One day, the Doctor, Rose, Martha, Donna, Jack, and Amy were in the ReTardis. The Doctor and Rose were too busy making out in a corner to pay attention to the road (or the vortex), so the ReTardis was spazzing around and bumping into other space vehicles. Jack was simultaneously recording their activities and masturbating, because he's a filthy pervert. Martha and Donna were smoking some marijuana and crack, and exchanging pleasantries.
"Man, I'm higher than a dyke." said Martha. "Don't you mean kite?" asked Donna. "Maybe..." Martha replied mysteriously. "Just save some for Jack. He's gonna want to join us once he's finished spanking the monkey." said Donna. Suddenly they heard a sound like an ape getting its tail caught in a door hinge would make, and Jack joined them. "That is some hardcore shit going down over there." he said, snorting a line of coke. His nose started to bleed.
Suddenly there was a crash from outside, and the ReTardis stopped. Slowly, the doors began to open. "Doctor, what's out there?" squealed Martha in her annoying-as-fuck voice. The Doctor surfaced. "How the fuck am I supposed to know?" he snapped, "I'm a Time Lord, not a fucking fortune-teller." He went back to sucking Rose's face, as the doors opened with a crash, and the Master stepped in. He was naked except for a g-string and titty tassels.
"What the fuck do you want?" asked Jack, discreetly hiding his drugs in his anus. "What makes you think I want anything?" asked the Master innocently, "Even though I actually do. Where are the drugs?" "I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." said Jack. "There aren't any drugs on this ReTardis." said Donna, taking Jack's side (because everybody knew how much she wanted to ride his disco stick). "Well sure there are!" said Martha, "In Jack's—" The rest of her sentence was cut off by Donna shoving a pair of crab-infested briefs in her face and suffocating her to death. "—imagination." said Donna, finishing Martha's sentence.
The Master walked forwards and grabbed Martha's lifeless body. "Well I didn't just come here for that." he said, "I came here to make a confession." "You're homosexual?" guessed Donna. "No." replied the Master angrily. "Heterosexual?" asked the Doctor sadly. "No... I mean yes..." said the Master slyly. "What I really came to confess is that I am a necrophiliac." Laughing insanely, he dragged Martha into his own ReTardis and flew away.
"The Shadow Proclamation will hear about this!" the Doctor yelled after him angrily. He was looking forward to raping Martha's corpse, even though he already had Rose, and maybe Donna and Amy when they were drunk or high. "Hey, where's Amy?" asked the Doctor in confusion (if you noticed that Amy was missing for the majority of the story, you get £10 and a pair of fluffy handcuffs). "Nobody gives a fuck about that ginger bitch." said Donna, speaking hypocritically. "Well it's nice to know what you think of me!" squealed Amy, who had been in the bathroom taking a dump the whole time. She overdosed on crack and died horribly. Nobody cared.
Suddenly, the real reason why the Master had visited the ReTardis in such attractive attire hit everyone. Jack had gone to pick up his sparkly pink dildo off the floor, and realised that it wasn't his. It was a bomb! The whole ReTardis exploded in a blast of pink glitter, fire, and cum. Nobody survived except the Master-Bator, who was watching from his ReTardis and jacking off with an evil smile. Unfortunately, he tripped over Martha's corpse and decapitated himself. And no one lived happily ever after.