Final Fantasy VII (c) Square Enix
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Rise Up, My Love, My Fair One
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In all of her life there had been many instances where fear should have rendered her helpless and incapacitated. From the moment she had taken her first breath, her life hung in a delicate balance, always teetering on the edge, dancing the most dangerous of dances. As long as the blood of the Cetra flowed hotly in her veins she would be hunted by others, misjudged by the rest and haunted by the dead voices of the past. She should have been frightened by the power she could feel, by the visions she could sometimes see and things she could control. Yet all of these things, so seemingly terrifying and horrible at the same time passed calmly in front of her eyes and she took them in stride, as if staring at a field of calm flowers and tenderly touching them before moving onto a new fresh field. She never paid any of the tragedies that occurred in her life too much mind; after all, she knew that things transpired for a reason and if death were to ever show its face to her yet again, the souls that would depart would become one with the Planet and would never truly leave her. Of this she was certain; her long dead mother's voice echoing to her as a child was enough proof to assure her of this. No…she was not afraid. Never afraid of the evils that were thrown at her.
Yet now, having seen him fall to the floor, clutching his head and trembling violently as if his very soul was trying to escape from his body, mouth muttering nonsense and face in pain, she was struck blind with terror. The more she tried to reach out to him, the more he would writhe around, swinging aimlessly at anyone around him. Blow after blow she took until she was able to wrap her arms around him and whisper helplessly in his ear before he passed out. As his body went limp in her grasp she involuntarily cried out and held him tighter, crying his name over and over, frightened by what had happened and by how panicked she was feeling. She had always trusted that he would be alright but now, his unconscious body with her and the pain she had felt tear at his mind, she was trapped by fear and overwhelmed by a devastated feeling she had never felt so intensely before. He was her hero yet o, how the mighty had fallen. She could do nothing more than cradle him gently and pray he would awake soon.
And he did. His face was pale and dark circles framed his eyes. Peering into those mako infused orbs, she saw nothing but pain and embarrassment. She saw everything he had been trying so hard to hide. She saw hatred towards ones self and shame as she had never believed could be manifested in one person alone. To see him that way, so dejected and full of self loathing, shame and embarrassment, was breaking her heart to millions of pieces.
He had gone into his room after the incident and kept to himself the rest of the night. She was fitful that night, unable to sleep and was walking down the hallway of the tiny inn when his bedroom door caught her eye. It was slightly ajar. Perhaps he had slipped out into the dead of night - the thought tore at her heart - and she quickly approached it before she stopped in her tracks at the sounds of hushed voices coming from inside. Instantly she recognized the voices. She heard his voice and that of another companion aiding them on their journey. She crept to the door slowly and was able to hear his voice, which was sad and heavy.
"You see, someone in SOLDIER isn't simply exposed to Mako energy," he said softly, "Their bodies are actually injected with Jenova cells...For better or for worse, only the strong can enter SOLDIER. It has nothing to do with the Jenova Reunion."
He paused. When his voice came again, his words were barely intelligible to her ears. Yet the when the words did reach her, all the air left her lungs and it was all she could do to not let the tears that had formed in her eyes escape.
"…But weak people... like me, get lost in the whole thing," he admitted sadly.
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It was early morning when she awoke and the light was brighter and paler than she had remembered it from the pervious morning. The air was not warm, but slightly chilly and sharp; it felt good to breathe in. Wriggling in her bed, the sheets wrapped around her body felt smooth and cool against her skin. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes before climbing out of bed and changing into her regular attire. Tying the pink ribbon in her hair and hiding her White Materia inside the crevasses, she approached the window and looked outside. It was cloudy, the sky gray and appearing heavy with oncoming rain. Touching the glass, she breathed in before pressing her forehead against the cold surface. At once, memories of the day before flooded her mind and she left her room hurriedly to find him.
The inn was quiet and it seemed that everyone else had gone away. For a moment she wondered if he would still be around; perhaps he had left, as he did at times when his mind was troubled and he needed to clear his thoughts, and would return later. However, the circumstances behind his breakdown the previous day led her to believe that perhaps he would not dare venture out into the day. Her heart was beating so hard against her chest that she scarcely dared to breathe in as she approached his door yet again, and saw it ajar once more. Gently opening it, her hand trembled as the light caught her eye. The brightness cleared and there he was, sitting on his bed, head down, back to her.
He was there, in front of her eyes. All at once her heart swelled in her chest and she could barely breathe. The mere sight of him before her, alive and breathing, silent and beautiful was overwhelming. She was blinded by what her heart was telling her. She was bound by the love for him. She was drowning helplessly in it and she didn't care; she only wanted to drown more and more, to sink further and further down in the love of him, for him, to him and everything about him. O, how she longed to reach out to him and shield him, protect his mind from the demons that plagued his heart; those invisible, silent enemies she could not fight.
His shoulders were slumped forward and she knew he was feeling dejected yet again, Embarrassed by his falling out the day before; she knew it was eating him up inside. The memories of that day would never be erased from his memory, she knew, nor hers. Yet despite it all, she only saw the strong, wonderful man who had helped her up off the dirty streets and taken a flower from her with such grace she could hardly believe was real. Whether he believed he had any worth was out of her control but in her eyes, he was the most wonderful human being with so much strength, heart and courage she had ever known. He was facing his most powerful inner demons head on and was leading the rebel group into the unknown of the world and he still had time to make her feel as if it were going to explode from just glancing in her direction. He was more than he could ever fathom himself; he was her hero and she loved him unconditionally.
There was a light in him which he himself could no see. It was so bright to her that at times she had to look away. There was the sadness and sorrow in his heart that he carried everyday, and used those inner demons, the sadness, fear, shame and self loathing to carve out the path that would lead them to the dark cloaked man. With every breath he took, she could feel the world growing brighter and safer, climbing to the steps of salvation with him leading the way. She idolized more and more each day. She wanted to be as close as she could, enough to meld their hearts, their very souls together. There were times when she felt that the love she had in her heart could propel her up into the skies and beyond the stars; she loved him so.
Gazing at him this way made her wish for all the happiness in the world so she could give it to him. But a sadness overtook her eyes as she thought of their journey felt the peril growing with each passing day. She wanted to freeze time so she could spend that frozen moment forever this way, gazing at him lovingly with all the heart she could give him. If she could take away his fears, his self loathing and shame, she would. She would carry it on her shoulders around the world forever if that alone could allow him to rise up to the hero she knew he was.
He straightened up slightly, slowly turning his head until his tired eyes caught sight of her and he tried to whisper her name faintly; it came out broken, incomplete. Breath caught in her throat, she captured his gaze and nodded at him. And there the were, trapped in a moment at time that was slowly slipping away. Her chest rose and fell heavily at the sight of him; so overwhelmed, was she, by the feeling that was rendering her helpless. It was stronger than the fear she had felt as she watched him crumble. It was a strong, bright, warm, living, breathing fire inside that sent her spirits soaring; she wanted to take him with her.
She crept closer and knelt at his side. His eyes, wounded and confused, watched her dully as she took his hands and kissed them before pressing them against cheek tenderly. Despite his lifeless appearance, a pale blush appeared on his cheek at her actions. He shook his head, his lips parting slightly but not a single sound escaped. Lifting her head, she looked deep into those empty eyes longingly.
Her cheeks - she didn't realize - were fading; bruises was beginning to blossom on her pale face. His eyes grew more weary at this site; she didn't know what he saw. Slowly, he broke her grasp on his hands and timidly traced a finger around the developing wound. She flinched slightly at the soft pressure and he hurriedly tore his hand away, hiding his face from her. The action was more than she could bear to witness. Reaching out, she took his hands yet again and this time, she pressed them to her heart. He turned to face her again, his expression inquiring and yet again confused. The beating inside, she was sure, he could feel pounding away. The flush on his face returned yet again and he looked away, suddenly very shy around her. She held his hands close and rested her head on his lap, taking in the cool air around her into her lungs, willing the man beside her to breathe together. Shutting her eyes, she could see the light and shadows behind her close eyelids. Colors and shapes swirled in the world of light and darkness that was painted before her and she knew he was beside her. She could feel the blood flowing through his veins and she submitted to the rhythm of his quiet breathing. She breathed slowly, deep and full, and let it go, nuzzling closer to him, grasping his hands tighter, feeling so full of love that it could overflow the room and drown them both.
All was quiet around them. Slowly, he turned his head to peer down at the flower girl by his side. She was there, kneeling beside him, holding onto his hands, breathing in rhythm with him, quiet and serene. Hushed and divine, was she. She whispered something he could not understand. She looked up at him and captured his gaze with her own, her wonderful, beautiful, terrible eyes burning holes in his own. His face was filled with grief and uncertainty; o how she wanted that look to disappear forever. She wanted to reach up and take his face in her hands and give him promises of a thousand tomorrows. She wanted to reach into his soul and rip out his demons and set him free. But she knew she could not. Until the time of their own defeat by his own hand, she would remain beside him this way, holding his hands, loving him more than she could love anything else, more than her own life.
His eyes traveled to their hands, clasped together, intertwined, holding steadfast. He looked back up at her, his eyes slowly coming into focus. There was nothing she could say now; she could only hope that her eyes were doing justice to the feelings that were overflowing in her heart. With her eyes she told him she loved him. With her eyes she told him he was the most brilliant person. With him by her side, her eyes said to him, she was the gladdest thing under the sun.
On her journey, she had seen cliffs and clouds, valleys and mountains, lakes, rivers and oceans. Nothing, however, was more majestic, more breathtaking and beautiful than the man before her at that moment. She wished that somehow he knew that, somehow believed that in himself. Right there, she prayed, she would help him find the strength within himself to rise to more than he knew he could be; to what she knew he truly was inside. That, she promised. His face remained sullen and somber. His eyes were trapped in hers and he could only stare innocently. The light was cold but it was bright, too.
Aerith looked deep into Cloud's eyes and smiled ever so faintly as she felt his hand squeeze her own.