Author's note: I'm not hiding it, it's from Draco's POV, so deal. I like
this one, there's another version that has talking, so If you tell me I
might finish and put up that version too. This has a lot of observations
about the human mind and how it works, it would be cool if you told me what
I did good on and what I did bad on ^_^
If I Said
I feel like I'm decaying from the inside. I was never of exceptional heath, I'm still not, but now I feel different. I'm standing in an open field, no thing is there to block the wind. The long, sweet grass blows about me, and a can smell the ocean breeze. Just a ways down there are the dunes, and then the beach. But, I like this high field better than the dunes.
I fall back into the grass, now that hurts more than you would think, especially cause I'm so bony. But the feeling is quickly banished as the grass whips around me, the only thing I can see is the sweet blue sky.
I like the feeling of being locked in this small world with only myself. It's so much better than reality. You see, that's the problem; reality is harsh and cold, like winter morning. The snow sparkles beautifully and all seems peaceful but the skeletal trees and biting wind betray its intentions. Winter is the white, sparkling world of death. That's reality, sharp, cold, hard, and yet so beautiful and desirable. I hate reality.
There comes a time when a person can distinguish reality from fantasy, and the strange thing is, after that the world seems like just another dream. Soon the world is fantasy and you get it confused all over again. I feel this way sometimes. Maybe it's because I don't believe, because I don't have faith or trust for anyone. I don't want to trust anyone.
I roll over and cushion the side of my face in the grass. I don't think I want to be alone, but you have to trust people to be their friends. Besides, when you're alone you don't have to worry about keeping in touch with people, or getting your heat broke. It's good to be self sufficient, yet it's dark in solitude, and if not nursed properly it can turn to loneliness. Loneliness, I suppose, is the want for company, the only problem is people are annoying. Their have nasty habits that tick me off. Even the people I almost get along with annoy me. So I act cold and get them to go away.
I'm sitting here waiting for some one to come and understand me. No one does, I might as well accept there's no one out there who could truly sympathize with me and understand. But isn't that true for everyone? Well I couldn't tell you because all the people I've known are shallow. They put everything out for the world to see, and they're stupid. Actually, that's only a couple of people in particular, except the worst ones are the ones that hang around me. They make me sick. Someone who didn't know them at all could probably use polyjuice potion and fool me, they're that stupid. They're not even my friends, they just follow me around, but if it's cause they respect me or if they're getting paid to do it I'm not sure, and I don't care. If they get paid it's probably with chocolate cake.
I hear a noise and sit up. Looking about I see a person riding a horse, and not just any person. It's some one I know.
~
Draco was surprised to see Hermione out riding a horse. She would have kept on riding, but she recognized him, and stopped. They just stared at each other for a long time. The silence was defining, and the wind blew waving the grass and lifting the hair cascading down Hermione's back. Hermione would have just ridden on, but something in his gazed stopped her and held her, so she stayed until she couldn't take it anymore. She scowled, shaking her head, and rode away wondering if she had done the right thing.
~
It figures, that she would go. Like I said, no one dares to understand me. So if that's the way the world will have it, that's the way it will be. Don't let anyone try and change my mind, it won't work. Besides, now that I know I'm meant to be alone, I don't have to be lonely, I don't.
But still…
~~~
If I said I could
Turn my head and
Never look back,
It would be a lie.
If I Said
I feel like I'm decaying from the inside. I was never of exceptional heath, I'm still not, but now I feel different. I'm standing in an open field, no thing is there to block the wind. The long, sweet grass blows about me, and a can smell the ocean breeze. Just a ways down there are the dunes, and then the beach. But, I like this high field better than the dunes.
I fall back into the grass, now that hurts more than you would think, especially cause I'm so bony. But the feeling is quickly banished as the grass whips around me, the only thing I can see is the sweet blue sky.
I like the feeling of being locked in this small world with only myself. It's so much better than reality. You see, that's the problem; reality is harsh and cold, like winter morning. The snow sparkles beautifully and all seems peaceful but the skeletal trees and biting wind betray its intentions. Winter is the white, sparkling world of death. That's reality, sharp, cold, hard, and yet so beautiful and desirable. I hate reality.
There comes a time when a person can distinguish reality from fantasy, and the strange thing is, after that the world seems like just another dream. Soon the world is fantasy and you get it confused all over again. I feel this way sometimes. Maybe it's because I don't believe, because I don't have faith or trust for anyone. I don't want to trust anyone.
I roll over and cushion the side of my face in the grass. I don't think I want to be alone, but you have to trust people to be their friends. Besides, when you're alone you don't have to worry about keeping in touch with people, or getting your heat broke. It's good to be self sufficient, yet it's dark in solitude, and if not nursed properly it can turn to loneliness. Loneliness, I suppose, is the want for company, the only problem is people are annoying. Their have nasty habits that tick me off. Even the people I almost get along with annoy me. So I act cold and get them to go away.
I'm sitting here waiting for some one to come and understand me. No one does, I might as well accept there's no one out there who could truly sympathize with me and understand. But isn't that true for everyone? Well I couldn't tell you because all the people I've known are shallow. They put everything out for the world to see, and they're stupid. Actually, that's only a couple of people in particular, except the worst ones are the ones that hang around me. They make me sick. Someone who didn't know them at all could probably use polyjuice potion and fool me, they're that stupid. They're not even my friends, they just follow me around, but if it's cause they respect me or if they're getting paid to do it I'm not sure, and I don't care. If they get paid it's probably with chocolate cake.
I hear a noise and sit up. Looking about I see a person riding a horse, and not just any person. It's some one I know.
~
Draco was surprised to see Hermione out riding a horse. She would have kept on riding, but she recognized him, and stopped. They just stared at each other for a long time. The silence was defining, and the wind blew waving the grass and lifting the hair cascading down Hermione's back. Hermione would have just ridden on, but something in his gazed stopped her and held her, so she stayed until she couldn't take it anymore. She scowled, shaking her head, and rode away wondering if she had done the right thing.
~
It figures, that she would go. Like I said, no one dares to understand me. So if that's the way the world will have it, that's the way it will be. Don't let anyone try and change my mind, it won't work. Besides, now that I know I'm meant to be alone, I don't have to be lonely, I don't.
But still…
~~~
If I said I could
Turn my head and
Never look back,
It would be a lie.