Starlight
By Aycelcus
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Despite all the Sailormoon stuff that I have owned since I was in middle school, I still don't own Sailormoon! What a shock, ne? Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailormoon. But you knew that.
Author's Note: This was written over two years ago, when my first foray into fanfiction led me to Kawaii Love (originally named something else, but I'll be damned if I can remember what...) and A Moon Romance. Both web sites are musts for Sailormoon fanfiction nutters like you and me. Anyways, since I just recently acquired a Fanfiction.net author's account, I decided to dust this baby off and give it the conclusion it so desperately needed. This is a one-shot (although I think I originally planned a series of these, all set in the times when Usagi is dead or asleep.) If I get a response from this one, and enough people want to see a series of these, or have this as a First Season prologue (another idea I toyed with) then I might just extend this. For now I give you my slightly existential, rather Art Nuevo fic "Starlight". I hope you enjoy.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She isn't sure to where she is running. She isn't even sure if she is running anymore. She could be walking, or dancing, or singing… or even screaming. All she knows, all that is her being is that she wants to be away.
Away from what? Away from dreams that turn to nightmares… or nightmares that turn to dreams? It is too hard to tell anymore. Sounds like smells ring through her ears, turning to touch that tastes and sight that burns in darkness that pretends to be light. The only constants in the liquid time are the stars. He always said she had stars in her eyes.
One star is closest, a spiraling mass of blue and green enshrouded in white.
She thinks to herself, (with a sound that may be her voice or may be the wind ripping past her ears) that that particular star might be getting closer, or perhaps it is something that mimics it, or relates to it. In between the void that isn't she senses a change, a pull on her soul towards a solidity she hasn't felt in… well she isn't too sure how long. Years are seconds and minutes are rivers that run past her and laugh like brooks that know too much.
This pull seems familiar somehow, something she has gone through before. But this time it's different. This time it brings with it things her battered and refreshed mind labels as memories. She realizes that the memories are stars. There are so many of them, but some follow her to the pull, crowding around her, touching her with their fire and then retreating, only to advance again. The red star's tendrils fall upon her first, with an urgency that somehow melts into a slow melody that plays on strings of star-fire.
The first memory envelops her.
Violet eyes turn towards her in annoyance. "Can't you do anything without my help?" The Princess of Mars sighs, and then reaches down to her. "How are you ever going to be a Princess if you can't even walk in a dress?"
She looks up through the memory; chubby little arms falling down from their outstretched position to hide within a white skirt just a smidgen to long. She feels tears well in her eyes, and looks down so that her older companion can't see them. "I'm sorry Rei… I'm trying…"
Princess Rei looks down to her sovereign-to-be, and softens. She kneels down to four-year-old Princess Serenity Usagi Tsukino the First, (such a large name for such a little rabbit) and wipes her tears away. "Shhh… don't cry Usagi. Tell you what… we will take you to the royal tailor and have that gown shortened. It looks a little big on you anyway… okay?"
She looks up to the seven-year-old clothed in the fuku of the Senshi. For now Rei is only a Senshi in training, but one day she would be as strong and regal as her mother, one of the eight Senshi who protect the sovereign ruler of the Silver Millennium. Usagi (for now she remembers her name,) sniffs and smiles experimentally. "Really? Do you think we can make it look like a fuku?" She has always wanted a fuku of her own… a symbol of belonging. Her friends and keepers all have one.
Rei laughs, a sound that suddenly tastes like sunshine and smells like fire. "Oh stars, no, Usagi-chan… your mother would have fits if she saw you dressed like that. Remember, you are the Moon Princess. It wouldn't be seemly."
Usagi sighs a long sigh, heavy with the weariness that comes from old arguments, and slips her tiny royal hand into Mars' larger one.
With that touch the memory spins away, its melody shattering into fragments of crimson that fade to blue. The second star approaches timidly, its icy edges just barely brushing her, opening another memory like a book. She reaches out to it, her fingers brushing the pages that are suddenly real, words coalescing in front of her eyes.
She closes the book and looks wistfully out the open window, smelling the sweet air and wishing heartily to be outside. But as always her tutor's voice calls her back into the weary world of dusty tomes and things she'd much rather learn firsthand.
"Princess Usagi, how can I teach you if you don't pay attention? These histories are important; these are the peoples in your kingdom. To serve them well you must know them well."
Usagi turns back to her mentor and friend, who like Rei is three years older than her and dressed in a fuku. "I know, Mercury… but it's so warm outside. Its been raining for days. Can't we at least do this in the gardens?" She entreats the Princess of Mercury with eyes that would send anyone else reeling. But Ami isn't so gullible, and shakes her short blue tresses.
"If we went outside you'd never learn anything; you would climb the trees, and dance through the roses, and forget anything exists beyond the sun and the grass and the sky.
"You are ten years old, Princess Usagi, and soon you will be required to help your mother govern. It is my duty to see that you are ready." Then Ami, Senshi of ice and intelligence, sees the sad look in her Princess's blue eyes, and smiles. "Perhaps you are right, it is too nice of a day to spend inside. We will take our books outside."
Usagi looks to her friend and smiles wide. As their eyes connect she feels the world around her change to lines on a page, the smell of ink fading as the book closes. The blue star moves away to admit a bright yellow star. This star has no hesitation; it grabs her arm and spins her away into its memory with a joy that prickles her mind like static electricity.
Princess Minako is the Leader. Princess Minako is heir to the throne of Venus. Princess Minako is tall and bouncy and self-assured, and everything that Usagi is not. And yet Princess Minako is Usagi's best friend, so Usagi tries to look past her own failings to rejoice in Minako's talents. She is proud that Venus would lead her Senshi, wishes that one day she could be as beautiful as Minako.
Usagi watches her best friend as she leads her Senshi in tactics drills, practicing the manuevers that might one day save her life. Her orange fuku sparkles in the sun, and she wipes a bit of sweat from her brow before she launches herself at Rei, who dodges with a curse. "I wasn't ready!" Rei exclaims.
"That's the point." Minako breathes out. "You should have been."
"Geez, lighten up, Mina! You're worse than Mako when you're like this." Rei pauses for a moment, long enough for Makoto's expected and affronted "Hey!" to issue from behind her, then continues. "We've been doing this for hours. We all need a break, or we're going to be fried senshi. I swear you pick the hottest days of the year for your extended drills."
Minako sighs, and pushes her damp bangs out of her eyes. She spies movement for the corner of her eye, and notices Usagi watching them.
"Okay, lets break for today!" Minako suddenly smiles, her sober senshi expression dropped in a heartbeat. "Usagi! Come on, we're all going to go swimming!" And with that, she dashes past, her hand snaking out to grab at Usagi as the five girls go running off.
At the touch of Minako's hand the orange electricity sparks off; and the star moves away to admit another, this one smelling of oak. Deep forests of green envelop her with strength. The oaken smell invades her, intense and sharp.
"You're going to see him again, aren't you?"
Usagi feels herself whirl around. A figure stands in the shadows, the light of the Earth in the sky barely touching her feet. "Mako…"
"Shhh." The older girl steps forward. Without warning, Makoto surrounds her in a hug. Usagi's eyes fill with tears. "Shhh. I know, I understand. You love him. You can't help yourself. It wouldn't be love if you could."
"… Do the others know where I am?"
"No. I'll cover for you." Mako pulls back, and Usagi looks at the Princess of Jupiter questioningly. "Now go, don't leave him waiting."
Usagi nods and starts to run off towards the Transport room, when she hears Makoto's voice ring softly after her. "And, Usagi? If he hurts you… he's dead." And with that the tall senshi melts completely into the shadows, the memory beginning to melt with her.
As the velvet green fades, she feels cold. Sadness threatens to overwhelm her as another memory takes its place against her soul. This one is warm, golden, and so very bittersweet. His is the hardest to bear…
Soft are his hands against her side as they lay together under the stars. Moonlight shimmers against his skin and does ethereal things to the deep blue of his eyes. Usagi simply lies there breathing her lover in, memorizing every precious moment of his heartbeat against hers. She watches as his eyes slowly close, watches as he slips into sleep and dreams. It is not the first time that they had come here to this secluded grotto, not the first time that they lay together beneath the moon she called home, but this may be the last time. War has come upon her universe, and terrible and bloody it promises to be.
Usagi closes her eyes against the pain. Her heart is heavy, so heavy. Deep within her lies the fear, the knowledge that when next she sees her dear Endymion, he would be but hours from his death. This is the kind of small, insidious knowledge that only comes creeping upon you in the deep, dark hours of the night, those hours when you feel alone even in the arms of your lover. A few hot tears escape her steady control to fall upon his moonlit skin.
"…Sere?" comes his voice in quiet resonance. Only he calls her that, only he would she allow to call her that. She opens her eyes to him as his lips brush against her forehead. "Sere, shhh. Don't cry. It's alright, everything will be alright."
Usagi cannot tell him how she feels, not and have him understand. So instead of turning to his shoulder and crying out all her fear, she moves gently to his mouth and kisses him there. She lets her lips graze the corner of his mouth; lets them whisper across his cheeks and eyes until she has patterned his face in her mind.
"I know, my love…"
She needs not see the rest to know what the memory holds. She does not want to see her death, or the death of all those she held so dear. All she desires now is to fall, fall to earth in a blaze of fire. And so she does, a contrail of burning memories following her down… down… down into the new day.
Somewhere on earth a baby cries, it's first breath shattering the silence of a thousand years.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A.N.: Ooookay. That was a strange little trip. I suppose it was a successful one. It's really hard writing in active third person and I hope my language isn't stilted or cramped because of it. Also, my suggestion is to read this with something atmospheric playing in the background. My suggestion is Within Temptation's "Our Farewell."
Another A.N.: I'm really not this angsty and serious. Most of my stories have a lot of humor in them. This one just doesn't. It's WAFFY angst. WAFF me baby. Oh yeah.