Authors Note: All characters are owned by the WWF/WWE, I don't own them at all
NEVER LET YOU GO
He read over the letter again not really believing it was really over. Sure this was something he'd wanted for the past couple of years but he had hoped it would have ended differently. But there in his hands was his final notice from the WWE. The final nail in his wrestling careers coffin. He had read on the Internet the past couple of days about how he was addicted to drugs and how they wanted him to go into rehab. How he had denied everything and refused to follow their advice, leaving them no other option other than to let him go.
If only people knew the real reason why he had left the company. The reason they were trying to make his name look so bad. The reason he had been paid five million to keep his silence over why he left.
That day was five years ago and now finally I can tell everyone my true story. The true reason of why I, Jeff Hardy, left the WWE. Before you ask no, it wasn't drugs. Sure when I was younger I experimented a little, everyone has. But I never got addicted to them, they never affected how I did my job.
All my life I've been a dreamer. Someone who lives in a world of their own. I've always found peace in my mind. The world I built there was so peaceful that I recreated it in the real world. When people visit my home all they see is me, what goes on in my head my IMAGI-Nation. But this is getting totally away from what I'm trying to tell you. This has nothing to do with why I had to quit wrestling. No, that all belongs in the arms of one woman. My princess, in fact the company's first daughter. Miss Stephanie McMahon.
Now I know what you're all thinking but let me explain everything to you before you jump to conclusions.
It was during the Survivor Series PPV of 2002. I had just split up with my girlfriend of three years Beth. It had been really difficult for us with me being on the road all the time and her stuck at home never seeing me. I can't blame her really, it was only time before she found someone else. I'm happy she's finally got someone who can give her all the time she needs, someone who can give her the family she truly deserves instead of a part-time father and partner like I would have been.
That night at the PPV I was sat in the back watching the monitors when I heard an argument coming from behind me. I didn't mean to listen but they were so loud that I couldn't help but recognise the unmistakable voices of Stephanie and Paul Levesque. Better known as HHH. They were arguing about his upcoming match and he wasn't happy about losing and having to drop the belt. He argued that she had the power to change the match and she would if she really loved him. I could hear her trying to apologise, saying her father had decided the outcome, but he wasn't listening and I heard the door slam as he stormed off. I have always had a weakness when it comes to women crying. so as soon as I heard her unmistakable sob I was out of my chair and in front of her in an instant. She just looked at me before dissolving into my arms in tears. I held her tightly whispering soothing words until she managed to get her tears under control. Slowly I noticed people around staring at us, so I gently guided her to an empty changing room so we could have a bit more privacy. When we sat down she pulled away slightly from me but still kept hold of my arm. I gently wiped away her tears and asked her what was wrong. She started to cry again as she told me about the arguments she had been having recently with Paul, it was always when he had to lose a match, or he didn't like how things were going in his storyline. He always blamed her and expected her to make it different at the snap of his fingers. She said she was just going round in circles with him
She couldn't seem to do anything right when it came to him. I pulled her closer into my arms and kissed her hair. God I loved the smell of her hair. I think that's what first attracted me to her, her hair and those soulful brown eyes.
Anyway all that will come later.
We must have sat talking for over an hour before I heard Matt and Amy shouting for me. Steph looked at her watch and told me I'd better get going unless I wanted to miss my match. I made sure she was gonna be okay before I ran to the gorilla position just in time for my music to start.
The match went by really quickly and I don't really remember many details about it, only that I landed awkwardly on my ankle at some point.
As soon as I got backstage I was helped to the trainers room because my ankle was really killing me and I was afraid it might be broken. As soon as the trainer had finished checking it over and telling me to take it easy on it for a couple of days because it was sprained, I climbed off the bed and hobbled back to my locker room. When I got there everyone else was just leaving to get on the coach. I told them I'd be ten minutes I just wanted to get changed and grab a quick shower.
When I climbed out of the shower I found a note resting against my bag. I opened it up and started to read.
Dear JeffThank you for before it really meant a lot to me to have someone who would listen to me and not want anything from me. You really are a true friend. I'll either see you on the coach or back at the hotel later for drinks with everyone.
Stephanie.
I folded the note up and quickly put it in my bag before getting dressed into my street clothes.
By the time I got on the coach everyone else was waiting for me. I looked around and was a bit disappointed to see that Stephanie wasn't on there. I quickly sat next to my good friend and travelling partner Shane Helms, or The Hurricane, to most people.
Back at the hotel I dropped my bags in my room before joining everyone in the bar. Again I looked around but couldn't see Stephanie anywhere. I was just going to ask where she was when Paul walked in. he still looked angry and pissed off with everything. I decided to get out of there before I said anything.
I made my excuses and said goodnight to everyone. I was just about to get on the elevator up to my floor when I spotted Stephanie running out of the hotel. I quickly went after her to find out if she was alright.
I caught up with her just outside, and could instantly see she had been crying. I grabbed hold of her arm and asked her what was wrong. She just shook her head and started walking away again. I walked after her and took hold of her hand. I asked her to stop and talk to me, we were supposed to be friends and friends talked to one another. She tried to smile at me but couldn't stop the tears. I carefully guided her into a nearby coffee shop where we sat in the farthest corner from the other two patrons. After ordering two coffees I took her hand over the table and asked what he'd done this time. She started to cry again as she told me how angry he had been after the match. He had again told her that she couldn't love him if she would have him lose the belt to a has been. Then when she had tried to apologise he had stormed up to her and raised his fist as if to strike her. If it hadn't been for Amy walking in the room I don't doubt that he would have. I was shocked when she told me all that. I couldn't believe she could stay with someone who could possibly treat her like that. She told me that there was nothing she could do she loved him and she didn't want to be alone. I moved round the table and pulled her into my arms. I couldn't believe that deep down she could love someone who could treat her like he does. I told her that and how he wasn't the only person who cared for her plenty of other people cared for her as well. She laughed and said they only liked her because she was the bosses daughter. I pulled away slightly and told her that I didn't care who her father was, I liked her because she was her. I didn't care about the McMahon part of her name, I loved Stephanie Marie. As the last sentence came out I realised what I had said. I quickly apologised and told her I should have kept quiet. I didn't mean to tell her that. I looked down at where my hands were trembling on the table. Slowly I watched as her hand was gently placed in my own and my chin was tilted up until I was looking into those brown eyes that I could simply fall into. Before I could apologise again she placed a single slender finger on my lips to keep me quiet. Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear her. 'Why didn't you ever tell me you felt this way. You've kept quiet for all this time, I never knew.' I smiled and told her that was the idea of keeping quiet about it. She smiled and gently replaced her finger with her soft lips. The kiss was soft, gentle at first, but then as we both realised this was what we wanted our passion grew along with the kiss. I pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. When we pulled apart breathless I asked her if she wanted to get out of there to somewhere a little more private. She told me she'd love to but she was sharing a room with Paul and I was in with Shane. I pulled out my room key and told her Shane was rooming with Trish now since they were a couple which meant I was all on my own. I quickly paid for the coffees as she dragged me out of the door. We took a detour once we were back at the hotel so we didn't go anywhere near the bar. As soon as we were in the elevator I had Steph up against the wall and I was kissing her neck and along her collarbone. Just hearing the soft moans coming from her I knew this was the right thing, no matter what happened afterwards.
We broke apart reluctantly as the elevator got to my floor. I took her hand and lead her to my hotel room. Before we went in I turned to look at her and asked her if she was sure this was what she wanted. She didn't answer me she just pushed me into the room and kicked the door closed behind us.
That night was the most amazing night I ever shared with someone in my entire life. The next morning I woke up in bed alone. I think deep down I knew she wouldn't be there. I turned over to look at the pillow she had rested her head upon and found another note.
Jeff
Last night was the most amazing night I have ever shared with anyone. I will never forget how you made me feel. But it shouldn't have happened, I need to work things out with Paul before I could even think about anyone else. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but maybe we shouldn't see each other any more. I'll always remember what we shared but there can't be another time. I'm sorry
Love Stephanie
I folded the note and placed it on my nightstand before rolling back over and closing my eyes against the memories I had of the night before.
The next month seemed to go by really slowly and I heard nothing from Stephanie. I didn't see her at all until the final PPV of the year. Even then she did her best to avoid me like the plague. I was upset that I had lost her friendship, but I still had the memories of that night. How silky smooth her skin was under my fingers and lips, the soft sighs that escaped her velvety lips as I kissed her over every inch of her body. They were memories that I would always have with me.
Christmas came and went and I spent all the time I was at home visiting my dad or working on my music and house. On Christmas day morning I was up at the crack of dawn and couldn't get back to sleep for anything. I decided to go for a walk on my land. I was over at my motor cross track when the lyrics came into my head. I pulled out my notepad and just started writing.
I held you for a short whileYour body tight in my arms
All through the night you were mine
But as dawn broke you went back to him
Why can't you see how happy I can make you feel
Why can't you see what we could have
He only gives you pain where I can give you joy
Fear where I can grant you freedom
I want to show you the love I hold for you
Shield you from all the evil of the world
Hold you all night and all day too
Never let you go
Never let you go
Never let you go away.
I slowly got up and walked back to my house. I still had a couple of hours before I had to be at my dads for Christmas lunch and presents.
I grabbed a drink from my fridge and walked through to my studio. I switched all the power on and sat down behind the keyboard. I started trying to write a melody to go with my lyrics but nothing sounded right on the keyboard. I switched it off and picked up one of my guitars. I took it outside to see if it sounded any better on that. It was the same as when I was writing, the melody just came to me. I was so lost in my music that I didn't hear the car pull up or the person walk up to me. It wasn't until I heard my name softly spoken, that I looked up. I found myself staring into those soulful eyes that I could always lose myself in. I didn't move I just asked her what she was doing here. She stayed standing and told me that she hadn't been able to get me out of her head lately and she thought we needed to talk. I moved over a bit so she could sit on the step next to me. She asked me what I was writing because it sounded amazing. I told her it was just a song that I was writing the tune for. She smiled and said she really liked how it was starting to sound. I put my guitar down and asked her what she wanted from me. She took my hand in hers like she had all those weeks ago and t0ld me she couldn't stop thinking about me and the night we shared together. I pulled away and stood up telling her that like she had told me it shouldn't have happened. She was with Paul and she wasn't willing to risk anything else to get a bit of happiness. I told her that she had known how I felt for her but still she had proceeded to use me and break my heart after she had had her comfort. I wanted to make her hurt as much as I was hurting, that is until I looked at her tear filled eyes. I quickly sat back down and pulled her into my arms again. I told her I was sorry I didn't mean to hurt her. I cared for her too much to ever want to hurt her. She looked up at me and told me she was sorry for running away that morning and avoiding me. She was confused when she woke up. Never had she woken up in someone's arms knowing that they hadn't slept with her just for the power he had, but because they cared for her. I wiped away her tears and told her that I loved Stephanie Marie, I couldn't give a damn about the McMahon part of her. Her name wasn't who she was, she was who she was. The most beautiful woman I had ever met, inside and out. She was someone that I would love to spend the rest of my life with, but I knew that that couldn't happen because she was still with Paul.
She took my hand and told me that she didn't want to hurt me, but she was feeling so lonely and I was the only person she could think of who would be able to make her feel loved and more importantly alive.
I know I'm stupid and I knew that she would still go back to Paul afterwards. But that didn't stop me taking her into my arms and carrying her through to my room to make her feel alive again, like I had on that cold November night.
This time I didn't fall asleep after, I just laid there and watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful and angelic when she was asleep. She seemed so happy for the first time in ages. I was so lost in my thoughts that the phone ringing scared the crap out of me. I quickly answered it before it could wake her up. It was my dad wanting to know where I was. I told him I was sorry but I had fallen asleep because I wasn't feeling very well and would he mind if I went over later. He offered to come over and make sure I was alright but I quickly told him that I was just gonna get another couple of hours sleep and then I'd be over to spend the rest of the evening with them all.
I put the phone down and turned to look into Steph's sleepy eyes. She smiled at me and said hi. I smiled and asked her how she was feeling. She told me that she felt happy but also sad because she had to leave soon. I told her it was alright because I knew she had to get back to him soon. She told me that wasn't why she was leaving, she had promised to spend the next day with her family and she couldn't risk missing her flight home. I looked at her and gently kissed her before asking what we were gonna do now. She told me that she didn't know but she didn't think she could stand ignoring me again like she had before. I told her that I'd always be here for her but it could never be anything more than this until she realised what she really wanted. She smiled and told me that she had to work some things out on her own until she could tell me what she really wanted. I told her that was fine by me before leaning down and kissing her again.
She eventually left for the airport four hours later, about the same time I had to leave to go and see my family. I kissed her again and told her that this had been one of the best Christmases I had had in a long time.
I didn't see Steph again for a couple of weeks. Not until the next PPV. She looked as beautiful as ever and I couldn't wait until I could get her alone. I got my chance sooner than I had expected. I was just walking down the corridor to see the trainer when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into a dark room. I didn't get chance to say anything before their lips were on mine. Those lips were so soft and unmistakable. I pulled away and whispered hello to her before I was pulled back into another mind searing kiss. She started to push me back towards the door and I could hear her turn the lock so that we wouldn't be disturbed. She told me how much she missed me and needed to feel my touch again. It didn't take anything else to make me push her u against the wall and deepen the kiss.
When I finally got to the trainers room I was in desperate need of a shower and I hadn't even had my match yet.
I had a quick check over before making my way to the gorilla pit to wait for the rumble to begin.
Everything seemed to be going great over the next month or so. I would meet up with Steph as often as we could get away. Sometimes she would spend the entire weekend with me, other times it was a quickie in a dark closet at an arena. All through this she was still seeing Paul, but she kept promising me that she was ending it.
I can remember exactly where I was when my world came crashing down. I was just about to get on a plane home for the weekend when I heard a couple of people talking about Paul and Steph getting engaged. I ignored them thinking it was just internet rumours. I mean she would have told me if she was getting married, wouldn't she?
When I pulled up outside my house I spotted Steph's car parked in the driveway. I parked my car and walked round to the back. She was there with her head in her hands. I slowly made my way up to her and stood in front of her. I asked her to tell me it wasn't true what I had heard. She couldn't be marrying him when she loved me. I begged her to tell me it wasn't true, it couldn't be true not when we loved each other. She slowly looked up at me with tear filled eyes. It was that instant that my world came crashing down around me. I could tell from the look in her eyes that it was all true. I turned away from her because I couldn't bear to see the truth anymore. I looked out across my land and asked her again how she could marry him. I felt her hand envelope mine as she stood up. 'I', sorry. He found out about us and he was threatening to put you in the hospital and end your career. I couldn't think of any other way of keeping you safe. When I told him I would end it with you he wouldn't believe me so I couldn't think of anything else but to tell him I'd marry him. Jeff I love you so much I couldn't bear to see you hurt because of me. Please I'm so sorry I just don't know what else to do.' I pulled my hand out of hers and told her that I couldn't talk to her anymore. This was the end and I needed to be alone.
She turned and walked slowly back to her car. I turned and watched her go not wanting to believe I had really lost her to that jerk.. I wanted to race after her and tell her that I was sorry and beg her to stay with me, leave him and be with me. There was something inside that wouldn't let me move so I just stood there watching as she drove out of my life for the last time.
That Monday as I walked into the arena I could feel eyes on me. I looked around and could see a couple of the guys looking at me weirdly. I asked a couple of them what was wrong but they just turned and walked away. I shook it off and walked through to the dressing room. I looked at the roster and saw that I didn't have a match. Since I didn't have a match I decided to head back to the hotel room to get some rest. Just before I left the arena, Trish came running up to me. She told me that they had changed the plans for tonight and I was gonna run in and save her during her match. I looked at her for a second before she explained that they were starting the storyline where we started seeing each other again. She started talking about what they had told her would be happening over the next couple of weeks. I was listening to her at first until I spotted Steph out of the corner of my eye. I comple3tely zoned out of the conversation and just watched as she walked past me completely ignoring me. I turned away from Trish and watched her walking slowly to Paul's dressing room. I started to walk after her when I felt small hands on my arm. I looked down at Trish's delicate hand around my wrist and up into her sorry eyes. 'Jeff don't go after her. You know if Paul sees you near her he's threatened to break every bone in your body. He'll end your career and no one's worth that.' I shook her off and asked her what she knew about what Steph was worth to me. She apologised and told me that Steph had been to see her that morning and told her everything. She wanted to Trish to make sure I stayed away from Paul because she didn't want me to get hurt.
Over the next couple of months I slowly faded into the background of the WWE. The storyline with Trish never seemed to go anywhere and my matches always ended up being on something liked Jakked or Heat. God, I didn't even get to wrestle at Wrestle Mania, whilst Matt defended his cruiserweight title against Rey.
The night of Wrestle Mania I decided to stay at the hotel and watch it. I couldn't bear going to arena knowing that not only did I not have a match but I would be so close to Steph again. I couldn't get near her anymore, it seemed to be that wherever she was Paul was right there beside her.
I sat in my hotel room just thinking about everything that had been happening over the last couple of months. I went to the mini-bar and grabbed a beer. I opened it up and took a drink. After my fourth can I made a decision to leave the WWE. I had slowly been losing my passion for wrestling for the past year or so and my body was telling me that I needed a long rest from all the bumps I had been taking.
Before I knew it I was picking up the phone and dialling Stephanie's mobile. It was instantly put through to the answer phone. I told her how much I loved her and how torturous it was being so close to her but being able to get any closer. I ended the message by telling her that I had decided to quit wrestling and work on my music and I would hand in my notice the next afternoon. I put the phone down and went to get myself another beer.
About an hour later there was a knock on the door. I slowly climbed off the bed and went to open it. I was shocked when I saw Steph stood there. I hadn't expected to see her tonight especially since Mania still wasn't over. She told me that she had heard my message and needed to come and see me. I stepped back and allowed her to enter before closing the door behind her. We sat in the lounge area in silence before she turned to look at me. 'Jeff, please don't leave the company because of me. I couldn't bear to think that I was the reason you were giving everything up. You could go so far and I love you…I mean I love to watch you wrestle.' I placed my finger against her lips and told her to be quiet for a moment. 'Steph you know that I love you more than anything right? But it's not about you. I'm leaving because I don't have the passion for the business anymore. I used to love wrestling more than anything then over this past year I've just started to fall in love and be passionate about other things. My home, my music, you. Especially you. So don't feel bad about everything there wasn't anything anyone could do to change my mind. I just need this break from everything.' Before I could go any further her soft lips were against mine and her hands were in my hair pushing it away from my face. When she pulled away she told me that she loved me so much and it was killing her to be so far away from me. If I was certain that I wanted to leave the company then she wasn't gonna stop me, she just wanted to spend one last night in my arms, feeling alive in my arms again.
I took her hand and lead her to the bed. She sat down and pulled me next to her. I leant in and kissed her again before slowly lying us both back onto the bed.
The night was one that I'll never forget. I think subconsciously I knew that it was the last one we'd share together for a very long time if not forever. I spent all night memorising the feel and sight of her whole body. The softness of her skin and the sound of her voice as we made love.
The next morning when I woke up there was a note and a single purple rose next to me. I placed the note on the bedside table and slowly unfolded the note.
JeffLast night was amazing, it was one I'll never forget. I'm going to miss you so much and I meant everything I told you last night. I will always love you more than anything else in my life.
Love forever
Stephanie Marie..
I tried to see Vince or Jim Ross that afternoon but they were both busy in meetings.
Every time I tried to speak to one or both of them they were always busy. Eventually I got so annoyed that I started to write out my notice backstage.
I went to Titan Towers to hand it in and finally move in with my life. I was just about to leave when I got stopped by Vince. He asked me to go into his office because he needed to talk to me.
About a week ago the entire company had been drugs tested because a few things had been leaking out into the press and it was giving the company a bad name.
I don't do drugs. Don't get me wrong I experimented a bit when I was younger but I didn't like how they made me feel and I hadn't touched any in a very long time.
I wasn't worried about the drug test because I knew that I'd come back clean. Vince Sat opposite from me and told me that he had received the results from all the tests. He handed over a piece of paper and told me that he was very disappointed in me. I read down the paper and saw that they had apparently found Steroids, cocaine and various other substances in my waters. I tried to protest my innocence but Vince was having none of it. He told me that it was no use lying because he had a bona fide witness who had seen me taking drugs and had heard me bragging about the effects to my friends. Vince told me that he couldn't have that sort of person in his company and had terminated my contract as of that morning. I was shocked and just simply stood up and walked out. As I walked out of his office I spotted Paul sat talking to his receptionist. He looked up at me and smirked. I knew that it was him who had set me up, he had wanted to keep me away from Steph and this way had definitely worked. As I walked past him he told me that this would teach me to mess with his property. That did it and just flipped, I turned round and punched him square in the nose. 'Steph has never and will never be your property, she's a free person and the sooner you get that through your dumb ass skull the better she'll be.
I didn't look back again as I stormed out of the offices and to my car. As I was pulling away I saw Steph looking at me disappointedly. I stopped the car and started to get out to tell her that it wasn't true but she turned and ran away.
That was the last time I saw Stephanie for almost five years. I tried watching her on TV but it was too painful. I still heard about what was happening through Matt, he kept me updated on what was happening with everyone, but he always kept Steph's name out of it. I did hear that she and Paul got married and she had a baby boy not long after I left. When I heard that I couldn't help thinking abut what could have been.
STEPH'S POINT OF VIEW
Paul told me the night before I last saw Jeff that his drugs testing had come back positive and it looked like he was a complete druggie. At first I didn't want to believe him but then he showed me the information that dad had sent over for us. He also told me that Jeff was being fired which meant that he wouldn't bother either of us again. He told me that there was no point in me going after him because he had overheard Jeff bragging to some of the other boys about banging the bosses daughter. I couldn't believe Jeff would do this to me, I thought he loved me. He had promised that he would never hurt me like Paul did.
I couldn't bear to see him after I found that out so that day in the car park I was just going to work when I spotted him getting into his car. I turned my car around and started out of the car park. I remember taking one last look back at him in my rear-view mirror before I drove away.
I haven't seen or heard anything from Jeff since that day. At first Matt avoided me and just looked at me like I was worthless. But eventually he started to forget what had gone on and realised that he couldn't change the past.
I married Paul four months after Jeff left. I didn't love him and Paul knew that but he knew I didn't want to be alone. Not long before the wedding I had found out I was pregnant. Part of me had wanted my baby to be Jeff's but a part of me was scared that it would be Paul's. when I told Paul he was over the moon and he told me that he couldn't wait to be a daddy. I tried to be happy but I couldn't help thinking about how I had wanted the child to be Jeff's.
Today I got up at about 7. Paul was on the road whilst I was at home sorting some things out and taking care of our son. I named my son Billy Nero McMahon. I had kept my last name when I married Paul and I wanted my son to as well.
After I dropped Billy off at kindergarten I went back home to sort some things out. The post had just arrived so I collected it and took it into the office with me. I sorted Paul's post out and put it in his drawer. Whilst I was putting it away I found an envelope hidden at the back of the drawer. I pulled it out and put it on the desk in front of me. The stamp identified it as coming from a drug testing centre in Stamford. The same one that we sent all our tests off to. I slowly unfolded the top of the envelope and pulled out the papers inside. There was a note attached to the forms in there.
Paul,
I sorted that little problem of yours out. Your test will come back clean and that little punks will show up almost every drug imaginable. He won't be messing with you after this. We can settle up with cash the next time I see you at the club.
Mick
I was shocked. Well no I wasn't really shocked about it all. It was common knowledge that Paul was using drugs, but since he always came back clean Dad couldn't so anything to fire him. Plus Dad thought that I was happy with Paul and he wouldn't do anything to hurt his baby girl. The part that shocked me most was that Paul had arranged for Jeff's drug test to come back like it had. Jeff had been telling the truth all along. It made me wonder what else Paul had lied about. I quickly put everything back in the envelope and placed it in my briefcase. I needed to get some advice from my dad about all this. I was just about to go and get changed when I realised I hadn't checked my own post. Ii flipped through it all noticing it was mostly junk mail, until I came to a brown envelope at the bottom of the pile. It was from Chicago, but I didn't know anyone in Chicago.
I quickly opened it and pulled out a CD and a note. I looked at the CD but I had never heard of the band, Peroxwhygen.
I unfolded the note and read it.
StephLook I know you're probably looking at the CD wondering who the hell this band is and why I would send their CD to you. I can't really explain it all because he would be able to do it so much better
All I can say is listen to tack 12 and know that he means every word.
Amy Hardy…
I placed the CD into the player and skipped to track 12. The instant I heard the lead singers voice I realised who it was. God just listening to Jeff's soft gentle voice made all the memories come back to me again.
I held you for a short whileYour body tight in my arms
All through the night you were mine
But as dawn broke you went back to him
Why can't you see how happy I can make you feel
Why can't you see what we could have
He only gives you pain where I can give you joy
Fear where I can grant you freedom
I want to show you the love I hold for you
Shield you from all the evil of the world
Hold you all night and all day too
Never let you go
Never let you go
Never let you go away.
We were together for such a short timeLife pushed us together before fate tore us apart
I laid in bed all night just dreaming of you
I want to show you all the love I hold for you
Shield you from all the evil of the world
Hold you all night and all day too
Never let you go
Never let you go
Never let you go away.
I'm gonna love you forever
Although you never saw it through
I'll be part of you always
Shield you from all the evil in the world
Hold you all night and all day too
Never let you go
Never let you
Never let you go away.
By the time the song had finished I had tears streaming down my face. God how could I possibly have let him go. Why did I believe Paul over him, why didn't I give him chance to tell me his side of the story? Deep down I knew why. I was so scared about how much I loved Jeff that I didn't know if I'd survive if he ever left me.
I quickly ejected the CD and put it back in its case. I threw that in my bag along with the letter. I threw some clothes into an overnight bag for me and Billy and there everything into my car. I stopped off at his school first and told them that there was a family emergency so I had to take him out of school for a couple of days. During the drive to Stamford I explained to Billy that we were gonna go and see grandma and granddad because mommy had to sort something out.
When we pulled up at my parents mansion I spotted Shane's car in the drive. We both unloaded and went into the house. I handed my overnight bags and coats to the maid before going to find everyone in the back garden. Billy ran into his nanas arms for a hug before running up to Shane wanting to play. I sat down with mom and dad and told them that I needed to see them privately about something. We left Shane outside playing with Billy whilst we went into the study. I pulled the envelope from the clinic out of my bag and handed it to them. Neither of them could believe it when they had read through everything. Dad was adamant that Paul was through with the company and he would make sure that his name was mud after this. I told him I didn't care about Paul and what he'd done, I was upset because it had caused me to lose the one person I loved more than life. Mom moved round and told me that if Paul could do this to us then he wasn't the man I thought he was. I told her that she was wrong. It wasn't Paul who I was talking about. She pulled back slightly and waited for me to go on. I told them all about the affair I had with Jeff before he left the company. How Paul had found out about it and that was why he had done everything. Before mom could say anything I told her that there was something else. Not long after Billy was born I secretly had a paternity test done to see if he was Paul's or Jeff's. the test had come back naming Jeff as the father of my son. then this morning I had found all that and it just made me realise how much I had messed everything up. Mom pulled me back into her arms and asked me what it was that I wanted, who I wanted to be with. I told her that I loved Jeff and I couldn't go back to Paul after all this.
Mom and Dad looked after Billy whilst I flew down to Cameron, North Carolina, to find Jeff.
He was still living in the same house he had been in five years before but it looked a lot different now. He had added a couple of extra buildings to his land and he had painted and drawn on the outside of them all. I walked slowly round to the back of the house and knocked on the door. I turned away and looked over his land until I heard the door opening. I turned back and suddenly found myself looking into Jeff's brown eyes. I suddenly found tears coming to my eyes and I couldn't for the life of me get any words past the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. Jeff's eyes softened when he saw me and took in the state I was in. I managed to squeak a hello past the lump before attempting to clear my throat. I finally managed to tell him that I needed to talk to him.
He walked outside and motioned for me to follow him. We walked out to some seats overlooking his dirt track. I looked over at him and told him I was sorry I didn't give him the chance to explain. That day at work I had been so hurt by what I had heard that I didn't even think to hear his side of the story. I had just believed everything that Paul had told me and that was that. Jeff looked at me and asked me what had made me change my mind. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a photocopy of everything I had found in Paul's drawer. I handed it over to him and told him that Paul had arranged for him to fail his drugs test to get him out of the company. I was so sorry that it had taken me this long to come to my senses I just didn't know what I was thinking. I seemed to have been in a haze for the past five years and then this morning finding that out and listening to the song he had sent to me woke me up. He looked at me confused and told me that he hadn't sent me any song. I handed him the note from Amy and told him that she had sent me this, this morning and just listening to his voice had made me realise how wrong I had been. Jeff asked me why I was here now after five years. He hadn't heard anything from me in five years and just suddenly I turn up on his doorstep and expect what from him. I told him I didn't expect anything from him I just needed to see him and tell him how sorry I was for everything that happened and for if I hurt him. I apologised for wasting his time before turning and walking away.
I climbed into my car and after taking one last look back at his house I drove away.
When I arrived back home mom was shocked to see me so soon. I just broke down in tears and told her that Jeff didn't want me anymore, I had lost him and there was nothing I could do to get him back. She pulled me into her arms and told me that she was here for me whenever I needed her.
About two hours later Dad came back home. He looked tired and worn and told us that he had just left an intense meeting with Paul. At first he had denied the allegations of fixing Jeff's drugs test but eventually he had admitted to it and said he would do it again if it meant keeping me. Dad had been left no other choice but to fire Paul immediately, he also warned him that if he ever came near any member of our family again then he would call the cops so fast he wouldn't have chance to even breathe.
Over the next couple of weeks I settled back into living with Mom and Dad. Dad and Shane went over to Paul's the next day and packed up the rest of my stuff so I wouldn't have to go back to that house again. On his way out Dad dropped the divorce papers on Paul's desk for him to find when he got in.
That afternoon I could hear Dad arguing with someone at the door. Mom kept me out of the way and told me to leave it all to dad. I could hear Paul's voice shouting to be let in and my dad telling him to go away before he called the cops. Suddenly there was a loud bang and a thud, then I could hear Paul's voice shouting for me and Billy. I walked out of my room and started to walk down the stairs. Paul spotted me and started up the stairs. He shoved the divorce papers in my face and asked me how I could do that to him. I told him that he had lied to me and caused me to lose the only man I love, all so he could keep living his own fucking dream of being the number one guy in the business. 'Well guess what Paul, I woke up and found out what you were really like. I only wish that it had happened five years ago because then Billy could have grown up with his real father and not some juiced up bastard like you. It's over Paul and you screwed it all up yourself. No one's to blame but you, you screwed it all up.' I was so upset that I didn't think I just swung for him and connected a hard slap to the side of his face. He was stunned for a moment but then he tried to lunge for me. Before he could grab me he was caught by two strong tattooed arms from behind and dragged downstairs. I was too busy hiding my face to see the person but I did hear Paul thrown out of the house and my dad promising him a letter from his lawyer for assault.
I sat down on the stairs shaking with tears. I heard someone leave the room and I thought I was alone. I slowly looked up into the same deep brown eyes I had thought I would never see again. Jeff knelt down in front of me and wiped away my tears. 'Steph, are you ok? I came to ask you something but when I saw him go for you I just saw red and knew I had to get him away from you.' I slowly shook my head and placed my hand over his which still lingered on my cheek. I told him I was better now he was here. 'Steph I'm only here to ask you one thing and all I want is an honest answer. All I want from you is to know how you really feel about me. I want to know if you love me?' I sit silently for a second before looking into his eyes and telling him that I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved him. When I last saw him I was heartbroken to think that I had lost him for good and I didn't think I could bear that. I loved him and I wanted to be with him every single moment of every day for the rest of my life. I smiled and asked him if that had answered his question. He smiled and told me that he felt the same way. I slowly reached out to touch his face before leaning closer and kissing him. Jeff pulled me closer and instantly deepened the kiss. We were interrupted by dad clearing his throat. We pulled away and I looked down at my dad with a smile on his face. He smiled back at me and said it was about time he saw his daughter back to normal again. I squeezed Jeff's hand before standing up and telling him to go downstairs with my dad because I had someone he had to meet. Billy was playing in his playroom when I went in. mom was with him just watching him play. She always doted on him like he was her own and was ecstatic when I asked to move back in with them. I sat next to her and told her that we had a visitor. She frowned and told me that she had heard all the arguing but she had hoped he had gone. I told her not to worry because he wouldn't be bothering us again if he knew what was best for him. This guest had flown all the way from Cameron and had helped throw Paul out. She looked at me quizzically before I told her that it was time for Billy to meet his real daddy and mom to meet the man that I loved.
I asked mom to just give me a couple of minutes to explain things to Jeff and then could she bring Billy down with her. She quickly hugged me and wished me luck.
Dad and Jeff were sat in the family room talking and I could hear dad apologising to Jeff for not giving him chance to explain himself five years ago and if there was anything he could do then all he had to do was ask. Jeff asked him if he would mind if he started to spend a lot more time with me because he was madly in love with me and had wasted too much time already. I could tell dad was smiling from his voice as he told Jeff that that was the least he could do. I took that moment to compose myself before I walked into the room. I took hold of Jeff's hand and asked him to take a walk with me outside because I had something to tell him.
We walked out the back door to some swings down the garden. 'Jeff, I need to tell you something very important but I don't know how you'll take it. I don't know what Matt ort Amy told about after you left but…erm. I found out I was pregnant a couple of months after you had gone. I had a baby boy just over four years ago. I love him so much and he takes after his dad. What I need to know is that would you be ok because no matter how much I love you I couldn't be with anyone who didn't love Billy as much as they loved me.' I saw Jeff smile and squeeze my hand. 'Steph, if you want me to love your son as much as I love you then I will. I'll just forget that he's Paul's son and love him like he's my own…' I quickly stop Jeff by placing my finger on his lips. 'Jeff, I never said he was Paul's son. I did a paternity test about three years ago. The tests came back saying that Paul wasn't Billy's father. That meant that it could only be you. When I found that out I was so happy because I had been praying that Billy was yours. So you see you don't have to love another mans child just your own.' This time it was my turn to wipe the tears from Jeff's eyes. At that moment mom walked partway out of the garden with Billy in her arms. She put him down and ushered him over to us. He quickly jumped into my arms and looked warily at Jeff. I introduced Jeff to Billy and told Billy that Jeff was his daddy. He told me he thought Paul was his daddy but I shook my head and told him Paul was just someone I had known. He climbed off of my lap and into Jeff's. he pulled Jeff's slightly long blonde hair closer and looked at it. Then he looked into Jeff's face and smiled. I quietly got up and left them to get to know each other a bit whilst I went to get a drink for us all. As soon as I walked into the kitchen mom and dad were behind me. Mom pulled me into a hug and asked me if I was happy. I looked over to where Jeff and Billy were playing and told her that I was finally happy an knew that nothing could ruin that happiness. Her and dad quickly hugged me before leaving the kitchen.
Over the next couple of months Jeff spent more and more time with us. To make things even better he accepted the new contract that Dad offered him. He was gonna be rejoining the Smack Down crew so he would be able to see his brother and Amy more often. Best of all dad offered me a new contract to rejoin Smack Down as the general manager and take over from Mick Foley who's contract was coming to an end. I talked things over with Jeff and we decided that it would be one of the best things for us. Mom was more than happy to look after Billy when we were on the road and he was at kindergarten.
Our first night back was amazing. I entered the ring near the beginning of the show when Mick announced me as his predecessor. For my first night back in charge I announced a match for the heavyweight belt. The reigning champion Kurt Angle would go against a mystery opponent of my choosing.
Backstage Jeff was really nervous about his first night back. He just kept asking me what he would do if the crowd didn't remember him and what he used to do. I smiled and kissed him. I whispered in his ear that if they had forgotten the old Jeff then he would blow them away with the new Jeff. He smiled and pulled me into his lap before deepening the kiss. We had bought Billy on the road with us for this trip because he was on holiday and he wanted to be there with us. Mom and dad had also decided to come and see how everything went. About half an hour before Jeff's comeback he got called into dads office. I wished him luck before going to see how everything was going.
I didn't get chance to see Jeff until just before I went out into the arena to announce the mystery opponent for the belt. He quickly kissed me and told me he had something to ask me after the match but it could wait until then. I wished him luck before grabbing a microphone and heading into the arena.
The crowd went mad as I told them it was time for the main event. Kurt was already in the ring waiting when I announced his opponent. 'Now for his opponent making a triumphant return after five years out of the ring. Let me introduce to the new Xtreme king Jeff Hardy. Suddenly he was behind me getting the fans all psyched up. He quickly hugged me before running to the ring.
The match was amazing to watch and I had forgotten how artistic Jeff could be in the ring especially against someone as good as Kurt.
Before I knew it it was time for me to head back to the ring to present the winner with the championship belt. I climbed into the ring and walked over to Jeff. 'And your winner and new Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy.' I handed him the belt and congratulated him. We were only supposed to hug quickly but Jeff had other plans. Before I could move anywhere he dipped me backwards and kissed me deeply. I was shocked and breathless when he pulled away from me. I smiled at him and started to climb out of the ring.
'Steph hold up a second before you go anywhere. Look now the cameras have all stopped rolling and we're kinda alone.' I turned back to him and was shocked to see him down on one knee. 'Steph I love you so much which I have told you everyday since we got back together. I love you and Billy more than life itself and I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone but you. Now earlier when I had to speak to your dad it was all to do with this. See I wanted to do everything properly so I went to your dad to ask for his permission to do this. What I'm trying to ask you is Stephanie Marie McMahon will you marry me?'
I was shocked for a moment before I slowly nodded my head and whispered yes. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me again before gently placing a diamond ring on my finger.
We eventually got backstage about five minutes later where mom and Dad were both stood waiting for us. I hugged them both and showed them my ring whilst Jeff talked to matt. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned round to find myself face to face with Amy. She smiled and hugged me tightly. 'well I suppose this means we're gonna be sister in laws then huh?' I smiled and told her I guess it meant we would have to put up with each other away from work as well now. We both looked at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing. We quickly hugged each other before I went to find Billy. He was sat talking to his dad away from everyone. I sat next to them and kissed Jeff quickly. I smiled down at Billy and told them that finally I had everything I had ever wanted. I was happy and settled with my family and there was no way I was gonna let anything mess it up for me.
It's taken over five years for us to get here but finally Jeff and I are happily married with one son already and another baby on the way.
As for Paul, he was arrested about a month after that night at home. He was caught speeding in his car and they found over ten kilos of crack cocaine in the car with him. It also came out that he had had an affair with a young woman who was only 15 when he slept with her so he was also charged with statutory rape. He's served six months of his 25 year sentence and it doesn't look like I'll be seeing him again anytime soon.