Goodbye To You

by TJ OR TY

Torrie Wilson sits by her husbands grave as she remembers there life togther from the first mistaken night together to his tragic death.

Authors Note: All characters are owned by the WWF/WWE, I don't own them at all

GOODBYE TO YOU

She placed the white rose on the ground and gently wiped away her tears. She reached out and gently traced the name on the headstone.

Peter 'Billy Kidman' Gurner

It had only been 4 months since the plane had crashed. 4 months since she lost her first love and husband.

Torrie had first met Pete on her first day at WCW. She had been brought in originally as a Nitro Girl but they had changed their minds at the last minute and decided to use her as a valet.

An hour before the show started she still had no idea who she would be accompanying.

She was backstage stretching out when she spotted two men walking towards her. One of them was short and holding a mask in his hands. It was the other man who really caught her attention. He looked to be about her height with shoulder length hair and the most amazing smile she had seen in a long time. They stopped in front of her and introduced themselves as Oscar (the one with the mask) and Pete (the one with the smile). She stood up and introduced herself to them. Pete shook her hand and said he was glad they had given him a cute valet. At least now she knew who she was with. She had to admit she was glad Pete looked liked he did.

Teaming with Pete was fun and we became really good friends. I ended up travelling with Pete everywhere and we had loads of fun on the road. Pete had not long since broken up with a long term girlfriend so he was trying to get over that and move on with his life.

I remember the night everything started to change like it was yesterday. Pete had just had a really good match against Oscar and he had won the Cruise-Weight belt that night. We decided to go out to a club with a couple of the others to celebrate. Throughout the evening we ended up drinking more and more.

I remember getting into a taxi with Pete back to our hotel and him walking to my door. I don't know what inspired me to do what I did. As he was turning around I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me. Before he had chance to say anything I kissed him passionately.

The night went by in a blur. Before I knew it my alarm was going off and I was alone in my bed. On the pillow next to me was a note from Pete.

Torrie

Last night shouldn't have happened. We were drunk and neither of us were thinking. I don't want this to make us weird and I'd like to try and move past this and continue to be friends. I'll see you in the Lobby at 10am

Pete.

I folded the letter back up and placed it in my bag. As I stood under the hot shower I felt the tears begin to fall. How could I have been so stupid to think that he would want me. We were friends and nothing more and I would have to learn to live with that.

Pete looked really nervous when I met him in the lobby. We didn't speak until we got into our car. I looked over at Pete and told him I was sorry about last night I had been really drunk and I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. Pete told me he was to blame as well and he thought we should just put it behind us and move on.

I tried to move on after that. I even went on a few dates but nothing ever happened. It was a bit weird for the first week but then we fell back into our old friendship.

I still couldn't stop thinking about Pete and I wished that he felt the same. But I knew he wouldn't and I couldn't change that.

About a week before Valentines day Shane Helms approached me. He asked me if I would like to go out for a meal with him that evening because he liked me. I looked over to where Pete was sat talking to Oscar and then back at Shane before I said yes. Shane looked really happy and told me he'd meet me out back after the show.

I wasn't expecting to have fun on our date but Shane knows how to make you laugh and have a good time. He was really sweet and I couldn't believe that I had never seen it before.

When we got back to our hotel he walked me to my room and gently kissed me goodnight. I sat on my bed that night thinking about what I was going to do. I still really liked Pete but he had made his feelings clear and Shane was a really nice guy.

I went out with Shane a couple more times over the next week. On Valentines day morning I woke to find a single red rose on my pillow with a note.

To My Valentine

I miss you and I can't wait to see you tonight

Love your superhero.

One thing I forgot to mention about Shane, he's obsessed with comic books and superheroes. It was a bit geeky but it made him all the more endearing.

That night we went to a club with quite a few of the other wrestlers.

Pete was sat in a corner talking to Oscar and I couldn't help but notice how much he kept staring at me. Whilst Shane went to get us both a drink Pete came up to me and asked me to dance. I looked around for Shane before telling him that I would.

As we walked onto the dance floor a slow song came on. Pete pulled me into his arms as we danced. He told me that I looked really nice that night and Shane was a lucky guy to have me. I smiled at him and thanked him. As the song was ending I started to pull away from Pete and walk back to Shane. Before I could do anything Pete leaned in and gently kissed me. I only kissed him back for a second before I came to my senses and pulled away. I slapped him across the face and walked away. Shane was stood at the edge of the stage watching us and wanted to know what was happening. I told him it was nothing and said I wanted to leave.

We got into Shane's car and drove away from the club. Instead of going back to the hotel Shane drove out to a quiet park and told me we needed to talk.

We got out of the car and walked to a small lake in the middle of the park. Shane asked me if I had feelings for Pete because it looked as though I had reciprocated the kiss. I looked away from Shane not believing that I was about to do this. I took his hand in mine and told him that I cared for him so much, but I felt like Pete was my soul-mate. Shane asked me why we weren't together if this was how we felt. I told him my feelings weren't reciprocated and he just wanted to be friends. Shane asked me how I knew how he felt for me, so I explained what happened the night Pete won his title. He looked at me and told me if what he had seen in the club was right then it looked like Pete's feelings for me had changed. I told Shane I was sorry and I didn't want to hurt him. He told me not to worry he was glad that he had been able to be with me for a while but now it was time for me to go and get Pete and show him what he was missing. I kissed Shane gently on the cheek before we walked back to his car.

I went up to my hotel room to get changed before going to look for Pete. When I got to my door I found a bouquet of roses against it. I picked them up and looked for a card. All it said was 'Sorry'.

I quickly got changed before going to find Pete's room. He was two floors above me right next to Oscar. I tried his door first but got no answer so I tried Oscars. I wasn't surprised to see Pete open the door. Before he could say anything I told him we needed to talk. He quickly said goodnight to Oscar before we went back to his room. As soon as the door was closed he started apologising for kissing me in the club. I placed my hand on his lips and asked him to answer me just one question before he went on. Pete was quiet and looked at me. 'Did you mean it when you kissed me?' he started apologising again before I looked at him. He looked down at his shows and didn't say anything. I started to turn away and walk to the door when I heard him mumble something. I turned round to find him looking into my eyes. 'Yes.' Was all he said before I pulled him closer and kissed him. Pete was shocked for a moment before he started to kiss me back. When we finally broke apart we were both breathless. Pete lead me over to the bed and sat me down. He sat down next to me and took hold of my hand. 'So where do we go from here?' he asked me quietly. I told him that I I was falling in love with him and I had been for so long now. He admitted he had fallen in love with me as well and seeing me with Shane had broken his heart. I told him he didn't have to worry about Shane anymore because we had broken up. We talked long into the night, so I was glad we didn't have a show the next day, about everything that had happened between us. I told him how hurt I was the morning after we slept together and all I found was a note. He explained that he had been scared so he had just run and he had regretted it everyday since then. I pulled him closer to me and kissed him.

That night we didn't rush as we made love because we both wanted to remember every detail. I smiled as I snuggled in Pete's arms and started to fall asleep. He kissed my head softly and whispered 'Will you be my valentine?' I looked up at him sleepily and smiled yes before kissing him. I fell asleep in his arms that night and it felt so right.

The next morning I woke up alone again. I couldn't bear to think what would happen to me if he had left me a second time. Before my thoughts could go any further Pete walked into the room with breakfast and a single rose. He climbed back into bed and kissed me good morning. I told him I was worried when I woke up alone but I was glad he was back. Pete told me he would never leave me alone in the morning again and he was sorry he had scared me.

Over the next six months we grew closer and closer. I moved in with Pete about two months after we got together and I had never been happier. My contract with WCW was coming to it's end and I had just been informed that they had no interest in renewing it. Pete was furious when I told him. He couldn't believe that they would let me go. He was so furious that he threatened to walk out and never come back. I eventually managed to calm him down and told him not to worry, because all it meant was that I'd be waiting at home for him instead of on the road. I knew it wasn't the same but there wasn't anything we could do and it wasn't worth us both losing our jobs over it.

My last show was so heartbreaking. To make matters worse I had to have a huge argument and split up with Billy on screen. Backstage was really sad because I had to say goodbye to all my friends. Shane came up to me just as I was leaving and told me he would miss me but he was glad I had finally found happiness with Pete. I hugged him tightly and made him promise to come and visit me.

It was weird being at home when Pete was on the road and I got quite lonely just waiting for him to come home. To pass time I decorated our house which was something we had been talking about doing for so long but never got round to it.

I had just started looking around for a new job when Pete came home with some surprising news. I knew that Turner was trying to sell WCW but he hadn't found a buyer yet. Apparently all the employees had been invited to a meeting regarding their futures. Everything came out in the meeting. A buyer had eventually come forward and purchased the company for a fraction of the price it was originally going for. The buyer was none other than Vince McMahon, owner of WWF, as it was known then. The future was uncertain at first because no one knew whether Vince would take their contracts or just let them go.

That first weekend when Pete came home he was really anxious, they only had one last Nitro left and then no one knew what would happen.

Since it was his last show at WCW Pete asked me to go with him and watch his match with Oscar. He always told me that I gave him good luck in his matches when he knew I was near by.

The Monday afternoon Pete had to be at the arena early so he could meet with Shane McMahon along with everyone else. I stayed at the hotel whilst he was in his meeting and promised to meet him in a couple of hours to go and get something to eat before the show.

When I met Pete at the restaurant he looked really happy. We sat down to eat and he told me that good news. Shane had informed him that he didn't have to worry about his job because they were willing to buy out his contract if he wanted to join WWF. He had said yes straight away and thanked Shane. Unfortunately Oscar had decided to sit out the rest of his contract and then try and get into the WWF after that. I was sad to find out about Oscar but I was really happy about Pete. He told me that he had some more news for me. Apparently Shane had been watching some old videos and he was interested in talking to me about a job. I jumped up in the middle of the restaurant and hugged him tightly. I was a bit embarrassed when I realised everyone was looking at us so I sat back down and continued to eat my meal.

The show that night was really heartbreaking, so many of them were having to say goodbye to their friends not knowing if they would ever work together again. I sat in Pete's dressing room watching him and Oscar in their second match of the evening. They were up against the Light-Heavyweight tag team champions for the belts. I couldn't help the tears as they raised their new belts in the air, before embracing tightly in the ring.

Backstage there were a lot of hugs and people crying. It was quite a shock for me and I didn't even work for the company anymore. I remember Oscar coming up to me before he left and hugging me tightly. He told me to keep my head up and kick ass in the WWF because we'd all be back together soon. Before he left he told Pete to take care of me and he'd call him in a couple of weeks.

After the show was over I was introduced to Shane McMahon who told me he had been impressed with my old tapes and he was interested in talking to me some more. Pete had a meeting at Titan Towers in a few days time to go over his new contract and Shane asked me if I'd be able to travel with Pete and meet him at the same time. I told him it would be no problem because I would have been travelling with Pete anyway.

Pete went in to see Shane before me. He told me that he had told Shane about us so that there weren't any secrets and Shane had no problem with us being a couple, in fact they liked it because it meant we each had someone on the road to keep us sane.

My meeting went really well and I was offered a contract on the spot. It was for two years like Pete's and then if I worked well then it'd be renegotiated after that. I thanked him and told him I'd see him on the Sunday for WrestleMania we had all been invited to.

Backstage before my first show back I was really nervous. I was going to be interfering in a match so that one of the WCW lads would win over the WWF.

I was a bit disappointed not to be teaming with Pete again but I knew there was always a chance we would work together in the future.

We had been in the WWF a few months when Pete took me out for a meal. We were in New York for a couple of shows out there so we decided to go to a small restaurant we had gone to the first time we visited New York. After we had finished our meal Pete told me he wanted to ask me something. He walked round to my side of the table and got down on one knee. I was really shocked at first and I couldn't believe what he was about to do. He told me that he had spoken to my father a few days ago and asked his permission before doing this. 'Torrie, I've loved you for so long now and we're great together. The best feeling in the world is waking up with you in my arms and I don't want that to change ever. Will you do me the honour of marrying me and making me that luckiest man in the world?' I was shocked, I couldn't believe he had asked my father for his permission. 'Pete I love you so much, how could I not accept. Yes, of course I'll marry you.' He gently placed the diamond ring on my finger before pulling me closer and kissing me.

Everyone was really pleased for us and hoped we would be happy together.

I can remember going on a radio show with a DJ called Howard Stern. It was common knowledge that Pete and I were dating and he asked me about that relationship. I told him it was going great and we were planning on getting married next year. After that all the fans kept coming up to us and congratulating us.

Over the next year we travelled around the world with what is now the WWE, after the court battle against a panda. We went to Australia and all around Europe. I loved travelling abroad because I got to team up with Pete in the ring a few times, which I always enjoyed. To make our travel that much better Oscar had signed up with the WWE and was assigned to Smackdown with Pete and me. It was great to have the old team back together again after so long.

I remember one trip to the UK about five months before we got married. I was teaming up with Pete to go against Dawn-Marie and John Cena. The match went brilliantly and after we won I hugged Pete tightly. Before I left the ring I pulled him to me and kissed him. I couldn't hide the grin on my face as I walked back up the ramp. When I watched the replay in the back I had to laugh at the look on Pete's face after I had left the ring. He looked so happy with himself after that kiss.

Our wedding day was fast approaching and everything was going as planned. We had the church all sorted and my dress was just having the finishing touches added to it.

Most of our guests were wrestlers and their families because of how much time we spent together.

A couple of days before the wedding I went to the doctors because I was feeling really ill and kept getting sick. He did some tests and told me the results would be back in a couple of days.

Our wedding was gorgeous and I couldn't help crying during the ceremony. Pete gently wiped the tears from my eyes and whispered he loved me. I smiled at him and told him I loved him as well.

During the reception Oscar stood up to make a speech. 'I've known Pete for quite a while now so I think I know him pretty well. I can remember when he first found out Torrie was gonna be his valet he was overcome by7 how gorgeous she is. But being the idiot he is he didn't let his feelings show. They flirted round each other for a couple of months before that fateful night when they both got drunk. Suffice to say they still didn't get together because Pete was too scared of ruining their friendship. I think Torrie got fed up with waiting because she started dating Superhero over there. That didn't last long because finally Pete came to his senses and they've been together ever since. You guys have seen bad times and good times but you've stuck together. I hope you are both as happy as I am with my family and I wish you nothing but love and happiness for the end of your days. Everyone raise your glasses to the new Mr and Mrs Peter Gurner.'

There were a few more speeches before the band started to play. Pete took my hand and lead me onto the dance floor as we had our first dance as husband and wife. Our wedding song was 'Goodbye To You' by Michelle Branch.

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by
Pete held me tightly as we swayed to the song we had listened to so many evenings in our home.
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say
I looked up into his eyes and smiled at him. He leaned down and gently kissed me and whispered he loved me.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I told him I loved him as well before leaning my head against his chest again and closing my eyes.
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
Pete asked me if I was happy to be married to him. I pulled back a bit and told him this was the happiest day of my life and I couldn't imagine spending it with anyone but him.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he had ever thought about having kids. I knew it was something that I wanted to do but I needed to be sure it was something Pete wanted.
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
he looked down at me and smiled before whispering that the day I decided I wanted kids with him then he would be waiting because he couldn't wait to start a family with me.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned my head back against his chest. Pete kissed my hair and asked me what had made me bring that up.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I looked up at him and told him I had been to visit the doctors a couple of days ago because I wasn't feeling too good and I had gotten my test results back that morning.
We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star

As the song ended Pete asked me if I was alright. I told him not to worry the tests had come back with some great news. In just over seven months he was gonna be a daddy. Pete looked shocked at first and asked me if I was sure. I nodded yes and reached up to kiss him. Pete picked me up into his arms and deepened the kiss. When he put me down I noticed everyone looking at us. I just smiled and told them Pete was just happy because it was his wedding day.

We sat back down so we could talk whilst everyone else started to dance. I told Pete that I wanted to leave it a couple more months before we told everyone, I just wanted a few people to know right now. We decided to tell our families and Oscar, obviously. We also had to tell Stephanie McMahon because I wasn't risking wrestling whilst I was pregnant.

Stephanie was really happy for us and understood completely why I didn't want to wrestle. She asked me to give her some time and she'd sort out a new story for me.

My new storyline was brilliant because it meant I was working with Pete again. Eric Bischoff had been setting up hidden cameras on raw and the storyline stated that he had also hired someone to set up some on Smackdown as well. They were filming little bits in dressing rooms and Stephanie's 'office.' The skits were brilliant and they really helped with my new storyline. One of the vignettes showed me entering Pete's dressing room after he had helped me out with some problems. It showed his silhouette in the shower and me walking up and pulling back the curtain before joining him in there. This started a relationship we were going to be having on screen. I would still be at ringside but I wasn't stepping foot in the ring during a match.

When I was four months pregnant we decided to let everyone know. We got a lot of congratulations from people, but quite a few of them had already guessed. Pete hadn't done very well walking round all the time with a huge goofy grin on his face.

Stephanie had also arranged to write my pregnancy into the storyline because I couldn't hide my bump anymore.

It was decided that I would stop travelling at seven and a half months and I would go on maternity leave. Pete had arranged time off to be with me around the time the baby was due.

Pete had only been home a day when I went into labour. The baby was two days early but I wasn't really thinking about that, only the amount of pain I was in. Pete rushed me to the hospital and got us booked in before he came to see me in my private room.

The labour lasted five hours and I think I called Pete every name I could think of. I even managed to break one of the bones in his hand because I had squeezed it that hard. Whilst I was checked over Pete went to have his hand x-rayed and plastered up. When he came back I introduced him to our baby daughter. He couldn't help crying as he held her for the first time. I told him I was sorry for what I said and did, I didn't mean any of it. He leaned down and kissed my forehead and told me it didn't matter anymore because he had forgotten about it already. I moved over on the bed a bit so he could sit next to me. He couldn't take his eyes of his daughter and kept asking me if she was really his. I told him she was, and she looked just like him. He looked at her and said she looked more like me which was a good thing. I stroked her head softly and kissed Pete gently. We must have sat there for an hour just cradling our daughter as she slept peacefully. My parents and Pete's had flown out to see us and arrived the next morning with arms full of gifts and flowers. Pete had slept on the chair next to me all night but went home for something to eat and a shower when my parents arrived.

We decided to name our daughter Ryan Avril Gurner, after one of my friends who had died a couple of years earlier from cancer.

The day we got to take Ryan home was so great. Pete came for me at about ten that morning with a brand new car seat to take her home in. whilst I had been in the hospital he had finished off her nursery so she would have a proper bedroom. He took my hand and guided me up there to show me. The room was a soft lilac with a sky blue ceiling. He had even painted some clouds on there for when she got a bit older. On her wardrobe there were paintings of us and some of the other wrestlers, that Adam (Edge) had done for us a couple of weeks ago. The room looked brilliant now it was finished and I really felt like a family with our daughter in my arms. In the corner of the room next to the window was a rocking chair for when I was feeding Ryan. I kissed Pete on the cheek and told him I loved it. We went back downstairs and sat on the sofa together. I handed Ryan over to Pete so he could hold her. Whilst he was cradling her I went to get a camera to take a picture of the two of them. Over the first couple of months I took loads of pictures of Pete with his daughter. They are all in scrapbooks that I keep in my room.

Pete had to go back to work at the end of the week and he was a bit upset at leaving us alone, he just wanted to spend time with his family. I told him not to worry because he would be back in a couple of days, and besides we'd be travelling again in about a month. I wasn't going to be wrestling or anything, because I had to get back into shape before I started wearing tight outfits again, but I was going back on the road so my family could all be together.

Pete's first Smackdown back he had a match against Jamie Knoble for the Light-Heavyweight belt. After Billy had hit the Shooting-Star Press and pinned Jamie he raised the belt above his head and pointed at the camera. Before he left the ring he asked for a microphone and told the fans he had an announcement to make. 'Now as you may know Torrie Wilson and I are expecting our first child. Well I'd like to announce that a week ago Torrie gave birth to my daughter, I know she's watching at home right now so Torrie, Ryan I just want to say daddy loves you and I'll see you soon. He put the microphone down and left the ring to applause from the fans. About half an hour later my phone rang and I knew it was Pete. I congratulated him on winning the belt and said Ryan had enjoyed watching her Daddy.

My first day back on the road was loads of fun. We had decided before Ryan was born that she was going to be coming with us on the road all the time because we didn't want her to be raised by nannies. When I went back on the road we had to sort out Pete's, mine and Ryan's things so we spent a lot of time travelling in our new four wheel drive instead of flying. Some places we had to fly because we wouldn't have made it if we had driven there.

The first person I met when I got back was Oscar who came running up wanting to hold his little God-Daughter. I handed her over whilst I went to put our things in Pete's dressing room. I kissed Pete and told him that Oscar was enjoying having his God-Daughter on the road because he got to see her. We walked back to where Oscar was sat talking to Ryan who was looking at him intently. Since the first time Oscar had come to visit and held her in his arms Ryan had fallen in love with him and her eyes seemed to light up when he held her in his arms. After a while I took Ryan back and told him he had a match to practice and I had to go and see Stephanie. Stephanie was sat in her office going over the scripts for that night. I knocked and went in to see her. As soon as she spotted Ryan in my arms she jumped up and walked round her desk to get a better look. Pete had shown them all photos of her but apart from Oscar none of them had met her before. Stephanie said she looked a lot like me, and she was gorgeous. We sat down and discussed when I wanted to start appearing on TV again. I told her I wouldn't mind getting a bit fitter before wrestling again because I didn't think I'd look too good in skimpy outfits right at the moment. Stephanie understood and asked me if I had any problems appearing on screen in normal clothes and just doing a few things backstage for the time being.

I eventually started wrestling again when Ryan was two months old. Whenever I was in the ring or on camera either Pete or Oscar would look after her and vice-versa. My first match back was against Nidia after she had made some comments about 'Billy' that I didn't like. Whilst I had been out of the ring I had been learning how to wrestle properly and I had picked up quite a few moves from Oscar and Pete. I even managed how to learn the Shooting Star Press after landing on my head a few thousand times. The crowd was really shocked when I used it to win my match. I climbed out of the ring and started to walk up the ramp when Pete walked out on the stage with Ryan in his arms. I ran up to them and pulled Pete into my arms and kissed him before taking Ryan out of his arms and waving to the crowd.

Backstage Pete told me I had looked great out there and he hoped I didn't mind him bringing Ryan out to celebrate with. I told him I didn't mind but what would the front office think about us breaking keyfabe on camera. Pete told me not to worry because it had been Stephanie's idea, she thought it would make my victory more touching. I kissed him again and wished him luck in his title defence before I went for a shower. Oscar was waiting outside my dressing room to congratulate me and watch Ryan whilst I got changed. I thanked him and told him I wouldn't be long.

Life on the road was really great over the next year. Stephanie had even arranged for a birthday party for Ryan's first birthday. There was a cake shaped like a wrestling ring and figures of me, Pete and Oscar in the middle. There was one bug candle on one of the ring-posts which I helped her to blow out.

I was wrestling Nidia again when I blew a move. I landed wrong and snapped a bone in my ankle. Thankfully Pete was ringside and he helped me backstage and to the trainers room. My ankle was iced down and I was taken to the emergency room. Pete packed up our things and followed behind with Ryan. I had my ankle x-rayed and plastered before they told me that fortunately the fracture would heal in a couple of months and until then I was to rest it as much as possible, then I'd have to go through Physio before I could step back into a wrestling ring.

Pete was upset that I would be at home but he understood and promised that he would be home as often as possible.

If I hadn't have been at home resting my ankle I would have been on the plane with Pete and some of the others flying out to Australia. They were travelling out on two planes because their were quite a few people going. For some reason Pete and Oscar had been put on separate flights, which they weren't happy about.

I was sat up late watching the news because I couldn't sleep. I had this really uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach like something big was going to happen. How was I to know that it would change my life forever.

Pete had called me from the airport to tell me he missed me and he couldn't wait until this trip was over so he could come home. He had been granted a couple of weeks leave to rest because his left knee was giving him some aggro, so we were both looking forward to spending time together as a family.

The news didn't really have anything major on it so I was just about to turn over when they started talking about a plane heading to Australia that had crashed in the middle of the ocean. There appeared to have been no survivors and reports were just coming in about the fatalities. I think deep down I knew that it was Pete's plane that had crashed but I needed to hear it for myself to believe it. I sat up all night waiting for news.

The next morning I received a phone call from Shane McMahon telling me about the accident. He told me that they didn't know what had happened during the flight but no one had survived. I interrupted him and asked him to just tell me how Pete was. I could hear him break down as he told me that Pete had been on the plane that went down. My heart broke that day and I collapsed in tears as he told me that they hadn't found Pete's body but there was no way he could have survived the plane exploding. I thanked Shane for telling me before putting the phone down. I couldn't control my tears as it hit me that I'd never see his smiling face again, he'd never come running up the steps and pull me into his arms after we had been apart. Our daughter had lost her father before she had really gotten to know him. I don't remember much of that night but I think I must have phoned my parents because they walked into the house and took charge of everything. Whilst my mum looked after Ryan my dad took my upstairs and put me to bed. He told me to rest because they were here for me now. I held him tightly as I cried for my husband. To add to my pain I didn't even have a body to bury, I had no proof that he was really gone. Deep down though I knew, I had known before Shane had even told me, I just had to hear it to believe it.

They eventually found Pete's body a week later, he was still in the plane holding onto a photo of me and Ryan.

When they bought his belongings back to the house I curled up holding onto his shirt. It still had his scent on it from when he had last worn it. The day before his funeral I unpacked all of his wrestling gear and stored it away in an old chest at the end of our bed, I also put in a lot of his wrestling photos promising myself that I would show them all to Ryan when she was older and could understand everything.

Oscar had been to visit me every day since we lost Pete and he really helped me to survive. On the morning of his funeral Oscar came by to take me to the church. I held Ryan in one arm whilst Oscar squeezed my hand to let me know he was with me. I had asked Oscar to stand up and say something because I didn't have the strength. His wife was sat with me, we had become really good friends over the years and she helped me take care of Ryan now I didn't have Pete.

'I can't believe that just over two years ago I was standing up at my best friends wedding telling everyone how lucky he was to have Torrie and how they would be together. Fate has a cruel way of proving us wrong none so more than the tragedy that we have been put through this past couple of weeks. Fate worked in a different way for me, because for the first time in ages I was on a different plane to Pete. Normally we would fly together but for some reason we didn't that day. Part of me wants to thank god that I wasn't on his plane but then I feel guilty about thinking that. I sit on my balcony watching the sunrise on a new day and it just reminds me of how many friends I lost that day. Although I am glad I wasn't on that plane I wish with everything I have that my friends weren't either. I wish that we had all been travelling together because then I wouldn't have to go through this. Unfortunately we can't turn back time and make things different. So I still have to wake up every morning and remember my brothers that I have lost. I'm really gonna miss you Pete and I promise to watch out for Ryan and Torrie for you. I love you brother.' Oscar was crying when he sat back down and I squeezed his hand and thanked him. We walked out to the cemetery together and watched in tears as my husband and my entire world was placed in his final resting-place.

The next morning I was up at sunrise just like Oscar had said. I made myself a drink and grabbed a blanket before going to sit on our balcony and think. I looked out over the beach and watched as the sun rose. I thought about Pete and how much I was gonna miss him but I knew I had to move on for our daughters sake so she would have someone to tell her about her dad and how special he was.

I only made one appearance on a wrestling show after losing Pete and it was to say goodbye to the fans. I drove out to see Oscar about a month after the funeral. Since the accident I had received a lot of letters from fans telling me how sorry they were for my loss and how upset they were at his death. I had spoken to Shane a couple of days before to show to tell him I wouldn't be wrestling again because it wasn't the same with out Pete by my side. He understood and wished me luck, before he went he asked me if I would consider doing one final show because he knew a lot of the fans would like to see me again, and the wrestlers missed me.

That night was strange, seeing so many people missing and knowing that I'd never see them again. I walked out to the ring with Oscar to say my goodbyes to all the fans and thank them for their letters.

So here I am today I still wake up in the morning and reach out for Pete only to be reminded that he isn't there anymore. I come to his grave a couple of times a week and always bring Ryan with me and tell her a bit more about her daddy.

Along with Pete we also lost Adam Copeland (Edge), Jamie Knoble, Nidia, Mark Callaway, Brock Lesnar, Paul Heyman, Matt Hardy and Chris Benoit. That day changed a lot of things, too many young lives were taken and too many families destroyed. Adam had only just married his fiancée and was looking forward to spending time with her and starting a family. Jamie Knoble's wife had just given birth to their third child, Nidia was really progressing in wrestling and was looking to winning the women's championship soon, Mark's wife had just had their first child (a son whom they named Mark), Brock was one of the most impressive new wrestlers and had gone a long way in a short amount of time, Paul was really starting to help turn the company around, Matt Hardys fiancée Amy had just found out she was pregnant with their first child but she never got chance to tell him and Chris Benoit was one of the best technical wrestlers in the states and was heading to the top.

For those of us who lost our friends and loved ones we know that their memories will forever live on in our families and us. Since that day Vince has changed a lot of travelling and flies everyone in the private planes he has purchased.

Ryan is looking at me wondering why I'm crying. She comes over and sits in my lap before looking up at me with her father's eyes. 'Don't cry mamma, you still got me.' I pull her closer and kiss her head before we stand up and walk back to our car and drive back home.