I miss you, the way you smile making the adorable little dimple on your left cheek appear. Making your beautiful eyes light up.i miss the special ones that were reserved just for me.

Your laugh, that is alway just a little too loud and how you it would turn into a scream when I would tickle you just a little too much or when I threw you over my shoulder.

Your stupid jokes and sarcastic comments that would make me have to bite back a grin or a laugh when you made them at all those inappropriate times which let's face it was all the time.

I miss the way your always right even when your wrong, all those arguments that seem so pointless now. Your passion and drive for the things you want.

I miss waking up next to you even though you take up more of the bed than I even though was possible for someone as tiny as you. The way your hair lays across the pillows and tickles my nose. How you always need "Just five more minutes" and pull me back down to lay beside you. I'd do anything to watch the slow rise and fall of your sleeping chest again or hear you mumble my name almost too quietly to hear.

I miss the feeling of your lips against my own, always soft and slow to begin with before I'd run my tongue along the length of the soft plump flesh of the bottom one, nudging your nose with mine tilting your head back to gain the entrance I so desperately craved. How you'd grasp into my mouth as I'd grab you by your perfect little butt hoisting you up to wrap your legs around my waist

I miss the way you make my heart race just by being close, knowing that you're mine and no one else's. Sharing intimate moments and dirty little secrets (well as secret as I could keep them with a pack of nosey telepathic shapeshifters always lurking around in there) with nothing more than a knowing look.

The way you kiss my neck and dance your moist tongue over that one sweet spot making me moan and grip your waist tighter.

I miss you soft skin under my finger tips, the way you shiver with every stroke I make along the small of your back or the delicate skin at your hips. How you'd run your finger through my hair as I placed a trail of hot kisses from the valley of your chest to your belly button.

I miss your horrible cooking that I had to pretend to enjoy anyway just to see the smile on your face when you thought you had done a good job despite almost burning down the house in the process.

I miss the thing that you do to me, the way you make me nervous when you look at me like that, your eyes darkening as you look up at me, when you'd push me down on the bed (which I let you do btw) and crawl up my body. The goosebumps that I got when I felt you gently drag you teeth along my skin.

I miss how much you missed me, that little pout you'd give when I said I had to go I wish I'd given into it every time now. Seeing the excitement on your face and how you'd jump into my arms after only hours of being away. Made me feel whole, needed, wanted, loved.

But most of all I'm sorry.

I'm sorry i took that smile away and left tears upon your face it was never meant to be this way I thought I was doing what was right.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. I think I know how you feel now that your gone and all I want is for you to come running though that door singing out of key to a song you only know the chorus to.

I'm sorry you think I used you but that's not the case. I want you now maybe even more than I did then.

I'm sorry that I left you feeling worthless and alone. This kills more than anything else I've done to you. I just wanted you to be happy and I failed you.

I'm sorry I didn't choose you when I had the chance. If I could go back and change it would. I see now that I let her manipulate me and yes I blame her partly for not having you here.

I'm sorry that I never said those three important words to you and now it too late, the selfish part of me hates that I'll never hear your angelic voice say it back.

I'm sorry that this is all my fault and I can never undo it you don't deserve for it to be this way.

I hope you know I love you and I know you love me too. I hope you can forgive me for what I plan to do. Billy and the pack will be fine without me it's not like I've been any use to them since you left us anyway, but I just can't keep living here without you around it hurts too fucking much there's a gapping hole in my life that can never be filled by anyone but you.

It's like I'm missing half of me and this is all I can think to do. Maybe you think I'm being selfish or that I don't deserve the relief, to be happy again.

Since the day you left me I have felt nothing but guilt, maybe if I'd stopped you you'd be with me now. If I'd just reached out and grabbed you, pulled you to my chest and told you how I loved you, would you still have driven away?

I just wish I could have saved you.

I just wish it never happen.

I know you'll never read this as you're buried in the ground, the day we put you in there my life ended too I'll never be the same again. I'm nothing but a shell of the man you fell in love with. To go on like this would feel like a lie not only to myself I'd feel like I was lying to you too.

I'll be with you soon baby girl that's one promise I swear I'll keep. To be with you forever is my only purpose and I won't fail you twice.

I promise.

I love you.

Your Jacob