Castiel was never sure what to do with Dean. He was the only one Castiel was unable to read. The angel normally knew what was expected from him by mere sight of most people, but Dean was a mystery for him. Although he had spent more time with him now than with any other human, he still couldn't predict Dean. He barely ever said what he really thought and it was hard, harder than he would admit, to look behind the wall that Dean had built around him.

But this night it seemed different. As Castiel noticed Dean's fear and insecurity, he expected some monster attacking the brothers and hurried to where they were staying for the night. But instead he found a restlessly sleeping and shivering Dean, hurling himself agitated from one side to another, the blanket thrown to the floor.

He picked the blanket up from the floor and spread it over Dean. Dean stirred and tried to shake it off as if it was an attacker. Castiel wanted to ease him but he had no experience with those situations. He didn't really know what to do, but then he just followed his instincts and laid a hand on Deans shoulder.

"Dad," Dean mouthed. He turned slightly to the voice, frowning slightly but still sleeping. Castiel jumped back a bit. But then he noticed that Dean's eyes were still closed.

"No Dean, it's me, Castiel." He couldn't help to sound apologizing.

But Dean turned over to his back, sighed slightly and whispered:

"Cass", and he relaxed.

Castiel had watched with astonishment. Dean looked so insecure and young in his sleep. Castiel couldn't help but marvel at the softness of his face, all the threat and the anger had vanished. Without thinking, Castiel lifted his hand to stroke across Dean's cheekbone. He barely touched him, but Dean responded instantly.

"Cass", he mouthed, reaching with one hand to the touch he sensed and pulling Castiel closer. He clinged onto Castiel's hand, so that Castiel, trying not to wake him, was now leaning over Dean.

oOoOoOoOo

Dean was suddenly awake. He had been dreaming, he couldn't remember what his dream was about, but he remembered the pain and the fear, and afterwards the feeling of safety and he didn't want to leave that behind.

But there was someone, on top of him. Well, not actually touching but he could feel the presence of someone, someone who was staring at him. From very, very near. He grabbed the knife that was always hidden under his pillow, prepared to attack the intruder. Slowly he opened his eyes, trying to evaluate the situation, ready to jump on whoever was invading his personal space.

He slowly took in the bed beside him. It was empty and Dean remembered: Sam was following some leads outside of town and had called this evening to tell Dean that he was going to stay in a motel closer to the library. The nerd.

But if it wasn't Sam who could it be? No one else had the keys to the room. He was sure that he would have woken up if someone tried to break into their motel room, and he hadn't heard anything during the night.

Carefully he opened his eyes further. He was still holding the arm of the intruder and he wasn't going to let go. The stranger didn't seem to notice that he was awake and didn't seem too eager to pull away either.

Slowly he turned his head. He could see his arm protruding from under the blankets. Normally they were gone in the morning, but this time he seemed to have slept more calmly. His eyes followed his arm up. There was a hand, with long slim fingers. He knew this hand. He had seen it many times, holding a long, silver knife…

"Cass? What the hell?"

oOoOoOoOo

As he recognized the man bent over him he bolted right upright, pushing Castiel out of the bed and onto the floor. With bewilderment he backed off, trying to hold on to something. As he felt the hard wall behind his back, he came to his senses.

"Cass, what are you doing here?" he asked, more relaxed now.

Castiel looked shocked by Dean's strong reaction, but Dean could see that he was trying to put himself together. Slowly he answered:

"You were having a nightmare. And I just stopped by. I'm… I'm sorry that I startled you. I'll leave now."

"No, wait!" Dean shouted out, not wanting to let Castiel go in that way.

Castiel, who had already turned, stopped in mid step. Slowly he turned to face Dean again. He waited for Dean to speak, but as Dean didn't seem to want to say anything he said:

"Dean, I am truly sorry to have scared you."

But again, Dean didn't accept his apologies.

"No, Cass you don't have to be sorry. I must thank you. You came with the best intentions and only wanted to help me. Really, thank you." Dean had stepped closer to Castiel. The feeling of safety had returned as soon as Dean looked at Castiel's open face. He felt safe in his presence and his honesty made any fear or bad thoughts impossible.

Without realising, Dean stepped even closer, leaning into Castiel's presence, not wanting him to leave. He looked up at Castiel. And directly into his stare. Dean couldn't think anymore and let his body take over. All he wanted was this feeling of sympathy that radiated from Castiel's body. He watched Castiel's lips part in an attempt to say something, but Dean didn't want the silence to break. So he leaned even closer and his lips touched Castiel's.

oOoOoOoOo

Castiel looked at Dean, startled and bewildered. And Dean didn't dare to look up. He stared at his hands, not knowing what to do next. What had happened? What had he been thinking? Nothing, that was the answer.

They were sitting there for 10 minutes now, and neither Dean nor Cass had moved. Dean couldn't get the courage to look up or say something. He was scared to know what Castiel was thinking, scared and curious at the same time.

After another minute he couldn't take it any longer. He had to know. Slowly, he looked to his side where Cass was sitting. The beige trench coat, spread around his legs. The coat Cass loved for no apparent reason other than because he looked so angelic in it. He never took it off if he had the choice; it was as if he slept in it.

His long, thin fingers which showed no sign of the many times he swung a blade and killed a demon with it. They were so delicate and vulnerable, but Dean trusted these hands. They were there for him when he needed them; they had saved his life more than once.

He followed the hands up to his neck and couldn't avoid looking him in the eyes now. Slowly he lifted his eyes and was surprised to see the blue deep oceans glare back at him, open and so vulnerable.

"I'm sorry, Cass."

The eyes narrowed slightly at this apology.

"No Dean, you don't have to apologize." He was still staring at Dean with those amazingly honest eyes. Dean couldn't help but relax at the mere sight of them. His fear and anger at the angel before him vanished and instead he felt comfortable and safe.

"Cass, I'm sorry I jumped on you. You… You just took me off guard." Dean tried again to apologize to Castiel.

Castiel gave up trying to apologize to Dean and looked at him.

"What were you dreaming about?" Castiel asked.

Dean looked startled.

"Wha… What? I wasn't… I just… I don't remember." Dean lied.

Castiel acted without thinking. At one moment Dean was talking, and the next one Cass's hand was on his shoulder, strong but comforting. Dean looked up to meet Castiel's eyes. He was watching him, with those crystal blue eyes, curious and worried at the same time.

"Dean, tell me. Please. I want to help you."

Dean wasn't able to look at those inquisitive eyes any longer, or he would blurt out the truth. And he wanted that. He truly wanted it. But he didn't want Cass to worry. He already had enough to deal with, with his own problems. Dean didn't want to burden him with his own. He could deal with it. He had to.

But he couldn't say the words which would stop Castiel's questions. So he kept staring at his knees, silently hoping that Cass wouldn't press more. And wishing, deep, deep down, that he did.

oOoOoOoOo

Castiel didn't know what to do. He did know that essentially Dean wanted to talk about his nightmare, but Castiel wasn't sure if he should ask again. He had tried it before, and Dean had rejected him violently. So the angel had stopped trying, hoping that the nightmares would go away.

But as Castiel looked now in Deans eyes he saw the fear and, for some minutes, he saw the little boy that was scared of this big world full of monsters. Strangely, in these silent hours of the night, Dean's wall seemed to become transparent, so that the angel could see directly into his soul.

And this convinced him to continue asking until Dean had shared his boulder with him.

He lifted his hand and reached for Dean's chin, forcing him to look him in the eye, knowing what this did to the man before him.

"Dean," he just said, with a voice he hoped would be strong but reassuring at the same time. "Let me help you. Trust me".

And these words seemed to make Dean crumble. His eyes fell and when Castiel removed his hand from his chin, he hid his face between his hands.

A silent tear ran down Dean's face. Castiel follows it with his gaze and when it reached Dean's chin, he stretched out his hand and caught the tear with his finger. With a wondering gaze he lifted his hand and carefully tried to pass the tear onto his thumb, but as soon as it touched the other finger, the tear dissolved into his hand. Sad and amazed at the same time, he looked up to Dean who had lifted his face from his hands and had been watching him. A small smile crept up his face. The smile Castiel loved so much. Slowly the angel leaned closer to Dean, and repeated the gesture Dean had done before. Their lips touched very gently, before Castiel pulled out again, watching Dean with an affectionate look.

Dean couldn't hold the words any longer. He had longed to say them out loud for a long long time now, but he had never dared. He was scared that Cass wouldn't feel the same way, that he could reject him. But now the right moment seemed to have come and Dean didn't want to wait any longer. Better know it right then and get it over with as to wait in ignorance. So he blunted them out, scared that the little courage he had scratched together would be gone in some moments.

"I love you"

oOoOoOoOo

He watched Castiel, trying to grab the words he had just said. Dean could watch every emotion come over Castiel's face; astonishment, disbelief, then the realization that it was the truth. And, growing slowly from the depth of those beautiful blue eyes, friendship, devotion, and then, as Castiel realized that there was more to their relationship, love. Dean couldn't describe the feeling he got when he recognized the look in Castiel's eyes. He loved him. And he was loved back.