Once, I visited my memories
I visited the memories you and I shared
But these are not your normal ones
They are a zoom into a collection of moments, pictures and emotions
I first saw myself under you
Feeling the electricity of your kiss
The anxiety and unsureness of whether that door would open
And for that time, that would have ruined everything
But no, I was experiencing this new pleasure
This new feeling, the pleasure coming from hands that weren't mine
Coming from a mouth I had never tasted
As my skin was first tasted by someone, you
With excitement and danger beckoning me
Then suddenly I saw myself staring into your eyes
I was frozen, lost in that tantalizing, deep blue
I am pretty sure I couldn't name what I felt
Because I was wondering myself,
Was I in love? Obsessed? Curious? Attached?
Then the picture was gone followed by another
I saw myself looking up to you
Your eyes searching me
Then you put your fingers to your lips
You pressed those fingers to my lips
And I felt an endless mix of emotions in my heart and stomach
I could only stay still, paralized
By your indirect but heartfelt kiss
You smirk at me then you walk away
I knew I was left alone with stirring emotions inside me that I still couldn't manage
I found myself looking at another scene in an instant
I saw myself embracing you
I could smell your unique scent, feeling your warmth
A warmth I didn't want to stop feeling
I was saying things to you
About you hiding your problems from me
I felt an immense worry sweep through me
And all I can do was cling to you tighter
Because all I knew was that I needed you
I just had to have you for myself, I felt selfish
A new image appeared before my eyes as the previous one left
I saw myself sitting on the bed
I felt such great anger
As you quickly walked to the bedroom door and slam it shut
My tears fell, my teeth gritted
But I finally got myself to stand and look for you
I thought you would be in the lounge
But no one was there
I rushed to the front door
Running out into the path, shouting your name
Looking at every direction
But you were gone
Another picture covered my grief
I saw myself looking onto the ground, away from you
I realized that the three words I had hid for months
Just escaped through my mouth, was it my will?
Then a silence
Followed by your words, one sentence
And my heart shut itself down
I felt betrayed
After all this, is this how fate will repay me?
But maybe it might be my fault, it is
My grief just worsened
I had enough. I opened my eyes and lifted my head
I saw my bedroom, with no one there but me
I saw my belongings, my possessions
I was alone. And I was in the present
All that had gone. All that was in my past.
My visit is over.