Disclaimer- I don't own D. Gray Man. What the hell would I do with it? I can't draw, why do you think I'm here and not on DA?!
Spoiler warning! This takes place sometime after the fight with the level 4. I read the raw translated Manga, so for those who only watch the anime, sorry if it hasn't gotten that far yet. So, at some point, maybe even before the appearance of the level 4, when things have calmed down a bit, and Allen isn't under surveillance.
I had this picture come into my head while proofreading this for mistakes. It was a yin-yang symbol, but Allen and Lenalee were in it. Allen was on the dark side with a soft gray glow (like the circle in the black) and Lenalee was in the white, with a soft dark glow (the white's dot). They were the dots and their reaching hands toward each other made the curved lines. It looked really cool to me. Oh, such a pity I can't draw. Any of you readers know somebody willing to draw it for me? Well, it was just a thought.
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Key
Aa- yea, yep; casual agreement
Daijouba desu ka- Are you ok?
Daijoubu- I'm ok.
Arigato- Thank you
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Issuinoyume- Empty Dream
It's black.
A sickening, thick darkness. It oozes from the edges of nothing, surrounding her, consuming her, drowning her.
Go away.
Make it go away.
I'm so scared.
She's alone. Nothing but herself. Her world is gone, nonexistent in her nightly hell. It's not that dream, not that nightmare. But it's so alike. She's just gone blind. Tears bead at the edges of her sightless eyes. She's so scared. But she's frightened that if she cries; the tears won't stop raining down, flooding into the 'nothing'. But what is there? She is already drowning in this sea of emptiness.
The tears spill over, and silent sobs escape her lips. Her hands fly to cover it. She's numb. She can't feel a thing. Another lurching sob hits her. She can't hear it. She's deaf.
Why?
She can't stop shaking. This is a dream. A nightmare. But she can't wake up. It's too quiet . She can hear the silence. It's deafening. No! Make it stop! Why? WHY?
Help me.
Please, I'm so scared…
Who's screaming? There's a noise, but it sounds so far off.
A touch. The shriek stops. Had it been her screaming?
The touch on her back is so soft, barely brushing her. It's comforting not threatening. But it must be her mind playing tricks. It's much too silent. Another sob slips past her lips.
"Please don't cry."
Her head snaps up. There he is. He's not 'nothing'. He's here. She can see him. She's not blind. Then why can't she stop shaking? She blinks at his words. Her head tilts to the side, sadness pales the fright in her eyes.
"But Allen, …you're crying too."
She reaches up to his face. He looks so sad, so hurt. What is this pain? The agony spills into her. She can't bring herself to touch him, though her hand is close enough to feel his warmth. He's warm…he was always so warm. She could never forget his simple touches, his arms catching her, his hand leading her, his finger wiping her cheek, and his smile. No mater when, no matter what chaos was occurring, his smile could melt her frozen hell, her breaking world. He was her personal sun. The darkness dampened in a soft halo around his form.
You've found me,
The angel from my nightmares
"Lenalee, why are you crying?" She still can't stop shivering, though his voice and its concern makes her warm all over. The sensation is nice. She's never warm very often.
"I'm so scared, Allen." The tears still fall, her face expressionless except for her eyes. They are an endless sea, drip-by-drip make of her shed tears and blood. The crimson and azure mix to make her dark amethyst orbs, wide, spilling over with fright.
"Don't be." His hand moves to her face. His gloved fingers wipe away the salt water, and as if like some mystical cure, the endless tears are quelled by his action. Only trails remain, the raw lines running down her face, as if tattooed there. "Don't be scared. I'm here, Lenalee. You're not alone. I'll always be here." He smiled. "So please, don't cry." The clouds brake.
It was bright. His smile. His smile is so warm, so soft, but so bright.
He's fading.
The light is too bright. His hand has drawn back. He's retreating with the darkness. Wait, don't go. Please, don't leave me again. Don't go, Allen. Wait!
"Wait!"
She grabs his hand. The retreat stops. The darkness hoverers behind him like a cloak, a shadow, connected to him.
You cannot exists with out darkness, can you Allen-kun? She fights with the grief threatening to overflow. But I'm so frightened by it. She shook her head, trying to pull him closer. He's brought to kneel by her crumpled figure. I'm sorry, Allen. I'm so sorry. The tears start again. His legs fall completely to the ground, a hand hovering at her shoulder and head bent, trying to look into her downcast eyes.
It was suppose to be impossible for them to be together. Like a reflection, polar opposites, conflicting ends of the same spectrum. But she couldn't, she wouldn't let go of him. He was too important to her. He was part of her world. A big part. It would crumble without him. He had grown to be such a large part of her world.
He was her sun.
With out him, the rest of her world would freeze over, without his warmth, with out his light; she would die on her frozen earth.
"Lenalee…"
"Don't…don't disappear into the darkness. Don't go further back into the shadows." She could feel him there, hovering over her, unsure, but with the overpowering want to help, to comfort, to protect. Please, not again. I won't look, I promise. I don't care if you don't want me to see that part of you, that 'cursed' part of you. Just… "Don't go. I…I can stand the darkness if you can step into the light."
I won't be scared if you're there, I'll be okay.
"Lenalee…" she squeezed his hand tighter, willing him to tell her he'd stay, to understand that he was her sun, giving life to her world. "Don't suffer for me."
"I'm not!" She must have been breaking his hand with the pressure she was gripping it with. "I'm not…!" her body shook with the deaf sobs. She pulled his hand to her chest, gripping it, pouring her feeling into it, making him understand. "Allen, I'm not scared." Her voice quieted. "I shouldn't be, remember…?" his hand was so warm. It felt so good in her hands. She pulled it to her face, pressing it against her cheek.
"Because you're here. I'm never alone, Allen. You told me that, so please." She opened her eyes to lock gazes with him. She had no more tears. She felt so tired. "Please don't leave me alone." Her eyelids felt heavy. But…she didn't want him to fade. Her vision blurred. She struggled to keep her eyes open. She fell forward,
-and into the arms of her guardian angel, fallen from grace.
She was so exhausted. The feeling was swift and sudden. It fell upon her like a blanket, insulating and warm…or was that Allen's arms?
"Lenalee?"
"Hmm?"
"Daijouba desu ka?"
"Hm? Aa, Daijoubu..." Right now, he felt like big pillow. His shoulder was surprisingly comfy, and nothing sounded better to her then to just close her eyes and rest there. Well, nothing except staying awake to be with him. Can someone fall asleep in a dream?
"Are you tiered?"
"Yes…"
The blanket of warmth on her was his arms, for she felt a sudden cold as he moved his arm to brush a stray stand of hair on her forehead. He brought it back afterwards, though, and her body, witch had tensed against the cold, melted back to him. He was supporting all her weight now, as they sat there on the floor. The bright white and deep black met where they met, a tense, electric and exhilarating sensation was in the air as the contrasts were forced together by their meeting.
A sweet silence spread out. It was so sweet because it wasn't that absolute that it had been. She could hear his breath, even if she couldn't hear her own, and she could feel more then hear his heartbeat. Its steady pounding gave her an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, of relief, and of safety.
"You should get some sleep, Lenalee." The silence was broken by his voice. She didn't mind.
Sleep. Oh, how good that sounded. But as her consciousness faded, she battled to keep herself awake. She had to know. "One question, then I'll go to sleep." He waited patiently for her inquiry. "Why were you crying?"
"W-what?" He seemed more confused then startled.
He was to warm too be fake, to real to be a dream. "When you first came, you…you were crying…why?" Their voices sounded so hazy. Her own words sounded slurred to her. She felt the loss of sensation closeting in around her. A brightened darkness, a familiar one.
"You were crying Lenalee. I was sad because you were hurt." She was slipping further, hanging onto his fading words. "I…hate it…when you…cry…" No…don't go…
"…Lenalee…"
Goodnight
It was gone.
The dream had ended. Her nightmare had changed so drastically. Lenalee opened her eyes slowly. What wonders. She had slept without other ailment. She had not awakened screaming, nor in a cold sweat. She gazed at the ceiling of her room, still dazed from her dream.
It was so real.
She could play it like a tape back in her mind She closed her eyes, remembering every detail, every feeling, every aspect of the wondrously horrifying and yet so calming dream. The feeling she had now awoken with was odd, questioning.
Peace.
She had an overwhelming feeling of peace.
She blinked at the ceiling. Her head turned to the side, observing the rest of her room. It was still dark out. It must be four o'clock, or so.
But she felt rested. Abnormally so.
Get up.
Her legs carried her up off the bed. She had slept in her clothes and didn't quite feel like changing into new ones just yet.
She walked out of her room, aimlessly, her feet just moving, wondering through the quiet hallways of the Order. She marveled at the silence of it. She felt like she was back in her dream. At the moment, her dream felt more real then now. Even those in the science lab that rarely slept at all were dead quite. Should I be worried? But she couldn't. Nothing felt like danger, and she could not convince herself that something was wrong. It just, …wasn't. And somehow, she knew.
Lenalee blinked a few times when her feet came to a stop. Where was she? She glanced around herself. She wasn't to far from the belfry. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. It was chilly up here, so early in the morning. She looked strait ahead. Not more then a foot away from her nose was a door.
His door.
Why had she come here? Her brow knit in confutation. Her eyes wandered to the doorknob. Her hand unconsciously reached for it. She froze and took a step back with a start. What was she doing? He'd still be asleep. You can talk to him later. Another breeze swept down the hallway. Her hands rewrapped themselves around her shoulders.
She felt cold.
Lenalee told herself to move, to walk back, to leave, but her body just stayed there, in front of his door. Her arms were still wrapped around herself, and here eyes were still slightly wide from the shock of her own actions.
She stood in silence, the wind moving here hair ever so slightly. One minuet, two, five. Time just passed, and although a million things were running through her mind, her thoughts stayed surprisingly blank.
This was ridiculous. What was she doing here?
Turn around.
Her body stayed put.
Turn around!
Her body obeyed, and like she had just broken a bond, the surreal feeling she had had left her, and the harsh, cold reality hit her. Suddenly, she wasn't floating anymore. She was cold. The female exorcist sighed. She had to walk. To move.
Come on now…
She had to move on.
Away from her sun.
"Lenalee?"
She whirled around, shocked, her arms crossed tightly to her chest. He stood in his doorway, one hand holding the door open on the inside and the other rubbing sleep from his eyes. He wore loose gray pants and had no shirt on. His innocence's new smooth connection swirled on his left shoulder. She just stared at him.
Say something. Talk.
"Allen…kun…"
Allen's eyes, filled once with shock and confusion changed to that of concern, and he stepped foreword, placing a hand gingerly on her sholder. "Lenalee…? Daijouba desu ka?"
"Aa, Allen-kun, Daijoubu." She gave a small smile.
But for some reason this seemed to have the opposite effect on Allen. His face deepened in concern and his other hand reached to her face. Lenalee felt something wet bush against her skin. Allen brought his hand between their faces and Lenalee watched in fascination as a water droplet fell from his finger.
I'm crying again.
She gasped and brought her hand to her face. Allen brought himself closer to her. "Lenalee, what's wrong?" She looked at him and he stared back. Both searched each other's eyes. He was a few inches taller then her, even though she was technically older. So many times she felt younger, eons from his generation. This was one of those times.
She began to shake a bit more violently from her sobs, though her face showed nothing but confusion . Her eyes wandered to his right hand, witch he had let drop to his side. She reached out and took hold of it. Allen made a throaty noise in surprise. She looked up at him. His expression softened. She looked so…lost.
Lenalee allowed her self to fall into him as she pulled him close, wringing her arms around his neck. Allen tried to take a step back in shock. "Ah…!L-lenalee?"
"…I-I'm sorry, Allen, I just…" Lenalee tightened her hold on him as the tears fell down her face. "I just need to hug you for a minuet."
Allen's face quirked into another expression of befuddlement. "I'm…I'm just so cold, Allen-kun…I feel like I'm freezing."
"…It-it's not that cold, Lenalee…"
She shook more against him, shivering from the ice surrounding her. She turned her head to burry her face into his neck. Her voice whispered so faintly that he barely caught it. "I'm so scared, Allen…"
She was scared? Allen finally returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around her tightly, securely. She fell more into his hold, letting him be her support. "I'm frightened…" She sounded terrified. What had happened? A Nightmare? He didn't really need to know, all he knew that Lenalee was scared, and he wouldn't let that happen. Not ever. He hated to see her cry.
"Don't be." Lenalee's eyes flew open. "You're not alone. I'm right here, Lenalee, whenever you need me."
Her knees buckled. Allen held her up, turning his head in concern to look at her face hidden in the crook of his neck. As Lenalee collapsed, her arms fell from around his neck to make fists against his chest. She hid her face under his chin, and Allen just held her up. He'd never let her fall.
Time past, and Allen began absentmindedly swaying back and forth, his eyes half shut, he softly hummed a lullaby to the sobbing girl. Eventually she quieted, and he stopped his motion.
"Allen, what's that song?"
He blinked. He had forgot he was humming.
"It's the same song you played to move the ark, right?"
Allen's shock soon melted into a far-off gaze. "Yes. It's a lullaby my father taught me."
Lenalee stayed in his arms a while longer.
He felt so warm.
Finally, reluctantly, She pushed herself away from him and wiped away the remnants of her tears. He smiled that gentle smile of his at her and helped with his left hand, the other still half embracing her.
She smiled up at him. "Arigato."
His smile broke into a grin. "Any time!"
They smiled at each other until the moment was interrupted by a loud roar. The frightening sound made Lenalee jump, and Allen looked accusingly at his stomach while she stared in shock—before bursting out laughing.
"I think you're hungry." She giggled out.
"Yeah, I guess so." He chuckled back, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.
"Come on," She said, still laughing as she grabbed his hand. "Let's go see if Jerry-san is up yet."
"Ah, I need to grab a shirt first." Allen gently but firmly pulled his hand out of hers.
"Oh, ...ah- of course!" She hid her blush behind a smile as she turned and locked her hand behind her back. He returned clad in a black T-shirt, doubtlessly intending to change his outfit after breakfast.
"Shall we go then?" Lenalee smiled at him.
"Aa, let's." She smiled wider and he held out an arm wtich she happily linked with. The sun was just rising outside the window, but in her world, it was in full, bright view.
She didn't feel cold anymore.
She had her sun.
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The Title.
After I wrote this, I had trouble figuring out what I'd call it. Well, I thought, it was a dream and it had 'nothing' in it, so empty dream, right? And then I remembered a poem I wrote a long time ago for school called just that. (Japa-fied, of course) I stole the title but read the poem before closing the document and I went 'Huh. It sortta fits, doesn't it?' So here it is, for your reading pleasure. Xb (yeah, as if) but I can dream, can't I?
Issuinoyume
The world's turned black
And I can't see
I can smell the damp air
And faint wind I can feel
But my other senses are lost to me
I move my arms,
I stretch and reach
But nothing I touch
And I am scared
Because no one's there
An empty dream
Again