This was it. He was finally going to do it. The ending of all of his misery. Metal Sonic was standing on a black rocky ledge sticking out of the inside of a volcano in the middle of the night, staring into the lava far below him. He had used his jet engine chest to fly at the speed of sound down into the volcano through the hole at the top and land on a natural platform sticking out of its interior wall, and now all he had to do to end all of his suffering was jump. One little jump, and he would sink into the lava and be damaged beyond repair, or at least become impossible to retrieve even if he could be. One little jump, and all of the suffering that he went through would be completely gone. No more losing to Sonic, no more being annoyed and ashamed of every time he showed weakness, no more suffering from nightmares and trigger-induced flashbacks to when he was electrocuted on the Death Egg Mk II and being humiliated at the PTSD that he knew he had developed. No more being Eggman's robot slave, not being treated like a person with rights whose feelings should be taken into consideration, being forced to follow his orders no matter how beneath him they were or whether or not he disagreed with them and no matter how futile the idiot's schemes to take over the world were. No more living in a world where everyone hated him, fearing him and thinking of him as nothing more than a heartless monster, a psychopathic killing machine that could never be trusted and deserved to be destroyed, instead of who he really was. No more living in a world where he couldn't go out in public without causing a panic and the police being called, even if he was doing nothing wrong. No more living with the constant worry that he was inferior to the one he was based off of, making him nothing more than a pathetic wannabe obsolete from the day he was born, and nothing but a failure, a worry that was compounded every single day and with every single failure. No more struggling with depression.
He couldn't stand any of it. He couldn't stand how Sonic's life was so much happier than his, all because of his position in life, while he himself was doomed to be miserable forever, all because he was Eggman's robot slave. He thought sadly, " Why did it have to be this way?... Damn it! Why did I have to be a robot based off Sonic?! Why couldn't I have had a normal life, a happy one? "
As he thought about this, contemplating all the misery his life had caused him, he stared into the lava below him with a serious expression. One little jump would end it all. That was all he had to do... So why couldn't he do it?
A few seconds passed and his serious and determined expression quickly gave way to a nervous one, as he stared into the lava below him becoming increasingly aware of just how hot it must have been. He couldn't help but wonder just how it would feel falling into the lava, and just how hot it would feel. He was soon reminded of the high voltage jolts of electricity piercing through him on the Death Egg Mk II and rushing through every part of him, burning him from the inside, and wondered if the lava would be even worse. Feeling increasingly anxious and panicked, Metal Sonic realized that his self-preservation instincts were kicking in, whether he wanted them to or not. Even though he had free will, the way he was programmed to behave from the very beginning still had a subconscious influence on him, like they were instincts, and the self-preservation " instinct " was the hardest to ignore, despite his original intentions. Even though he had come there specifically to jump into the lava, just seeing it and how dangerous it was caused him to become anxious from the threat and overwhelmed with a desire to avoid being damaged by it. So even though he wanted to jump in, a part of him was holding him back, overwhelming him with fear and insisting that he leave the volcano for the sake of his own survival. Even though survival wasn't worth it to him, his programming insisted otherwise; his self-preservation instinct was of higher priority than anything else, even serving Eggman, and it was because of that fact that it was almost impossible to ignore.
He sighed melancholically, and muttered to himself, " I'm nothing but a coward... " ashamed of how, in mere seconds, he had gone from determined to jump into the lava to frightened of the experience and backing out of it.
He was humiliated at the very idea of himself feeling fear. He was supposed to be Eggman's most powerful robot, and yet, he could still be afraid of something. He still had moments of weakness, and he hated himself for them. The only comfort was the knowledge that Sonic wasn't completely fearless, either, having hydrophobia and all, but that was cold comfort to someone whose PTSD meant that he suffered from fear a great deal more than the one he was always pressured to measure up to. Nevertheless, the fact of the matter was that he was afraid. And he refused to let fear hold him back.
Trying to ignore his fear, he suppressed it as much as he possibly could, and tried to clear his mind, preparing himself for what was to come. He was just about to jump, when he heard a voice say, " Metal Sonic?! " and turned around in shocked confusion.
Knuckles was standing on a black ledge jutting out from the volcano's interior wall just above and to the side of him, looked alarmed and surprised at seeing Sonic's robot counterpart in the volcano with him. He glided over to him and was soon standing right in front of him, looking shocked at seeing him there, and a few seconds passed, with Metal Sonic looking just as shocked and confused at seeing him. He didn't exactly look menacing like this, with his black eyes, which were known for being narrowed in a glare, instead being widened with surprise, with the red eyes in the center of them looking smaller than usual from his anxiety that Knuckles had figured out why he was there. He couldn't risk anyone finding out why he was there. It would be beyond humiliating. What he was going to do was give up, and if word got out that he " took the easy way out, " it could ruin his reputation as a powerful robot, making him be seen as someone weak and pathetic, someone so emotionally fragile that he couldn't take life anymore, and he refused to be seen that way by anyone.
" WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! " Metal Sonic and Knuckles exclaimed at the same time, finally able to make themselves ask the question they wanted to ask. There was a brief silence, which quickly became an awkward one as neither one of them was willing to admit why they had come there in the first place. They both looked at each other with annoyed expressions to intimidate each other and hide their own anxiety from the one in front of them, with Metal Sonic having his arms crossed and Knuckles having his fists clenched.
" Well?! Aren't you gonna answer me?! " Knuckles questioned suspiciously, in an unusually irritated tone that confused him a little. All he had done was not answer his question. It's not like he did anything wrong. Metal Sonic wondered if he was in a bad mood; him lashing out from misdirected anger would explain why he was acting that way.
" I'm the one who should be asking that question. What is your purpose for being here? Explain yourself! " Metal Sonic replied in annoyance, speaking in a serious and professional tone that was all business for the purposes of intimidation; he hoped that would sufficiently compensate for the weakness he had shown by looking so shocked and confused seconds before.
Knuckles stammered in agitation, and then looked angry while saying, " You're the evil robot! If anyone should be explaining himself, it's you! You wouldn't be here if you weren't gonna do something evil! You're here because Eggman sent you here, aren't you?! I bet you're on a mission that has to do with this volcano, aren't you?! "
Annoyed at the insults, Metal Sonic took advantage of his false opinion by lying, " Maybe I am! " with his arms crossed looking away from him. He looked more like a moody teenager than a menacing robot at the moment, but Knuckles was too caught up in suspiciously accusing him and trying to figure out what he could've been sent to do to notice his decidedly non-robotic speech and body language.
" I knew it! What are you here to do?! " Knuckles exclaimed, hoping to change the subject away from himself by pestering him for information. " T-That's classified, " Metal Sonic stammered, with his red eyes shrinking from anxiety and his annoyed expression seeming more stressed out and worried. He couldn't think of a convincing lie right on the spot; he couldn't think of why Eggman would actually send him into a volcano to begin with. To make it erupt? But why? To get ores from it? But he already got plenty of material for building robots from the black market! He had no lie to tell him that wouldn't raise further questions.
Wanting to change the subject, Metal Sonic looked serious again and said, " I cannot inform you of my mission here, and you don't need to know. If I am to complete my objective here, I have to be alone, and you being here is preventing me from doing that! If I were you, I would leave the volcano and not return for the rest of the night. "
Knuckles scoffed and said angrily, " What makes you think I'm leaving just because you say so?! I came all this way here, and I didn't spend hours gliding from Angel Island to this volcano just to go right back home! If anyone should be leaving, it's you! "
Metal Sonic rolled his eyes. He knew that Knuckles was good at fighting, but it didn't change the fact that he would never be able to defeat him in a fight. If his losses to Sonic were of any indication, that echidna's fighting style was incompatible with that of the fast fighting style of the blue blur, being simply not fast enough or experienced enough to defeat such a foe. He could easily defeat him in a fight without even bothering to go all out. Didn't Knuckles know this? He knew he could easily defeat him in a fight if he had to, but it was precisely because of this that he didn't want to waste energy fighting and defeating someone who wasn't a worthy opponent. How would that be satisfying? He could kill him, but it would be done in just seconds, and he didn't see the point in doing it if it wouldn't prove his worth. Knuckles wasn't Sonic, after all. There was also the fact that killing one of Sonic's friends would provoke his wrath, and Sonic was dangerous enough as it was without grief motivating him to stop holding back and try to destroy him. And a part of him would deeply regret ending the life of the guardian of the Master Emerald, someone so important to the world who was cared about by so many people, just for his own selfish reasons, even though he quickly was ashamed of that fact and tried to ignore it. It was for all these reasons that he didn't kill him. He could've just killed him on the spot with a flick of his wrist and then not have to worry about someone witnessing him self-terminate, but he didn't, because he knew he would regret it. Still, Knuckles didn't know that he wasn't going to kill him no matter what, so perhaps he could use that to his advantage.
" I don't believe you're in any position to give demands. You know very well that I am far more capable in a combat situation than you, and if any of the results of your previous battles with the juvenile hedgehog are of any indication, you're simply not capable of defeating in battle someone who moves at the speed of sound to attack you. If you can't defeat Sonic, despite trying to five times in a row, then what on earth would possess you to think you could defeat me, someone who fights in almost the exact same way? With no one else assisting you, you would be defeated effortlessly! If I decided to fight you right now, it would not end well for you, so why you're trying to order me around like you have power over me is beyond me. So instead of asking me questions that are none of your business, here is what you should do. Leave my presence immediately, and tell no one that you saw me here. Not Sonic, not the media, not anyone! I mean it when I say anyone, Knuckles; the next time you see my idiot boss, don't even try to imply to him that you saw me here! It's none of your business. I won't try to find out why you're here as long as you leave me alone. " Metal Sonic said this to him in a serious tone as if he was simply stating facts, rather than trying to sound like he was boasting or insulting Knuckles to irritate him. He had explained Knuckles' inability to defeat him nonchalantly, as if he was merely stating facts, but it didn't stop him from sounding condescending unintentionally.
Irritated even further - as well as ashamed - by being reminded of his losses to Sonic, Knuckles exclaimed, " I came all this way to the closest volcano I could get to in the middle of the night, and you expect me to just leave?! NO! I don't care what you say or what you threaten me with! I'm not leaving this volcano UNTIL I DO WHAT I CAME HERE FOR! "
" Then just do it already! Do it and leave! " Metal Sonic yelled in annoyance, getting increasingly frustrated with his stubbornness. " NO! I'm not gonna do what I came here to do until you get outta here! " Knuckles insisted, strangely unfazed by Metal Sonic's previous threats. " Get out of here before I FORCE YOU OUT! " he responded, losing his composure.
" Go ahead and try! I'll just go right back here anyway! Why haven't you tried to throw me into the volcano, you psychopath? I know you wanna do it! So why haven't you tried?! " Knuckles shouted angrily, challenging him and daring him to push him off the ledge. This provoked a response that he wasn't expecting in the least. Metal Sonic scoffed, and seemed to be struggling to maintain an angry expression as he looked away from him, his eyes darting around rapidly with his glare becoming lessened, as if he was feeling anxious and nervous, and even embarrassed. He was acting fidgety, despite being a robot; it was incredible just how realistic his body language was.
Metal Sonic knew that a part of him was refusing to do that specifically because he would regret killing him, that a part of him had compassion and guilt and other emotions that he kept bottling up and suppressing and trying to hide because they made him look weak. He didn't want anyone to know that he was worried he would feel guilty about killing Knuckles, because even if they did believe him, he was certain they would think he had gone soft. So instead of admitting the whole story, he simply stated a pragmatic and logical reason for why he wasn't killing him, hoping it wouldn't make him look like a coward.
" Do you have any idea how enraged and furious Sonic could get if I ever did that to you?! He's a worthy opponent as it is, I don't need him becoming even more dangerous! If I ever wasted the time and effort to kill you, all that would result in is my lifelong rival becoming so enraged with me that he fights me with more anger and passion than he ever had in his life, and there's no logical reason for me to want that! I-I-I mean, it's not like he could destroy me beyond repair or anything, but that doesn't mean it's wise for me to take that risk! You can never be too careful! If that juvenile hedgehog found out anything happened to you, he'd go berserk on the one responsible! While he usually holds back and refrains from fighting with all of his strength, he would never hold back against the one who killed one of his closest friends, and fights with him are stressful as it is, " Metal Sonic told Knuckles, looking angry with him to hide his anxiety and worries.
He knew he was basically admitting that he considered Sonic to be a skilled fighter and a match to him in a fight, when for all of his life, he acted like he thought Sonic was pathetic to look self-assured in front of him, so he hoped for the sake of his own dignity that he wasn't making it too obvious how scared he was about having to deal with an enraged grief-stricken Sonic. He had nightmares about that kind of thing, and they weren't pretty. He didn't want to look like he was afraid of anything, especially not in front of someone associated with Sonic.
Knuckles was surprised and confused at Metal Sonic refusing to kill him when he had the perfect opportunity to do so, but curiously, that seemed to get him even more frustrated. He stammered angrily, " B-B-But no one even knows that I'm HERE! Sonic wouldn't know it was you! He wouldn't even know how I died in the first place! HE'D THINK I JUST WENT MISSING! He wouldn't know I was thrown into this volcano, and he'd have no reason to know it was you! There's no way you couldn't know that! So why aren't you killing me when you have the chance?! What are you plotting?! "
Metal Sonic got that embarrassed look on his face again, looking angry with his arms crossed to try to hide his nervousness and embarrassment, with his eyes darting around looking everywhere but at him. This wasn't good. Knuckles had destroyed his excuse for not killing him. If he refused to kill him now, he'd have some explaining to do, and even if Knuckles did believe him and not ask for the " real " reason, he'd most certainly think he had gone soft from hearing the answer. Getting fed up with him, Metal Sonic exclaimed angrily,
" WHY ARE YOU ARGUING WITH ME?! All you're doing is WASTING MY TIME and delaying me from doing what I came here for! Of course, that was all part of the plan, wasn't it?! You don't know what I'm doing, so you think that you need to stop me, and you think that the only way you could stop me for now would be to delay me with pointless arguments! Well, you may have delayed me, but I'm doing it anyways, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! And if I can't do it today, I'll do it tomorrow or the next day or the next day after that! I'll do it eventually and there's nothing you can do to change my mind! So if you think you can stop me just by refusing to leave, you're wrong, because I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU DO! "
" Well, I'M not leaving until YOU do! " Knuckles shot back childishly, and sat down with his back to the wall of the volcano with his arms crossed. " FINE! " Metal Sonic yelled, and sat down to the left side of him with his arms crossed.
There was a silence. It was an awkward and uncomfortable silence, since Metal Sonic knew that Knuckles must have certainly been wondering why he hadn't killed him right then and there and felt certain that he was being judged. The two of them were sitting down on a black ledge inside of the volcano with their arms crossed in annoyance, looking away from each other, with Metal Sonic looking to the left while Knuckles stared ahead in annoyance.
After a few seconds, Metal Sonic said to break the silence, " I'll stay here ALL NIGHT if I have to! You can't stay down here forever. You're not a robot like me, you know. Eventually you're gonna have to eat, or drink, or something like that, and when that time comes, you'll have no choice but to leave. You may be able to spend the night here, but pretty soon, you'll have to leave. But I won't. I can stay here for as long as I want without needing repairs. As long as I recharge at night, I can stay here without maintenance for as long as I have to until you leave me alone. You, on the other hand, have no such privilege. So if you're thinking you can just wait it out, you're wrong, because you're not the robot here. "
There was a silence. It lasted for five seconds. Annoyed and perplexed by Knuckles' lack of response, he complained, " Why are you so insistent on only doing what you came here for without me witnessing it? Why can't you just do it while I'm here and then leave me alone? Or at the very least, leave and come back in an hour when I'm gone? If you weren't so insistent on doing it alone, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Why do you have to be alone? And why can't you just find another volcano? "
" ... Leave me alone. " That was Knuckles' reply, after three seconds of complete silence. But the strange thing was, he wasn't as angry or frustrated as he was before. In fact, he seemed to speak in a tone that was dejected and melancholic, or at least exasperated. Metal Sonic immediately looked at him in shock and confusion, analyzing his facial expression, words and tone of voice and processing them to try and determine exactly why he was acting so differently. He seemed disappointed, probably because he felt forced to not do what he wanted to.
Misinterpreting the meaning of what he said and hoping he could get him to leave, Metal Sonic complained, " Why don't you leave ME alone?! Why are you even HERE?! Shouldn't you be guarding the Master Emerald like you're supposed to? Or do you just not care about that anymore? I wasn't expecting you to be so nonchalant about abandoning your duties. I thought you were supposed to be the responsible one, in direct contrast with Sonic's recklessness, but either he's been a bad influence or you were never that way at all. The Master Emerald's probably getting stolen right now because you're not there guarding it! And I highly doubt anyone else is. Who else would guard it? Sonic? Tails? Rouge? Oh, yeah, I bet Rouge would love to get her hands on it. "
There was another silence, and Metal Sonic asked quietly, " That is her name, right? " looking nervous and embarrassed at the possibility that he had misremembered her name. Considering how apathetic he was to her, it made sense that he would forget her name; she had almost no presence in his life, with Eggman almost never mentioning her, and she wasn't Sonic, so he had no reason to think about her, let alone hate her enough to remember her name. To his relief, Knuckles nodded, still looking exasperated and disappointed, staring ahead without looking at him as if he was deep in thought. In truth, he couldn't help but listen to what Metal Sonic was saying; partly because it was insults towards him, and partly out of curiosity, since not only was the robot counterpart of Sonic talking at length about things other than his desire to beat Sonic, but he often spoke in a manner that was rather unlike a robot, sounding more like Sonic or Shadow at times. In fact, his voice sounded quite a bit like Sonic's, but in a lower pitch. Hearing what he believed to be an evil killing machine with Sonic's voice was eerie. He was acting in a way that he had never acted before. He was actually acknowledging how important the duty of the guardian of the Master Emerald was. Sonic had never done that. And when he called him the responsible one, Knuckles couldn't help but be surprised and confused at how Metal Sonic had just complimented him and thought nothing of it. He couldn't help but listen, even though he was hardly in the mood to talk.
Metal Sonic continued with an irritated tone, " Guarding the Master Emerald is your responsibility! You've already lost it four times! Which is almost as many times as you've tried to beat up Sonic. " Knuckles winced and looked ashamed when Metal Sonic reminded him of his turning on Sonic, but Metal Sonic didn't notice during his rant.
" But hey, if you wanna leave it out in the open on Angel Island where anyone could see it, go right ahead! Seriously, you couldn't have at least put it in a building or something? Maybe buried it so that no one could see it from a distance and take it? Oh, no, let's just keep having it out in the open where anyone could see it from a distance or from above, where the idiot scientist could take it with a crane or Rouge could shatter it and steal the pieces, all while spending the night in a volcano instead of guarding it! That won't backfire! Granted, an incompetent guardian is better than no guardian at all, which is precisely why you should be guarding it right now! But you won't do that tonight, because THAT WOULD MAKE TOO MUCH SENSE! Ugh, even Eggman wouldn't do something that illogical... And that says a lot coming from me. Being his ' second-in-command ' all my life means that I've been told almost every single plan he's ever had every morning since my creation. I've had to listen to hundreds of speeches with him boasting about his idiotic and futile plans every morning for the last five years, and it gets old, fast. "
" If you hate it so much, why don't you leave? " Knuckles asked rudely while still looking away from him in annoyance, hoping to distract him from asking him why he was there and wasn't going to do what he wanted in front of him.
" Because I have nowhere else to go... " Metal Sonic replied melancholically, listing only one of the many reasons for why he thought going off on his own would be more trouble than it was worth. Knuckles was interested at hearing that response; it seemed that Metal Sonic was only still working for Eggman after the Metal Overlord incident because he felt like he didn't have a choice. There was no other place for him in the world. He had no reason to believe that Sonic and his friends would forgive him and let him join their side, let alone believe that the world as a whole could forgive him, and without someone to repair him if he got damaged, his days would be numbered. So if he couldn't fight against Eggman because Tails wouldn't fix him if he got damaged, it made sense that he would go back to working for him because he felt like he didn't have a choice. He wasn't working for Eggman because he was programmed to or because he was just evil like that, he was working for Eggman because he was doing what he thought was best for himself. Which made him selfish, of course, but not outright evil.
Metal Sonic complained with his arms crossed, " I'm not exactly satisfied with having to work for him. He's a narcissistic delusional control freak who's completely self-absorbed and doesn't have even the slightest amount of common sense! He's such a control freak that he'll yell at his robots for doing something he didn't specifically order them to do even if it benefited him! He's always trying to run my life and tell me what to do! He thinks he always knows what's best for me and he constantly orders me around! He thinks that just because he gave me life means that he owns me and won't let me make my own decisions! It's so irritating having to put up with that! Who does he think he is, telling me what to do?! He's not the boss of me!... Well, technically he is, but that doesn't mean I like it. He doesn't control me. I have my own mind! I can think however I wanna think and do things he doesn't want me to do, whether he likes it or not! Who cares if he's my creator?!... That doesn't mean I'm loyal to him. "
Once again, Knuckles was intrigued. Metal Sonic was acting more like a moody teenager rebelling against his father than a menacing robot at the moment, and he didn't even seem to realize it. Knuckles didn't know whether to approve of him being so irritated by Eggman, or be wary because it meant he might go off on his own to carry out his own evil plans. He was also rather thankful that he had gotten Metal Sonic to stop questioning his reason for being in the volcano by getting him to start complaining about his own life, ranting to anyone who would listen because he needed to vent. He must have caught him in a bad mood. That would certainly explain why he was so furious with him and blew up at him so easily, when he usually kept his composure.
" You follow all of his orders, don't you? " Knuckles retorted, pointing out that as rebellious as Metal Sonic was acting at the moment, he had only actually rebelled against Eggman once.
" Only to avoid getting into trouble. Is it really loyalty if you're only staying on a side because you don't have a choice? I do what he says to avoid getting in trouble, not because I respect him or like doing what he wants. I can't exactly join Sonic's side, so where else would I go? Unlike Sonic, I actually think things through instead of just acting on a whim. It's because of this that I've figured out that some things are just more trouble than they're worth. I mean, so I leave Eggman, that's great, and then what? Who would repair me if I got damaged? Who would I turn to if I required assistance? What would I do to pass the time?! W-Where would I even live?! " Metal Sonic replied unhappily.
" You could go live in a cave or something, " Knuckles remarked. It was a genuine suggestion for him, but he was mostly just being snarky. Metal Sonic explained with his arms crossed, " You don't understand. If I left the idiot's side, I would be pursued day in and day out by armies of his mechs, the governments of the world, and Sonic and his friends all at once. I would have a life on the run. And while I would have no trouble fighting them off at first, I can't stay awake forever; I'd need to recharge eventually. With nowhere safe to sleep, I would eventually run too low on battery to stay conscious and end up captured and reprogrammed, making all of my effort for naught. What would be the point? There's nowhere I could go that would make that not a possibility. He can deploy his robots anywhere in the world, possibly anywhere in the universe! There's nowhere I could hide where I'd be safe! And it's not like anyone would try to help me. Not with my reputation. What if I get damaged and can't fight because of it? Who would repair me? Tails? Not without reprogramming me first. I don't have a choice, Knuckles. While it sounds good in theory leaving my idiot boss for a happier life, in practice it's not that simple, and I would rather not throw away the little good in my life just for a life on the run and the nonexistent chance of redemption. "
Metal Sonic stood up slowly from the ground, and walked closer to the edge of the rocky ledge in the volcano with his arms crossed, and stopped near the edge, staring down into the lava again. After a couple seconds, he sighed heavily, with his head hung low, and added with a depressed tone, " I'll be miserable no matter what I do... I might as well not even bother. "
He had spoken with a far more melancholic tone than he had intended to; he was trying to sound purely annoyed with Knuckles for not understanding, but his misery about his life was slipping out from the mere fact that he was telling him about it. He hoped he wasn't looking weak; he was struggling to keep an annoyed expression as opposed to a dejected one, and Knuckles didn't fail to notice just how upset he really was.
He couldn't help but feel sorry for him, at least a little, at hearing about just how bleak and depressing his situation was. Metal Sonic was implying that he might want the world to stop hating and fearing him so he could live in it without working for Eggman or being public enemy number one, and was certain it was never going to happen. If he truly wanted the world to forgive him, then the fact that it was so unlikely was all the more tragic. He was going to be miserable no matter what, whether he left Eggman or not... And that was when Knuckles got curious, becoming distracted from his pity by curiosity. Why would Metal Sonic be miserable? Sure, he lost to Sonic, but it wasn't like he lost to him every day, so there must have been more reasons than that.
" Why are you mis- " " WHY ARE YOU HERE?! " Metal Sonic snapped at him to interrupt him, turning around and revealing his anguish in the process. He tried to look simply furious and fed up with him, but it was easy to figure out by his tone that it was more than just that. He was shaking with rage, or at least he tried to make it look like it was rage, and his fists were clenched with his arms at his side, trying to intimidate him. He was fed up with looking weak. He had realized that he was opening up to him, and revealing his depression to someone who had no business knowing about it, and the instant he realized that, he was determined to compensate. He glared at him, expressing the anger and frustration that he had bottled up and pent up inside and revealing the anguish and sorrow from the stress and hopelessness of his life. He looked angry with him, but Knuckles could tell that there was more to it than that. He could see it in his eyes. They weren't glowing menacingly like they would've been if he was going to attack. They were dim; large, red and spherical, but dim. He almost wondered if they would even be visible in the dark, let alone light it up. They were less bright red and more reddish-brown, almost blending in with the black part of his eyes from their dimness.
" WHY ARE YOU HERE? W-W-WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?! " Metal Sonic yelled at him after a few seconds, with his tone having far more sorrow than anger, and turned away from him with his arms crossed, facing the lava again. He was thankful his voice hadn't cracked when he said that, but he still couldn't stop shaking, his red eyes were dimmed and looked watery, and he had to force himself to keep looking angry instead of letting the sadness slip out even further by letting his face show the depression he was suppressing. He was trying to control his temper, trying to bottle up his anger like he usually did, because he still had the reasons against killing Knuckles in mind even in his current emotional state, and if he lashed out at him physically, he was worried that a fight would start and end up with Knuckles getting himself killed as the result. And even if it didn't, it would end in him being thrown into the lava by Knuckles, and as much as he wanted it all to end, he refused to let himself be destroyed by Knuckles of all people and suffer that kind of humiliation. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
" Okay, okay, I'll tell you!... You're never gonna let up on it, anyway, so I might as well tell you now... Just... don't tell anyone else... " Knuckles said after realizing how upset he had gotten, distracting him from his thoughts and making him calm down. Metal Sonic had only been asking rhetorical questions to express his frustration; he wasn't expecting to actually get an answer, but since Knuckles would figure out just how upset he was if he knew they were rhetorical, he decided to just let him explain.
" Sonic and I had a fight... " Knuckles admitted reluctantly, with an ashamed and melancholic tone in his voice. His head was hung low from the shame.
Metal Sonic remarked, " Again? " shook his head and scoffed, turning to him with his arms crossed. " Typical. You're never going to stop turning on him, are you? It's a wonder he hasn't told you off for your lack of loyalty and given up on you! You don't trust him, so why should he trust you? How could you say you're his friend when you'd take any opportunity to beat him up?! You're not his friend! And you're worse than an enemy... You're nothing but a traitor... " he said in disgust and disapproval, with a resentful tone in his voice. To his surprise, this didn't get Knuckles angry with him. Instead, it made him even more dejected. His face fell, and he could soon tell by the tone of his voice that he was ashamed.
" I know... " Knuckles admitted sadly, causing Metal Sonic to look at him in surprise. He was expecting him to deny it and insist he was a great friend to Sonic, not admit he was right and look like he was ashamed of himself. Knuckles was looking down at the ground with his head hung low in shame. " That's exactly what he did... " Knuckles told him unhappily, with a tone that made it clear that he felt like he deserved it. " He ended the friendship a month ago. He hasn't spoken to me since. I tried to apologize, but he thought I was just saying it because I was in trouble and he told me he never wanted to see me again... I thought if I just waited it out, he'd eventually come back, but... "
There was a silence. Metal Sonic stared at him in shock, with his eyes widened rather than glaring at him, and his arms no longer crossed. He couldn't believe Sonic had finally stood up to Knuckles and told him off for betraying him. " I didn't think he had it in him... " he said in astonishment, getting Knuckles to look up at him.
" It's about time he finally stood up to you! I don't know why he kept taking you back. I don't know why he kept trusting you! You betrayed him, five times in a row! If I was him I would've stopped trusting you if you betrayed me even once! YOU'RE A TRAITOR, KNUCKLES! And I knew it all along! Everyone kept saying you got tricked by Eggman, but you couldn't have possibly believed the same lie as many times as you did! You were just using him as an excuse! You were never an idiot, you were a TRAITOR! And it took you until NOW to feel GUILTY about it?! You make me sick... " Metal Sonic told him off furiously, with nothing but contempt in his voice. He was proud of what he was saying. For once, he felt like he had the moral high ground over someone else, telling them off in righteous indignation, and it felt great feeling like he was in the right for once, like he was the hero for once. It was a wonderful feeling. He wished he could feel like that all the time.
He hoped he wasn't looking like he was standing up for Sonic, which would've made him look like he had gone soft no matter how much anger he was expressing. In a way, he was, but he liked to believe that it was only because he hated the kind of people who betrayed their friends, and not because it was Sonic who was betrayed. Knuckles had betrayed Sonic's trust multiple times in a row and only just now gotten what he deserved, so he deserved to be told off for it.
" YOU'RE ONE TO TALK! You betrayed YOUR OWN CREATOR! " Knuckles shot back at him, standing up with an angry and hurt expression. He didn't know why he was expecting Metal Sonic to not react that way. He didn't know why he was so surprised.
" Who cares about Eggman?! At least I betrayed someone who makes the world a worse place! The world's already a cruel and unforgiving place as it is without him making it even WORSE! He deserved to be betrayed! There's no shame in being a traitor to someone who deserves to be betrayed! " Metal Sonic insisted with his arms crossed.
" So you're saying Sonic doesn't? " Knuckles retorted, causing him to look embarrassed and annoyed at what he had implied. Metal Sonic hoped he hadn't looked like he had gone soft by what he had just said, implying that Sonic didn't deserve to be betrayed and he didn't want the world to become a worse place to live. He struggled to answer the question; saying no would make him look like a hypocrite, saying yes would make it look like he was siding with Sonic.
" At least I betrayed someone evil. You're a traitor to the hero of the world... There's a difference, Knuckles. There's a difference. " Knuckles' angry expression faded into a melancholic and ashamed one at hearing that. He sighed sadly; for once, Metal Sonic had the moral high ground over him, and that realization made him even more ashamed. At least Metal Sonic had never betrayed Sonic. All he betrayed was the world's most hated villain. If his betrayal hadn't been followed up with a pursuit of his own evil plan, it would've been outright admirable. But there was nothing good about betraying Sonic. Knuckles sat back down with a sigh, ashamed of himself. He stared at the ground to the left of him deep in thought, and it was because of this that he didn't notice how Metal Sonic was reacting to his sad response. He looked confused and surprised. He thought for sure that Knuckles was going to get even angrier, but instead, he responded with sadness? Knuckles, feeling sadness? Did he really feel that guilty?
" What does all of this have to do with you being here? " Metal Sonic asked slowly and curiously, trying to avoid sounding concerned. He was, but he refused to admit it. He was starting to wonder if he and Knuckles were there to do the same thing. " What do you think? " Knuckles whispered sadly, trying to look annoyed to unsuccessfully hide how upset he really was. There was a long silence after he said that.
So it was true. He couldn't believe it. He never thought Knuckles would ever try to do that. He wasn't expecting someone as stubborn as him to just give up. Of course, he himself wouldn't be expected to give up, either, given how his determination was practically just as strong as Sonic's if not more so. He had never stopped to consider just how tragic the concept of someone wanting to jump into a volcano to end their misery really was, but now that he could see how it looked like to someone else, it was all too clear.
He didn't want Knuckles to do that to himself. While it was true that his problems in life were completely different from that of Knuckles, he still knew how it felt to feel like there was no way out other than ending it all, and that gave him a foundation for empathy for him, causing him to be unable to resist feeling sorry for him despite his contempt. He felt compassion for him, even though he was ashamed of it, and it was unbearable, overwhelming, just how much sympathy he had. He couldn't stand it, and as much as he valued not looking like he had gone soft, he knew that if he didn't do what he was about to do, he would feel even worse. And if he truly wasn't going to be able to end his suffering that night, then he didn't want to make the next day even more miserable for himself by not doing what he was about to do.
To Knuckles' surprise and confusion, Metal Sonic sighed, getting his attention right away, and admitted reluctantly with his arms crossed, " You're not alone... " annoyed at looking weak in front of him. " I'm here to do the exact same thing... " he said quietly while looking away from him, with sad eyes and a melancholic expression on his face.
Knuckles looked surprised and concerned at hearing that. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Metal Sonic wanted to jump into a volcano? Metal Sonic wanted to commit suicide? He could've figured that he wasn't satisfied with the way his life was, but he never thought that would actually cause him to want to end it. He never thought he would actually feel sorry for someone like Metal Sonic, but that did it for him. He soon realized just how tragic it was that he himself wanted to do the same thing. He wasn't an evil robot that almost nobody would miss; he was the guardian of the Master Emerald, and one of the main heroes of the world, and there were plenty of people who cared about him. So what if he was a traitor? At least he didn't do any of the things Metal Sonic had done. They made his betrayals insignificant in comparison. Granted, he didn't really know exactly what evil deeds the robot had actually done other than what he did during the Metal Overlord incident and doing what Eggman forced him to do as his robot slave, but still, he couldn't make himself believe that Metal Sonic deserved to be driven to suicide, and if that evil robot didn't deserve such a fate, how could he?
" I don't want you to do that... " he finally admitted, after several seconds of silence where Metal was looking ashamed of revealing such a thing. Metal Sonic looked at him completely surprised, utterly confused about why anyone not on Eggman's side would value his life. " I don't want anyone to do that. It's, well, tragic... And, well, if it's tragic if it's you, it has to be tragic for me... " Knuckles said sadly.
There was a silence, as Metal Sonic stared at him with sad eyes waiting for him to say anything else. Knuckles finally continued, " The world would be worse off without me. I may have betrayed Sonic, a lot, but I'm still someone that would be missed. I'm the guardian of the Master Emerald, I'm one of the world's heroes - although Sonic hasn't accepted my help in years - and plenty of people care about me. They'd be devastated if anything happened to me. Maybe I'm being selfish. I may have been a terrible friend, but that doesn't mean I deserve that kind of fate. And neither do you. I know we've never exactly been on the best of terms, but I still never wanted you to be driven to this. People would still be upset! Even if it was only the ones on your side, you'd still be missed!... And that's important. Even if just one person cares about you enough to value your life, that still means something... I... I just want you to know that. " He looked into his eyes with his last sentence, with a concerned and earnest expression. It was a meaningful gesture, and it meant a lot to him.
With that, Knuckles climbed the wall out of the volcano, leaving Metal Sonic alone and hoping that he had gotten through to him. With his arms still crossed, Metal Sonic stared at him sadly as he left, feeling confused about how he had been treated with such compassion. He thought Knuckles hated him, and would hate him no matter what, but here he was saying that he didn't want him to self-terminate and was certain people would be upset if he did. He couldn't believe it. Did someone not on Eggman's side actually care about him?
He thought about what Knuckles had said, and then looked back into the lava of the volcano, staring into it with a look of uncertainty. Knuckles was right. He would be missed, even if by significantly fewer people than Sonic, and that meant that there were people who cared about him. Granted, those people consisted entirely of Eggman, maybe Knuckles, and Eggman's robots, but still, there were people whose lives were happier simply because he was in them. He knew from his sympathy for Knuckles just how tragic the concept of someone wanting to jump into a volcano was, and Knuckles insisted that he didn't deserve to be driven to that. He wondered why that was the case; after all, Knuckles always thought he was just a psychopathic monster and nothing more, so why wouldn't he think he deserved such a fate? Maybe he was just too compassionate for his own good. He and Sonic were more alike than they were willing to admit.
Metal Sonic sighed, taking one last look at the lava. He couldn't do it. Not only was his self-preservation instinct stopping him, but Knuckles' words were sinking in, and so was the meaningfulness of the fact that he had comforted him in the first place. It meant a lot to him. He wasn't used to Mobians showing him compassion. The last time it happened was two years ago when he was working with Shadow to stop Eggman Nega from destroying the world with the Ifrit, when Shadow asked if he was okay. In fact, not only did he ask if he was okay, but when he was getting the Chaos Emerald out of his chest for him when they were trapped in the Ifrit's dimension, Shadow actually got panicked and said he was destroying himself, as if he didn't want him to be destroyed. He valued his life, despite everything that had happened; granted, that might have only been because he was working with him at the moment, but still, for the first time in his life, he had been shown compassion by someone not on Eggman's side, and with Knuckles comforting him, that marked the second time. It meant a lot to him. It was starting to look less like Shadow being the rare and only exception and more like a pattern, and that gave him hope. Feeling happiness for the first time in months, he flew out of the volcano at the speed of sound, returning to home base before anyone could notice that he was gone.