Trying to get back into the fanfic game. Of course my first Homestuck is going to be solkat. Like it would have ever been anything else. Psh.
This is kind of also a character study to get me accustomed to these guys. vuv
You can also read this on my AO3 account.
It was one of those nights.
To be more accurate, it was twilight. This was day four of one of his "legendary" benders, and he felt fantastic. Hubris, one could say, and he was not even a little bit sorry about it. The code on Sollux's screen was beautiful, and damn near perfect if he said so himself. Which he did. He was a fucking genius. Smirking, he reached for his Alternian Energy Drink, completely surprised to find it already empty. Shrugging, he set it back down and continued looking over a section of code he had been staring at for almost twenty minutes now.
Something about it was off. There was a mistake somewhere, but he could not see it. Sollux was not stupid. He knew that these benders never agreed with his body, but Aradia has been gone for almost a week on an excavation, and he hasn't been able to get ahold of her. The only reason he was not worrying himself sick over it is because he hasn't heard her voice screaming inside of his skull. Nubslurping voices. Never would he admit to why he has forced voice chats with his friends, but the psionic needed to be able to distinguish their voices from the cacophony of screams and moans resonating in the back of his head. He may be a little obsessive with how often he checks to make sure he can't hear anyone, but it was okay. He didn't mind being mercurial so long as he could at least have that small peace of mind. Especially since that close call two sweeps ago with Aradia. Why does he have so many friends? And why the fuck does he care about them so much? Fuck his life and the terrible social choices he has made.
Also fuck this line of code because there is definitely something wrong with it but he just can't fucking find it!
It feels like he has been staring at these enumeration pebbles for an hour now, because half of the time it looks like a constituent cleft and he needs to know which it is. Grunting, Sollux rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, glasses already hooked behind his primary horns. They were smudged beyond belief, and the shirt he's been wearing for three nights only left them greaser when he tried to use it to clean them. Which was, admittingly, disgusting, but he was too busy to put on a clean shirt. Or use his ablutions. And maybe he forgot to wash his hands a few times when he had to use the gaper but he was in a hurry and fuck now it looks like a right tall interjection smile! He knew it had to be a right one because of it's positioning, and it would just be stupid if it was a left one and fuck shit no now it looks like a left tall interjection smile fuck.
Sighing, the troll let his head drop to the desk's surface, horns only a couple of inches away from scratching his monitor. Though his eyes were irritable and heavy, he was not sleepy. He knew he should be tired, hell, he knew he was tired, but his mind would not let his body rest. Trying to sleep in this state right now would only result in turning his muesings stultioquesncial, so he coded to relieve himself of that burden. Though it would be impossible to continue with his work if he couldn't read the fucking characters. Sollux hated his manic phases as much as his depressive. Feeling so high and so good and happy was so unnatural. He would work himself to death, nearly literally a few times, and just could not stop or rest or even take care of himself because he just had to gogogo and he would work on five different projects at once and the crash afterwards was always the worst feeling. If it weren't for his friends, the troll has no idea where he would be. Shit he needed someone right now. Taking a breath, the yellowblood sat up and opened his Trollian. Looks like he missed a couple messages from Tezeri and Karkat last night. He would apologize to Rezi later. She was asleep now anyway; her teal icon transparent in his roll. Really, the only one that was lit up was Karkat's, and that's the only one he was interested in anyway. Sometimes Kanaya was on this early, but not usually since she knows normal trolls actually sleep during the day, and nobody would be logged on. Hopefully Karkat was actually awake, and did not just forget to log out again.
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TA: hey are you awake?
TA: plea2e be awake ii thiink ii wiill liiterally melt my own thiinkpan iif you're not there.
TA: but before ii do that ii wiill come over two your hiive and make your gander bulb2 explode for leaviing your trolliian logged iin whiile you're away AGAIIN.
CG: GODDAMN CAN YOU EVER JUST START OFF A CONVERSATION WITHOUT THE DRAMATICS?
CG: OH, WAIT, NO YOU CAN'T.
CG: I'M SORRY I FORGOT HOW MUCH YOU ENJOY THROWING A HISSY FIT WHILE FONDLING YOUR GLOBES IN HOPE OF SOME UNFORTUNATE, PAN-DAMAGED TROLL STOPPING AND SHOWERING YOU WITH THE GROSS ATTENTION AND CARE YOUR GROSS, UNHEALTHY SELF DESPERATELY WRITHES FOR.
CG: GROSSLY.
CG: PLEASE EXCUSE THIS IDIOT FOR FORGETTING, IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE HE'S READ "THE GUIDE ON HOW TO INTERACT WITH FREAKY PSYCHIC KNUCKLESPONGED WASTE CHUTES WHO LIKE TO TROLL THEIR OVERLY-TOLERANT, MAGNANIMOUS, WAY BETTER THAN THEM BEST FRIEND AT SHITFUCK O'CLOCK IN THE EVENING: BOOK ONE OF TWO."
CG: SERIOUSLY WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU AWAKE?
TA: eheheheh get over your2elf KK we both know ii am way better than you at anythiing and everythiing except for beiing a complete and utter 2ack of 2hiit.
TA: ii gue22 you're al2o better at beiing a fuckiing hermiit reclu2e, but that'2 a giiven.
CG: FUCK YOU.
TA: that beiing 2aiid, ii'm comiing over.
CG: WHAT?
CG: NO, SHITSPONGE, YOU ARE NOT COMING OVER.
TA: ye2 ii am.
CG: NO YOU'RE FUCKING NOT.
TA: KK don't 2tart ii am comiing over and there ii2 nothiing you can do about iit.
TA: 2o make me 2ome cookiie2 or 2omethiing liike a good ho2t.
CG: HOW ABOUT I MAKE YOU A GO THE FUCK AWAY PIE IN THE FORM OF MY SICKLE THROUGH YOUR OVERSIZED CARTILAGE NUB?
CG: HOW DOES THAT SOUND?
TA: 2ound2 deliiciiou2 make 2ure iit'2 2tiill warm by the tiime ii get there.
TA: 2ee you iin a couple hour2.
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CG: WAIT.
CG:FUCK.
CG: I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH, WHAT THE HELL DID MY ANCESTOR DO TO STICK ME WITH SUCH A DOUCHETASTIC BEST FRIEND?
CG: AHAHAHAHA, YEAH RIGHT LIKE ANCESTORS EXIST.
CG: FUCKING HIGHBLOOD HOOFBEAST SHIT.
CG: RIGHT UP THERE WITH RUFIO.
CG: FUCK I'M TIRED.
Okay now he was starting to feel it. In retrospect, using his psionics to fly all the way to Karkat's hive with nothing in his system but about twelve energy drinks and a bag of artificially cheese flavored puffed cornmeal snacks (from like, four hours ago) was a bad idea. Sollux could feel a killer headache coming on, and his psionics were not at their most stable. Nevertheless, he continued onwards until he was landing right outside his friend's lawnring. He really did hope Karkat prepared some sort of nutritional food, or else he might just pass out right in his entrance block and give no fucks about it. Become an effigy for the little asshole to gawk at and cry over forevermore. Ehehehehehehh...
Heh.
Like always, the front door flew open before he even got the chance to knock, and Karkat's tough hands grabbed his shirt, pulled him inside, and slammed the door closed all in one swift motion that could give a troll vertigo if they weren't used to it. Honestly, it did leave Sollux reeling for a moment, what with the not-having-eaten-any-real-food-in-how-many-days-no w? challenge he's been unknowingly participating in. At least he was almost sure his ranking was gold. Eheheh. Paranoid little nub licker, though. Did he ever want to know what Karkat's deal was. He liked to make fun of him by saying he was sure he was overreacting and "come the fuck on iit can't be that biig of a deal, you're beiing a priima donna. ju2t tell me your damage 2o ii can tell you how 2tupiid you're beiing about iit and we can move on wiith our liive2", but...
Deep down Sollux knows there must be some serious shit that has made Karkat the way he is. Something that makes him 200% more weary and careful than any other troll he's ever met. The psionic knows he almost had it out of him on a few occasions, but right when Karkat was getting ready to spill, he'd back off and stay distant for nights at a time. It had to have something to do with his blood color. That much was obvious because Karkat can't lie for shit, and it's even worse in person than it is online. One of Sollux's top theories is that he's a limeblood, and fuck yeah if that were true it would totally make sense that he stayed hemoanonymous and locked himself away from potential harm. He'd be culled on the spot. Stupid nook sucking, hemospectrum hoofbeastshit, god was he sick of it.
Sometimes he feels bad for prying so much. Coming up with all these theories about something his best fucking friend has spent his entire life keeping secret leaves a bitter taste on Sollux's mutated tongue. But he can't help it, especially when Karkat goes on long-winded, roundabout rants whenever the subject is even close to being breached to get attention away from it. Which always backfires and just stokes Sollux's (and everyone elses, really) curiosity. He's such a shitty friend why does anyone even keep him around?
(no you're the be2t you are a geniius and they 2hould be fuckiing grateful two have you around two clean up all theiir me22e2.)
A pain shot up Sollux's arm, snapping him out of his reverie. Yep, there's Karkat scowling in his own half-angry, half-exasperated way. Arms crossed across his chest, occularbrows drawn together, and the expression on his face reading I-HAVE-BEEN-TALKING-TO-YOU-FOR-AT-LEAST-FIVE-MINUT ES-AND-YOU'VE-BEEN-SPACING-OUT-AGAIN-WHY-DO-I-EVEN -PUT-UP-WITH-YOUR-DUMB-ASS? A look the yellowbood gets quite often because of his moods, so he simply offers up a smile because Karkat always looks pretty cute when he tries to look annoyed at people. Already the other troll was offering his own mind assuage without even realizing what his presence was doing. Karkat didn't even know how tightly Sollux was wrapped around his tiny little nubs.
As Karkat's face contorted in confusion, his smile widened. After a minute Solliux all out laughed because the smaller troll's previous expressions were still there too and he just looks kind of constipated now. It's just so funny how he can do that without even trying. There's a kind of blue-red haze surrounding the psionic's horns, and he's floating a little without even noticing as his laughter slowly dies down. He simply could not help himself.
"Oh, so you're in that kind of mood. Figures," Karkat grumbled, and it was enough to distract Sollux enough for his psionics to frizz out, shock himself, and have him fall to the floor in an undignified, still kind of giggling heap.
"Yeah," was all he had to say as he attempted to regain control of his breathing. Rolling to sit up, Sollux smiled and looked into Karkat's wide occulars, putting his elbows on his knees and tilting his head. It would probably piss off his host a little bit, but that was what he was going for. Karkat's occulars are always so big and open, maybe it's a good thing he closes himself up, because even an illerate troll would be able to read him without a problem. Not that that could ever happen because illeteracy was a crime punished by immediate culling. Or was it considered a disease? He couldn't remember. "So, where are those cookies? I'm starving."
"No cookies, peabrain. But I have some leftover stew I can heat up for your emaciated ass. Go sit on the upholstered relaxation settee before you pass out in my fucking entrance block." Why Sollux burst into another healthy gaggle of snickering, his host did not know.
Instead of going to the recreation block like he was told, he followed his friend into the nutrition block and sat on the counter. Sollux received a dirty look indicating the promise of an incoming bitching once Karkat was done putting the nutrition basin into the dielectric heating box.
"Yes, that is exactly what I meant by 'go sit on the upholstered relaxation settee'. Damn I guess I have to admit that you really are a genius now, since you followed my direcions so flawlessly," he drawled, rolling his occulars and canting his hip. "I hope you bruise your piller nub for daring to sit your filthy, embarrassing excuse for an ass on my countertop."
"You should be thanking me for gracing your countertop with my clean and perfectly firm posterior."
"Mmhmm. Yeah I'm sure it's sparkling with having, what, been plastered to the seat of your computer chair for nights on end? Brining in the sweet scent of it's own sweat and farts? Fragrance companies everywhere are starting wars with each other, killing all competition that stands in their way of the sweet copyright that is your fecal aroma. One company comes out on top. They become billionaires." Sollux opened his mouth for a rebuttal (heh, ass puns), but faltered a moment too long because yeah it has been a few nights of barely getting out of his chair. Karkat saw this hesitation, and smirked his I-WAS-RIGHT-AND-YOUR-ASS-JUST-GOT-BURNED smirk. Which is possibly the most infuriating expression Sollux has ever seen on anyone's face ever. "Thought so."
Pouting, Sollux lifted his legs and extended them. Just long enough to rest on the shorter troll's shoulders. Not like it'd do anything. Karkat was sturdy, and just as he expected, only rose an ocularbrow at the gesture. "KK. Listen to me." Smirking, Sollux leaned forwards until he felt his hamstrings burn. "I am a fine choice of ass and your denial is getting old. Just admit you love making out with me and I promise that a weight will be lifted from your shoulders." Pausing, he smiled and pushed his legs down for a moment. "Both literally and figuratively speaking."
"I hate it when you're like this," he answered, and shrugged off the yellowblood's long legs as the dielectric heating box beeped. Grabbing a scooping stick from a drawer, he got the nutrition basin and shoved it into Sollux's hands. It was hot, but he liked the slight burn it gave his fingertips. "I'm not watching you stuff your face gash in my nutrition block, so I am going to go and watch the rest of the movie I was watching before some asshole decided to come prancing over to my hive for no reason at the asscrack of evening," he complained, and promptly left the block. Not wanting to be alone (why doe2 KK thiink ii came over? two 2teal hii2 food and eat alone iin hii2 nutriitiion block? lol no ii came two 2teal hii2 food and 2pend tiime wiith hiim, and ii'm damn well goiing two do that), Sollux followed him.
Choosing the seat right next to Karkat, Sollux plopped down, and as expected of any best friend, took the opportunity to smoosh the other against the arm of the sette and lean entirely against him. All it got him was an exasperated sigh/grunt and a mumbled "asshole". Someone was feeling amiable tonight. Maybe it was just because he knew Sollux was manic, but whatver he'll take it. Instead of starting up a whole Thing, the psionic decided this hunger headache was top priority to get rid of, and attacked the nutrition basin of hot stew. It about burned his tongue, but it felt so good going down his throat and holy shit he was practically starving, wasn't he? Shit he has to take better care of himself.
Already, Sollux felt the beginnings of his phase wearing off. Not entirely, but he did not feel like bouncing off of the walls anymore. Not that Karkat would stand by and let him do that anyway. Still, he was restless, and it felt like his psionics were going to cauterize him from the inside out of he did not move soon. The movie was almost over. Not that he was watching, but he had seen this one at least five times because of the very troll he was smothering. Maybe he could convince Karkat to go out on a walk with him. It would take work, but Sollux was sure he could do it. Karkat could never resist his pleading face for long.
As the ending credits began to roll
(This Film Was Brought to You by Her Imperial Condescension, May Her Glory and Rule Flow to the Edges of the Universe and Beyond
Credits:)
Sollux turned his head so he was looking at Karkat's face up close and half-upsidedown. Staring, he slowly lifted one ocularbrow at the scowl he was given. Feeling his friend trying not to laugh, he grinned at the way Karkat's face contorted to try and stop the smile from rising. Fangs catching on his bottom lip, and dimples quivering in his cheeks. Funny noises were coming from his throat as Sollux began to cycle through raising his left and right brows. The dam finally broke, and Karkat snorted loudly before laughing and pushing his head away. "You're a fucking disaster, and I think you need to go get checked by a Medidictator to see if they can do anything for that chronic retardation you're suffering, and more importantly, I'm suffering, from."
"Love you too, KK," Sollux snickered. Then he stood and stretched, cracking a number of his pillerbones and his neck.
"That's fucking disgusting."
"Come on a walk with me?" That made Karkat's lingering smile completely fall, and wide gray lookstubs stare at him like he had two heads. In all honesty, Sollux was sure nobody would have been surprised to find he had two heads the first time they saw him. Or maybe they would because there are some mutations the empire can look over, but a two headed grub would have been culled on the spot.
"You have to be kidding me," he said tonelessly. "Sollux I know your pan is half-rotted by all of the shit you eat, when you decide to eat at all, but you should be the first person to know that I do not go outside if I don't have to FOR GOOD REASON."
"Dude, do you know what time it is? No one is going to be out this early. Everyone is still either asleep, or just waking up to fondle their lusus. We will be the only trolls out, and it's not like it's going to be for hours or some shit. I just need to get the last of this high out of my damn system before I crash in a spectacular display of brain matter exploded all over your recreation block's walls."
"Then get the fuck out and do it yourself!"
"I don't want to! I came over here because I, oh I don't know, actually wanted to spend some time with you?"
"You have spent time with me."
Huffing, Sollux got out the big guns. He put on the most pleading, pathetic face he could muster, sagging his shoulders and lowering his auricular shells for extra effect. It was grade A acting, and he would give himself a pat on the back if he did not have to worry about breaking character.
"I don't understand why you always do that because you know it never works, dumpass," Karkat sneered.
Okay so Karkat could totally resist his pleading face. Fuck. One of these days it'll work, though. He just has to practice more.
Time for the actual big guns, then. Hard blackmail. "KK if you do not come on a nice, peaceful walk with me, I will send a video I have of you polishing yourself off to all of our friends."
That got Karkat to go stock still, and stare at Sollux like a hoofbeast caught in a floodlight. His whole face darkened into a deep gray-red, and Sollux swore if he blushed any harder he'd pop a blood vessel and finally reveal that secret color to him. Though that reddish tint is definitely throwing some wrenches into his limeblood theory, but really who knows with limebloods?
Oh, wait, that was a bad bluff because he doesn't know Karkat's blood color and-
"You have no such video of me you shit-eating, pan-addled excuse for a festering pimple on the mothergrub's heinous asscrack!" Whoa. "I can't believe you would actually say something like that! Oh, wait! Yes I can! Because you are the shittiest, most disgraceful excuse for a friend in this entire universe! I'm sure Her Imperial Condescension has better friends than you are to me, and newsflash: SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING FRIENDS!" Whoa.
Reaching out with his power Sollux promptly stuck Karkat's tongue to the roof of his mouth. "Whoa there, KK. I know we have both agreed that the Empress is a piece of shit, even though you have this weird admiration boner for her I can sort of understand but still find totally disgusting, but being as paranoid as you are, I'm kind of surprised and impressed that you just ragged on her like that out loud. Still, you probably should not fucking scream out an insult towards her. Because you're you and you have no fucking perception of volume control." That got him to snap his mouth closed so fast, his maw made a noise loud enough to make Sollux flinch.
"Shit," he hissed through his teeth.
"Anyway, before this conversation gets even more off track and filled with exactly how big a piece of shit I am, come on a walk with me or I will find an actual something to blackmail you with and you know it."
Karkat's mouth opened and closed so many times, Sollux thought a glub would come out. Since that's what Feferi always did the few times they talked. Which was usually in a group chat, which meant her stupid moirail was there too. Eridan was one of those assholes Sollux could not stand, but Feferi was actually pretty cool. He hoped she became Empress. God he hoped. He would do anything to help her take the throne and turn Alternia into a better place, as stupid and idealistic as that sounds. She made her thoughts and aspirations for the Empire very clear, and everything she says is terrifying. Peace and love and helping each other instead of war and death and not being able to trust anybody. He wanted that so bad. It sounds so wrong, and if any troll heard half of the shit she said she'd be hunted down immediately.
Mentally, he made a note to privately talk to her more often. Incomprehensible political views aside, she seemed like a really cool person in general.
"Fine," Karkat finally snapped, glaring his best glare at the psionic. "Just- Fine. I'll be right back." He turned and stomped upstairs to his respite block, or at least that's what Sollux figured he did.
When he came back down, Sollux was standing by the door, checking his palmhusk even though he knew he did not have any messages. Kanaya's name was finally lit up, but he did not bother her. Looking up, he saw Karkat had grabbed a hooded sweater. He always takes one whenever Sollux dragges him out of the hive. It makes him feel safer, and Sollux has stopped hounding him about it. Pocketing his device, he lightly smirked and grabbed the hem of the sweater. Taking his glasses from their resting place between his horns, he breathed on them and wiped them clean as his friend tisked above him. They weren't perfect, but the smudges were gone and he could actually see through the lenses. Straightening, he held his arm out. Karkat rolled his occulars, pushed him out of the door, and locked it before actually taking his arm and sticking his nub into the air.
They never talk much when they go out together. A silent rule had been placed that they keep to themselves, and wait until they are in private again if they need to get anything off their chests. Karkat pulled his hood on, struggling to do so with one hand, and they were off.
It really was early. The evening was mild and dry. Heat still lingered from the day, and the scent of the sun hung faintly in the air. There was still the smallest slivers of magenta on the horizon, being pushed down by the dark blue-black of the night. Neither moon had risen, and this was honestly one of Sollux's most and least favorite times of night. He loves it because it's so quiet. There's nobody to distract him from his work, or bother him about inane shit, or constantly whine to him about computer problems. He hates it because it's so quiet. There's no one awake to distract him from his own head, or for him to go to for comfort, or to have animate and fun discussions with.
He's so messed up.
Next to him Karkat shivered, and Sollux snapped out of his thoughts to examine what had happened. Oh. A troll just left a hive a few doors down. He could not exactly tell from this distance, but they looked too high to be living in this area. Maybe a low blue? And oh, was that a limp? Snickering, he let go of Karkat to wrap his arm around his neck. Wow he was as stiff as a pole. Have to calm him down. Leaning in, the yellowblood murmured, "Red or black?"
That made gray irises peek out from where they were half-buried in Sollux's shoulder. Gazing at the retreating figure, and then the hive she came from, Karkat tisked. "Black," he answered, somewhat exasperatedly. "And holy shit does the whole hivecircle know it. Those two are such fucking exibitionists, it's nauseating. Or, at least one of them is, and likes to piss the other off in public? You hear them every other fucking night, arguing and getting into fights out on the pavepath, and the majority of time it ends in violent make outs in the middle of the street." Sollux snorted. "But they're totally in it just for the sex. Like, it's so obvious they're not romantically into each other, it makes my pan hurt from how oblivious they are. It's only a matter of time before they break up, and tomorrow isn't soon enough because I am so fucking tired of hearing their blatant PDA."
"I can tell," Sollux responded. Karkat grunted back, and they continued their walk, slipping back into comfortable silence once more. The shoulders under his arm relaxed. Mission accomplished.
Sollux glanced at the hive longer than normal when they passed it. None of the lights were on, and he couldn't see the glow of a husktop or entertainment system, so that troll must have left before her kismesis was awake. Probably having vandalized something or another before she left. Or raiding their hunger trunk. That's probably what he would do if he had a kismesis.
Which he didn't.
Which he should really fix soon, since next sweep they would be officially registered on the filial drone's roster. He needed a matesprit too. Shit, the only quadrant he had filled was his pale quadrant. Which was great because without Aradia he would have probably died off long ago. Either from starvation, or throwing himself from his hivestem's roof. Whichever act of self deprivation occured first. At least he was doing better than Karkat.
A kismesis though. He didn't really hate anyone like that. The only trolls he interacts with are the eleven on his ChumpRoll, and none of them have ever given him a reason to hate them. Eridan was more annoying than anything, and would probably be the worst quadrentmate in the history of forever. Sure he could barely stand Vriska, and could maybe see himself feeling black for her, but Aradia has been flirting with her for perigrees so she's out. Equius is barely tolerable with all his hypocritical hemocaste worship and creepy obsession with hoofbeasts, and oh has Sollux lit him up on trollian a number of times because he would not stop bothering Aradia, but... There were a number of variables he would have to go over in private before even thinking about starting anything with the freak. Beginning with the profuse amount of sweat he can excrete in an evening. Maybe he should do that when this mania spell is over.
As for a matesprit... he was stuck there too. Kanaya was nice, and there could be something there, but she told him she was feeling red for Vriska, even though they have been moirails for over a sweep. God knows why, but Kanaya's a little weird to begin with. Someone really needs to push that girl to flip quadrants, because really it is becoming ridiculous and Vriska is about as in tune to the feelings of others as Gamzee is in tune with the world. Meaning not at all. Maybe if he talked more with Feferi, they could be something? He'd try Terezi, but she and Karkat definitely have a Thing, and have had this Thing for sweeps, even though they won't admit it and some day someone is going to have to just smash their faces together because, just like Kanaya, they are being ridiculous and dumb.
Karkat.
How many times have they talked about this very subject? Enough to have gone in a circle at least ten times. And how many times have the others (not so) subtly asked what quadrant they were in? Probably over a hundred. How many times have the two of you held hands and fought and wildly made out on one of your settes? Probably definitely over a hundred.
But fuck, nothing works. Sollux was not compatible in any quadrant with Karkat, because their feelings were in every quadrant.
Sollux was flushed for Karkat like a matesprit. He wanted to hold him close and watch stupid movies with him all the time. He likes holding his hand and kissing him and playing with his tongue. He likes the rare smiles Karkat gives him, and it is his secret mission to make Karkat smile whenever he can because it is precious and open and completely raw. And he can't count how many times he's fantasized about mating with him. Kissing him everywhere and making him incoherent with pleasure and warmth. Making him forget all of his problems and filling his big, flushed head with nothing but Sollux Sollux Sollux and 2hhh KK ii got you. don't worry about anythiing ii got you.
But then he feels pale for Karkat. He wants to hold him close and surround him with himself because it hurts when Karkat is too consumed with self hate and bitterness. It hurts whenever Karkat gets quiet about going outside and denies all interaction that is not inside of his own hive. It hurts when Karkat is ranting, and you can just tell when he accidentally hits a sore subject for himself because his voice strains and breaks a little, and it's not hard at all to see him lose his passion and get lost in thought when this happens. He just wants to take Karkat and bury him in sugar and stardust and tell him iit'2 ok you're ok you're beautiiful KK ii'll protect you from the biig mean world.
The problem is Karkat wants to do that exact same thing for him, and that is not exactly how pale relationships are supposed to work.
Plus he would be committing infidelity with Aradia, and even though he has told her about these feelings he has for Karkat and she is okay with them, he would never act on them and cheat on her like that.
Which makes him think, no it's not how a pale quadrant works, but it kind of feels ashen too? That may be the most confusing thing they've talked about. Sometimes Sollux feels ashen for Karkat, and vice-versa, but there's no third person. They decided that they were, somehow, both trying to be the mediator, and mediate between the other's thoughts. Karkat often said Sollux acted like he was two people sometimes. Either manic and full of himself, or depressive and hating everything that he was, and Karkat wanted to get in between his emotions and balance him out. Sollux felt the same about Karkat, often hearing about how the other troll would be going through old logs and memos, and insulting his past self for being such a freaking moron, and the only consolation he has was present him had learned from past Karkat's mistakes, and is less retarded for it. But then he would go on about how, technically, he was a past Karkat to a future Karkat, and he was a sack of shit and hated himself so bad and Sollux could only take so much of Karkat tearing himself apart with confusing as hell arguments with himself before he wanted to do something about it, and no you are not retarded, everyone make2 mii2take2 and oh my god KK at lea2t you learn from your mii2take2! unliike the re2t of the trolls iin thii2 goddamn galaxy.
And sometimes they would both be in a foul enough mood to not want any comfort. Moods where they would spit such harsh, biting insults at each other, the most pitch of couples would stop, stare, and mutter to each other in awe. It was always bad, because they both knew almost everything about each other, and knew exactly which sore spots would do maximum damage. Critical hits like diid you really ju2t 2ay that KK? becau2e that may be true, but at lea2t ii have 2omeone iin my liife who wiill alway2 be there two care for me, unliike you who ju2t pu2he2 the people who care for you away! you were a mii2take and the mothergrub mu2t have been haviing diige2tiive problem2 the niight the 2lurry miixed two fertaliize your worthle22, bulge-faced beiing!
Sollux could not count how many depressive phases have been caused by his and Karkat's fights getting out of hand, and he was glad these fights never happened in person because he knew he would beat himself up tenfold if he ever actually physically hurt Karkat. It made him nauseous just thinking about it
They were halfway around the hivecircle, and suddenly the psionic felt an overwhelming exhaustion come over him. Yeah, there it was. Sighing, he leaned more on Karkat and nuzzled into one of his horns. Ugh his horns were adorable where the hell does he get off with having them? Pulling him close, he felt Karkat's arm slip around his waist, and he smiled. No matter what, Karkat would always be there to support him. Ew sentimentality.
Walking back to the hive, he noticed the green moon was just rising. Sollux liked the pink one better. The green moon always gave him an uneasy feeling. Like he was being watched. Unsettled, he looked toward Karkat, and was surprised to see him staring back. There was something alight in his occulars. Something hot. Fire. A vague thought that, wow soon Karkat won't be able to hide his blood color anymore, ran across his mind. It was quickly dismissed, because something big was about to happen, and he needed all of his thought power to wake up enough to focus.
"Look," he said quietly, and if Sollux was not literally touching their faces together, he may not have even heard him right, "I know when we get back to my hive you're going to totally crash and sleep until tomorrow night, and will probably forget what I'm about to say, but I think now is the best time to say it regardless."
Humming, Sollux nodded, cheek rubbing against the fabric of Karkat's hood. "Okay."
Stopping, Karkat stood still and silent for a minute before opening his mouth again. "I've been thinking recently. Thinking about some crazy insane shit. Like, honest to god crazy insane shit." Well, that definitely got Sollux's attention. Nodding his head, the troll stared at the pavement. "...Listen, I..." he paused, and took a deep, shuddering breath, "I really am going to get culled soon. My eyes are going to fill, and then..." he cut off, and Sollux could hear him make noises in his throat. Like he wanted- needed -to continue talking, but the words just would not come out. Hugging him closer, he shifted until they were flush together and he had his chin resting between nubby horns. Karkat's arms wrapped around his waist, and he was hot. Sollux never understood how Karkat was this hot. It should be impossible, because you could not get hotter than Sollux. Yes, he was a yellowblood, so Tavros and Aradia should be warmer than him, but he was a psionic. He was an engine. No troll could be hotter than rocket fuel.
But Karkat was, and it was frightening.
"Red." It was muffled into his chest, and Sollux tilted his head and rested his cheek on Karkat's crown.
"Hm?"
"Red. Sollux... My blood. My blood is red. As in, bright fucking red. I'm a fucking mutant, and when my eyes fill..."
Oh. Oh shit he was serious. The small smile that had worked itself on Sollux's face completely disappeared, and he knew he was squeezig Karkat to him tightly, even though he could not feel anything but his blood running colder than a seadweller. He forgot how to breathe.
"I'll protect you." It came out before he could even think, but it was sincere. Sollux would move Karkat into his hive if he needed to. Hide him away forever. But fuck he could not do that because what about when they came to take him off planet? Shit shit shit fuck fuck no this can't be happening. He was not going to lose Karkat. He would think of a way to save him. He had time. He was a genius. He could do it. They could-
"I know what's going through your mind, shitstain," Karkat chuckled, and it was a little hollow. "You can't save me."
"But-"
"You can't even save yourself!" He leaned back, taking off Sollux's glasses to look him in the occulars. "We both know your future." A tremor shot through Sollux's torso pillar at that. (Helm2man Helm2man Helm2man ii'm not goiing two be a troll anymore when they come for me ii'm goiing two be a 2hiip ii'm goiing two be an engiine they are goiing two kiill me and u2e my body and miind for conque2t ii don't want two go ii don't want two go II DON'T WANT TWO GO!) "Which brings me back to what I was talking about earlier," he continued, snapping Sollux out of his panic. "I have been thinking."
"'Bout what?" he mumbled, still jittery from nerves.
"You'd rather die than become a Helmsman, right?"
"Definitely." Yes, definitely. Where was he going with this?
"And I am going to die within the next sweep." Clench. "So why not... do something crazy?"
"...Crazy insane shit?"
"The craziest, most insane shit you can imagine. The very definition of shithive maggots."
"What?"
"I want to issue a formal complaint to our Empress about how Alternian society is the biggest piece of shit joke I have ever seen, but you see, I am only one lowley, mutant troll." He began to grin then, and a thrilling fear was creeping into Sollux's veins. "So, I'm going to have to make sure she hears about my complaint one way or another."
"...What way were you thinking?"
"Oh, you know, just a bit of civil disobedience."
Sollux's oculars widened to the size of nutrition plateaus in cognizance. "Revolution," he whispered.
Karkat's grin was spread across his face, sharp teeth clenched and tense puffs of breath puffed from his cartilage nub. He was terrified, but unwavering and fuck if it wasn't like Karkat to go down giving the middle finger.
And Sollux would go down giving two. Because he wasn't about to let the little bulgemunch outdo him.
Thinking about it, it didn't sound so bad. The same feeling he felt when Feferi was talking about her new Alternia was flowing through him, but it was more intense. Burning through his veins. He really would rather go out in a blaze of disfigured glory with his best friend than slowly burning out alone in the middle of space.
"I'm in," he smirked, leaning down to bump nubs, "and I better be second in command."
"You're fucking ridiculous." Karkat breathed, and leaned in to issue a powerful, terrified, breathless kiss; Sollux recuperated with all he had. "Let's fuck this place up."
They stood there for a long time. Staring into each others occulars. Breaths mingling, and not knowing whether to laugh or cry because this was so stupid they're going to die and why were they so okay with that? Only when the first lights came on in the hives around them did they move. Silent all the way back to Karkat's hive. Silent entering, and silent walking up to his respite block. They undressed and squeezed into the recuperacoon and held each other close. The familiarity was calming.
They were going to change the world, or die trying. It was so dramatic Sollux could not help but snort, because of course they would do something so dramatic. Who was he kidding? Mitigate an entire race? Why the fuck not? He was never meant to end like a flickering insect, he was supposed to go out like a dying star. Sollux was going to supernova, and make sure their revolution makes a permanent impact on Alternian history. Big and climatic and he knew this because wasn't that how he sounded when he heard his own death two sweeps ago?
We have a lot of work to do, Sollux thought before the sopor reached his pan, and that was all it took for him to crash.
A/N
colon- enumeration pebbles
semicolon- constituent cleft
brackets- tall interjection smiles
microwave- dielectric heating box
tailbone- piller nub
I tried not to get too crazy converting everything to troll terminology, heh.
This is actually set in a doomed timeline. Vriska never forced Tavros to jump off of the cliff, therefore stopping the FLARP circle of revenge from ever happening, and dooming the timeline. So Doc Scratch immediately left the trolls alone and sat back to watch the timeline run it's course.
I'm going to continue this. Gonna write a whole big revolution fic, but it'll be a while because I just decided that I was going to do it, heh.