Title: Chicken Wuss
Author: FalconIce and Comments by FalconIce and Kasa no Miko
Disclaimer: Ain't mine but the stupid ideas are? ^.^
Warnings: Weird Humor and Sap! Er, the comments are not finished yet but the story is! *sweatdrop*
Pairings: Zell x Seifer
Rating: PG 13 for weird scenes…
Note: If you want the story itself without the funny comments mail me at twilight_wings@yahoo.com
Archive: Http://www.geocities.com/twilight_wings
Feedback: Reviews are my life and my love!
LEGEND:
*Actions*
Commentaries
//Commentaries on the commentaries//
KnM: Good evening.
FI: Why the hell would you put "Good evening" in a commentary?! *rolls up a newspaper and whaps KnM on the head*
KnM: Ow! And I just felt like saying that, cos it sounds so…formal.
FI: I hate formality in my fics.
KnM: Anyway, let me continue. Ahem…Good evening, and welcome to the Fic Commentary Talk Show. We are your hosts, Kasa no Miko and FalconIce.
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: *glances around* Where the heck did that come from???
KnM: In today's episode, we will be- OW!
FI: EPISODES?! We have EPISODES?! Since when did fics have episodes?! It's called…*clears throat* Chapters.
KnM: Chapters?! But this ISN'T a fic! We're just commenting on one. It's like those TV shows, they call it episodes!
FI: It's MY fic! *sticks tongue out* And besides, this ISN'T a TV episode! We're just in front of a computer!
KnM: But it's better to call them episodes! It's-
Zell: What are we supposed to be here for again?
FI and KnM: *glance at Zell*
FI: What's he doing here, anyway?!
KnM: I was just getting to that before you disturbed me.
FI: Then get to it already!
KnM: Then stop disturbing me!
Seifer: *clears throat*
FI: *offers him some menthol candies* Sore throat?
Seifer: *narrows eyes*
KnM: ANYWAY…In today's episode…*sticks tongue out at FalconIce after ducking the shoe that FI threw at her* We will be commenting on FalconIce's fic, "Chicken Wuss".
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: *glances around* Man, is this place haunted or what?
KnM: Right now, we have our guests…Zell Dincht and Seifer Almasy, the main characters of "Chicken Wuss".
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: *gets annoyed* We should call a priest…
KnM: It's special effects, ok?
FI: Ohhhhhh…I get it…
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: Hey, that was insulting. *throw shoes in various directions*
KnM: We should get to commenting already.
FI: Fine…if you want it that way.
Zell and Seifer: Zzzzz…
THE FIC BEGINS HERE…
"Chicken Wuss..."
"SEIFER!"
"Hehehehe...."
"Arghhhhh!!!!"
KnM: You know…it sounds as if they're…*blush*…you know
FI: *jaws drop down, raises eyebrow* Hey!
Zell: *jaws drop down, raises eyebrow* Hey!
Seifer: Hehehehe…*nudges Zell*
Zell: EWWW!!! You're hentai!
Zell grumbles at the tall dirty-blonde haired man in front of him, flashing his sharp canines in the process.
KnM: Sharp canines!!! Wait…how can you grumble and flash your canines at the SAME time???
FI: Uhhh………………I'm speechless. I can't reason out. Maybe he has a hole in his mouth?
Zell: Hey! I don't have a hole in my mouth.
Seifer: *starts trying to grumble and flash his canines at the same time, but miserably failing*
The aforementioned man in front of him just raises an inquiring eyebrow before chuckling some more. Zell could feel the hair at the back of his neck bristle more in ire and annoyance.
KnM: Whoa…he can feel individual hair strands at the back of his neck bristling?!?!?! Talk about sensitivity…
FI: You know, if I think about it…he's starting to act like a dog, and less and less a chicken. Maybe I should have titled this "Doggie Wuss"
Seifer: *starts laughing hysterically* DOGGIE WUSS!!! Bwahahaha!
Zell: Hey! *goes to a corner and sulks*
"Quit pick'n on me ya bastard! I'm 17 already!"
"Just makes it more fun...Chicken Wuss."
FI: What…picking on someone 17 is fun?
KnM: ……Pedophile…
FI: How can it be pedophile? Zell is 17 already, it's supposed to be juvenile-phile.
Zell, Seifer and KnM: *sweatdrop*
Zell pouts, his lower lip jutting out as his eyebrows furrow together in a most childlike fashion.
KnM: "In a most childlike fashion"… Laugh. *laughs*
FI: *sweatdrop* Why do you say laugh before you laugh?
KnM: Because it makes me laugh, get it?
FI: *sweatdrop some more* Uh…
Zell: I think you're going to turn into a prune from sweatdropping too much.
Seifer: Is that possible?
Seifer looks at the chicken wuss in front of him and starts laughing.
KnM: Hey! You didn't say laugh before you laughed!
FI: *thwaps KnM in the head with a shoe*
Zell and Seifer: *sweatdrop*
KnM: See? You're all going to turn into prunes.
FI, Zell and Seifer: *thwaps KnM again*
Zell gets angry, his fists in the air, challenging Seifer without saying anything.
KnM: Fists in the air?!?!?! *starts waving fists above her head* Like that? But it looks so stupid…
FI: No! I mean, when you put them in that fighting stance and all, you know, in front of your face and all!
//FI: (commenting on her commentary) I think I said too much "and all"…
Seifer: I didn't know you can comment on your commentary.
Zell: *pouts* I look stupid? *wobbly eyes*
FI: No, you look cute.
KnM: *starts giggling incessantly while imitating the waving-fists-in-the- air act*
Zell: She's making fun of me.
"No fighting in the corridors chicken...or you're going to get kicked outta here faster than you can say my name...."
KnM: Seifer Alma-
FI: *boots her off her computer chair before she can finish* Now do you believe me?
Zell: Whoa. I hope I didn't say that in the fic.
Seifer: Hehehe…Hail the powers of my own name.
"Why the fuck would I say your name?!? Ya dumbass!?"
FI: Cos it's such a nice name.
Seifer: Yes, and it's powerful.
Zell: Whew, I didn't say his name.
"Begging me to let you come back..." *snicker*
KnM: *returns* Come back where? To your arms? *giggle*
Zell: *blushes like hell*
//FI: (commenting on Zell's commentary) I didn't know hell could blush//
FI: No! Back to the Garden, duh! Refer to the previously previous statement!
"Why I oughtta-!"
KnM: *as Zell* Yes, I oughtta jump you right now!
FI: *as Seifer in a husky voice* Yes, that would be the best thing to do right now.
KnM: *as Zell* Yes! Yes! Yes!
Zell: *blushes furiously* …
Seifer: This is turning into an R-rated fic…
The taller blonde dodges with graceful agility as the shorter blonde swipes a fist at his midsection.
KnM: Midsection???
FI: He can only reach that high?
Zell: Hey! You keep saying "the shorter blonde"! Could you stop pushing the issue?!
Seifer: But short people are so cute.
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?!
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
Seifer could see that the chicken wuss was just getting more irritated...Hmph, his fangs
KnM: It's the fangs again…
FI: *as Zell* I vant to zringk your vlood! Vwahahahaha!
Zell: *sweatdrop*
Seifer: *shakes head sadly, turns to KnM* Your friend's mad.
KnM: I know……Bwahahaha!
FI: *bwahahaha some more*
Zell and Seifer: *starts fearing for their hosts' sanity*
are so cute, Seifer thought to himself before parrying another blow from the shorter man
Zell: There it goes again…
...um.....kid..or better...chicken wuss. The taller blonde chuckled to himself, which just made the younger SeeD candidate more annoyed.
Zell: How much more annoyed can I get?
FI: A lot more? You can vent out your frustrations later in bed, you know.
Zell: *turn as red as a police car light*
//KnM: (commenting on Zell's commentary) Ooh! He's turning red and blue and red and blue and red and blue…
FI: I meant only the red portion! Sheesh!//
Seifer: Are you done on the commentaries on the commentaries yet?
//KnM: (commenting on Seifer's commentary) Hey, how did he know we were commenting on the commentaries//
Seifer: Because I'm omniscient. For that is the power of Seifer Alma-
FI: *boots Seifer out*
Zell: What'd ya do that for?
FI: He was about to say his own name. Remember? People get booted out faster than they can say his name.
Zell: *sweatdrop* I didn't know it worked that way…
"GOD DAMNITT!"
KnM: Was that Seifer commenting on the fic or was that him in the fic itself?
FI: No, it was Zell in the fic. Seifer's long gone. We booted him out, remember?
Seifer: *returns all dusty, dirty and steaming mad* HEY! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
FI: You were about to say your own name. Remember? People get booted out faster than they can say your name.
KnM: I'm in déjà vu. I think you said that before.
Seifer: How can you boot me out for saying Seifer Alma- *gets booted out*
FI: He asked for it.
"Giving up already chicken wuss?"
"ARGGHHHH!"
Zell twirls around
KnM: Twirls around? *as Zell* Look at me! *twirls around like a ballerina*
FI: *as Seifer* Oh, you're so graceful, mon petite.
Zell: Mon petite?!?! There you are again! Quit pushing the issue!
for a fierce backhand before losing his balance from the inertia it created, which just gave the taller blonde the opportunity to hold the young man's lean body against his bigger and broader frame.
KnM: Bigger and broader? How big and how broad?
FI: *grins mischievously* Uh…football field big?
Zell: Hey, he's not that big!
KnM: No, you're just that small.
Zell: WAAAHHHH!!!
"Falling for me?"
"Fuck-
KnM: *as Zell* Fuck me! Laugh. *laughs*
FI: You're weird.
Zell: *blushes* This is getting too personal…
-Off!"
"Really now? *evil grin* Can't the chicken be civil for once?"
KnM: *bursts out laughing* Civil chickens?!?!
FI: It's possible. They do train chickens in Hollywood.
Zell: Great…now you're pushing the chicken issue…What next?
Seifer: *walks in*
FI: *in that sing-songy tune of Lupin the Third* Seifer Returns!
Seifer: That was unaccounted for, you know that…*fume*
FI: You asked for it.
KnM: *scratches head* You know, FalconIce, I think you keep quoting your own sentences.
" Yer such a bastard ya know that!?!"
"Hmph. I know." *smirk*
KnM: *as Zell* Yer such a bastard ya know that!?!
FI: *as Seifer* Wait, lemme think. *starts tracing family tree* Hmph. I know.
Seifer: *jaw drops* I am so not a bastard! *starts tracing family tree with FI* Wait! I am! Why I oughtta kill my mother…
Zell: Are you sure that's your mother?
FI: Who's family chart is this anyway?…Oh…Cloud Strife…Whoops! Wrong one!
Seifer: *thwaps FI on the head* See?! I'm not a bastard…not in the literal sense, anyway.
Zell: Hey! You're admitting you're a bastard! A bastard as in synonym of jerk, that is.
The smaller man squirmed
KnM: Squirmed???
Zell: SMALLER MAN?!?! ARRRRGHHH!!!
FI and Seifer: Ehehehehe…*gloat maniacally*
in the grip of the other, his elbow aimed at the smirking face of the big bully.
KnM: *as Zell* Aiming elbow…and fire! *makes missile noises*
FI: *as Seifer* Deploying anti-missile missiles. Fire! *makes anti-missile missile noises*
Zell and Seifer: *sweatdrop*
KnM: Prunies!
FI: *drenches them with a whole bucket of isotonic fluid*
Zell sneered, his canines showing. The big bully smirked one last time before pushing the smaller man
Zell: Grrr….
off him, making Zell squeak in pain as his butt landed hard on the floor.
KnM: *as Zell* Zell's butt to floor…Prepare for landing. Will probably be hard.
FI: *as floor in a microphony control towery voice* Floor to Zell's butt. Please prepare your landing gears, and we'll work this out together.
Zell: *glances weirdly at his butt* You've changed my viewpoint of my own butt forever.
Seifer: *leers appreciatively at aforementioned posterior*
"Ow!"
FI: *as floor* Floor to Zell's butt…You were a millisecond too late in descending your landing gear.
KnM: *as Zell* But Floor…I don't HAVE landing gear!
FI: *as floor* Use your cushiony butt cheeks. That's what they're there for, anyway.
Zell: *puts hands to ears* I refuse to hear anymore of this…
"Chicken..."
"SEIFER! YOU WILL DIE!"
"It'll be fun seeing you try....Wussboy."
"ARGGGHHHHH!"
The spiky haired young man patted his bottom
FI: *as floor* Floor to Zell's butt…Are landing gear in good condition now?
KnM: *as Zell* Zell's butt to floor…Yes, repairs have been made. *Zell's hand pats his bottom*
Zell: STOP IT ALREADY!!!
Seifer: *pats aforementioned posterior*
Zell: AND YOU TOO! STOP IT!
FI, KnM and Seifer: Ehehehe…
as he got up but not before flashing the taller man a glare that could've melted ice. Seifer looked unperturbed as he stood up with his arms crossed.
FI: Now that I think about it…I keep wondering why I wrote that. How can you stand up with your arms crossed?
KnM: *tries to stand up with her arms crossed* This is hard!
A scuffle of feet behind the tall man gave the sign that his cohorts, the other members of the disciplinary committee, had come to back up their so called boss.
KnM: *as Zell* Yo, Seifer. Tell your cohorts to stop scuffling their feet. It sounds sloppy.
FI: *as Seifer, turns to cohorts* Yo, stop scuffling now!
Cohorts: *stumbling among themselves* But we don't know how to walk in any other way!
FI: *as Seifer, walks in a fashion showy, swaying-the-hips, kind of way* Like this!
Cohorts: Ohhhh…
Seifer: *sputters indignantly, chases FI with his Hyperion* How dare you mock me! Take that back!
Zell: *chuckles*
"SEIFER. MEETING. NOW."
KnM: Seifer's meeting who? Now? Who's Now?
FI: It rhymes with cow.
KnM: So Seifer's meeting with a cow whose name is Now, but I wouldn't know how.
FI: Then he greets her with a bow, and hands her a golden plow, for her name is Now, and she manages somehow to carry the plow.
Seifer: What is wrong with you two…?
Zell: Have you gotten the flu?
FI: Maybe we should call Xu.
KnM: Yeah, and throw her a shoe from out of the blue!
Seifer: Stop rhyming whatever I say.
KnM: Fine, then we'll rhyme for another day! AIEEE! *dashes away from a gunblade-wielding Almasy*
"Yeah yeah...."
"She's right ya know! We're going to be late ya know!"
"Fine. Bye Chicken Wuss don't keep falling you're liable to get yourself really hurt...*evil grin*."
KnM: *as Zell* Whoa, you can say that all in one sentence? Have you been singing lately?
FI: *as Seifer* How did you know? That is my secret passion. *starts wailing like a banshee*
Seifer: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SINGING VOICE!!! *chases FI around*
KnM: *to Zell* Boy, that guy's got a lot of stamina. Is he like that in bed?
Zell: *blushes* Quit making me blush! All this blood is getting to my head!
//KnM: (commenting on the past few commentaries) Whoa! Have you noticed that we've been subconsciously rhyming?!?!
FI: And we didn't plan it either!//
With that, the bully turned around and huffily went away,
FI: *as Seifer* Huff, huff, huff, huff, huff, huff…
his gray trenchcoat fluttering in the air,
FI: *grabs Seifer's trenchcoat and flutters it in the air* Flutter, flutter…
leaving the young man who had just stood up gaping behind his back. The silver haired young woman looked wistfully at her boss before following him and dragging Raijin along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zell trotted around the training center for awhile
KnM: *as Zell* Clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop…
FI: Not literally trotting!
Zell: *wobbly eyes* You're making fun of me…
Seifer: How can you clippity-clop with sneakers?
Zell: *whacks Seifer upside on the head* I DON'T CLIPPITY-CLOP!!!
before spotting the usual pair of grats ambling along. The pair soon saw him and started waddling...er....shuffling his way. He readied his stance, placing his arms before him in the universal position of defense at the same time curling up his fingers into a rockhard fist.
KnM: Yes, you should have used this sentence instead of "waving his fists in the air".
FI: …
He was ready and he'd bet he could take on anything they'd be able to give him.
FI: You know…that's kinda like a rape scene, if you think about it.
Zell: WAHHH! Seifer! They're doing it again!
KnM: We're doing what?!?!
Zell: Eww, that's so gross!
KnM: You said it yourself.
Seifer: You're both echi-minded, hentai fanfiction authors.
FI: A Zell/Grat rape fic…Hmm…
Zell: HEY! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!!!
FI: I've never seen Grat…er, organs before. How would I know what they look like?
KnM: Maybe they use their viney things!
FI: Gosh, but they're huge. They must use a hell lotta lube.
Zell: Can we not…TALK ABOUT THIS?!
The battle started roughly
KnM: *raises eyebrow* Oh my…
FI: *as Zell* Harder! Harder! More!
Seifer: Hey! Only I can give my Chicken Wuss what he needs!
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
//KnM: See? We quoted ourselves again.
FI: I can't believe we're both so gullible.//
with the grats giving him
KnM: Giving him what?!
FI: *raises big huge banner that says "Blowjob"*
Zell: *eyes widen* HEY!
the usual bath of gastric juice which he learned in chemistry earlier that day, was made of Hydrochloric Acid. Things like that were so ever useful when fighting for your life. Zell smirked before giving the stupid pile of vegetation a taste of his hardrock
KnM: Erection! *burst out giggling*
FI: Oh, so it's the other way around now. Zell, I didn't know you were so aggressive.
Zell: …
Seifer: Is this plunging into a lemon? Cos I think it's kinda interesting…
Zell: *whaps Seifer* Closet pervert!
Seifer: Hey, you're also a closet sadist!
KnM: No, he's not! He's a closet trisexual!
FI: *thinks* Why does everything hentai happen in the closet? *opens closet, sees nothing* Huh???
knuckles. The Grat screamed in frustration
FI: *as Grat, makes Gratty sounds, which translate into…* Aww, knuckles! What about the other hardrock thing?
Zell: Ewwww…you guys are sick!
FI: *checks body temperature* No, we're not.
Zell: I give up. You guys are impossible.
FI: No, we're not. We're here. We are possible.
Zell: *slaps forehead*
Seifer: *is strangely silent*
before melting into a pile of stinking ooze. Zell grimaced at the odor but kept up his stance in preparation for the oncoming assault of the other Grat before him.
KnM: *reads sentence again* You know…that has so many implications…
FI: Zell, you must have a lot of stamina.
Seifer: Whoo-hoo!
Zell: I'm getting sick of all this…
As he was just about to attack the Grat was suddenly shoved aside by the hulking figure of a T-rexaur, and at that moment, Zell just wanted to scream his head off.
KnM: Whoa…everybody's fighting for a turn with Zell! Go Zell!
FI: *gets a huge meterstick* How can it fit?
Seifer: No wonder Zell wanted to scream his head off.
Zell: *looks aghast at Seifer* Not you too!!! You're all hentai!
It was bad enough that his experience level was only ten
FI: Whoa, Zell…exactly which ten people…and er, animals did you do?
Zell: I DID NOT DO ANYBODY!!!
Seifer: *clears throat* You're forgetting somebody…
but he had only one GF which was Siren
FI: And Siren joins the party.
KnM: *waves two little flags* Orgy!
which he doubt would hurt the tough hide of the hulking behemoth before him. Zell controlled his breathing and tried to make a run for it but succeeded in only intriguing the huge pile of meat.
FI: *as T-Rexaur* You're making my huge pile of meat aching for you, human…
KnM: Oh, you're referring to that huge pile of meat.
Zell: *turns green* You guys are traumatizing me…
Zell gulped, his throat parched dry...
KnM: But what about all that Grat love juice?
This was going to be humiliating....he thought to himself before facing up to the gigantic reptile and surging forward to make his first move.
FI: Whoa, Zell. Making the first move, huh? Go, Zell! *starts munching on some popcorn*
Zell slammed against the Training center railings with a thud,
FI: *as T-Rexaur* I think I should have been more careful.
KnM: Oh, so you're going for the up-against-the-wall position. *giggle*
his diaphragm contracted as his air was punched right out of his lungs. The T-rexaur bellowed loudly and started thumping
KnM: Thumping?! Bwahahahaha! He's getting right onto it!
FI: Here, Zell. *grab big huge tub of lube*
Zell: *turns into a sickly shade of puke green* I'm getting sick…
its way to him. Zell gulped and held his stomach, which at the moment was screaming with pain, and succumbed to his destined fate.
KnM: *look at FI weirdly* Did you have a lemon scene planned here? Because it sounds so deliberate…
FI: No! It's a battle scene!
Seifer: Maybe you just wrote all those sentences subconsciously.
FI: I must have been subtly taken over by my subconscious hentai brain. *starts grabbing at her head* Jenovaaaaa! I'm being influenced by Jenovaaaaaaa…Mwahahaha, I'm secretly hentai.
Zell: You're not secretly hentai. You're OBVIOUSLY hentai!
The blow Zell was anticipating never came as another voice screamed in vengeance. The young SeeD candidate looked up to see the most surprising sight in front of him, Seifer Almasy
KnM: Oooh, Seifer wants some, too.
Seifer: Yeah, and I want some now.
Zell: *eeps* Now? As in now now commentary now or now now fic now?!
Seifer: *grabs Zell and pulls him close* I mean, now now…right now.
KnM: *eyes widen* A lemon scene is unfolding before our very eyes…
FI: I'm still bothered by the nows…
Seifer: *tilts head* But maybe not now now right now. These two hentais are watching us…now.
FI: *flails hands* Stop it with the nows!
KnM: Awww…they're not gonna do it.
who at the moment was risking his own neck to save the teen whom he always called Chicken Wuss. Zell couldn't breathe for a moment but as he sought to catch his breathe Seifer was courageously defending his life against the menacing clutches of the big lizard.
"Fuck Dincht, help me already!"
"*gasp* I-I-I....c-co-coming...."
KnM: *gasps* You actually wrote that?!?!?!
FI: Oh my goodness, my subconscious must have been acting up that day.
Seifer: *as Seifer* Come on, Dincht. Let me have my turn now.
Zell: *looks queerly at Seifer* You're imitating yourself?!?!
Seifer: Yeah, cos I want you…And I can't believe you actually got turned on by a T-Rexaur.
Zell: I DID NOT!!!
A swipe from the enormous claws of the reptile sends the taller teen smashing against the smaller form of Zell, sending the air from both their bodies whooshing out as they impacted against the rails. The younger man squeaked in protest as the larger body squirmed on top of him.
KnM: Which larger body? The T-Rexaur's or Seifer's?
FI: Uh…both?
Zell: EEEWWWW!!!
Seifer: *looks Zell up and down* How can you manage?
Zell: *thwack*
"FUCK THAT HURTS!"
"Shut up Dincht...before I'll pound you to the wall again!"
"Just get the hell offa me before that thing starts to realize that we're still alive and kick'n!"
"Hmph."
KnM and FI: *glance at each other*
FI: *blink blink* I can't believe I wrote that. It sounds so lemony.
KnM: You can say that again.
FI: *blink blink* I can't believe I wrote that. It sounds so lemony.
The taller form of Seifer Almasy limped towards the awaiting T-rexaur.
KnM: Awaiting?!?!?! Man, you write so hentai-ly.
FI: I think I'm going to scold my subconscious…But first things first, I have to figure out how to do that.
Zell grimaced in pain as he stood up then promptly clutched his side.
FI: Man, Seifer pounds so hard.
Seifer: Thank you.
Zell: SEIFER!!!
' Damn...Broken ribs.... ' He thought to himself before following the big bully of his life towards the battle field.
"CURE!"
KnM: *as Zell* Now I'm not sore anymore.
Zell: HEY!
The swirling eddies of the spell engulfed the muscular form of Seifer as Zell ambled up beside the taller man. The shorter of the two narrowed his eyes then proceeded to summon Siren, but just before he closed his eyes for the summoning act, he thought for just one second that the other was looking at him worriedly yet he had no time to contemplate the meaning of such a glance as Siren surged out from his body and began her song. Zell smiled wearily before fainting with fatigue, the last eddies of Siren's haunting melody still in the air.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well now...Didn't think that the Chicken would survive but I guess not."
"Fuck off Seifer."
"Heh...Five broken ribs and a concussion on th head...yet you're still bouncing with hyperactivity."
"Grrrrr...SHUT UP YA BASTARD!......"
Seifer: Stop calling me that!
FI: I'm sorry! I got the wrong family chart!
"*a chuckle* You don't even know where you are Chicken Wuss and you're already mouthing off. How cute..."
"*sputter*"
FI: Mouthing off? Hmm…
KnM: Sputter?! Is it too much for you Zell?
FI: You've already been banged by a Grat, a T-Rexaur and Seifer…and you still want MORE?!?!
Zell: Hell no!
Seifer: You mean you don't want me?
Zell: Uh…that's a trick question. I just know it.
Zell tried his best to sit up but a pair of strong hands pushed him back down...not too gently but not what you'd call rough either.
FI: *as Seifer* No, we're not finished yet. I have yet to show you the finale of my act…
KnM: *waves little pompoms* Go, Seifer! Ra ra ra!
The young man also noticed that a cloth had been wrapped around his head...
KnM: For blindfolding?!?! What, do you have a whip and a pair of handcuffs too?
FI: Whoa, they're secretly into SnM.
Seifer: You make me sound so sadistic…
KnM: Isn't it true?
FI: *as Seifer* Yup. I like my bedplay…rough…
Seifer: Quit imitating me. I can just say it for myself.
Zell: Eep!
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?!
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
//KnM: Here we go again…//
probably for the concussion.' Damn! ' He thought to himself before baring his fangs at who he hoped was Seifer.
"No Thank Yous?"
"Grrr...."
"What do you expect from a Chicken Wuss."
".............mumble........."
"What?"
"I said Thank You ya big bully!"
"Just wonder'n....Chicken Wuss....no need to rile yourself up so much."
Then it hit Zell...What the hell was Seifer doing with him here? The silence in the room was deafening before Zell's voice broke the ice.
KnM: *as Zell* Did you just do me?
FI: *as Seifer* Isn't it obvious? But I'm glad you said thank you.
Zell: *as KnM* Darn…the lemon's finished.
Seifer: *as FI* Maybe I should write some more.
FI and KnM: *look at the two boys weirdly*
"Um....how long was I out?"
"It would be safe to assume that you have been unconscious for over five hours and it is approaching nine o'clock in the evening."
That just made Zell more confused than ever...Seifer's been here since he got knocked out? Seifer?!? What the hell?!?
"Dr. Kadowaki?"
"Yes, Almasy?"
"I'll go now..."
"Go ahead Seifer...Zell's in good hands."
"Uh...Yeah."
The shuffling footsteps
KnM: Shuffling again?!?! Laugh. *laughs*
FI: You can't say "The steps of the man was heard.…" It's so boring! And you can't say "pitter-patter of feet", or stuff like that. It's not raining.
KnM: How about…CLIPPITY CLOP!!!
Zell: Hey!
FI: Aww…Zell and Seifer can be a pair! And we can give them horseshoes! I'll do the nailing myself…*gets huge sledgehammer* Who wants to go first? *smile*
Zell: ……*backs away*
Seifer: Hmph. I do NOT clippity-clop, unlike HORSE WUSS here!
FI: Oh…so he's a horse wuss now…First, it was chicken wuss, then dog wuss…What's next? Grat wuss???
KnM: Which reminds me…*refers to earlier lemon scenes, evil grin*
Zell: You're all against me! *big wobbly eyes* Seifer, defend me!
Seifer: Why would I defend a Grat…?
Zell: *bawl*
FI and KnM: AWWWW…
of the tall man was heard by Zell as it passed through the automatic electronic doors of the infirmary. The spiky-banged teen heaved a sigh then clenches teeth as pain racked his body.
"Summer's in Zell. You're planning to go home to your mom?"
"Hai."
"Hmmmm..."
"Just how long was Seifer in here....with me?"
"Just about the whole time. Why?"
"Ah....noth'n.....just curious."
Doctor Kadowaki's hands ran gently along the teen's side before heaving Zell's body up painfully to examine the back of the young man. Zell closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, trying his best to ignore the stabbing pricks of pain
FI: Hmmm…wonder if Dr. Kadowaki's taking acupuncture during the weekends…?
as the Doctor poked at his wounds.
"The stitches are coming along fine...I recommend you stay here in the Garden at least until you're healed."
"WHAT?!?"
FI: *as Dr. Kadowaki* I said…The stitches are coming along fine...I recommend you stay here in the Garden at least until you're healed.
Zell: *flails* I didn't ask you to repeat it! I heard you the first time! *stops flailing, crosses his arms* It was a rhetorical question…
Seifer: Ooh…big vocabulary…
Zell: *points at Seifer* That's because you have a small one!
KnM: Nani…WHICH small one???
Seifer: Hey…watch your mouth. *glares at KnM*
Zell convulsed a bit at the pain the interjection caused,
KnM: Convulsed?!?! Convulse…to shake violently…
FI: Zell, shouldn't you have broken the needle by now?
KnM: *as Zell, starts convulsing*
FI: *as Dr. Kadowaki* Oh…the needle broke…That must hurt a lot, you poor dear…*pats the real Zell on the head*
Zell: *pouts* It's not my fault you use the wrong words at the wrong time.
KnM: True…FI should have used "shuddered" or "winced" or something like that.
FI: *blinks* I never thought of that…
Seifer: *smirks* That's okay. Zell convulses a lot in bed, anyway…
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?!
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
//KnM: Maybe we should start counting the times this dialogue appears in this commentary fic…
FI: Hai…//
but the Doctor's hands soon eased his sore body back against the bed and he quieted his moans of pain.
"B-b-but everyone's going home! I mean...Even Squall's spending his Summer with that new girl...Rinia...or something!"
"There's Seifer."
"*sputtering*"
"It couldn't be that bad...after all...He's the one who stayed with you for a little over five hours."
"But-"
"Zell...I advised you not to engage in any strenuous activity for the duration of your recuperation.
KnM: STRENUOUS ACTIVITY…Did you hear that, Seifer?
Seifer: *grumble grumble*
FI: *looks at Zell* He stayed with you for a little over five hours…Oooooh…*nudge nudge*
Zell: *blushes deep red*
FI: Ooooh…He protested…Ooooh, what does "but" mean?
I am burdening Seifer
FI: Seifer's a pack mule…Seifer's a pack mule…
with the responsibility of tending to your wounds, since I shall be leaving soon for a family reunion."
Zell had a vision of millions of Dr. Kadowakis from different medical practices greeting each other. Zell could just imagine it now.
~ "Hello, Dr. Kadowaki of Cardiology."
"Greetings, Dr. Kadowaki of Neurology. Would you like some hors d'oeuvres?"~
Zell chuckled at the image, and Dr. Kadowaki gazed strangely at him. He looked up and smiled sheepishly. And then it hit him…
"You mean I'm going to be stuck with SEIFER for the WHOLE summer???!!!"
"Why not? You can deepen your friendship with each other."
"How come that sentence doesn't sound right?"
Dr. Kadowaki smiled knowingly. Zell hated it when people did that, because it seemed that everyone knew something he didn't.
"What?!"
"Nothing, Zell. Just thinking. Anyway, Seifer will be coming to pick you up any minute now."
"Where is that bas- uh, I mean, Seifer, anyway?"
"He's moving your things to his room…"
"*sputter* WHY IS HE LOOKING THROUGH MY STUFF?!"
"You're staying in his room for a while, because he felt it would be best if you simply stayed with him instead. After all, it would be greatly uncomfortable for you to limp to your room which is at the other end of the dormitory."
"But-"
"No buts. Ahhh...Here he is..."
A soft whoosh from the electronic doors confirmed what Zell had heard the Doctor say, Seifer had finally arrived. He couldn't help but fidget at the thought of spending almost the whole summer with him. In spite of everything, Seifer was still a pain in the ass. Zell sighed in annoyance and a little bit of frustration.
"Ahhh… Doctor Kadowaki…Zell can go to my room now."
"That's good to hear, and Seifer…"
"Uh…Yes?"
"Take care of him…and do learn to get along…"
"Hai…"
"Now Zell, Seifer will take you to his dorm now and by tomorrow morning…I will leave."
"…Hai…"
Zell winced as Seifer lifted him up, his protesting ribs sending jabs of pain up his spine. He hissed as the taller man's hands touched his side…He could then feel Seifer bending down just right next to his ear.
"Shush would you…I'm doing my best to be gentle."
Zell almost choked and died right there at that moment. Seifer…Gentle? Zell couldn't though…his side hurt and it wasn't worth the pain it would cause. Seifer was surprisingly gentle as he carried Zell across the numerous hallways of the Garden. He kept on insulting the shorter man the whole way but did him no physical harm whatsoever. He didn't poke him. He didn't even try as to accidentally jolt Zell's small frame to inflict pain. Overall, the trip had been the most unexpected event Zell had thought the trip would be. Plainly, he thought that Seifer would torture him all the way to his room…but he didn't.
Seifer undressed. The Chicken Wuss had fallen asleep the moment Seifer had laid his frail body on the bed. The tall SeeD candidate still couldn't believe that Zell was so, how would he say it…thin. Seifer's trench coat was now placed on the peg inside his cabinet and he was just about to unlace his boots when a low groan came from the bed. Seifer turned around and what met his eyes almost sent him falling off the bed.
Zell was smiling; he had cuddled up to Seifer's pillow and was happily snoring…softly, mind you. The dirty blonde chuckled at the site that looked adorable from his point of view. Seifer chuckled some more before taking off the shirt that was usually underneath the heavy gray trench coat. He quickly got off the remainder off his clothing then trudged off to the cabinet to fetch a decent towel and his boxers before heading to the bathroom for a well-deserved bath. After all, he had fought with the T- rexaur too and he'd been beaten up by the ugly thing, except he was a bit more resilient with such things.
The tall blonde opened the door to the bathroom and carefully slipped in, hanging the white towel on his hand to the hook behind the bathroom door. Carefully slipping inside the shower enclosure, he turned on the shower and set the heater for moderately warm. Seifer reached for the soap and started to scrub furiously on his own wounds besides…infections hurt worse than the wound itself ever did. In total, the bath was uneventful and was soon finished.
Seifer stepped out from the bathroom, carefully drying his hair with the towel, he didn't expect that the Chicken Wuss would be awake; the most humiliating part was that he was clad only in his boxers. Therefore, he did the only thing he could've done at the moment… Seifer, the big bully, blushed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zell couldn't believe his eyes. He had taken the moment to take the cloth off his eyes and have a look around since he deemed it dark enough not to hurt his eyes when the bathroom door had opened. The sight that met him was one of the funniest things he'd ever dreamt of seeing. Seifer was actually looking sheepish for once. Zell laughed until his sides hurt like hell and tears were coming out of his eyes.
"I can't believe you! Smiley underwear!?! Hahahahahaha!!!"
" …..Zell…."
"Smiley underwear….Hhahahahahahaha. That's hilarious!"
"Could you pls. stop that."
"~.~ oooowwwwww……"
"Told you to stop laughing…Your stitches could've come off and your ribs are still broken you know."
" * sniffle * Then stop poking me!"
"Stop being such a chicken wuss, I'm just checking if your ribs are alright."
"You're enjoying this aren't you?"
Surprisingly enough, Seifer didn't say anything. Zell sighed and kept himself silent. The young man pouted somewhat cutely at Seifer. Stubborn as he was, Zell wouldn't let the bully enjoy one minute at all. Even though he was being nice for once, Zell thought he'd deserve a little payback for all those tricks Seifer had done to him before.
" Seifer?"
"….What!?…." * Irritated*
"Um…Why are you being so gentle?"
"…….What's it to ya?"
"Um….."
" You be quiet and just let me do my job."
"…."
"The bandages are dirty…I've gotta change them. Wait here…"
"Like as if I'm going anywhere…"
"Quit being so insufferable. I'm trying to be nice here and this is all the gratitude I'm getting?"
"You deserve it you big meanie! You keep picking on me, why should I be grateful huh?!?"
"…"
Zell gritted his teeth as the bandages that were being taken off parted from the scabs that had been slowly forming. Seifer seemed to sense his extreme discomfort and stopped…the taller blonde then started to apply a very nice feeling balm on top of the wound, it smelled a little like vanilla and cinnamon. The bandages soon were off and the new fresh linen ones were wrapped around his aching sides. Seifer continued to apply the nice creamy balm over his other wounds before finally going off to get some clothes. The smaller man had fallen asleep under the soothing massage of the tall blonde and was soon back to cuddling the pillows. Seifer smiled and slipped into some dark blue pajama bottoms. He softly treaded across the room, careful not to wake his guest, and slid into the couch that lining one wall of his room. It wasn't a big couch…more like a chair really but he felt comfortable enough and soon fell asleep.
Morning drew bright with singing birds and bright beams of happy sunshine passing through Seifer's windows. Warming the room to a cozy temperature that would further induce the instinct to cuddle and stay in bed, which was what Zell, was currently doing. Seifer had woken early and had decided to get breakfast for his bedridden guest. The young man who was still asleep protested not a whit to Seifer's decision and cuddled closer to the pillows sighing in wistful happiness.
Walking in the halls reminded Seifer just how lonely it was in the Garden during summer. He cast his eyes around in search for the only tenants during such times and was rewarded with an eyeful of little kids.
"Brother Seifer!"
"Wai! You here to play with us?"
"Brother Seifer!"
Seifer smiled warmly at the children who have been his sole company during these brief interludes of loneliness. They were like him, orphaned at a young age and nowhere to go, they had to stay here with the staff, which were not fun at all. Obligated, Seifer decided that he would be their playmate and made a deal with them. After all, he did have a reputation to protect. He'd play with them only during the summer vacations and ignored them the rest of the year except for time he secretly spared for them. Seifer smiled and slowly sat down in a crouching position, ready to embrace the armful of children heading towards him.
"So…You haven't been naughty have you?"
"No Brother Seifer. We didn't tell anybody at all!"
"YAH!" The rest of the children chorused with happy faces.
"Now, Brother Seifer has to get food for his patient. All of you want to go with me?"
"Ooh! Brother Seifer is playing Doctor!"
" Sure! We'll help brother Seifer cure his patient!"
Seifer managed to carry two squealing happy girls and had a horde of happy, laughing children. He smiled at them and started singing a song. He thankful that Zell was bedridden, he'd be so humiliated if anybody his age saw him like this. All the years spent on building his reputation would just go down the drain.
"Brother Seifer?"
"Hmmm?"
" Who is your patient?"
"His name is Zell."
"You mean that really bouncy Senior?"
"You know him Violet?"
"He gives us candy!"
"Aaaa….Hai." *sweatdrop*
" He comes an plays wid us all da tyme! Just like you!"
"Now really?"
"Yup!"
Seifer pondered this and smiled. At least the kids didn't tell Zell about their other playmate…which was good. Seifer looked up to the other girl in his arms as she uttered a delighted squeal and found out that he was now in the cafeteria.
"So, what do you all want for breakfast?"
"HOTDOGS!"
"Pancakes and bacon!"
"Bacon and eggs!"
Seifer smiled at them and turned to the counter where he was met with the smiling face of the cafeteria lady. She smiled at him warmly for she knew of his trysts with the children in Balamb and was glad that he had done it.
"Coming right up!"
"Oh and pls. add about five more hotdogs to that order."
"Hungry today Seifer?"
"Ah…it's for Zell."
"You mean the man at the door?"
"What?!?"
Seifer whirled around to face the entrance of the cafeteria and found himself looking directly at a sweating but happy faced. The tall blonde quickly placed Violet and the other girl who was named Marie on the floor and headed straight for the sweating teen leaning on the doorway.
"Zell! You're not well enough to be walking by yourself!"
"So this is your secret hobby huh? I was wander'n who the kids' secret playmate was during the summer. Guess it was you?" The young man clutched his sides and wheezed with pain.
"Danmmit Dincht! " Seifer cursed as he caught the teen who was in the process of falling.
The little kids were curious and had grown a crowd around them. Seifer at the moment was worried at the young man in his arms who was currently sweating and had a pinched up face that was contorted with pain.
"Ah…*gasp* Think yer right…."
"I'll help you back to the room…"
Seifer turned around and regarded the children at his back and around them. They looked at him with worried eyes and an innocent air that screamed if there was anything they could do to help their Brother Seifer. He smiled at them kindly and looked at the feinted young man in his arms before turning around and issuing some requests to the children
" Marie could you please tell all the others to eat their breakfasts and that I won't be with them today, or at least until my patient is cured."
"Hai Seifer Oniisan!"
"Thank you Marie… I'll see if I can play with you tomorrow okay?"
"Alright! I'll see to it that Zell-san's breakfast gets to your room too!"
" Arigato Gozaimasu, Marie-chan!"
The little girl blushed, and bowed respectfully before going off to command the other children. She was a child that was born with the natural qualities of a leader. Seifer just hoped that the chicken wuss hadn't done anything very hazardous to his health yet. The little Japanese girl had now herded the group of children to the tables that were built just form them and turned to look at Seifer with a beaming smile on her face. Seifer nodded and mouthed another thanks to her before going off and carrying the precious bundle in his arms back to his room.
It was really sweet how Zell would just cuddle up into the nearest thing warm just like a cat, but Seifer wouldn't or more like couldn't confess these thoughts in fear of being kicked out of Garden. It is widely known to all that the school would not tolerate such acts like homosexuality or bisexuality in the school grounds. Actually, there wasn't any written records about it and maybe Principal Cid would be understanding of situations such as these but the students were another story.
Seifer sighed and sat down next to Zell who was currently cuddling again with the pillows. The tall blonde looked down upon the face of the younger man and sighed yet again. Zell's face was so full of youth, innocence and life. He was the epitome of teen life but he still had the innocence and naiveté of a child even though he knew so much and acquired high grades.
The door of his dorm room rang out with the gentle knocks of someone outside the door. Seifer roused himself gently form the bed and headed towards the door to welcome the visitor, who was probably Marie, in. As usual, he was right. The tiny girl was waiting patiently behind the door with a plateful of hotdogs in hand. Surprising enough, Violet had followed her friend and was carrying what looked like Chicken Soup.
"Brother Seifer, here ya go!"
"Ya! I brought Brother Zell some Chicken Soup too! Cuz I know that chicken soup is best for sick people!"
Seifer beamed thanks at the two children and kneeled down to get the prized food items from their little fingers. He also gave them a kiss on the forehead to signify his thanks and sent them off to play with the other children. The tall SeeD candidate then turned around and deposited the items in his hands to the nearby tabletop, which was beside the bed. He then went off to the bathroom to sanitize his hands before plopping down next to the bed, chicken soup in hand, ready to feed his ailing patient.
"YO! Chicken Wuss! Rise and Shine!"
"*Grumble*"
Zell, in response to his words turned away and snuggled deeper in his blankets, leaving Seifer a bit irritated. The Tall blonde then acquired a mischievous glint in the eye and got up to head for the bathroom again. After a few minutes, Seifer plopped down next to Zell and started sprinkling tiny amounts of moisture on Zell's warm and sleeping face.
"What the HELL!?!?"
"That's what you deserve for not following my orders about staying in bed."
"But I was curious where you went…and besides, my legs were feeling stiff."
The young lad settled into a pout, his lower lips pushed out in the most childlike fashion along with the pinching of his eyebrows. Seifer sighed and shook his head. He then placed a hand on the Chicken Wuss' forehead and confirmed his hypothesis.
"Because of your excursion a few minutes ago, your body has developed a low fever."
"…"
"Now…let's feed you some breakfast…Say Ahhhh…"
"Hey now…WAITTAMINUTE! I can feed myself you know!"
"I don't trust you to keep your hands steady enough to hold a spoon of chicken soup without spilling."
"Oh yeah! Just let me try and I'll show you!"
"NO."
"WHY THE FUCK?!?"
"These happen to be my bed sheets and I do not want to have chicken soup spilled all over them so I'm not taking any chances. Now be good and open your mouth."
Zell harrumphed and grudgingly opened his mouth, letting Seifer insert the spoon laden with chicken soup into his mouth. Seifer smiled at him and started laughing.
"That wasn't so bad was it?"
Seifer grinned at Zell who at the moment was trying his best not to spit out all the soup the big bully just fed him. Snickering, Seifer brought out another spoonful of chicken soup and went to feed his patient with much patience.
After a few intense minutes of coaxing Zell into eating, the tall teen stood up and had a long deserved stretch which caught the attention of the pouting patient on the bed.
"...Yo Seifer!?"
"What?!?"
"....You...um...have you eaten yet?"
"....No..."
"Ummm...."
"Don't worry, I have ...h.o.t.d.o.g.s. for breakafast a few minutes now."
"WHAT?!? You get hotdogs and iget chicken soup?!?"
"No...you get health food!"
Zell bristled on the bed and started pewing scathing words to the big bully that had just grabbed the plateful of hotdogs behind him. Seifer munched at the edible delicacies with much gusto as he watched his patient bristle some more with jealousy.
"Don't worry...I'll get you some hotdogs for lunch...Chicken Wuss!"
"ERGHHH..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking on the usually crowded halls of Balamb Garden, one was limping slightly and leaning on the other. The sunlit hallways were warm and a cheery breeze was flowing just marvelously cool along it's narrow corridors. The two boys were at the moment having a heated conversation as they strolled along.
" That's not what I meant! I mean…how do you cure a zombie?" Zell asked exasperatedly, gesticulating wildly. Seifer looked at him.
"Holy Water…How many times do I have to repeat myself?"
"No,no,no…I mean, How do you cure a * zombie* ?"
"Dincht, this is getting stupid…You use Holy Water!"
"No…I mean…When you're a Zombie, How do you cure yourself?"
"HOLY WATER!"
"Argghhhhh!!!!!!!"
"This is getting nowhere Chicken Wuss…."
"Cause you're not getting it!"
"Oh, Now…" Seifer said, raising a eyebrow. " It's me who doesn't' get it?"
"Yes! You're not getting it!"
"It's not my fault that you can't say a question right…"
"Arggghhhhhh , Seifer! You're such a dumbass ya know that!"
"Well….You're such a know it all!"
"Fuck you!"
"No…FUCK YOU!"
"Argghhhh!!!!!"
"I don't even know why I like you so-" Seifer's eyes turned wide as he stopped himself.
" W-what did you say?"
Seifer looked away, unable to meet those penetrating blue eyes. Zell crept closer, his heart pounding madly in his chest.
"Seifer…"
"…"
"Aw…man! C'mon!"
"…"
Zell furrowed his eyebrows, seeing the discomfort of his long time bully. Reaching out tentatively, his hand cupped the jaw of the taller SeeD and turned him around. The piercing steel gray eyes looked like they were long filled with pain and Zell could see that the big bully was both anxious at his reply and dreading what he might say.
"Zell…" Seifer began his voice doubtful. " I know…You, you…won't believe it...But…I-I-I…love you…." Wrenching his head from Zell's hand, he began to walk faster.
"S-se-seifer?" Zell asked, is hand outstretched as if beckoning Seifer to come back. Realizing that the Blonde man was still injured, Seifer stopped in his tracks and gritted his teeth hard.
"…I know that you don't feel the same way…but…I just wish n-n-nothing would change…I-I-" Seifer stiffened when he felt a finger press unto his lips, vivid blue eyes then met his eyes.
"You know…" Zell wondered, his face smiling winsomely at Seifer. " It's not so bad…I could learn to like you…"
"???"
"Of course, " Zell continued, unaware of the taller SeeD's reaction " I do like you now…But when the others are around…" Zell looked into Seifer's eyes. " You're such a dumbass ya know that…"
Then there was no more room fro words as lips met lips and hand met hand. ' Good thing there's nobody else here...' Zell thought as his body was suffused with warmth he never knew was possible. ' How ' bout that? I do like that big bully…'
1 #END#
FalconIce: This fic is dedicated to my 1000th visitor, Irei. Thanks for going to my site. Sorry if the story took so long…Had to worry about my classes and final exams..neh?
Author: FalconIce and Comments by FalconIce and Kasa no Miko
Disclaimer: Ain't mine but the stupid ideas are? ^.^
Warnings: Weird Humor and Sap! Er, the comments are not finished yet but the story is! *sweatdrop*
Pairings: Zell x Seifer
Rating: PG 13 for weird scenes…
Note: If you want the story itself without the funny comments mail me at twilight_wings@yahoo.com
Archive: Http://www.geocities.com/twilight_wings
Feedback: Reviews are my life and my love!
LEGEND:
*Actions*
Commentaries
//Commentaries on the commentaries//
KnM: Good evening.
FI: Why the hell would you put "Good evening" in a commentary?! *rolls up a newspaper and whaps KnM on the head*
KnM: Ow! And I just felt like saying that, cos it sounds so…formal.
FI: I hate formality in my fics.
KnM: Anyway, let me continue. Ahem…Good evening, and welcome to the Fic Commentary Talk Show. We are your hosts, Kasa no Miko and FalconIce.
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: *glances around* Where the heck did that come from???
KnM: In today's episode, we will be- OW!
FI: EPISODES?! We have EPISODES?! Since when did fics have episodes?! It's called…*clears throat* Chapters.
KnM: Chapters?! But this ISN'T a fic! We're just commenting on one. It's like those TV shows, they call it episodes!
FI: It's MY fic! *sticks tongue out* And besides, this ISN'T a TV episode! We're just in front of a computer!
KnM: But it's better to call them episodes! It's-
Zell: What are we supposed to be here for again?
FI and KnM: *glance at Zell*
FI: What's he doing here, anyway?!
KnM: I was just getting to that before you disturbed me.
FI: Then get to it already!
KnM: Then stop disturbing me!
Seifer: *clears throat*
FI: *offers him some menthol candies* Sore throat?
Seifer: *narrows eyes*
KnM: ANYWAY…In today's episode…*sticks tongue out at FalconIce after ducking the shoe that FI threw at her* We will be commenting on FalconIce's fic, "Chicken Wuss".
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: *glances around* Man, is this place haunted or what?
KnM: Right now, we have our guests…Zell Dincht and Seifer Almasy, the main characters of "Chicken Wuss".
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: *gets annoyed* We should call a priest…
KnM: It's special effects, ok?
FI: Ohhhhhh…I get it…
Unseen audience: *applaud*
FI: Hey, that was insulting. *throw shoes in various directions*
KnM: We should get to commenting already.
FI: Fine…if you want it that way.
Zell and Seifer: Zzzzz…
THE FIC BEGINS HERE…
"Chicken Wuss..."
"SEIFER!"
"Hehehehe...."
"Arghhhhh!!!!"
KnM: You know…it sounds as if they're…*blush*…you know
FI: *jaws drop down, raises eyebrow* Hey!
Zell: *jaws drop down, raises eyebrow* Hey!
Seifer: Hehehehe…*nudges Zell*
Zell: EWWW!!! You're hentai!
Zell grumbles at the tall dirty-blonde haired man in front of him, flashing his sharp canines in the process.
KnM: Sharp canines!!! Wait…how can you grumble and flash your canines at the SAME time???
FI: Uhhh………………I'm speechless. I can't reason out. Maybe he has a hole in his mouth?
Zell: Hey! I don't have a hole in my mouth.
Seifer: *starts trying to grumble and flash his canines at the same time, but miserably failing*
The aforementioned man in front of him just raises an inquiring eyebrow before chuckling some more. Zell could feel the hair at the back of his neck bristle more in ire and annoyance.
KnM: Whoa…he can feel individual hair strands at the back of his neck bristling?!?!?! Talk about sensitivity…
FI: You know, if I think about it…he's starting to act like a dog, and less and less a chicken. Maybe I should have titled this "Doggie Wuss"
Seifer: *starts laughing hysterically* DOGGIE WUSS!!! Bwahahaha!
Zell: Hey! *goes to a corner and sulks*
"Quit pick'n on me ya bastard! I'm 17 already!"
"Just makes it more fun...Chicken Wuss."
FI: What…picking on someone 17 is fun?
KnM: ……Pedophile…
FI: How can it be pedophile? Zell is 17 already, it's supposed to be juvenile-phile.
Zell, Seifer and KnM: *sweatdrop*
Zell pouts, his lower lip jutting out as his eyebrows furrow together in a most childlike fashion.
KnM: "In a most childlike fashion"… Laugh. *laughs*
FI: *sweatdrop* Why do you say laugh before you laugh?
KnM: Because it makes me laugh, get it?
FI: *sweatdrop some more* Uh…
Zell: I think you're going to turn into a prune from sweatdropping too much.
Seifer: Is that possible?
Seifer looks at the chicken wuss in front of him and starts laughing.
KnM: Hey! You didn't say laugh before you laughed!
FI: *thwaps KnM in the head with a shoe*
Zell and Seifer: *sweatdrop*
KnM: See? You're all going to turn into prunes.
FI, Zell and Seifer: *thwaps KnM again*
Zell gets angry, his fists in the air, challenging Seifer without saying anything.
KnM: Fists in the air?!?!?! *starts waving fists above her head* Like that? But it looks so stupid…
FI: No! I mean, when you put them in that fighting stance and all, you know, in front of your face and all!
//FI: (commenting on her commentary) I think I said too much "and all"…
Seifer: I didn't know you can comment on your commentary.
Zell: *pouts* I look stupid? *wobbly eyes*
FI: No, you look cute.
KnM: *starts giggling incessantly while imitating the waving-fists-in-the- air act*
Zell: She's making fun of me.
"No fighting in the corridors chicken...or you're going to get kicked outta here faster than you can say my name...."
KnM: Seifer Alma-
FI: *boots her off her computer chair before she can finish* Now do you believe me?
Zell: Whoa. I hope I didn't say that in the fic.
Seifer: Hehehe…Hail the powers of my own name.
"Why the fuck would I say your name?!? Ya dumbass!?"
FI: Cos it's such a nice name.
Seifer: Yes, and it's powerful.
Zell: Whew, I didn't say his name.
"Begging me to let you come back..." *snicker*
KnM: *returns* Come back where? To your arms? *giggle*
Zell: *blushes like hell*
//FI: (commenting on Zell's commentary) I didn't know hell could blush//
FI: No! Back to the Garden, duh! Refer to the previously previous statement!
"Why I oughtta-!"
KnM: *as Zell* Yes, I oughtta jump you right now!
FI: *as Seifer in a husky voice* Yes, that would be the best thing to do right now.
KnM: *as Zell* Yes! Yes! Yes!
Zell: *blushes furiously* …
Seifer: This is turning into an R-rated fic…
The taller blonde dodges with graceful agility as the shorter blonde swipes a fist at his midsection.
KnM: Midsection???
FI: He can only reach that high?
Zell: Hey! You keep saying "the shorter blonde"! Could you stop pushing the issue?!
Seifer: But short people are so cute.
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?!
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
Seifer could see that the chicken wuss was just getting more irritated...Hmph, his fangs
KnM: It's the fangs again…
FI: *as Zell* I vant to zringk your vlood! Vwahahahaha!
Zell: *sweatdrop*
Seifer: *shakes head sadly, turns to KnM* Your friend's mad.
KnM: I know……Bwahahaha!
FI: *bwahahaha some more*
Zell and Seifer: *starts fearing for their hosts' sanity*
are so cute, Seifer thought to himself before parrying another blow from the shorter man
Zell: There it goes again…
...um.....kid..or better...chicken wuss. The taller blonde chuckled to himself, which just made the younger SeeD candidate more annoyed.
Zell: How much more annoyed can I get?
FI: A lot more? You can vent out your frustrations later in bed, you know.
Zell: *turn as red as a police car light*
//KnM: (commenting on Zell's commentary) Ooh! He's turning red and blue and red and blue and red and blue…
FI: I meant only the red portion! Sheesh!//
Seifer: Are you done on the commentaries on the commentaries yet?
//KnM: (commenting on Seifer's commentary) Hey, how did he know we were commenting on the commentaries//
Seifer: Because I'm omniscient. For that is the power of Seifer Alma-
FI: *boots Seifer out*
Zell: What'd ya do that for?
FI: He was about to say his own name. Remember? People get booted out faster than they can say his name.
Zell: *sweatdrop* I didn't know it worked that way…
"GOD DAMNITT!"
KnM: Was that Seifer commenting on the fic or was that him in the fic itself?
FI: No, it was Zell in the fic. Seifer's long gone. We booted him out, remember?
Seifer: *returns all dusty, dirty and steaming mad* HEY! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
FI: You were about to say your own name. Remember? People get booted out faster than they can say your name.
KnM: I'm in déjà vu. I think you said that before.
Seifer: How can you boot me out for saying Seifer Alma- *gets booted out*
FI: He asked for it.
"Giving up already chicken wuss?"
"ARGGHHHH!"
Zell twirls around
KnM: Twirls around? *as Zell* Look at me! *twirls around like a ballerina*
FI: *as Seifer* Oh, you're so graceful, mon petite.
Zell: Mon petite?!?! There you are again! Quit pushing the issue!
for a fierce backhand before losing his balance from the inertia it created, which just gave the taller blonde the opportunity to hold the young man's lean body against his bigger and broader frame.
KnM: Bigger and broader? How big and how broad?
FI: *grins mischievously* Uh…football field big?
Zell: Hey, he's not that big!
KnM: No, you're just that small.
Zell: WAAAHHHH!!!
"Falling for me?"
"Fuck-
KnM: *as Zell* Fuck me! Laugh. *laughs*
FI: You're weird.
Zell: *blushes* This is getting too personal…
-Off!"
"Really now? *evil grin* Can't the chicken be civil for once?"
KnM: *bursts out laughing* Civil chickens?!?!
FI: It's possible. They do train chickens in Hollywood.
Zell: Great…now you're pushing the chicken issue…What next?
Seifer: *walks in*
FI: *in that sing-songy tune of Lupin the Third* Seifer Returns!
Seifer: That was unaccounted for, you know that…*fume*
FI: You asked for it.
KnM: *scratches head* You know, FalconIce, I think you keep quoting your own sentences.
" Yer such a bastard ya know that!?!"
"Hmph. I know." *smirk*
KnM: *as Zell* Yer such a bastard ya know that!?!
FI: *as Seifer* Wait, lemme think. *starts tracing family tree* Hmph. I know.
Seifer: *jaw drops* I am so not a bastard! *starts tracing family tree with FI* Wait! I am! Why I oughtta kill my mother…
Zell: Are you sure that's your mother?
FI: Who's family chart is this anyway?…Oh…Cloud Strife…Whoops! Wrong one!
Seifer: *thwaps FI on the head* See?! I'm not a bastard…not in the literal sense, anyway.
Zell: Hey! You're admitting you're a bastard! A bastard as in synonym of jerk, that is.
The smaller man squirmed
KnM: Squirmed???
Zell: SMALLER MAN?!?! ARRRRGHHH!!!
FI and Seifer: Ehehehehe…*gloat maniacally*
in the grip of the other, his elbow aimed at the smirking face of the big bully.
KnM: *as Zell* Aiming elbow…and fire! *makes missile noises*
FI: *as Seifer* Deploying anti-missile missiles. Fire! *makes anti-missile missile noises*
Zell and Seifer: *sweatdrop*
KnM: Prunies!
FI: *drenches them with a whole bucket of isotonic fluid*
Zell sneered, his canines showing. The big bully smirked one last time before pushing the smaller man
Zell: Grrr….
off him, making Zell squeak in pain as his butt landed hard on the floor.
KnM: *as Zell* Zell's butt to floor…Prepare for landing. Will probably be hard.
FI: *as floor in a microphony control towery voice* Floor to Zell's butt. Please prepare your landing gears, and we'll work this out together.
Zell: *glances weirdly at his butt* You've changed my viewpoint of my own butt forever.
Seifer: *leers appreciatively at aforementioned posterior*
"Ow!"
FI: *as floor* Floor to Zell's butt…You were a millisecond too late in descending your landing gear.
KnM: *as Zell* But Floor…I don't HAVE landing gear!
FI: *as floor* Use your cushiony butt cheeks. That's what they're there for, anyway.
Zell: *puts hands to ears* I refuse to hear anymore of this…
"Chicken..."
"SEIFER! YOU WILL DIE!"
"It'll be fun seeing you try....Wussboy."
"ARGGGHHHHH!"
The spiky haired young man patted his bottom
FI: *as floor* Floor to Zell's butt…Are landing gear in good condition now?
KnM: *as Zell* Zell's butt to floor…Yes, repairs have been made. *Zell's hand pats his bottom*
Zell: STOP IT ALREADY!!!
Seifer: *pats aforementioned posterior*
Zell: AND YOU TOO! STOP IT!
FI, KnM and Seifer: Ehehehe…
as he got up but not before flashing the taller man a glare that could've melted ice. Seifer looked unperturbed as he stood up with his arms crossed.
FI: Now that I think about it…I keep wondering why I wrote that. How can you stand up with your arms crossed?
KnM: *tries to stand up with her arms crossed* This is hard!
A scuffle of feet behind the tall man gave the sign that his cohorts, the other members of the disciplinary committee, had come to back up their so called boss.
KnM: *as Zell* Yo, Seifer. Tell your cohorts to stop scuffling their feet. It sounds sloppy.
FI: *as Seifer, turns to cohorts* Yo, stop scuffling now!
Cohorts: *stumbling among themselves* But we don't know how to walk in any other way!
FI: *as Seifer, walks in a fashion showy, swaying-the-hips, kind of way* Like this!
Cohorts: Ohhhh…
Seifer: *sputters indignantly, chases FI with his Hyperion* How dare you mock me! Take that back!
Zell: *chuckles*
"SEIFER. MEETING. NOW."
KnM: Seifer's meeting who? Now? Who's Now?
FI: It rhymes with cow.
KnM: So Seifer's meeting with a cow whose name is Now, but I wouldn't know how.
FI: Then he greets her with a bow, and hands her a golden plow, for her name is Now, and she manages somehow to carry the plow.
Seifer: What is wrong with you two…?
Zell: Have you gotten the flu?
FI: Maybe we should call Xu.
KnM: Yeah, and throw her a shoe from out of the blue!
Seifer: Stop rhyming whatever I say.
KnM: Fine, then we'll rhyme for another day! AIEEE! *dashes away from a gunblade-wielding Almasy*
"Yeah yeah...."
"She's right ya know! We're going to be late ya know!"
"Fine. Bye Chicken Wuss don't keep falling you're liable to get yourself really hurt...*evil grin*."
KnM: *as Zell* Whoa, you can say that all in one sentence? Have you been singing lately?
FI: *as Seifer* How did you know? That is my secret passion. *starts wailing like a banshee*
Seifer: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SINGING VOICE!!! *chases FI around*
KnM: *to Zell* Boy, that guy's got a lot of stamina. Is he like that in bed?
Zell: *blushes* Quit making me blush! All this blood is getting to my head!
//KnM: (commenting on the past few commentaries) Whoa! Have you noticed that we've been subconsciously rhyming?!?!
FI: And we didn't plan it either!//
With that, the bully turned around and huffily went away,
FI: *as Seifer* Huff, huff, huff, huff, huff, huff…
his gray trenchcoat fluttering in the air,
FI: *grabs Seifer's trenchcoat and flutters it in the air* Flutter, flutter…
leaving the young man who had just stood up gaping behind his back. The silver haired young woman looked wistfully at her boss before following him and dragging Raijin along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zell trotted around the training center for awhile
KnM: *as Zell* Clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop…
FI: Not literally trotting!
Zell: *wobbly eyes* You're making fun of me…
Seifer: How can you clippity-clop with sneakers?
Zell: *whacks Seifer upside on the head* I DON'T CLIPPITY-CLOP!!!
before spotting the usual pair of grats ambling along. The pair soon saw him and started waddling...er....shuffling his way. He readied his stance, placing his arms before him in the universal position of defense at the same time curling up his fingers into a rockhard fist.
KnM: Yes, you should have used this sentence instead of "waving his fists in the air".
FI: …
He was ready and he'd bet he could take on anything they'd be able to give him.
FI: You know…that's kinda like a rape scene, if you think about it.
Zell: WAHHH! Seifer! They're doing it again!
KnM: We're doing what?!?!
Zell: Eww, that's so gross!
KnM: You said it yourself.
Seifer: You're both echi-minded, hentai fanfiction authors.
FI: A Zell/Grat rape fic…Hmm…
Zell: HEY! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!!!
FI: I've never seen Grat…er, organs before. How would I know what they look like?
KnM: Maybe they use their viney things!
FI: Gosh, but they're huge. They must use a hell lotta lube.
Zell: Can we not…TALK ABOUT THIS?!
The battle started roughly
KnM: *raises eyebrow* Oh my…
FI: *as Zell* Harder! Harder! More!
Seifer: Hey! Only I can give my Chicken Wuss what he needs!
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
//KnM: See? We quoted ourselves again.
FI: I can't believe we're both so gullible.//
with the grats giving him
KnM: Giving him what?!
FI: *raises big huge banner that says "Blowjob"*
Zell: *eyes widen* HEY!
the usual bath of gastric juice which he learned in chemistry earlier that day, was made of Hydrochloric Acid. Things like that were so ever useful when fighting for your life. Zell smirked before giving the stupid pile of vegetation a taste of his hardrock
KnM: Erection! *burst out giggling*
FI: Oh, so it's the other way around now. Zell, I didn't know you were so aggressive.
Zell: …
Seifer: Is this plunging into a lemon? Cos I think it's kinda interesting…
Zell: *whaps Seifer* Closet pervert!
Seifer: Hey, you're also a closet sadist!
KnM: No, he's not! He's a closet trisexual!
FI: *thinks* Why does everything hentai happen in the closet? *opens closet, sees nothing* Huh???
knuckles. The Grat screamed in frustration
FI: *as Grat, makes Gratty sounds, which translate into…* Aww, knuckles! What about the other hardrock thing?
Zell: Ewwww…you guys are sick!
FI: *checks body temperature* No, we're not.
Zell: I give up. You guys are impossible.
FI: No, we're not. We're here. We are possible.
Zell: *slaps forehead*
Seifer: *is strangely silent*
before melting into a pile of stinking ooze. Zell grimaced at the odor but kept up his stance in preparation for the oncoming assault of the other Grat before him.
KnM: *reads sentence again* You know…that has so many implications…
FI: Zell, you must have a lot of stamina.
Seifer: Whoo-hoo!
Zell: I'm getting sick of all this…
As he was just about to attack the Grat was suddenly shoved aside by the hulking figure of a T-rexaur, and at that moment, Zell just wanted to scream his head off.
KnM: Whoa…everybody's fighting for a turn with Zell! Go Zell!
FI: *gets a huge meterstick* How can it fit?
Seifer: No wonder Zell wanted to scream his head off.
Zell: *looks aghast at Seifer* Not you too!!! You're all hentai!
It was bad enough that his experience level was only ten
FI: Whoa, Zell…exactly which ten people…and er, animals did you do?
Zell: I DID NOT DO ANYBODY!!!
Seifer: *clears throat* You're forgetting somebody…
but he had only one GF which was Siren
FI: And Siren joins the party.
KnM: *waves two little flags* Orgy!
which he doubt would hurt the tough hide of the hulking behemoth before him. Zell controlled his breathing and tried to make a run for it but succeeded in only intriguing the huge pile of meat.
FI: *as T-Rexaur* You're making my huge pile of meat aching for you, human…
KnM: Oh, you're referring to that huge pile of meat.
Zell: *turns green* You guys are traumatizing me…
Zell gulped, his throat parched dry...
KnM: But what about all that Grat love juice?
This was going to be humiliating....he thought to himself before facing up to the gigantic reptile and surging forward to make his first move.
FI: Whoa, Zell. Making the first move, huh? Go, Zell! *starts munching on some popcorn*
Zell slammed against the Training center railings with a thud,
FI: *as T-Rexaur* I think I should have been more careful.
KnM: Oh, so you're going for the up-against-the-wall position. *giggle*
his diaphragm contracted as his air was punched right out of his lungs. The T-rexaur bellowed loudly and started thumping
KnM: Thumping?! Bwahahahaha! He's getting right onto it!
FI: Here, Zell. *grab big huge tub of lube*
Zell: *turns into a sickly shade of puke green* I'm getting sick…
its way to him. Zell gulped and held his stomach, which at the moment was screaming with pain, and succumbed to his destined fate.
KnM: *look at FI weirdly* Did you have a lemon scene planned here? Because it sounds so deliberate…
FI: No! It's a battle scene!
Seifer: Maybe you just wrote all those sentences subconsciously.
FI: I must have been subtly taken over by my subconscious hentai brain. *starts grabbing at her head* Jenovaaaaa! I'm being influenced by Jenovaaaaaaa…Mwahahaha, I'm secretly hentai.
Zell: You're not secretly hentai. You're OBVIOUSLY hentai!
The blow Zell was anticipating never came as another voice screamed in vengeance. The young SeeD candidate looked up to see the most surprising sight in front of him, Seifer Almasy
KnM: Oooh, Seifer wants some, too.
Seifer: Yeah, and I want some now.
Zell: *eeps* Now? As in now now commentary now or now now fic now?!
Seifer: *grabs Zell and pulls him close* I mean, now now…right now.
KnM: *eyes widen* A lemon scene is unfolding before our very eyes…
FI: I'm still bothered by the nows…
Seifer: *tilts head* But maybe not now now right now. These two hentais are watching us…now.
FI: *flails hands* Stop it with the nows!
KnM: Awww…they're not gonna do it.
who at the moment was risking his own neck to save the teen whom he always called Chicken Wuss. Zell couldn't breathe for a moment but as he sought to catch his breathe Seifer was courageously defending his life against the menacing clutches of the big lizard.
"Fuck Dincht, help me already!"
"*gasp* I-I-I....c-co-coming...."
KnM: *gasps* You actually wrote that?!?!?!
FI: Oh my goodness, my subconscious must have been acting up that day.
Seifer: *as Seifer* Come on, Dincht. Let me have my turn now.
Zell: *looks queerly at Seifer* You're imitating yourself?!?!
Seifer: Yeah, cos I want you…And I can't believe you actually got turned on by a T-Rexaur.
Zell: I DID NOT!!!
A swipe from the enormous claws of the reptile sends the taller teen smashing against the smaller form of Zell, sending the air from both their bodies whooshing out as they impacted against the rails. The younger man squeaked in protest as the larger body squirmed on top of him.
KnM: Which larger body? The T-Rexaur's or Seifer's?
FI: Uh…both?
Zell: EEEWWWW!!!
Seifer: *looks Zell up and down* How can you manage?
Zell: *thwack*
"FUCK THAT HURTS!"
"Shut up Dincht...before I'll pound you to the wall again!"
"Just get the hell offa me before that thing starts to realize that we're still alive and kick'n!"
"Hmph."
KnM and FI: *glance at each other*
FI: *blink blink* I can't believe I wrote that. It sounds so lemony.
KnM: You can say that again.
FI: *blink blink* I can't believe I wrote that. It sounds so lemony.
The taller form of Seifer Almasy limped towards the awaiting T-rexaur.
KnM: Awaiting?!?!?! Man, you write so hentai-ly.
FI: I think I'm going to scold my subconscious…But first things first, I have to figure out how to do that.
Zell grimaced in pain as he stood up then promptly clutched his side.
FI: Man, Seifer pounds so hard.
Seifer: Thank you.
Zell: SEIFER!!!
' Damn...Broken ribs.... ' He thought to himself before following the big bully of his life towards the battle field.
"CURE!"
KnM: *as Zell* Now I'm not sore anymore.
Zell: HEY!
The swirling eddies of the spell engulfed the muscular form of Seifer as Zell ambled up beside the taller man. The shorter of the two narrowed his eyes then proceeded to summon Siren, but just before he closed his eyes for the summoning act, he thought for just one second that the other was looking at him worriedly yet he had no time to contemplate the meaning of such a glance as Siren surged out from his body and began her song. Zell smiled wearily before fainting with fatigue, the last eddies of Siren's haunting melody still in the air.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well now...Didn't think that the Chicken would survive but I guess not."
"Fuck off Seifer."
"Heh...Five broken ribs and a concussion on th head...yet you're still bouncing with hyperactivity."
"Grrrrr...SHUT UP YA BASTARD!......"
Seifer: Stop calling me that!
FI: I'm sorry! I got the wrong family chart!
"*a chuckle* You don't even know where you are Chicken Wuss and you're already mouthing off. How cute..."
"*sputter*"
FI: Mouthing off? Hmm…
KnM: Sputter?! Is it too much for you Zell?
FI: You've already been banged by a Grat, a T-Rexaur and Seifer…and you still want MORE?!?!
Zell: Hell no!
Seifer: You mean you don't want me?
Zell: Uh…that's a trick question. I just know it.
Zell tried his best to sit up but a pair of strong hands pushed him back down...not too gently but not what you'd call rough either.
FI: *as Seifer* No, we're not finished yet. I have yet to show you the finale of my act…
KnM: *waves little pompoms* Go, Seifer! Ra ra ra!
The young man also noticed that a cloth had been wrapped around his head...
KnM: For blindfolding?!?! What, do you have a whip and a pair of handcuffs too?
FI: Whoa, they're secretly into SnM.
Seifer: You make me sound so sadistic…
KnM: Isn't it true?
FI: *as Seifer* Yup. I like my bedplay…rough…
Seifer: Quit imitating me. I can just say it for myself.
Zell: Eep!
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?!
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
//KnM: Here we go again…//
probably for the concussion.' Damn! ' He thought to himself before baring his fangs at who he hoped was Seifer.
"No Thank Yous?"
"Grrr...."
"What do you expect from a Chicken Wuss."
".............mumble........."
"What?"
"I said Thank You ya big bully!"
"Just wonder'n....Chicken Wuss....no need to rile yourself up so much."
Then it hit Zell...What the hell was Seifer doing with him here? The silence in the room was deafening before Zell's voice broke the ice.
KnM: *as Zell* Did you just do me?
FI: *as Seifer* Isn't it obvious? But I'm glad you said thank you.
Zell: *as KnM* Darn…the lemon's finished.
Seifer: *as FI* Maybe I should write some more.
FI and KnM: *look at the two boys weirdly*
"Um....how long was I out?"
"It would be safe to assume that you have been unconscious for over five hours and it is approaching nine o'clock in the evening."
That just made Zell more confused than ever...Seifer's been here since he got knocked out? Seifer?!? What the hell?!?
"Dr. Kadowaki?"
"Yes, Almasy?"
"I'll go now..."
"Go ahead Seifer...Zell's in good hands."
"Uh...Yeah."
The shuffling footsteps
KnM: Shuffling again?!?! Laugh. *laughs*
FI: You can't say "The steps of the man was heard.…" It's so boring! And you can't say "pitter-patter of feet", or stuff like that. It's not raining.
KnM: How about…CLIPPITY CLOP!!!
Zell: Hey!
FI: Aww…Zell and Seifer can be a pair! And we can give them horseshoes! I'll do the nailing myself…*gets huge sledgehammer* Who wants to go first? *smile*
Zell: ……*backs away*
Seifer: Hmph. I do NOT clippity-clop, unlike HORSE WUSS here!
FI: Oh…so he's a horse wuss now…First, it was chicken wuss, then dog wuss…What's next? Grat wuss???
KnM: Which reminds me…*refers to earlier lemon scenes, evil grin*
Zell: You're all against me! *big wobbly eyes* Seifer, defend me!
Seifer: Why would I defend a Grat…?
Zell: *bawl*
FI and KnM: AWWWW…
of the tall man was heard by Zell as it passed through the automatic electronic doors of the infirmary. The spiky-banged teen heaved a sigh then clenches teeth as pain racked his body.
"Summer's in Zell. You're planning to go home to your mom?"
"Hai."
"Hmmmm..."
"Just how long was Seifer in here....with me?"
"Just about the whole time. Why?"
"Ah....noth'n.....just curious."
Doctor Kadowaki's hands ran gently along the teen's side before heaving Zell's body up painfully to examine the back of the young man. Zell closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, trying his best to ignore the stabbing pricks of pain
FI: Hmmm…wonder if Dr. Kadowaki's taking acupuncture during the weekends…?
as the Doctor poked at his wounds.
"The stitches are coming along fine...I recommend you stay here in the Garden at least until you're healed."
"WHAT?!?"
FI: *as Dr. Kadowaki* I said…The stitches are coming along fine...I recommend you stay here in the Garden at least until you're healed.
Zell: *flails* I didn't ask you to repeat it! I heard you the first time! *stops flailing, crosses his arms* It was a rhetorical question…
Seifer: Ooh…big vocabulary…
Zell: *points at Seifer* That's because you have a small one!
KnM: Nani…WHICH small one???
Seifer: Hey…watch your mouth. *glares at KnM*
Zell convulsed a bit at the pain the interjection caused,
KnM: Convulsed?!?! Convulse…to shake violently…
FI: Zell, shouldn't you have broken the needle by now?
KnM: *as Zell, starts convulsing*
FI: *as Dr. Kadowaki* Oh…the needle broke…That must hurt a lot, you poor dear…*pats the real Zell on the head*
Zell: *pouts* It's not my fault you use the wrong words at the wrong time.
KnM: True…FI should have used "shuddered" or "winced" or something like that.
FI: *blinks* I never thought of that…
Seifer: *smirks* That's okay. Zell convulses a lot in bed, anyway…
KnM: *gasps incredulously* Did you just say that?!
Seifer: No, I didn't.
FI: Oh, okay.
//KnM: Maybe we should start counting the times this dialogue appears in this commentary fic…
FI: Hai…//
but the Doctor's hands soon eased his sore body back against the bed and he quieted his moans of pain.
"B-b-but everyone's going home! I mean...Even Squall's spending his Summer with that new girl...Rinia...or something!"
"There's Seifer."
"*sputtering*"
"It couldn't be that bad...after all...He's the one who stayed with you for a little over five hours."
"But-"
"Zell...I advised you not to engage in any strenuous activity for the duration of your recuperation.
KnM: STRENUOUS ACTIVITY…Did you hear that, Seifer?
Seifer: *grumble grumble*
FI: *looks at Zell* He stayed with you for a little over five hours…Oooooh…*nudge nudge*
Zell: *blushes deep red*
FI: Ooooh…He protested…Ooooh, what does "but" mean?
I am burdening Seifer
FI: Seifer's a pack mule…Seifer's a pack mule…
with the responsibility of tending to your wounds, since I shall be leaving soon for a family reunion."
Zell had a vision of millions of Dr. Kadowakis from different medical practices greeting each other. Zell could just imagine it now.
~ "Hello, Dr. Kadowaki of Cardiology."
"Greetings, Dr. Kadowaki of Neurology. Would you like some hors d'oeuvres?"~
Zell chuckled at the image, and Dr. Kadowaki gazed strangely at him. He looked up and smiled sheepishly. And then it hit him…
"You mean I'm going to be stuck with SEIFER for the WHOLE summer???!!!"
"Why not? You can deepen your friendship with each other."
"How come that sentence doesn't sound right?"
Dr. Kadowaki smiled knowingly. Zell hated it when people did that, because it seemed that everyone knew something he didn't.
"What?!"
"Nothing, Zell. Just thinking. Anyway, Seifer will be coming to pick you up any minute now."
"Where is that bas- uh, I mean, Seifer, anyway?"
"He's moving your things to his room…"
"*sputter* WHY IS HE LOOKING THROUGH MY STUFF?!"
"You're staying in his room for a while, because he felt it would be best if you simply stayed with him instead. After all, it would be greatly uncomfortable for you to limp to your room which is at the other end of the dormitory."
"But-"
"No buts. Ahhh...Here he is..."
A soft whoosh from the electronic doors confirmed what Zell had heard the Doctor say, Seifer had finally arrived. He couldn't help but fidget at the thought of spending almost the whole summer with him. In spite of everything, Seifer was still a pain in the ass. Zell sighed in annoyance and a little bit of frustration.
"Ahhh… Doctor Kadowaki…Zell can go to my room now."
"That's good to hear, and Seifer…"
"Uh…Yes?"
"Take care of him…and do learn to get along…"
"Hai…"
"Now Zell, Seifer will take you to his dorm now and by tomorrow morning…I will leave."
"…Hai…"
Zell winced as Seifer lifted him up, his protesting ribs sending jabs of pain up his spine. He hissed as the taller man's hands touched his side…He could then feel Seifer bending down just right next to his ear.
"Shush would you…I'm doing my best to be gentle."
Zell almost choked and died right there at that moment. Seifer…Gentle? Zell couldn't though…his side hurt and it wasn't worth the pain it would cause. Seifer was surprisingly gentle as he carried Zell across the numerous hallways of the Garden. He kept on insulting the shorter man the whole way but did him no physical harm whatsoever. He didn't poke him. He didn't even try as to accidentally jolt Zell's small frame to inflict pain. Overall, the trip had been the most unexpected event Zell had thought the trip would be. Plainly, he thought that Seifer would torture him all the way to his room…but he didn't.
Seifer undressed. The Chicken Wuss had fallen asleep the moment Seifer had laid his frail body on the bed. The tall SeeD candidate still couldn't believe that Zell was so, how would he say it…thin. Seifer's trench coat was now placed on the peg inside his cabinet and he was just about to unlace his boots when a low groan came from the bed. Seifer turned around and what met his eyes almost sent him falling off the bed.
Zell was smiling; he had cuddled up to Seifer's pillow and was happily snoring…softly, mind you. The dirty blonde chuckled at the site that looked adorable from his point of view. Seifer chuckled some more before taking off the shirt that was usually underneath the heavy gray trench coat. He quickly got off the remainder off his clothing then trudged off to the cabinet to fetch a decent towel and his boxers before heading to the bathroom for a well-deserved bath. After all, he had fought with the T- rexaur too and he'd been beaten up by the ugly thing, except he was a bit more resilient with such things.
The tall blonde opened the door to the bathroom and carefully slipped in, hanging the white towel on his hand to the hook behind the bathroom door. Carefully slipping inside the shower enclosure, he turned on the shower and set the heater for moderately warm. Seifer reached for the soap and started to scrub furiously on his own wounds besides…infections hurt worse than the wound itself ever did. In total, the bath was uneventful and was soon finished.
Seifer stepped out from the bathroom, carefully drying his hair with the towel, he didn't expect that the Chicken Wuss would be awake; the most humiliating part was that he was clad only in his boxers. Therefore, he did the only thing he could've done at the moment… Seifer, the big bully, blushed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zell couldn't believe his eyes. He had taken the moment to take the cloth off his eyes and have a look around since he deemed it dark enough not to hurt his eyes when the bathroom door had opened. The sight that met him was one of the funniest things he'd ever dreamt of seeing. Seifer was actually looking sheepish for once. Zell laughed until his sides hurt like hell and tears were coming out of his eyes.
"I can't believe you! Smiley underwear!?! Hahahahahaha!!!"
" …..Zell…."
"Smiley underwear….Hhahahahahahaha. That's hilarious!"
"Could you pls. stop that."
"~.~ oooowwwwww……"
"Told you to stop laughing…Your stitches could've come off and your ribs are still broken you know."
" * sniffle * Then stop poking me!"
"Stop being such a chicken wuss, I'm just checking if your ribs are alright."
"You're enjoying this aren't you?"
Surprisingly enough, Seifer didn't say anything. Zell sighed and kept himself silent. The young man pouted somewhat cutely at Seifer. Stubborn as he was, Zell wouldn't let the bully enjoy one minute at all. Even though he was being nice for once, Zell thought he'd deserve a little payback for all those tricks Seifer had done to him before.
" Seifer?"
"….What!?…." * Irritated*
"Um…Why are you being so gentle?"
"…….What's it to ya?"
"Um….."
" You be quiet and just let me do my job."
"…."
"The bandages are dirty…I've gotta change them. Wait here…"
"Like as if I'm going anywhere…"
"Quit being so insufferable. I'm trying to be nice here and this is all the gratitude I'm getting?"
"You deserve it you big meanie! You keep picking on me, why should I be grateful huh?!?"
"…"
Zell gritted his teeth as the bandages that were being taken off parted from the scabs that had been slowly forming. Seifer seemed to sense his extreme discomfort and stopped…the taller blonde then started to apply a very nice feeling balm on top of the wound, it smelled a little like vanilla and cinnamon. The bandages soon were off and the new fresh linen ones were wrapped around his aching sides. Seifer continued to apply the nice creamy balm over his other wounds before finally going off to get some clothes. The smaller man had fallen asleep under the soothing massage of the tall blonde and was soon back to cuddling the pillows. Seifer smiled and slipped into some dark blue pajama bottoms. He softly treaded across the room, careful not to wake his guest, and slid into the couch that lining one wall of his room. It wasn't a big couch…more like a chair really but he felt comfortable enough and soon fell asleep.
Morning drew bright with singing birds and bright beams of happy sunshine passing through Seifer's windows. Warming the room to a cozy temperature that would further induce the instinct to cuddle and stay in bed, which was what Zell, was currently doing. Seifer had woken early and had decided to get breakfast for his bedridden guest. The young man who was still asleep protested not a whit to Seifer's decision and cuddled closer to the pillows sighing in wistful happiness.
Walking in the halls reminded Seifer just how lonely it was in the Garden during summer. He cast his eyes around in search for the only tenants during such times and was rewarded with an eyeful of little kids.
"Brother Seifer!"
"Wai! You here to play with us?"
"Brother Seifer!"
Seifer smiled warmly at the children who have been his sole company during these brief interludes of loneliness. They were like him, orphaned at a young age and nowhere to go, they had to stay here with the staff, which were not fun at all. Obligated, Seifer decided that he would be their playmate and made a deal with them. After all, he did have a reputation to protect. He'd play with them only during the summer vacations and ignored them the rest of the year except for time he secretly spared for them. Seifer smiled and slowly sat down in a crouching position, ready to embrace the armful of children heading towards him.
"So…You haven't been naughty have you?"
"No Brother Seifer. We didn't tell anybody at all!"
"YAH!" The rest of the children chorused with happy faces.
"Now, Brother Seifer has to get food for his patient. All of you want to go with me?"
"Ooh! Brother Seifer is playing Doctor!"
" Sure! We'll help brother Seifer cure his patient!"
Seifer managed to carry two squealing happy girls and had a horde of happy, laughing children. He smiled at them and started singing a song. He thankful that Zell was bedridden, he'd be so humiliated if anybody his age saw him like this. All the years spent on building his reputation would just go down the drain.
"Brother Seifer?"
"Hmmm?"
" Who is your patient?"
"His name is Zell."
"You mean that really bouncy Senior?"
"You know him Violet?"
"He gives us candy!"
"Aaaa….Hai." *sweatdrop*
" He comes an plays wid us all da tyme! Just like you!"
"Now really?"
"Yup!"
Seifer pondered this and smiled. At least the kids didn't tell Zell about their other playmate…which was good. Seifer looked up to the other girl in his arms as she uttered a delighted squeal and found out that he was now in the cafeteria.
"So, what do you all want for breakfast?"
"HOTDOGS!"
"Pancakes and bacon!"
"Bacon and eggs!"
Seifer smiled at them and turned to the counter where he was met with the smiling face of the cafeteria lady. She smiled at him warmly for she knew of his trysts with the children in Balamb and was glad that he had done it.
"Coming right up!"
"Oh and pls. add about five more hotdogs to that order."
"Hungry today Seifer?"
"Ah…it's for Zell."
"You mean the man at the door?"
"What?!?"
Seifer whirled around to face the entrance of the cafeteria and found himself looking directly at a sweating but happy faced. The tall blonde quickly placed Violet and the other girl who was named Marie on the floor and headed straight for the sweating teen leaning on the doorway.
"Zell! You're not well enough to be walking by yourself!"
"So this is your secret hobby huh? I was wander'n who the kids' secret playmate was during the summer. Guess it was you?" The young man clutched his sides and wheezed with pain.
"Danmmit Dincht! " Seifer cursed as he caught the teen who was in the process of falling.
The little kids were curious and had grown a crowd around them. Seifer at the moment was worried at the young man in his arms who was currently sweating and had a pinched up face that was contorted with pain.
"Ah…*gasp* Think yer right…."
"I'll help you back to the room…"
Seifer turned around and regarded the children at his back and around them. They looked at him with worried eyes and an innocent air that screamed if there was anything they could do to help their Brother Seifer. He smiled at them kindly and looked at the feinted young man in his arms before turning around and issuing some requests to the children
" Marie could you please tell all the others to eat their breakfasts and that I won't be with them today, or at least until my patient is cured."
"Hai Seifer Oniisan!"
"Thank you Marie… I'll see if I can play with you tomorrow okay?"
"Alright! I'll see to it that Zell-san's breakfast gets to your room too!"
" Arigato Gozaimasu, Marie-chan!"
The little girl blushed, and bowed respectfully before going off to command the other children. She was a child that was born with the natural qualities of a leader. Seifer just hoped that the chicken wuss hadn't done anything very hazardous to his health yet. The little Japanese girl had now herded the group of children to the tables that were built just form them and turned to look at Seifer with a beaming smile on her face. Seifer nodded and mouthed another thanks to her before going off and carrying the precious bundle in his arms back to his room.
It was really sweet how Zell would just cuddle up into the nearest thing warm just like a cat, but Seifer wouldn't or more like couldn't confess these thoughts in fear of being kicked out of Garden. It is widely known to all that the school would not tolerate such acts like homosexuality or bisexuality in the school grounds. Actually, there wasn't any written records about it and maybe Principal Cid would be understanding of situations such as these but the students were another story.
Seifer sighed and sat down next to Zell who was currently cuddling again with the pillows. The tall blonde looked down upon the face of the younger man and sighed yet again. Zell's face was so full of youth, innocence and life. He was the epitome of teen life but he still had the innocence and naiveté of a child even though he knew so much and acquired high grades.
The door of his dorm room rang out with the gentle knocks of someone outside the door. Seifer roused himself gently form the bed and headed towards the door to welcome the visitor, who was probably Marie, in. As usual, he was right. The tiny girl was waiting patiently behind the door with a plateful of hotdogs in hand. Surprising enough, Violet had followed her friend and was carrying what looked like Chicken Soup.
"Brother Seifer, here ya go!"
"Ya! I brought Brother Zell some Chicken Soup too! Cuz I know that chicken soup is best for sick people!"
Seifer beamed thanks at the two children and kneeled down to get the prized food items from their little fingers. He also gave them a kiss on the forehead to signify his thanks and sent them off to play with the other children. The tall SeeD candidate then turned around and deposited the items in his hands to the nearby tabletop, which was beside the bed. He then went off to the bathroom to sanitize his hands before plopping down next to the bed, chicken soup in hand, ready to feed his ailing patient.
"YO! Chicken Wuss! Rise and Shine!"
"*Grumble*"
Zell, in response to his words turned away and snuggled deeper in his blankets, leaving Seifer a bit irritated. The Tall blonde then acquired a mischievous glint in the eye and got up to head for the bathroom again. After a few minutes, Seifer plopped down next to Zell and started sprinkling tiny amounts of moisture on Zell's warm and sleeping face.
"What the HELL!?!?"
"That's what you deserve for not following my orders about staying in bed."
"But I was curious where you went…and besides, my legs were feeling stiff."
The young lad settled into a pout, his lower lips pushed out in the most childlike fashion along with the pinching of his eyebrows. Seifer sighed and shook his head. He then placed a hand on the Chicken Wuss' forehead and confirmed his hypothesis.
"Because of your excursion a few minutes ago, your body has developed a low fever."
"…"
"Now…let's feed you some breakfast…Say Ahhhh…"
"Hey now…WAITTAMINUTE! I can feed myself you know!"
"I don't trust you to keep your hands steady enough to hold a spoon of chicken soup without spilling."
"Oh yeah! Just let me try and I'll show you!"
"NO."
"WHY THE FUCK?!?"
"These happen to be my bed sheets and I do not want to have chicken soup spilled all over them so I'm not taking any chances. Now be good and open your mouth."
Zell harrumphed and grudgingly opened his mouth, letting Seifer insert the spoon laden with chicken soup into his mouth. Seifer smiled at him and started laughing.
"That wasn't so bad was it?"
Seifer grinned at Zell who at the moment was trying his best not to spit out all the soup the big bully just fed him. Snickering, Seifer brought out another spoonful of chicken soup and went to feed his patient with much patience.
After a few intense minutes of coaxing Zell into eating, the tall teen stood up and had a long deserved stretch which caught the attention of the pouting patient on the bed.
"...Yo Seifer!?"
"What?!?"
"....You...um...have you eaten yet?"
"....No..."
"Ummm...."
"Don't worry, I have ...h.o.t.d.o.g.s. for breakafast a few minutes now."
"WHAT?!? You get hotdogs and iget chicken soup?!?"
"No...you get health food!"
Zell bristled on the bed and started pewing scathing words to the big bully that had just grabbed the plateful of hotdogs behind him. Seifer munched at the edible delicacies with much gusto as he watched his patient bristle some more with jealousy.
"Don't worry...I'll get you some hotdogs for lunch...Chicken Wuss!"
"ERGHHH..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking on the usually crowded halls of Balamb Garden, one was limping slightly and leaning on the other. The sunlit hallways were warm and a cheery breeze was flowing just marvelously cool along it's narrow corridors. The two boys were at the moment having a heated conversation as they strolled along.
" That's not what I meant! I mean…how do you cure a zombie?" Zell asked exasperatedly, gesticulating wildly. Seifer looked at him.
"Holy Water…How many times do I have to repeat myself?"
"No,no,no…I mean, How do you cure a * zombie* ?"
"Dincht, this is getting stupid…You use Holy Water!"
"No…I mean…When you're a Zombie, How do you cure yourself?"
"HOLY WATER!"
"Argghhhhh!!!!!!!"
"This is getting nowhere Chicken Wuss…."
"Cause you're not getting it!"
"Oh, Now…" Seifer said, raising a eyebrow. " It's me who doesn't' get it?"
"Yes! You're not getting it!"
"It's not my fault that you can't say a question right…"
"Arggghhhhhh , Seifer! You're such a dumbass ya know that!"
"Well….You're such a know it all!"
"Fuck you!"
"No…FUCK YOU!"
"Argghhhh!!!!!"
"I don't even know why I like you so-" Seifer's eyes turned wide as he stopped himself.
" W-what did you say?"
Seifer looked away, unable to meet those penetrating blue eyes. Zell crept closer, his heart pounding madly in his chest.
"Seifer…"
"…"
"Aw…man! C'mon!"
"…"
Zell furrowed his eyebrows, seeing the discomfort of his long time bully. Reaching out tentatively, his hand cupped the jaw of the taller SeeD and turned him around. The piercing steel gray eyes looked like they were long filled with pain and Zell could see that the big bully was both anxious at his reply and dreading what he might say.
"Zell…" Seifer began his voice doubtful. " I know…You, you…won't believe it...But…I-I-I…love you…." Wrenching his head from Zell's hand, he began to walk faster.
"S-se-seifer?" Zell asked, is hand outstretched as if beckoning Seifer to come back. Realizing that the Blonde man was still injured, Seifer stopped in his tracks and gritted his teeth hard.
"…I know that you don't feel the same way…but…I just wish n-n-nothing would change…I-I-" Seifer stiffened when he felt a finger press unto his lips, vivid blue eyes then met his eyes.
"You know…" Zell wondered, his face smiling winsomely at Seifer. " It's not so bad…I could learn to like you…"
"???"
"Of course, " Zell continued, unaware of the taller SeeD's reaction " I do like you now…But when the others are around…" Zell looked into Seifer's eyes. " You're such a dumbass ya know that…"
Then there was no more room fro words as lips met lips and hand met hand. ' Good thing there's nobody else here...' Zell thought as his body was suffused with warmth he never knew was possible. ' How ' bout that? I do like that big bully…'
1 #END#
FalconIce: This fic is dedicated to my 1000th visitor, Irei. Thanks for going to my site. Sorry if the story took so long…Had to worry about my classes and final exams..neh?