What was life like for the young Crane Brothers back when they attended school? Loyalty, jealousy, love, pride and sibling rivalry came into play early in their lives. They could have lived through something very much like the following story.
"School Daze - Part 1By Val McCaffery
"Niles… Frasier... are you boys up and ready for school?" Hester called.
She already knew the answer but it seemed like a question that she should ask, just for tradition sake, if nothing else.
The two teenagers came racing down the stairs but as they got to the bottom, under the arched eyebrow of their mother, they calmly walked to the breakfast table.
"Now you boys know better than to run in the house, especially since your father is still sleeping. He got in late last night after working a double shift," she reminded them.
"Sorry, mother," they both chimed quietly in unison.
"That's alright. Now eat your breakfast," she said. "Nutrition is important for growing minds."
"If that's the case then Frasier should have a brain the size of an ocean liner," Niles said quietly under his breath.
His brother's reply was a swift kick in the leg under the table. Niles wailed and started to object but Hester sternly reminded him to be quiet for the sake of their napping father.
Frasier smirked at Niles, when their mother had turned her attention, with a grin that had an air of smugness about it. And then with a flourish he quickly snatched Niles' piece of toast and popped it into his mouth! Niles started to open his mouth in protest again, but thought better of it and just quietly turned his attention to his mother.
"Can I help you with anything," he said. "Perhaps you would like me to clear the table? Or make your lunch for you, mother?"
"No, that won't be necessary, dear," Hester said. "I've already seen to my lunch. But thank you for offering. My, Niles, I'm glad to see you ate your breakfast this morning! You really don't eat enough darling!"
"I finished mine too Mummy! " chirped Frasier.
"Yes, but you always do. And usually everyone's leftovers, as well," Hester said with a smile. "Your brother is much too thin and I am trying to encourage him to eat more. Now don't you boys dawdle and don't forget to shut the door behind you when you leave."
And with those words Hester put on her hat and coat and left.
"Why do you always do that?" questioned Niles.
"Do what?" Frasier answered innocently.
"Interrupt when mother is talking to me!" Niles frowned.
"Oh Niles, you ninny! You're just imagining that!! Really!!" replied Frasier. "Come on - we'll be late for the before school choir practice."
Though Niles was several years younger than Frasier he was only one grade behind him and even took one course with his older brother. It wasn't like Frasier was a poor student - he was quite a scholar, but Niles was looked upon as a gifted student. Frasier resented this in a way but was also proud of his little brother. If anyone teased Niles, as happened quite often, Frasier was the first to defend him and protect him from any true harm. But the second that they were alone he would torture him with derision and call him names just to keep him in his place. Niles rarely fought back, being of such a gentle and introverted nature. This was Frasier's way of asserting his dominance over his younger sibling.
"And it's fun!!" he told himself.
But usually the two Crane boys stuck together. Niles joined every club that Frasier did, feeling quite out of place usually, with the other students being significantly older. Frasier tried very hard to "best" his brainy little brother in his studies and extra-curricular activities. Their competitive streak was strong.
But there was one area that Niles never gave Frasier any competition. Girls! Females! The Fairer Sex! Women!! Call them anything you wanted Niles just wasn't in the race!
Frasier was not exactly Don Juan but compared to Niles he had a virtual cornucopia of experience on his banquet table of life.
Niles just could not bring himself to talk to the girls at school. He was tongue-tied and confused in their presence. Instead of meeting and getting to know them during the school lunch hour, just chatting to them about the school day or events that had happened, he squirreled himself away in the library reading.
Frasier enjoyed befriending the girls in his class. In fact, he often complained that's why they always thought of him as just their good buddy Frasier. Sure, he was always a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to about life's little problems, but only rarely did his requests of going to a dance or out on a date meet with acceptance.
But Niles didn't even get that far. It was just too hard for him, so he decided not to put himself through the torture of trying. He convinced himself that they would just laugh at him and so he rationalized, he would save himself the pain of them rejecting him, if he didn't approach them to begin with.
"It's just better this way!" he told himself. "I'd only get my heart broken. And besides, what would I have to offer? Yeah, Niles Crane, God's gift to women!!! Right! That's a laugh!"
The day started out like any other school day. At the choir practice before school, Frasier sang his solo part brilliantly and Niles did a masterful job on the piano accompaniment. Then it was off to the morning classes – History and Geography for Frasier and Drama and Comparative English Literature for Niles. By noon Frasier was wishing he had eaten more of Niles' breakfast, when some unexpected company at the table in the school cafeteria surprised him.
It was the new girl, Rose, who, after scanning the lunch hall with a quick but thorough search, sat down beside Frasier.
"Frasier, I really liked what your brother had to say during English class today. I was wondering if I could discuss it further with him?" she said looking around. "By the way, where is he? Doesn't he get a lunch like everyone else?"
"Well, he doesn't usually eat." Frasier answered and then realized that sounded weird and added " ...very much. I believe he spends lunch in the library."
"No wonder he is so small!" she said with a bit of sympathy in her voice. " I think it's very dedicated of him to treat his studies so seriously!"
"Oh yes, he's devoted to his studies - like a monk!" Frasier arched his eyebrow with a hint of sarcasm.
"Well, if you would excuse me, I think I'll be off to the library." Rose said and with that she gathered her things and quietly left.
"Do you think she has a thing for your brother Niles," said one of the other girls.
"Oh come on!" said Frasier. " A thing for Niles - REALLY!!! "
Rose found Niles with his nose buried in a mountain of books, nibbling on some thin wafers back in the corner of the library behind the stacks area.
"There's a guy who is hiding from the world. He must feel very threatened. I think I should proceed with caution," she surmised.
"You know your brother told me that you don't eat anything," she whispered.
Niles looked up and swallowed hard. He had never seen anyone come back here before and was totally taken by surprise. The first thought that crossed his mind was that she was a library helper and he was about to be kicked out.
"I... I... wasn't really eating… I... was ... was.... just..."
Unable to think of a convincing fib he just trailed off and looked miserably guilty.
"Don't worry! I'm not going to report you or anything," she said quickly.
"I just wanted to say that I thought your arguments in class today were really quite brilliant!"
"You did?" he asked incredulously. "W...W...what part?"
"Oh, most of it - but if I had to chose a specific passage, then I'd say the part that impressed me most was about how Spinoza argued that only things that were non-temporal and universal could be truly completely free. Most of the others, I would have to think, have never heard of Spinoza or his doctrine on freedom."
Niles listened intently as she spoke. Here was someone who wasn't rolling their eyes and snickering when he had expressed his views in class.
Perhaps she was sincere and not setting him up for a tease like had happened so many times before. Maybe she really was interested in discussing Spinoza's ideas.
"Well, you know," he said. "I have always thought that he inspired some of the most intense poets of the romantic age with his philosophy."
"Like Shelley?" she proffered.
"Yes." he smiled shyly.
"Well, I would have never taken you to be a romantic!" Rose countered.
"Not...not that I find it totally unbelievable!" she quickly added as not to hurt his feelings.
Niles' face went crimson and he stammered, "Well, I do like the romantic poets... but I also like many other writers. Sassoon for one and then of course there is always Shakespeare."
"Niles Crane, what an interesting and complex person you are!" Rose whispered. "We'll have to talk again, but right now I have to get ready for my next class."
"And I am supposed to be tutoring Ian Crawford in French during my study class period, so I better get going as well." he added.
"Oh, you tutor?" Rose inquired.
"Well, the French teacher thought that I could help some of the others," he said lowering his eyes in case she thought that this was being too much of a keener.
"Could you take on one more student?" Rose asked. "I need some extra help in my languages - I guess I am more comfortable with sciences and maths."
Niles suddenly went even paler than usual. That would mean he would be alone with her for an extended period of time. A girl...a GIRL!!! A ten minute conversation was one thing, but an hour was another!
Rose looked at Niles with a curious expression. He looked positively panic stricken.
"Of course, if you're busy... I... would understand... it was just a thought…" she stuttered.
"What could be the matter? I thought we were getting along just fine," she pondered. "Now he looks like someone who has been ordered to walk the plank. Maybe I was just too forward. I had better leave."
Rose got up to go, hoping that Niles would at least say something... anything... rather than just stare with his mouth moving but no sound coming out!
"Goodbye... Niles... think about the tutoring and get back to me."
With that she left the library quickly.
Niles put his head down on the table. Then he instinctively started to knock his head on the wood as if pounding it would allow some sense to enter.
"Stupid... stupid... STUPID!!!! STUPID!!!!!!!" he silently screamed at himself. "You idiot! What is the matter with you! You should have said something... anything would have been better than just nothing... Ouch!"
Finally exhausted and embarrassed he just lay his head on top of his valise and sighed, "I've got to talk to Frasier about this. This is more his arena than mine. Maybe he can offer me some advice."
"Frasier," Niles said as he quietly knocked on his brother's door. "Can I come in?"
"Sure. What's up?" Frasier replied.
"Well, I met this girl today," he said in almost a conspiratorial tone as he shut the door.
"I know," interrupted Frasier, "I was the one who directed her to the library to find you."
"Well... she and I got talking..."
"I know, " Frasier interjected again. "About something you said in English class. She mentioned that she wanted to discuss some points with you."
"Is there nothing that you don't know!" Niles sputtered in frustration, "Will you let me finish, please?"
"It's just I was hoping you would get to the part where you froze and couldn't talk to her, real soon so I can offer you some advice and then get back to my studies before I have to turn out the lights and go to bed!!" Frasier huffed.
"Oh...it's just impossible to talk to you about anything! Mister-Know-It-All!!!" Niles said as he sunk down onto the side of Frasier's bed.
"Listen Niles, it's not that hard - just ask her out! Just six little words that's all. Would... you... like... to... go... out? Say it with me," and even though his brother's tone was slightly sarcastic there was a definite undercurrent of true sympathy.
"Go out with her? Go out with her!?! " Niles squeaked. "I don't want to go out with her!"
"Why not? She seemed to have a very nice personality. Pretty good looking. Intelligent enough," Frasier summarized. "Although, if you are her taste in men, then maybe she is lacking in the brain power department!"
The last remark was said with a smile to try and lighten the mood.
"Will you listen!?!" Niles was getting very irritated. "She asked me to tutor her in French!!"
"Well then, what's the problem?" Frasier answered. "Just schedule her in around your other appointments Einstein!"
"What would we talk about? Usually these sessions last at least an hour!" the younger Crane sputtered.
Niles could already feel the panic beginning to set in just thinking about it.
"I would assume you would be talking about her French lessons, you idiot!!" Frasier rolled his eyes. "Really, Niles, sometimes you just make things so difficult for yourself!"
"I ... I... don't know Frasier... what do I say when there is a break in the conversation?" Niles looked at his older brother with a pitiful face.
"Oh Niles," said Frasier letting down his haughty guard and patting his brother on the shoulder sympathetically. "It's really not that hard. Just talk about things that happened at school. Ask her about her family. Who knows - you may even find that you will get up the courage to ask her on a date."
"And have her laugh in my face?" Niles sighed. "No thank you!"
"You know... you shouldn't put yourself down like that, Niles. Save that for me to do - ha! ha! It was a joke Niles... " Frasier looked at his brother and saw a tear falling down his cheek. "Forget about the date for right now. Let's see if we can get you through the tutoring session first."
"Will you help me?" Niles asked, "If I scheduled her for after school and told her she had to come here for the sessions you could be in the room some of the time! Then if I got into trouble you could take over and I wouldn't feel so all alone!"
"Well, I guess that would work. All right, I'll do it! Frasier to the rescue!" Frasier announced triumphantly. "Now get out of here, before Mom comes in and starts grilling me on my Latin declensions."
Niles contacted Rose and explained that the tutoring would have to take place after school and at the Crane residence, if that was O.K. with her.
Rose didn't have any objection and was just happy that Niles reconsidered her proposal and had agreed to tutor her. Niles was a very patient tutor and loved the language, so teaching it to someone was a pleasure. Rose was a very attentive student and listened carefully to his advice on pronunciation.
Frasier, as he had promised, conveniently found his way into the kitchen many times during their sessions and often engaged Rose in idle chatter during any breaks in the lessons. In fact, Niles seemed to be the invisible man when Frasier was in the room. He never said two words once Frasier started his convivial conversation with Rose. He envied Frasier for how easily he talked to Rose about a variety of topics, all of them frothy and friendly.
Niles just sat tongue-tied and sullen during these moments and the more it happened the more he wished he had never asked Frasier to help out.
"That should be me making small talk with Rose," thought Niles. "Although to be fair, I did tell Frasier that I wasn't interested in asking her out! And I was the one that suggested he help me in the first place! But he should know it is difficult for me with girls and he should back off now! Then I could take over and Rose would pay some attention to me!"
"Frasier," Niles said out of the blue one day as Rose and his older brother were chatting about the new shows in the theatres, "Frasier, don't you have some geography homework you have to get done?"
"No, Niles I finished that last night!" Frasier replied.
"I am sure you have to do some extra work because there is a test on Friday, is there not!" persisted Niles.
"No I believe you are mistaken, Niles," retorted Frasier just as persistently.
"Can I see you in the living room for a moment, brother?" gritted his sibling.
As soon as they were out of Rose's earshot Niles sprang on Frasier.
"What are you doing? Why won't you leave? I can't get back to the lesson if you keep hanging around spouting your inane chit-chat!"
"What ... what... did I do! You were the one that wanted me to fill in the gaps of silence. Or have you forgotten? "Frasier's eyes narrowed. "Feeling a little cramped now, eh? Well it's too late, buddy boy! You can't have it both ways! I like Rose and I think she likes me. And you haven't said a word to her in friendly conversation since she got here! It's more than a French lesson to you now, eh? Well too bad! I guess you will have to unwind your tongue and speak up because I intend to ask her to the Mardi Gras dance this Friday! How does that grab you? But then you're not interested in asking her out - I forgot!! No, this little fit of jealousy is just because I interrupted your precious French lesson!"
The last words were spit out with such a force of venom that even Frasier was surprised once he heard himself say them. But once that competitive genie was let out of the bottle, it was hard to re-cork it. Frasier was particularly pleased with himself that he had so carefully cultivated a fertile field of dreams with Rose and anticipated a very positive answer to his dating quandary.
Niles didn't say a word. The look of shame and guilt were written all over his countenance. He knew Frasier was right, but hearing the words still stung none the less. His face suddenly flushed, he clenched his fists and then strode quickly out of the house.
He was so humiliated! He could never face Rose again - Frasier was right! It was all because he couldn't make simple conversation with a girl! He didn't even know where he was headed but he knew he just had to leave.
He walked until he came to an overpass by the highway that was the main exit out of Seattle. Up he climbed until he got to the part where the bridge supports narrowed underneath a grassy slope. Even though he was frightfully scared of all kinds of insects and spiders, Niles crawled up the embankment until he had wedged himself in an impossibly small, secure spot. He wrapped his arms around his bent legs and began to rock himself back and forth. Burying his head in his arms he began to cry softly.
"Where did your brother go?" questioned Rose.
Frasier stood immobile in the living room, where he had been for the last ten minutes. He had expected Niles to deny the accusations. At least fight back and argue with him. But not just get up and leave!
"What... what did you say?" Frasier answered.
"I was just wondering where Niles went to?" Rose looked genuinely puzzled. "I mean, you two left the kitchen over fifteen minutes ago and so I thought I would come in to see if everything was alright… and well there's no Niles! Was it something I said? Or did?"
"No! No, Rose, not at all!" Frasier stumbled around a bit for some rational sounding reason for his brother's absence. "Niles... Niles just remembered that he... he had to run an errand for our mother."
"All... riiii… ghty," said Rose, not totally convinced but realizing that there was something more going on here than first appeared. It must be something very private that she shouldn't get involved in - something just between the two brothers. "Maybe I should just go. Tell Niles I'll make up the time next week."
Frasier suddenly stepped in front of her as she started towards the door.
"Rose, will you go out with me to the Mardi Gras dance?"
End of Part One – To be continued.