In this story, My Cake never happened. That's the AU bit. Slashy angst.

In the end, it wasn't the end that bothered him. It was the way it happened.

It was his eyes. His eyes, wide and shining bright. His mouth, white teeth moving excitedly. His hands, gesturing in front of him. Even though he could barely make out what he was saying (he was talking that fast), he laughed anyway. Because it was so typical to see the kid that excited, and over something so small. A simple visit home, there and back. Just to meet the parents, do the whole "Hi, I'm your sons gay lover" thing. At least Kelso had given him tips on how Harrison did it. As excited as the kid had been, Perry had been nervous. His shirt was dirty and his hair was dirty too, because he could just not bring himself to use the kid's Jasmine and Lavender shampoo. It was pink for a start. But he was sure he wouldn't be able to explain that to Sam and Barbara.

But, hey. The kid was happy. And who was he to complain? A happy JD meant less whining and a much easier life for him. Plus he secretly liked the kid happy. But if the fact he actually cared for the man got out, his reputation was ruined. So he kept quiet on that one. No I love you's. No I'm glad I found you's. Generally nothing ending with you. He tried to keep conversations focused on sport (which JD knew nothing about), scotch drinking (which JD knew nothing about) and that annoying bastard at work who thinks he's better than everyone else (which JD knew quite a lot about). Personal feelings were a serious no-no. It had been like that with Jordan. But he could tell the kid wanted to talk. The kid always wanted to talk. If he had is way, they'd be twirling rainbow flags on a float with fifty other all male couples. Dressed in pink. Which was, quite frankly, Perry's idea of hell.

That just made what happened even more unfair. The kid was jabbering away about something, lifting his hand from the wheel every now and then to wave them excitedly. Perry just had to smile and shake his head softly at the man's happiness, at his puppy like innocence. Then JD's mobile went off, some stupidly upbeat song ringing through the early morning air.

"Who calls at 5am?" JD wondered aloud. Perry scowled and flipped the phone open.

"Whoever this is, talk loud and fast so I don't have to listen longer than I must." As he listened, his face hardened more.

"The guy is driving, assface. I don't care how urgent it is…." Perry sighed, and held the phone away from his ear, mouthing swear words at it. JD stifled a rather girlish giggle. Perry passed the mobile over to JD, who glanced at it unsurely.

"They say it's urgent, whoever it is." JD made a face, slowed right down and clutched the phone to his ear.

"Whoever this is, I'm driving up what is either a tiny mountain or a bloody huge molehill. If I fall to my death, you are blamed and paying for my burial. And that doesn't mean giving Doug a fiver so I'm not used as a drink cooler." Perry couldn't help but feel proud at the man's rant.

"Taught him everything he knows….." he muttered. Of course, referring to Doug as Peepants would have sounded better, and calling the guy a few insulting nicknames would of made the whole thing sound more impressive. But hey, JD had time to practice. He could rant at Barbie as much as he wanted. He was pondering starting a ranting class when JD's expression very much changed. The vague annoyance caved in, giving away to even wider eyes than before (and glistening with tears)m and a slightly open mouth (a mouth that was soon afterwards turned down). He gave a slight whimper, and nodded. Then he said into the phone "Sorry, I meant to say yes. I understand perfectly." He flicked the caller off, and just sat there limply for a moment, phone in hand. Perry leaned towards the man slightly.

"Newbie?" The phone tumbled from his hand, hit the floor. There were several beeps as various numbers were dialled.

"Newbie!" Perry said, stronger this time. "What did they say?" No answer. "Please tell me what they said. What's wrong?" He slid a calloused hand around the man's shaking shoulders. "Tell me." He breathed. JD suddenly sat bolt upright.

"Dad's dead." Perry froze.

"What?"

"I said, Dad's dead!" JD yelled.

"Newbie-"

"NO!" JD yelled. "He's gone. I don't want to hear how I should be calm because I'm a doctor, and I don't want to hear about the five stages of grief."

"Newbie, I think you're confusing me with the grief counsellor weirdo….."

"Yeh, but you're still gonna do the sympathy bit. Face it. At the end of the day, you're a doctor. That means you're going to be all 'soppy' and 'understanding'. What do you dp when you break the news to a family? What do you do in the way of body contact?"

Perry decided it was best to go along with JD. "Arm around shoulder."

"And where's your arm now?" Perry's expression fell even more as he realised.

"I'm not-"

"Leave me alone!" JD screamed.

Too bad JD didn't see the cliff's edge.

"Stop the car!" Perry screamed. "Stop the car!" JD realised too late and tried to spin the steering wheel. It didn't work. JD gave up, rested his forehead on the wheel. "TRY!" Perry screamed. "Try again! Stop the car. Please….." Perry tried reaching over, but it was no use. The car and JD were out of control.

"Stop…" Perry begged. But it was too late. He grabbed the man, pulled him tight, buried his face in his hair. He didn't want to die. He didn't want him to die either.

"JD…please." JD looked up, his eyes shining slightly. His mouth twisted up into a grim smile.

"You called me JD."

And those were the last words they spoke as they hurtled, together, over the edge, watching the ground rush towards them. And JD was crying and Perry was crying. And all they could do was hope it came quickly. The end, that is.

­

That should have been my end. To die with him. With him. I don't want to go back to being alone. Who will have me now? Jordan? Carla? How could I have survived when he had died? I can't stop blaming himself for lack of anyone else to blame. I can hardly blame him, can I? The man in the morgue.

I visited him there yesterday. His hair was still perfect. I had tried for months to get him to admit to using hairspray or mousse something like that. He stuck to his guns, refused it all. His macho man impersonation. Funny, in a way.

I slammed my fists into the wall, over and over. Streams of visitors check in on me. Fruit basket after fruit basket litters my floor. When I look in the mirror, my eyes are sunken, my skin is pale. And I can see him in the window to. The eyes, staring at me. I can't escape it. His voice, his eyes…..I've attempted joining my lover several times. But I wasn't thinking straight, I hadn't been careful enough. After I he was put on Suicide watch. I soon gave up trying to kill myself. It got me nowhere. Turk and Kelso find it awkward and avoid me. Carla and Elliot keep trying to get me to open up and talk about my feelings. And Jordan is still blaming me. She's perfectly right, of course. Who else could have been to blame? She's the only one saying it aloud, but you can see the others thinking it. The stolen looks, the whispered conversations. Did you hear? I can't believe it would be him. I just never imagined….

He had saved me. At the last moment, he had thrown himself across my lap. He had taken the blow, he had taken the impact. The human airbag. Leaving me breathing, me bleeding, me screaming at the heavens to bring my lover back. It didn't work. So where does that leave me? Turfed out to the psych ward and left to rot in a hospital gown. I thought I saw my death happening. It was his. My stolen life, stolen from him. Makes sense, really. My life always has belonged to him. Always will. Maybe-

"Dr Dorian! Dinnertime." JD looked up from his diary, eyes wide as he clutched the pen.

"Can I see him afterwards?"

The nurse sighed and bent down beside him. "He's dead, remember?" JD didn't flinch, giggled slightly.

"Don't be silly. He's not dead. We're going on holiday next month. To the Caribbean. He said we couldn't go to Wales like I wanted, said it would be too wet. Perry said, Perry said, and Perry doesn't lie."

"Perry is dead, JD." Realisation dawned and JD began to cry.

"I killed him, I killed him."

"No. He was just being brave. The brave man."

"Always brave, always brave. Why him, Nurse? Why not me? I am nothing. He is everything. Why so sad, why so dead?" He gabbled, rocking backwards and forwards on his bed. Carla sighed again and grabbed his hand.

"Come on. Let's go." She led him towards the door. He cast a single look back at the room, before following her. She gave yet another sigh, of relief this time, as he left. She was done for the day. Yet, it still pained her to know he'd be the in the exact same way tomorrow. Maybe one day, she'd leave him in his fantasy world. Where good men survived and there was a happily ever after.

And not just an end.