someone to ride the river with

by ohmytheon

While on a mission where she has been relegated to a back up position, Jyn gets distracted by her own emotions and finds herself in a bad situation. She's always had to fight her own battles and Cassian's done things by himself for so long; it's both new and a relief to find that they aren't alone anymore.

Author's Notes: This went...in a completely different direction than I originally planned. It was supposed to be something light and humorous about Jyn being jealous since I wrote a fic about Cassian getting jealous on a mission. And then this happened? I have no clue how it did, but bring on the Angst Train. Also, warning, Jyn does get in trouble, but I'm not going to let anything serious happen to my girl. It's just an intense part. Title comes from Charles Martin's "Thunder and Rain".

Disclaimer: I do not own Rogue One or Star Wars.

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Undercover missions were decidedly not her thing. For one, she lacked the patience for them; and two, she didn't have what it took to slip into a completely different skin. Sure, she'd gone by a variety of different names over the years, but they had all essentially been her. She changed what she could for what she needed, but at the end of the day, Liana Halik was just as ready to get into a fight as Jyn Erso.

One upside about her was that she was a quick learner. She'd had to be even before Saw had taken her under his wing in the Partisans. Living a life on the run meant that she had to listen and understand fast, no matter what, and when she was working with Saw's group, it was a life or death situation. She had to figure out how to use a blaster, make a bomb, fight with her fists, blend in and hide before she was ten or she would be dead. It didn't matter what it was; if it meant living and it was for a mission, she would learn quickly.

So Jyn could learn to do undercover work. That was fine. The most difficult part, however, was learning how to handle the many different identities that Cassian wore like a jacket.

It was disconcerting. One second, Cassian was himself, the man she had come to know, respect, and actually grown comfortable with. He was never easy to read unless he let himself be, but that made all the times he allowed himself to be open to her all the better. There were moments when he seemed to retreat into himself when they were around one another, which made things strange, but she knew him when she thought very few did.

And then on a mission, he would become someone else, sometimes someone completely different, and he did it with such ease that it threw her for a loop every time. How could he do that? How could he toss away everything that made him Cassian Andor so easily? There was no regret in his eyes when it came to those types of missions. If she didn't know his profile by heart, she swore even she wouldn't have recognized him. Even the way he held himself was entirely different. The way he walked, the way he spoke, even his accent - all gone.

She didn't much enjoy seeing him like that. It reminded her of Scarif when he'd put on that Imperial uniform. He'd become a different man - commanding, arrogant, cold - though she had known that he had to have been a livewire of nerves underneath that steel. She still didn't know how he'd managed to school his face so thoroughly as they'd walked through the Imperial base. If not for the helmet over her head, she wouldn't have been able to fool anyone they'd crossed paths with.

However, now that it was on her mind, Jyn thought that she might have preferred that cover over whatever the hell Cassian's cover identity was today.

Jyn's mind was a tangled mess of emotions as she sat at the end of the bar on her own. It was difficult to shut them all down when she felt torn between downing her drink, storming off, or throwing something - and she couldn't even figure out why. The dress she was wearing was by no means modest, but it was fairly conservative and bland compared to the dress draped on the beautiful woman that Cassian was chatting up.

Unlike her, he looked like he was having a grand time. The woman was nearly in his lap, sitting on the very edge of her barstool, her legs peeking out of the high slit of her deep red dress and resting in between Cassian's. She was smiling and laughing brightly at whatever Cassian had whispered in her ear, shoving him back playfully with one hand as the other rested on one of his thighs at a near inappropriate place. He grinned back at her, looking not a hint ashamed as he mock-apologized. Everything about his body language said that he was completely enraptured by her. He focused on her face, his eyes often dropping to her lips, and one of his hands hanging off the edge of the bar so that he could lazily drag a fingertip over the skin of her bare arm.

And then there was Jyn sitting all by herself, looking like a grump. Granted, her cover didn't involve her looking happy. It was best that she stay alone so that she could keep an eye on their surroundings while Cassian was involved with the woman, so she'd been playing the role of girl waiting on her date who had most likely stood her up. It was just a cover, but for some reason, glancing over at Cassian, it felt as if she really had been.

She did not like whatever this new feeling was and was determined to squash it.

Despite the fact that she wasn't wearing the most stunning outfit - a simple blue dress and practical heels that practically screamed first date - not everyone was deterred by the unapproachable air surrounding her. A man leaned against the open spot next to her and asked, "Is this seat taken?"

Her eyes flickered away from Cassian - she didn't want to watch that woman running a finger along the smooth skin of his jaw anyways - and landed on the man speaking to her. He was good-looking in an absurd sort of way, the kind of attractive that said he was used to getting what he wanted. With looks like that, he could've probably walked up to any woman in this bar and convinced them to spend the night with him, but for some reason, he'd chosen her.

When she took a look at the bartender, who had done a good job at swooping in when he thought her date might have finally arrived, the man just shuffled away awkwardly like he was ignoring her. The sharp, intent way the attractive newcomer was staring at her and the predatory grin on his face hit her like a rock and she knew exactly what he was doing talking to her. She looked like an easy target. He was trying to have fun with the poor girl who had been stood up by her date.

Jyn stiffened and sipped the rest of her drink. "I'm waiting for someone actually."

"Sweetie," the man told her in a mixture of a condescending and sympathetic tone, "you've been waiting for over an hour now. He's not coming."

"Have you been creepily watching me this entire time?" Jyn questioned, feeling her hackles raised. She didn't think that he would've been able to connect her with Cassian. Even if this guy had noticed her glancing over at Cassian's direction, he probably assumed that she was filled with jealousy over the couple at the other side of the bar.

"It's hard to miss a beautiful girl all by her lonesome," the man informed her. When he snapped his fingers, the bartender returned with a refill of her drink and one for him as well, before making a hasty retreat. This creep must either be a regular, well-connected, or someone important. "Let me at least keep you company while you continue to wait."

Quite frankly, Jyn wanted no such thing, but having him around would only bolster her cover. He wouldn't require much of her attention seeing as how he was so obviously full of it. If she got him talking about himself, then she wouldn't barely have to pay attention to him. Men who believed they were important loved talking about themselves. It made them terribly boring and predictable. A little mystery was good, in her opinion.

And maybe he would be a slightly welcomed distraction from the fact that Cassian's hand was almost under that woman's dress. Were they going to get frisky right out in the open? Kriff, Jyn could gag. Instead, she took a sip of her new drink and waved a hand at him, so that he could sit down next to her, which he did so eagerly.

It turned out that his name was Marcus Dyer and he was just as predictable as Jyn expected. Although he wasn't in the Imperial military, he was the son of the man who owned the company built many of the ships for the Empire, destined to one day run the company, and very wealthy to boot. She knew men like him. Profiteers and leeches, the lot of them, but they would be around even if the Empire fell. There was always need for ships and men like him wanting to make a profit. It was an ugly truth.

She was able to listen to him while also checking on Cassian and the woman every now and then. She could tell that while he remained at ease, the woman was getting antsy. He had to wait for her to make the move and it appeared as if it would be soon. Leaning close to him, she ran her hands up and down the front of his suit, giving him a pout that made him chuckle. When Jyn's eyes moved back to Dyer, he hadn't even noticed. He also had not asked a single question about her, making things a lot easier. He didn't care about her as a person. He wasn't like Cassian, who knew how to charm a woman into telling him everything without her even realizing it.

The moment Cassian and the woman stood up, Jyn's heart leaped in her chest, but she forced herself not to react. She ignored them and instead paid attention to the other people in the bar, making sure that they weren't being followed or watched. Besides the older woman who had been next to them visibly sniffing in disgust and a younger man looking disappointed at not catching a show, no one else seemed to care or made a move to follow them as they made their way to an elevator that would take them to the hotel rooms.

She couldn't exactly follow them either. Instead, she was forced to wait until she was given a signal for Kay and would meet up with Cassian on the third floor near the service elevator, which meant that she was stuck with Dyer for who knew how long. She almost laughed. Her life was a joke.

Normally, even though she wasn't one for patience, Jyn was fairly good at staying in her spot until she was given the all go, but she was starting to feel funny after thirty minutes. She couldn't tell if maybe a headache was coming on from having to listen to Dyer's prattling or maybe she hadn't eaten enough earlier, but she was having trouble concentrating and was feeling a little dizzy. If Dyer noticed the change in her demeanor, he said nothing, only kept on talking while she rubbed her temples and blinked a few times.

Lifting the glass to her lips, she paused for a second and glanced down at the drink. It was the second one that he'd bought her. Now that she thought about it, she had never seen the bartender make it. Slowly, she set the glass down on the bartop, her eyes never leaving it. To be fair, it looked completely innocent, but despite the sluggishness of her brain, she knew that it wasn't. Alarms went off in her fuzzy head.

I'm an idiot, Jyn thought viciously to herself. She could not believe that she'd made such a rookie mistake, but she had underestimated Dyer. Her eyes went around the room, but no, Cassian had left a while ago. It was just her out here now. But it had always been just her before, hadn't it? Even when she had been in the Partisans, a part of her had always known that only she could look out for herself. Members could turn on each other quickly if it meant gaining a pair of nice boots or a warm blanket.

"It appears as if you're right and he's not coming," Jyn announced, using every bit of her concentration to not sound like she was close to passing out. The last time she'd felt like this, she had been dizzy with pain on Scarif, half-limping and half-dragging Cassian to the ship Bodhi had found. "I'm going to leave."

Dyer was quick, jumping off the stool to place a hand on the small of her back to catch her when she stumbled. It might've been whatever he put in her drink or maybe the heels she was wearing. "Let me at least walk you to your room, just to be safe." She went to pull away from him, but he had a hand on one of her arms now and she didn't want to cause a scene in public. It could ruin their cover.

In her ear, K-2 hissed, "Jyn, what are you doing? This is against the plan. You're supposed to stay at the bar until Cassian gives us the signal-"

It hurt and distracted her even further to have the droid complaining in her ear. Already she couldn't concentrate on keeping herself together; having both K-2 and Dyer competing for her attention just made things worse. When she tried to step away from Dyer, he held on tight and easily guided her through the crowd towards the elevators. To anyone else, it would look like he was merely being a gentleman, but she didn't like the look in his eyes. Her heart raced wildly, but her brain couldn't keep up.

Why had she allowed herself get distracted by something as stupid as Cassian flirting with another woman? It wasn't like he was even interested in her; he just needed the information that she had on her. How much of an idiot could she be?

"That drink tasted off," Jyn grumbled as he shuffled her onto an elevator, no doubt sounding delirious.

Over the earpiece, she heard K-2 make an irritated whirring sound. He knew what that meant. If either her or Cassian said anything about their drinks not being good, it meant that something had gone wrong. A dark chuckle slipped out of her as she fell against the wall of the elevator. It was a code, but it was always the truth. There had been something off with her drink.

Once the doors shut, Dyer's demeanor changed immediately. Gone was a gentleman. Instead, he was a predator, callous and dismissive. He leaned in close, his eyes roving over her, clinical and cold. "Strong, little thing, aren't you? Most girls fold with typically half the dose. You're a potent one."

Jyn tried to glower and snarl, but it didn't seem very effective in her weakened state. It took everything in her not to lash out when Dyer grabbed her by the chin and turned her face to examine her, but she knew that she had to conserve her energy. This wasn't her strong point. Cassian would know what to do. He'd probably been in tricky situations like this, half-compromised yet not giving up on the mission. She couldn't ruin this. Draven would have her head on a pike. But deep down, she was panicking. The elevated pulse and short, quick breaths through her nose could attest to that.

It was a struggle to talk, but somehow she managed to slur the question, "What are you going to do?"

"We're just going to have a bit of fun," Dyer told her as he let go of her chin, a cheeky grin on his face. It didn't fit his intent at all. "No harm in that, right?" Her eyes flickered to the elevator floors, each ding sounding weaker, and then to Dyer who patting his pockets. "Now where did I hide that key of mine?"

Just before they reached the eighth floor, Jyn lunged at him. She was horribly off balance and could barely control herself, but if there was one thing she learned, especially after being abandoned by Saw, it was how to fight with every last bit of breath and strength in her. She wasn't about to go down without a fight. No, she wasn't supposed to cause a scene and bring attention to herself, hence why she had to get this finished with while in the privacy of the elevator, but if anyone found them, she'd at least have an excuse for her brawling.

Dyer must not have ever experienced a woman that fought back. He was caught off guard and slammed into the wall as she used all her body weight to throw herself into him. His head hit the wall, bouncing, but there was no time to celebrate as he surged back. Bigger than her, stronger, wearing more comfortable clothes,and not under the influence of drugs, he had every advantage on her. He grabbed her by the face, but she bit down as hard as she could, causing him to yelp and jerk his hand away. The back of his hand that he slapped her with though knocked her right down and she crumpled into the corner like a broken doll.

"What the hell!" Dyer hissed furiously, holding his bleeding hand. He reached down to drag her back up, but she could barely stand on her feet now. Her toes dragged the ground. Not only had the slap and fall nearly knocked her out, but the drugs were kicking in hard. Her vision was beginning to blacken. Everything in her was screaming, but her body felt weak and unresponsive despite the roaring in her mind. "You'll pay for that, you little-"

The words were cut right out of his mouth when she pressed a small vibroblade to the inside of his thigh. Her grip was entirely too loose and she wasn't sure if she'd actually be able to stab him with it. At any second, she was going to pass out and drop the thing, but it was all she'd had left. On the floor, she'd been able to pull it out from where she'd hid it under the skirt of her dress, a small comfort on a mission where she had to be visually unarmed. Now it was all she had left.

"Let...go," Jyn practically panted.

Dyer's lips twisted into a sneer. "You don't have it in left in you."

Her grip on the vibroblade weakened and it started to tip forward out of her hand. She didn't think she could push it forward. Fight! Run! Struggle! They all kept blaring in her head, but she couldn't do any of them. She should never have let herself get distracted. This was why she didn't go on as many undercover missions. Cassian would be embarrassed by her.

The door opened and a distant voice queried, "Excuse me, sir?"

A look crossed Dyer's face, one torn between worry and relief, and she knew that he was about to explain the situation to make himself look good, but right when he turned his head, a fist slammed into it. As he stumbled back, he let go of her and both of them dropped painfully to the ground. Though her vision was swimming, she saw Cassian's face hovering above hers as he bent down to carefully help her up.

"I had it...under control," Jyn slurred. The vibroblade had fallen out of her hand the second the door opened. He scooped that up as well before pulling her up completely. She had to lean against him in order to stay standing.

"I know," Cassian replied, patiently as ever. Not in a condescending way either. "Can you walk?"

Jyn tested one of her feet and collapsed again. She had to have blacked out for a few seconds because the next thing she knew, she was being carried bridal style by Cassian. If she'd had the energy, she would've blushed furiously. A part of her wished that she hadn't come to yet and just stayed unconscious.

"…can't come back yet," Cassian was saying in a low, agitated voice as he walked down the hallway. "I know it'll be dangerous to stay here, but she's incapable of-" He rolled his eyes, despite the fact that the droid he was talking to couldn't see him. "It won't look good if we're seen together, yes, but it'll look worse if I'm seen carrying her out of here unconscious. Laying low is the best option."

Her earpiece must've fallen out. No doubt Cassian had found that as well. He would want to leave no trace behind that might suggest she was anything other than a woman sitting at the bar. K-2 was probably arguing extraction details, but none of them had accounted for a situation like this happening. Coming out hot was one thing, but coming out knocked cold was quite another.

She wanted to pull on him, insist that she was fine, tell him to leave her in her room while he went to the ship. They weren't supposed to be seen together. But she couldn't even grip his jacket. Her arms hung uselessly at her sides, dangling about, and anger swirled around her. She'd never been incapacitated like this before. It made her feel terribly awful and even ashamed. What a hassle she had turned this relatively easy mission into. Even worse, through the fog of the drugs and her anger, she couldn't help but think of how protectively Cassian was carrying her, holding her against his chest.

Opening her mouth, Jyn tried to speak, but nothing came out. The last thing she saw before blacking out again was Cassian looking down at her. He said something, but she didn't hear it, and then she was out.

Only Cassian would know how long she was actually unconscious, but when Jyn came back, she was lying on a soft bed, tucked in like a child. She was still in the dress, but her heels had been taken off and her hair undone. Despite the fact that she still felt very much weak, she tried to sit up in the bed. The noise pulled Cassian back into the room, who rushed to her side and pushed her back down with little effort.

"Hey, you're not ready for that," he murmured.

"I was drugged, not shot with a blaster," Jyn grumbled in return.

Cassian arched an eyebrow. "The shiner on your face would suggest otherwise."

Oh, that was right. Dyer had backhanded her. Jyn scowled, but sank back into the bed. She let Cassian prop her up with some pillows, but just barely without snapping at him. Truth be told, she didn't have the strength yet, but didn't want to admit it either. He brought her a glass of water, which she drank gratefully, having felt as parched as if she'd been stranded on Jakku. Must've been the side effects of whatever Dyer had put in her drink.

Once she was finished, Cassian took the glass, set it aside, and sat down in a chair by the blocked out window. She could tell by the way that he was sitting that he was going to question her, but she didn't want to answer. Now that she was out of the situation, she felt an absurd amount of humiliation, the fear being taken out of the equation. She did not like being on the opposite end of Cassian's interrogation skills.

"What happened?" Cassian finally asked, his eyes never leaving her face.

Jyn picked at the blanket. It was softer than anything she could remember owning. "I got sloppy. That's it."

"Sloppy?" Cassian frowned. "Were you compromised?"

"No," Jyn sighed. Of course the mission came first. It always came first. "I was just...a bit of fun for him."

Despite not wanting to look at him, her eyes flickered to him and she caught a glimpse of his eyes darkening and a shadow crossing his face. He looked as if he wanted to punch Dyer all over again. It was gone in a flash though, replaced by an impassive expression.

"So you got caught in the crossfires of his...fun."

"A homely girl stood up at a bar, waiting for her prince charming to never show, yeah, that about sums it up," Jyn replied, more bitterness in her voice that intended. It was directed more towards herself than Cassian. He had been doing his job. They both had been doing their jobs. She was the one that had messed up. He'd probably never take her on a mission again.

"Jyn, you're far from homely," Cassian scoffed.

She was not going to look at him this time, no matter how her body and mind reacted to that.

"Did you finish your fun?" Jyn asked, going for a cool tone. No bitter, no bite. She felt sour, embarrassed, and angry, but now she was the target. Such an idiot.

"I had to wrap it up quicker than intended, but yes," Cassian replied, sounding much more like she'd tried to. He was better at it than her though. He could shuffle all of his emotions out of his voice and face at the drop of a hat while she had to either transform them into something else or bottle them down for as long as she could.

There was a lull in the conversation, one that felt larger than anything she could imagine, before both of them said at the same time, "I'm sorry."

Jyn whipped her head in his direction and ignored how dizzy that made her feel. "Why are you sorry?"

Cassian furrowed his brow. "I should've been there. I shouldn't have left you alone with him when I saw how scummy he was at the bar. I should've-"

"Completed the mission, which you did," Jyn cut him off heatedly. He blinked at her. She couldn't tell if he was surprised or not by the fire in her voice or her words. Why did he have to be so damn hard to read? "I'm the one that nearly kriffed up this mission. I'm the one that got in over my head with some stupid man that I should've been able to take care of myself easily. You should've just let me go."

"Let you go?" Cassian exclaimed, nearly rocketing out of his chair. "Are you out of your mind?"

"I jeopardized the mission." Jyn turned her face away from him. "It would've been better to cut your losses."

"You're not a loss, Jyn; you'll never be a loss." Cassian learned forward in his seat, fire in his eyes, but she wouldn't look at him directly. "You don't think I ever messed up on a mission? Ever kriffed up so bad we couldn't recover? I can assure you: I did, especially when I first started doing Intelligence work. And because of my mistakes, people died - good people, our people." He fell back in the chair, as if physically exhausted from recalling the past, and rubbed the bottom of his face with his hand. "I'm not going to let that happen to you, Jyn. You're not a loss."

Jyn's eyes dropped to her hands in her lap while Cassian's turned to look at the window, even though the curtains were closed. She could feel him closing off, like he was somehow embarrassed or irritated that he'd opened himself up to her too much. She wanted to tell him that she cherished every, little peek of himself he gave to her, but she could never quite get the words out. He hid so much of himself from everyone. It had to be hard on him, but he would never admit that either.

Bodhi would say that they were too stubborn. Neither one of them would deny it.

"What happened to Dyer?" Jyn finally asked, unable to stand the terse silence any longer.

"The bastard in the elevator?" Cassian shrugged his shoulders, but she thought he was still a little tense. "Hotel security found him carrying illegal substances."

"He's got connections in the Empire," Jyn replied emotionlessly. "Probably be out before the day is over."

Cassian grumbled unhappily. "I should've shot him."

"Good thing you weren't carrying then," Jyn pointed out. Their eyes connected and smiles briefly flickered on both of their faces before both of them looked away again. She was slowly beginning to feel stronger, but whatever Dyer had dosed her with had done a serious number on her, especially since he'd given her more than most. Her high tolerance had finally come in handy for something other than winning drinking games in sketchy bars on Outer Rim planets.

Finally, Cassian sighed, running his fingers through his hair and returning it back to the naturally haphazard look she was so fond of, and leaned back in the chair, his legs sprawled out in front of him. "I was scared." His voice was so quiet that she almost didn't hear him, but she did and his words rang loudly in her head. Her throat constricted and nothing came out. "I got used to doing ops on my own, you know, or just with Kaytoo. It was easier that way. The only person I could lose was myself. I'd forgotten… The responsibility you feel when you're on an op with someone else - and it was you. I was flying blind and didn't know what to do."

"You did everything you could," Jyn told him. "You completed the mission and got back to me just in time."

"But what if I hadn't?" Cassian tilted his head up to gaze at the ceiling. "Is a mission a success when you fail to have your partner's back?"

"Draven would say yes. Complete the mission at any cost." They both knew that very well. Eadu was a long time away, but it still burned brightly in Jyn's mind whenever she glanced at the General.

"There has to be a line," Cassian said, so simple, so straight-forward, but somehow, she knew that it wasn't all he meant.

You're the line for me, were the unspoken words.

He was difficult to read, but not always impossible. Sometimes, he allowed a little bit of the truth to bleed through, just for her to see when they were alone. Still, it felt like a lot of pressure to be that for someone, especially a soldier like Cassian who had done a lot of things during his stint in Intelligence work, but also a monumental shift as well. It was slow at first, but she could see a difference between the spy she'd first met and the man he was now.

Jyn tugged at her dress, feeling confined with it still on and with the blanket over her. "How much longer do we have to stay here?"

"I told Kaytoo that we'd be ready for extraction tonight," Cassian said, "so only a few more hours."

"Ugh." Jyn flopped back against the pillows. "I want out of this dress."

Cassian glanced at her. "I think it has a certain appeal." There was an amused tilt in his voice, but something more intent in his eyes. His lips quirked into a faint grin. "I wouldn't have stood up the person wearing it."

When Jyn narrowed her eyes at him, he made himself busy, but the grin didn't leave his face. The next time that they had to do an op like this, she was going to be the lead and he'd be the one acting as backup. She was going to make sure of it. He'd pay then. He liked to hide it, but Jyn rather thought he had a slight jealous streak that he just hadn't been made aware of yet. Oh, she was going to make it very clear.