell. XD