Author's Notes: Hahaha. I don't know how long this has been buried with my other disorganized files. But… better half a year late than never, ne? XD
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse. Song is 'Taking Over Me' by Evanescence.
The eighteen-year old stood up from the table, pushed in her chair, and carried her plate to the sink. Her father followed her every movement carefully, poking at his food. They had eaten in silence; Charlie had plenty to say, but he wasn't sure his daughter wanted to hear it. Their dinners had been like that for months now. The police officer almost dreaded coming home; even though Bella was always there doing her homework with dinner ready on the oven, it felt like the house was always empty when he came back from a long day's work.
And he thought he knew why. After the incident, he had left her alone. She needed some time alone, he respected and understood that. But after a while he started to worry. The idea to send her back to her mother came to him, but her reaction was startling when he announced it. He imagined she might be happy to get out of this rainy place, but she threw a veritable fit that was completely unlike her. It did little to reassure him, but he didn't mention the option of returning to Phoenix again.
Then she stopped crying and came out of her room. At first Charlie was happy to see her go back to school, ace her tests, make dinner, never stay up after curfew and be everything a perfect daughter should be. But it was too perfect. The person he faced wasn't Isabella Swan anymore, but a complete stranger, a soulless robot just living life away without enjoying it. Not the Bella he knew. And her eyes betrayed her mood. They were dead, as if her only reason to live had been brutally and suddenly ripped away from her.
No, not just as if. That was exactly what happened. Charlie knew she loved him, but he never knew it would hurt her so much. And he had been such a good boy… but now just hearing his name had Charlie ripping his hair out in frustration and anger at what he had done to his daughter.
Edward Cullen.
You don't remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do...
Bella finished brushing her teeth and walked back into her room slowly, without purpose. She mechanically undressed and got into her bed. Automatically, she set her alarm without noticing it. And then she flicked out the light.
It was then, only then, that she let herself go. She remembered how Edward would come visit her in the middle of the night and would watch her fall asleep, as if he really, truly, cared for her. But if he held onto her and valued her half as much as she did him, he wouldn't have left… Not without her anyways. But she wasn't worthy of them.
Not worthy of the Cullens. Somehow, she always knew that. They were perfection in tangible form. They were angels. Their pale complexion, the way they moved so gracefully… it was surreal. But none of them matched Edward. She loved the way he arranged his hair, and his simply adorable smile. She could barely picture it in her mind now; he had been gone so long… Bella was certain that he had been unbelievably handsome even as a human…
And her? She was a klutz. She had, once, imagined how her clumsiness would disgust him and his perfection, but she hadn't thought about it once since he confessed his love for her. Maybe she was just fooling herself, believing the unbelievable. But she wanted so much for all the things he said to be true… for their love to be possible. But they were a mismatched pair. She was human, he was a vampire.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
Vampire.
The word brought back so many memories. Not only did Edward leave, but so did the rest of the Cullens, and every connection she had to vampires at all. It was as if an entire year of her life had been erased; she had begun to wonder if any of it had really happened, or if she was just delusional. But every time she saw the scar on her hand, she knew. She brought her hand up to her face subconsciously.
She felt herself drift slowly to sleep… and she knew what was to come.
Have you forgotten all I know
and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
That night was far worse than any she'd ever experienced. She started by reliving that magical moment in the meadows… or at least it felt like it.
Her subconscious mind conjured the most accurate image of him she'd seen in a while. Every detail was there, up to the last strand of rust-coloured hair.
She briefly noted their surroundings, before she just had to direct her attention to him again. They were indeed in the-no, their meadow. It was cloudy, like it usually was in Forks. Dew had collected on the leaves of surrounding foliage.
But none of that would've mattered if he hadn't been there. The natural beauty of the surrounding landscape meant little with him there. His face appeared to be turned up in a bright smile, and his amber eyes practically glowed in happiness. Happy to see her, she dared to hope.
And then a ray of sunlight penetrated the thick clouds, which cooperatively parted to let through the sun. It shone on him, illuminating his features. The light reflected off his skin, in a most amazing phenomenon. She had seen it before, but it was as magical as ever.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
Bella was paralyzed. She wanted to go forwards and embrace him, but at the same time she was scared to. Her legs refused to take another step.
She didn't need to. He walked towards her, still smiling, eyes still sparkling. But when he came close enough, she saw the light dim, and the rain clouds reappear. It began pouring without warning and his expression changed.
He was still as beautiful as ever, but there was something in his eyes. They were grave, and they darkened. He frowned in disapproval as he looked her over. Finally, he sighed, and turned around.
She knew what was happening. And even if it was only a dream, she reached out for him. Just as her fingers were about to brush his back, he stiffened. She stopped.
"Don't go," she whimpered so softly she could barely hear herself.
He closed his eyes and raised his head. And then he spoke, his voice soft, "I'm sorry, Bella."
Oh god, the sound of his voice was almost too much to bear. She could feel her knees shaking, threatening to give way to the pain and despair. "But why?" she asked, even quieter than before.
He turned his head slowly. The moment seemed to last an eternity. When his face can into view, she saw that his pitch black eyes were sad. They seemed bottomless, and she lost herself in them. "I… its better this way." The words seemed to pain him. "Better for the both of us."
He turned again, and walked away.
She wanted to follow, to cling onto him and beg, but she found herself immobilized. She wanted to cry out to him, but she couldn't seem to find her voice. She was powerless as she watched him leave. Each step he deliberately took away form her was like a stab to her heart. He wanted to leave. And she wasn't enough to stop him.
The meadow began to dissipate. She felt dizzy, lost, exactly as she had that night when Sam had found her.
I look in the mirror and see your face
if I look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over
She awoke with a piercing scream. Her eyes shot open and for a few moments, she just lay there panting. Then her eyes adjusted to the light. She was in her room. Of course she was; it had all been a dream. Just a dream. Somehow she couldn't convince herself of that.
She couldn't, wouldn't, didn't want to fall asleep again. She slipped out of bed into the bathroom and flicked on the light switch. And for the first time in months, examined herself in the mirror.
She was a wreak. There was no denying that much. What had she become without Edward? She shivered, and looked down at her hand. Memories… too many memories. She wanted them back. She didn't care how dangerous it was to be around vampires. They were a part of her life now. Couldn't Edward understand? She didn't want them to go. Her life wasn't better without them… he was wrong.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
If only they would come back… but she knew it was impossible. There was nothing left in her now. But she could hope. Maybe, by some chance, they would come back. Just maybe…
And if they didn't? Would she just waste her life away? Was that what she would do; walk around, empty and desperate, for the remainder of her existence?
If only she had Alice's ability. She wanted so much to find him again, to be with him again, even if it was the last thing she did in her otherwise meaningless life. She had tried following that night in the woods, but he was a vampire. If he didn't want her to find him, she wouldn't. He had sped away, and she couldn't do anything about it.
Trying to look for him wasn't an option. If they were ever reunited it would be his decision. But why would he? He was immortal; there was no way he'd stay with someone like her who would grow old and die eventually.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
Slowly, she calmed her breathing. She took control of the shaking, and returned to her room. There, she reset her emotionless mask of indifference. It was better if she couldn't feel anything. There was no way she could be happy, so the only emotions she could show would be negative. It was better if no one ever saw her grieving. She was so hurt, but she didn't want to hurt anyone else.
So, tearing up inside but indifferent on the outside, Isabella Swan slowly drifted back to sleep, thinking about only one thing:
Taking over me
You're taking over Me
Taking over me
Taking over me
Edward.
Author's Notes: …Right.