Title: Rain
Author: Little Horatio
Warning filled with: Angst, Tragedy, Comfort, and Friendship, Implied slash, and also…Character Death.
Summary: Rain always had an affect on everybody and, most of all, him…but never this bad. He considers himself lucky that I found him before it was too late. He went into the dark again. And almost never came back.
Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own even one of them.
Note: This is my first time doing this, so please bear with me. Everything just…came up.
Main characters: Horatio Caine and Rick Stetler.
It was the middle of June again. And everyone in Miami knew what that meant: Another downpour from the Gods.
I was tapping my finger, in tune with the clicking of the wall clock. In a few minutes, my shift would be over. And that meant it was time to go home. Even if it was raining seriously outside.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I remembered what happened. I had a long and hard day. I was tired. I wanted to get some rest. I wanted to take off my mind from what I--we had experienced.
Another killing. Another one gone. Another one that will be sorely missed.
It was never easy…in our line of work. Some things just happen, that's all. It can't be helped. Even though you weren't particularly close to the victim like the others, you'd still feel the hit.
And that's what I felt right now.
If this was how I took it all in, then, how was Horatio coping? How's he able to hold on? How's he able to deal with what had happened?
Too bad. I was almost afraid to know.
Luckily, the redhead had friends. Ones that he can really rely on for relief. But I knew Horatio was far from it.
I saw them, the whole team, talking to their boss, their friend. They knew he was holding back, not showing grief, pain…not showing anything. I heard him say that he was alright, and that he was only beginning to accept everything just now.
And yet, I saw different. Horatio's lips were moving, saying that there was nothing to worry about, but one look at his sharp blue eyes told me something else, something closer to the truth.
I saw him turn hallow again, empty. And he was doing it on purpose, denying himself of feelings he knew he had to show, to let out, to experience.
I heard Alexx offering to drive him home and stay with him, saying that he needed company. Naturally, Horatio declined the offer, giving her one of those smiles of his that I knew was fake. But, I was glad his team was able to convince him to go home, even if it was far too early for him. They did my job for me.
I kept watching. Far from view, of course. I didn't want to be seen, especially to a group that practically hated my guts…well, with the exception of one, but the others didn't know about that. And I suppose they will never do.
Alexx, Eric, and Calleigh bade Horatio good-bye as he turned to the other direction. And at that moment, there was a second in which Horatio and I made eye-contact. And in a millisecond, I thought I saw the color of his eyes fade, the beautiful blue gone in what seemed like forever.
Glancing at my own watch, it was already 5pm. Time for me to go. My shift was over and I needed a break…from everything. It was still raining. I didn't have an umbrella with me, but I couldn't care less anyway.
Getting out the elevator, I saw them immediately. Eric was comforting Calleigh, who was still shedding light tears. I felt the pit of my stomach turn into a tight knot for the second time.
"What are you still doing here?" Eric said to me, not hiding his resentment.
"I was…I was just about to leave."
"Then go," he threw at me. Calleigh was still sobbing.
I sighed inwardly. I wouldn't go away like this, leaving them alone, not saying anything. So, I said, "Look, Eric, Calleigh. I'm sorry for—"
"Don't even pretend that you care!" Calleigh snapped. She kept it all when Speed died. But not this time. Not ever again.
I've never seen so much hate and grief in her green eyes like that before, but I wasn't surprised that she used it on me.
"I'm not pretending, Calleigh." Even though they hated me, I still felt sorry for them. "That's the last thing I would do. Trust me."
"We don't want to hear your lies right now, Stetler," Eric inserted. He was preventing himself from crying, I could tell. It was a bad thing to do, really, but I wouldn't tell him that. "If you're gonna leave, then just leave."
I didn't. In fact, I pressed on. "I know that everybody's having a hard time right now—"
"You have no idea."
"—but, you can't let this break all of you. Ryan wouldn't want any of that."
"Don't you dare say his name!" Eric yelled in outrage, looking like he was ready to jump me. "You don't even know him!"
"But that doesn't stop me from grieving for him, now, does it?" I said, a little forcibly, more than I intended to. "Ryan's death was unexpected, and we all know that it wasn't his time."
"Stetler…" I looked at Calleigh, adjusting from her tone of voice. "…just leave. Please. Just…leave."
I stared at her, at the two of them. My mouth was open but nothing came out. They didn't need me. They didn't want me. And I admit, it hurt my feelings. But all I could do was look down and walk away.
The second the rain hit a part of my flesh, I felt so cold…and so out of it. I needed to get away from this, from Eric and Calleigh, before I made them feel worse.
Not all that soaked, I got into my car and drove away. I saw lightning from somewhere and heard thunder right after as I drove through the downpour.
You know, something just came to mind. Why was it that…when something terribly bad would happen…it was almost certain that it would rain? I realized the thought only now. And I don't consider it a happy one.
The rain was getting heavier and the atmosphere was darker than usual.
I sped up and took one last turn before I parked my car and ran to the front porch. I fumbled for my set of keys and went inside, immediately hanging my coat at the hanger that was by the door. It was quiet inside the house, and only the intense shower outside was to be heard.
Something was wrong.
I jogged up the stairs and saw nothing, perceived nothing. Running back down, I went to the study. Nothing. I glanced again at the living room to make sure. Nothing. I went to the kitchen. Nothing.
What was going on?
Then it dawned on me. Where else would he go?
I dashed out the back door and there he was. And to be honest, I almost broke down.
Horatio sat on the white sand, at the shore. He felt numb. And it wasn't because of the cold rain. It was something much colder.
He's been staring at the ocean and getting entirely soaked for god knows how long, and yet, he could not will himself to get out of it. Out of the rain, out of the cold, out of everything. He always couldn't. And this time, it was harder…more painful.
Ryan Wolfe, his youngest CSI, was killed today. He was shot through the head, dead before he could even hit the floor. His eyes were still open when he did.
And it was staring at Horatio. Its color vanishing.
The redhead brought his knees up, and hugged them, placing his forehead on his arm, feeling himself break down. The rain poured down on him mercilessly, and soon, he felt a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder from the sky, just above his head. He knew what it meant.
Horatio couldn't forget those eyes, those lifeless eyes, staring at him fixedly, as if blaming him for the loss of life, pointing at him as if it were his fault he died so young.
He couldn't agree more, he thought. It was his fault. He chose Ryan to be with him at the foray, to stop the criminals from getting away with what they were doing. A shoot-out ensued. One minute, he saw his youngest CSI standing next to him, and the next, he was on the floor, staring at him, blood pooling underneath his head.
He felt so useless.
An image flashed from his mind, and then another, making him feel worse…and worthless.
He recalled his mother, lying motionless, blood spreading beneath her lifeless body when he came too late; Speed, clinging to life as he struggled to maintain control and breathe with a bullet-hole in his body while he watched helplessly, pressing on the gun shot wound. And then, there was his brother, lying by his lap, trying desperately to hang on to his thread of life and failing, while he only watched, attempting to hide most of his emotions.
He started to cry.
Why did the rain affect him so much?
It was too excruciating.
And now…Ryan.
I couldn't take it anymore. I went under the rain, kneeled on the soft sand behind him and wrapped my arms around his broken body. I hated seeing him like this. I hated seeing him suffer.
"Rick."
"Shh," I said, feeling him bring down his knees. "Relax. I'm here. And I'll never let you go."
"I'm sorry," he whispered to me, and then collapsing completely in my arms. He was wearing the same suit I saw him wearing earlier.
"There's nothing to be sorry about." He was such a mess. "It's okay."
"It's just that…every time it rains…I remember them." He was having a hard time dealing with control. "My mother, my brother, Speed…and now…Ryan…my friend…"
"I know." I pulled him closer to me, his back touching my chest. I didn't want to let him go. "I know."
"The sky…" He looks up, his dark red hair all wet and stuck to his forehead. "…it's as if the sky's crying for them…"
I couldn't take this anymore.
"No, Horatio." I gently made him turn to me. "The sky's crying for you."
The expression on his drenched face made me hurt inside.
"Why?"
I caressed his cheek, making him look straight into my eyes. "You've been through so much, Horatio. It's no wonder why they weep for you up there." His eyes looked so empty. "It's such a burden for a self-sacrificing man like you to carry all the pain alone. It's impossible."
More tears streamed down his face, mixing with the rain.
"What am I suppose to do, Rick?" Lightning flashed. "I don't know what else to do."
Loud thunder erupted from the sky. "Let me walk the path with you. You've been walking it alone for far too long. It's time I joined you." I embraced him tightly. "If I can take all your pain, I will." I looked deeply at his eyes. "Just let me."
"Rick…"
Horatio placed his forehead on my chest, clutching my soaked shirt, hanging on. I gathered him once more in my arms. "Let's go inside the house. You're shaking. Not to mention, we're wet."
Horatio did not make any attempt to move.
"Horatio…" I whispered in his ear. "…let me take care of you…" I smiled softly. "The sky won't stop crying any time soon."
"I know…" he said, looking at me, thick strands of drenched red hair stuck to his forehead, as do my dark ones. He looked up at the dark sky again, and to my surprise, produced a small smile.
"Because, now…it's crying for the both of us."
Little Horatio: I'm so glad I spent the whole afternoon under the heavy rain. It made me think about a lot of things, including my great-grandmother. She's not doing so well these days.
As usual, I hope I made you glad—and pensive—with this story.
It doesn't hurt to think deep…
No, wait.
It does……
P.S. Special thanks to Shining Zephyr. You were right. The two go well together. I hope this story is enough for a thank-you.