Hi, all! Back again!
Sorry for LF's delay. At the moment I am almost done typing Chapter 2 but still writing Chapter 3, my probably-longest/most important chapter yet; so to no one's surprise, haste now equals delay later. At least this way you all will have something to read.
I have at last delved back into FF7, starting first with (of all people) Kadaj. I looove him though, so that's no surprise (though Sephiroth was this close to beating him out in the last part of the film). This will be veerrrry rusty, b/c I haven't watched Advent Children in months. (I know I rented it from Blockbuster twice and watched it four times, but that was several months ago...!) Prepare for yet another of my one-shots, but probably the shortest one ever. Besides So Closely Tied: I mean, that was short.
Kitsune: Shut up and start the fic, coward!
Element: Shut up before I take you off LF and SCT.
Kitsune:...
Only A Remnant
Kadaj was, to no one's surprise but his own, dying.
In this time, then, it was quite surprising how much he was holding on to life.
Cloud's arms, and their encircling of him, were all that mattered right now. He was fading, slipping away, losing the thirst of life and all that it shaped him into: daredevil, power-hungerer, acrobat, speech-giver. A serpent tongue, as many would have said.
But it wasn't his fault, really. It was more the fault of...him.
Sephiroth.
After all, when he'd dissipated the first time, he could have just become a valuable stone or locked his spirit form away into some abandoned mountain like they did in the old stories, right? But what he did instead: he left three remnants riding around on Gaia, waiting for the perfect time to enact the Reunion.
My brothers and...me.
Kadaj knew he would not have totally rejected life, given the chance. But what about getting to actually stay there, live a peaceful life, toy with some Jenova Cells here and there when young life got boring...? What about orderly chaos, chaos that could stop with just a waving of Kadaj/Sephiroth's mighty hand? That would have been rewarding--and maybe he wouldn't have tried to kill the Brother who was so gently holding him at this moment...
When you were a part of the darkest swordsman in many a lifetime, you had this strange desire to reconnect with him, be him, live him, even if it meant your own destruction. Well, your own and the possible destruction of your brothers...
But Kadaj was not sure he cared so much about that. They were themselves and he was himself, and their actions affected only one.
That is not true, a voice in his head reprimanded. You got your hands on Jenova, Yazoo and Loz must have merged with you... And then Sephiroth must have lost; for here you are, taking his place in death.
That was not fair. That really, really wasn't fair. Then again, saying he didn't care about his brothers was unfair too. Deep down, he loved them dearly and would not have had anyone else as his siblings. No one else knew about those dark, cold nights when they all looked up at the stars and dreamed about what it would be like to be one with the Nightmare...
Sephiroth! He cried it to the skies, mentally. Finish what you start, but lose gracefully. That is the lesson we both should be learning now...but where are you to share in the punishment?
Cloud's intense blue eyes, softened by misunderstanding and the sharing of pain, looked at him with an odd sort of confusion. And as they did, Kadaj wanted so much to tell Cloud how much he suddenly loved his older brother. His sword was thrown aside; the hatred Kadaj had sensed in him while a part of Sephiroth had faded; and now two young boys who never really grew up stared silently at each other.
"Bro..ther..."
Another flash of pain skittered across his senses. Only Cloud saw his green eyes dull slightly, but he was the luckier of the two.
Yet his brother never said a word. No sound escaped his lips; the ability to speak seemed to have left him after his confrontation with Sephiroth. Strangely enough, this made Kadaj feel calmer than he might have.
...Wait--no!
The influence of Jenova!
--It was leaving him, fast. And the faster it left, the more empty he felt...until he sensed the darkness of Death coming still nearer, to fill his emptiness...
Stupid, stupid Sephiroth. I hate him, I hate him, I despise him for what he has done to me...
A flashback of being on top of the old, decrepit building with Rufus Shinra came suddenly to him. He remembered the feel of the wind in his short silver locks, the cloudy sky that reflected his mood when away from Mother... and he recalled the nervous trembling of the Crippled One in the wheelchair next to where he, Kadaj, stood. Or at least he had seemed to be crippled...
I should not have let him fool me, I said to myself then. But after the...feeling...of being the Nightmare and enduring all of that pain... I would let that scrawny political figure fool me a thousand times and never get to Mother.
Mother...
She would not answer. She would not come to him, help him... was this punishment for his crimes? Was he to atone to whatever mistake he had made before Jenova would accept him again?
No. Jenova will never accept me again. I will never get to feel that embrace take me, falling from Mother knows how many stories...
He remembered, too, what he had said to President Shinra: "I've never known Sephiroth."
Well, one truth in his lifetime at least.
How, he often asked himself, could he have been a part of him, been him a long time ago (before the need of separate pieces) but not have a single memory of the love of Destruction, of Terror, of Hate? How could he have been swathed in cloth and ripped away to live again until the Rebirth, the Reunion, as naive as a baby?
No answer ever bothered to come to him. His youthful angry streak did not even arise at being so fully ignored.
Cloud was speaking. "Kadaj."
"I must...be forgiven..."
The words surprised him, but he did not care. They were his truest, his most fervent...
"I must...be forgiven for all that I have done, before I... Do you forgive me?"
No answer. Cloud's blue eyes wavered in and out of Kadaj's blurry vision.
"Do you forgive me, Brother?"
The response was quiet, hushed (as Cloud's words always seemed to be) but his brother heard him perfectly well.
"...I do."
He forgives...he forgives...!
Kadaj felt whiteness take his eyelids before he could say what he had hoped to be his final words:
Thank you.
A woman was standing before him.
At first, Kadaj mistook her once again for Mother. Jenova. His last Savior, who had decided that he was not worth saving. But then if she had decided this, why was she standing before him now?
"Kadaj."
He blinked; his brilliant green eyes displayed his confusion. "...M-Mother?"
She smiled. One of her fingers moved up to twirl a lock of brown hair, as if thinking of what she was going to say to him. The eyes caught him most--they, too, were bright green, filled with light and...love? Not for him, surely...
"Kadaj, I am not Jenova."
"Then...who are you?"
"I am Aeris."
"How do you know my name?"
"I have been following Cloud's life ever since I left him. You were a very recent addition I found myself watching over."
Addition?
"A remnant of greatness, more like. Sephiroth is what I was to be a part of--nothing more..."
"I would not call you a 'remnant', Kadaj. You were very different from what Sephiroth is. He is ruthless beyond imagining, and would kill any that were not of use to him, to name one difference--while you only sought to achieve what you believed was your destiny."
"So...that--resurrecting Sephiroth--wasn't my destiny?"
"I would not call it so."
"Then what IS my destiny?"
"Your destiny is here now. I do not know what it might be...but I know it starts here."
Kadaj looked down at himself for the first time since arriving. He was dressed in all white (including his cloak) to match his surroundings (excluding the flowers that were up to his ankles)--a more blinding white than he had ever seen. Still, he felt new, buoyant, no longer tied down to a purpose that seemed to always slip through his fingers.
"Why did you use past tense for me and present for the Nightmare?"
Aeris's smile faded a little. She seemed to have been waiting for him to notice that.
"Sephiroth is right about one thing. He is still alive, as long as Cloud holds darkness within him... He is an eternal spirit, a manifestation of Cloud's fears, who will always come back to haunt Cloud until he destroys the weakness within him--just as you would with a real nightmare."
"He's still alive? After he used my Brothers and myself?"
"Yes. He won't be gotten rid of that easily."
Kadaj stared at Aeris, who smiled and spread her hands, as if to say 'That is as simple as I can put it--cut me some slack!'
"What about..." He racked his current thoughts and worries. "What about my Brothers? What about Cloud?"
She raised one chestnut-brown eyebrow, surprised by his new concern. Then she closed her emerald eyes and seemed to focus inward for a few moments, murmuring soundlessly. Then her eyes opened.
"Your brothers Yazoo and Loz are dying as well. However...they want Cloud to go with them. At the moment, Cloud is fine, but... They will not be as fortunate as you."
"How am I fortunate?"
"You are willing to accept what you are. They are still 'lost souls' (if you will), who still feel that they would do anything to revive Sephiroth and serve a Purpose."
Didn't I believe that about five minutes before I died? I still don't see how I am different from my brothers.
"Kadaj."
"Yes?"
"Do you know why I am here now?"
Kadaj smirked. "I could guess, but we'd be here for a while. Why, Aeris, are you here?"
"To take you on...when you are ready."
On?
He pondered. He had died so suddenly that he wasn't really given a choice--if he could go back, why shouldn't he, anyway? What about tearing around with Yazoo and Loz on their motorcycles, summoning 'playful' Behemoths with a wave of their powerful hands?
And what about...?
Yes, he was worried about Cloud, about the only Brother who had shown him real compassion before he had died...was he ready to move on from what could have been?
On the other hand--was there really a could-have-been for a remnant?
"Will I see Cloud again?"'
"Someday. I will see him before you do, I sense."
A sense of peace floated gently over Kadaj, strengthening his spirit. His smile towards Aeris was genuine, because he knew inside that this remnant was ready for something better than just being one. A future with no Sephiroth suddenly looked very bright indeed.
"...Kadaj...?"
"I'm ready to go. I need some new adventures, after all...and without Sephiroth poking at me..."
"Let's go, then! Take my hand..."
Kadaj took it willingly, and she squeezed gently. They walked on into the light at the end of the field--Aeris on her way to deliver another soul, and Kadaj ready to face a new future...
But NOT as just a remnant.
Fin
...Okaaay, maybe it is longer than So Closely Tied. Oh well...
Until later, all...