Hi again everybody, so after my son was born I haven't had much excess energy for writing, but here's a little oneshot, just to remind myself that I do love writing, even when I'm a little short on time.
Anyway I hope you'll enjoy it, and please tell me what you think.
Lou.
"...Just that I love you."
Mac T:
Seconds ago, Stella and I were walking towards a crimescene, making light conversation about something so very useless. She had chuckled at something I said, but her brief, soft laughter had assaulted me in a way I had never noticed before. Her gentle voice had swayed in an taken over my being, crushing my heart in a confusingly strong grip, that left my lungs craving air, and my head craving answers.
I had forced myself to snap out of it, despite the fight it had been to do so, I had found myself able to breathe fairly steadily, and think relatively straight. Even though my thoughts were interrupted every few seconds by the words her mouth formed, the heat from her hand that was, as usually, daringly close to mine, or the look in her eyes when she turned her head, wondering why I stopped responding.
Looking for an answer to that same unasked question, I found myself looking away, towards the crimescene, hoping that the thought of work would let my mind rest on safer topics, at least for a while.
That's when I caught onto it, the treacherous look in the eyes of one of the on-lookers, hovering just on the safe side of the crimescene tape.
My internal battle with my mind was rudely ended in that second as instinct took control of every muscle in my body.
In the same second I realized something was going to go very, very wrong, it did. I turned towards Stella, stopping abruptly right in front of her, blocking her path to the crimescene, I wanted her to turn around, to run, to get to someplace safe, but I couldn't get a sound past my lips.
It was already too late when I decided to just push her ahead of me and away, the unknown force of an explosion, hammered into my back, shoving me against her, and sending both of us flying several feet.
The disorientation cleared from my head within less than a second, when I realized she had been the one to land on the unforgiving asphalt, and her body had shielded me from the impact with the ground.
I looked at her in a state of panic, but the sight that met me seemed to calm every one of my senses. She was laying there, right underneath me, her arms splayed out over her head, making her look as if in a state of complete surrender, but the look in her fierce green eyes was one of determination and worry.
Even though her slender form was crushed under the weight of my body, neither of us moved. Unasked questions flashing through our eyes, but the only answer I needed right now was that she was okay.
The seconds that had seemed like several minutes suddenly caught up with me, she was okay, Stella was okay, I knew, because I could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the slightly unsteady rise and fall of her ribcage as she breathed. Sensations that would all be lost on me, if she hadn't been right there, pinned under me, our bodies not only touching, but pressed against each other.
Now, was definitely not the moment, I knew, but my mind decided to ignore the awful timing, and offer me the answer to why her laughter had so cruelly assaulted me with an emotion I had long packed away.
If anybody were to ask me, I would blame the chock of the situation, the concern for her, and the sudden overwhelming realization that I could have lost her. But in reality, I had other motives for running my fingertips along her jaw, leaning closer to let the scent of her surround me and give hell to the consequences and steal a taste of her tempting rosy lips.
She remained completely still, her arms still resting carelessly on the asphalt, but slowly her lips moved, kissing me back with the same gentle uncertainty, her eyes closed as her heart calmed ever so slightly.
The surroundings returned to us as we slowly broke of the kiss, both stealing 'just one more' taste of each other, both equally reluctant to let the sensations fade just yet. But we had to, as the shouting and commotion around us returned full force, I rolled of her, praying that she hadn't been hurt by my weight.
"You okay?" She asked, already sitting up straight, her voice still slightly distorted in my ears, the temporary trauma from the blast hadn't subsided all that much yet. I just offered a firm nod, as my mind tried to figure out what the hell just happened.
-Lou-
Stella B.
"Detective, if you would just lie back, this wouldn't have to take so long." The paramedic told me with a kind smile on his face, one I superficially returned as I did as I was told, ignoring the stinging pain from the cuts on my back. I had already tried to negotiate my way out of this twenty times, as I would rather try to work out where the hell Mac had gone.
"I'm telling you, I'm fine." I tried fruitlessly, biting into my lower lip to suppress a gasp as he put pressure on one of my ribs. I obviously wasn't getting away from the back of this ambulance just yet.
"You know the first thing we're told before getting this job? Don't listen when cops tell you they're fine." He mocked calmly, as he offered a hand to help me sit up. "You might have fractured a rib, I'd strongly advice you to let us take you to the hospital, just in case. I'm sure they'll have something for those cuts and scrapes from the asphalt as well."
"I just need to..." I started pointlessly, I knew that even if I did find Mac, he would already be in full work mode, refusing to get checked out by a paramedic, and definitely not going to talk about what happened in the seconds after the blast.
"...Never mind." I offered after a few seconds of weighing my options, I might as well go with them. My rib did hurt and so did the scrapes on my back from where the asphalt had cruelly torn my shirt... and skin.
-Lou-
Mac T:
I stood outside her door, staring at the peephole, waiting for my mind to tell me what to do. I had been standing there for several minutes, considering whether or not to knock. I had called the hospital seconds after Don had told me she had actually willingly gone with the paramedics. To my relief, she had been allowed to go home straight away.
I had messed up enough already without having my partner admitted to the hospital, now I just needed to figure out how to make things right.
I knew the easiest way would be to rationalize, make excuses and let the awkwardness wear out, before we would go back to normal. That's why I had been thinking like crazy all day, trying to figure out how to make everything sound logical.
But I knew that what I really wanted, was to hold her, and kiss her again, just forget about everything and kiss her deeper, harder, more passionate, more real. Which was why I was standing outside her door in the middle of the night, take-out in my hand, and my heart outside my chest.
Well actually, the combination of those two considerations was what had me standing outside her door in the middle of the night. I couldn't get myself to make my presence known, because I didn't want to wake her up, I told myself. In reality, I wasn't sure I could handle letting all my feelings out and risk basically everything that mattered to me.
My reasoning was ended abruptly as the sound of glass shattering sounded from the other side of the door, followed by Stella's voice.
"Son of a bitch!" She growled, but she didn't seem scared, she just yelled, and I had a hunch who she was yelling at, I just doubted she knew the recipient of her anger, was within hearing range.
I reconsidered every single one of my reasons for being here, but before I could reach a conclusion a yelp of pain had me pounding on her door.
"Stella? Are you okay?" I shouted through the door, not caring that I had no idea what to do or say, I just knew she was hurt from the blast, or actually, from being crushed under a guy twice her size.
It didn't take long before the door was opened, she was just standing there, in a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt. That was when it dawned on me that I had no clue what to do now, I just held up the take-out bag.
"I suppose I could let you in." She told me with a cocky smile that even she knew I could tell wasn't real. I did follow her into her apartment though, my heart pounding as I decided against the all out emotional explanation, and started trying to come up with a rational way to go about this.
"What happened?" I asked as I entered the kitchen with her, shattered glass fanning out over the floor by the wall.
"It's nothing Mac, really. Just my ribs." She lied, well aware that that wasn't explaining the shattered glass all that much.
"Hospitals give you painkillers for a reason." I tried joking, the look on her face not changing much apart from yet another forced smile. "I'm sorry about today Stella."
"It'd better be the 'cracking my rib'-part of the day you're talking about. Otherwise another one of those glasses are gonna be flying. And not in direction of the wall." She muttered frustratedly, as she turned towards me.
"Mac I... I know you were protecting me when that bomb went off. And I felt protected, very much so. Until you kissed me." She explained quietly, suddenly taking an interest in the wall behind me, rather than me. "I mean, I enjoyed it... Hell, I loved it. For a second there, you actually had me fooled. But I know, partners, friends, politics... I get it. I get it..."
The last few words weren't much more than a whisper as she turned away from me, taking a few deep breaths as she rested her palms on the kitchen counter, not giving me any hint to what she was thinking right now.
"I wasn't thinking." I said shortly. "Kissing a woman who is stuck under you after flying several feet by the force of an explosion, is hardly the right thing to do. I was worried about you and..." I rationalized, which I knew wouldn't do a thing, because neither of us wanted reasons not to go forwards.
"Forget I said that." I told her. "You were just right there. It just hit me, how worried I was that you were hurt, the relief when you seemed alright, the feeling of you, your body, your scent, your being there. I just couldn't resist. That's it... No rationalizations, just that I love you."
-Lou-
Stella B.
I was being cruel, in fact I was being downright evil as I remained still, my back still turned to Mac, despite his complete emotional confession seconds earlier. It wasn't that I didn't know what to do, what I wanted to do. I just wanted to really let it sink in, I wanted to savour this moment, and maybe I just really wanted to torture him just a little bit.
But just a little bit, I realized as I turned around and threw myself at him, my arms lunged around his neck, my face buried in his cheek. I didn't care about the ache in my rib as his arms snaked around my waist, just holding me there. He was really there, without any excuses or walls built up around him, he was there, who was I to let that pass?
"I just couldn't resist. That's it... No rationalizations, just that I love you." Those had been his words, words that played over and over again in my head, making my heart flutter with this insane happiness. Then I looked at him, didn't pull away, just turned my head enough for my eyes to meet his, a smile forming on my face as I realized what was happening.
It was finally happening.