Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Doctor Who, and if I did I'd probably screw it up!
This is my first ever fanfic. Please be kind and review. It's the only way I know that I didn't waste 4 hours for nothing.
BTW -I don't know if this is a one shot yet... I'm still deciding.
In the middle of Norway, on a desolate beach that was at least an hour's walk from any civilization, the Doctor and Rose held together a long, soul-searching gaze.
Rose thought it was an awkward, funny sort of look to be shared between two such old friends; best friends. She wanted to break contact and look at the sand ahead of her or past him to the water, but he wouldn't let her. Such was the power and passion his eyes held. She saw the very same magnetic and fiery universe that had burned in her first Doctor's eyes, attracting her to him a lifetime ago. In some ways Rose was still the young shop girl who was almost killed by living plastic. In other ways she felt she had had enough experiences for a lifetime.
In her parallel bedroom on the top floor of the mansion, Rose had spent hours wondering what would happen if the dimension cannon suddenly started working and she met the Doctor again. Her thoughts oscillated from ecstatic fantasy reunions to nightmares of yet another tearful abandonment. She worried that things would never be the same between them as it once had been. She worried that he had forgotten her. She worried that she would no longer be able to sense his presence as she used to, or he hers. She worried that their connection was broken indefinitely. She worried that her worrying would make her clumsy and awkward in his presence and she would lose her charismatic 'Rose' luster. But then when it finally happened, when she saw the TARDIS in the street and the faint silhouettes of Donna and the Doctor, she knew that things would always be as they had once been and that their connection could never be severed by time or distance.
She remembered cradling his head beneath her hands and being surprised by how easy their relationship had fallen back into place despite the four-year absence and horrible situation they had found themselves in. Long time no see he joked, even as he was dying.
Now looking upon the Doctor again, Rose felt thoroughly confused, but at the same time things had never been clearer to her. She was sad but also joyous, hopeful yet decidedly hopeless, abandoned but eternally protected, and all this wrapped up into a single moment and a raw gaze. The time passed slowly, and Rose tried to reconcile the new with the old. The Doctor studied her intensely; finally able to understand the things she would give up to be with him. Theirs was an intense, excruciatingly private and unguarded connection, comparable to the feeling of someone seeing you naked and desperate for the first time. It was no wonder that Jackie turned and stalked off silently toward the road.
This Doctor had told her that he loved her. Which was really much more than she had ever expected or dared to hope to hear from him. When she kissed him for the first time, she finally felt him express his emotions passionately and without bridle. Kissing a Time Lord turned out to be a bit different than the usual physical process of kissing a human. Kissing a Time Lord was more of a mental activity: two parts lips and one part telepathy.
Rose could feel the Doctor's unguarded thoughts swirling around her in her head the minute their mouths met, and for a moment the universe shone out in front of her like an endless road and she felt as if she were in the TARDIS again with every possibility at her fingertips. Then as quick as it came the feeling left her and Rose suddenly understood why the Doctor hid his feelings far away and out of sight. If that was a kiss, then she dared to think what involuntary information might be shared via other recreational activities. Reluctantly she began to understand why he all too often ended up abandoning his companions before they got too close.
Rose knew from experience that the original Doctor was incapable of displaying or understanding full human emotions. It was almost as if, as if the new Doctor had been fashioned specifically to suite her needs.
But then again she reasoned, the utterance of those forbidden words was what made this Doctor so glaringly different from the fully Time Lord version. It was far-off, distant, immortal alien that she had fallen in love with, even despite the way he had reeled her in and then thrown her back. In a small, selfish way she had always been proud of her companionship with the Doctor. She had the ability to tame a man that wasn't even a man. After all he had chosen her. Not the others. Her. Now, of his own admission he wanted to spend his life with her, but, then again, not really…
Rose looked down at her feet. She felt the Doctor relax and limply let go of her fingers, so that their arms hung together, barely touching.
This was all wrong. This was not at all the way it meant to be. She should be in the TARDIS laughing about nose less dogs and planning a new and dangerous adventure. The situation in which she found herself now was bittersweet and just plain ironic. She could think of a lot of words to describe being abandoned at Bad Wolf bay with the Doctor's crazy clone. 'Soap opera' seemed to be the best descriptor; ridiculous, corny, totally and in all other ways unfathomable and improbable…
Or was it? Rose knew the Doctor had all of time and space packed into his head. He could see every possible outcome of every timeline in existence if he tried. She faintly remembered a long-winded, techno babble peppered speech about time influx, versus permanent events or something of the like.
"Doctor?" she ventured, tilting her head up again to meet his gaze. He stared at her for a moment, expressionless.
Reading her expression, and still enthralled in the aftertaste of their kiss, he replied without thinking.
"Yeah. This…situation… was always a possibility."
Rose looked down a bit dumbfounded and wondered if he was still in her head, reading her thoughts. She was still a little wary about having her mind invaded. The Doctor as usual, didn't seem to notice, and continued off onto a tangent about time influx and the possibility matrix.
Rose stared at him for quite some time as he babbled, a small smile spreading to her features. His arrogant, cheeky and manic personality appeared un-changed, as was his penchant for the word, 'jiggery-pokery' He was not the same man, and yet he was exactly the same man. Suddenly Rose remembered how afraid she was the first time he regenerated. It had been like a bad joke of which she was helplessly ignorant of the punch line, but when it was all said and done she had ended up growing more attracted to him than ever, eventually falling madly in love and making the decision that she would never leave him.
"Course there are innumerable directions events can take…well, though to be fair, before the reality bomb it was really a very miniscule possibility, quite tiny… time lines got a bit broader after I got shot by that Dalek and then…"
"Doctor?"
The Doctor stopped mid-sentence, a little disappointed to be interrupted mid lecture, but still trying his hardest to please his resistant and completely human Rose.
"What you whispered to me earlier… I mean when you first met me…when you told me to 'run' you grabbed my hand… and just now when I kissed you I felt …" Rose found her voice faltering as she tried to force out the rest of the question. Better now than never.
" Doctor, if you knew that there was a possibility that you might fall in love with me…and that it might cause so much pain, why did take me along in the first place?"
The Doctor sighed lightly and took her hand in his once again. For a short moment there was an ominous silence and Rose held her breath anxiously in her chest, waiting.
"Remember how I told you that some points in time are constantly in a state of flux, which is how we get away with saving the earth all the time? The timeline isn't established, we can still manipulate events how we like."
"Yeah."
"Well some events, chance meetings, births, deaths, disasters and all the like, are points in time that are strictly established and can't be altered without destroying the universe."
"Like the day the Earth burnt out."
" Exactly… "
The Doctor stepped closer to Rose, and in a bold and unDoctorish sort of way, he reached his hand out so that the back of his fingers grazed the side of her face tenderly.
"Rose, you were always going to be a point in my future. Once you saved my life, you had to come with me. Even if it took a second try. The universe was at stake."
Rose was thoroughly moved by the Doctor's declaration, but still felt too awkward and wary to start expressing any overt affection. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea that she was ready to cozy up to him… yet. She still needed some time to think and adjust. The other Doctor was still out there somewhere, but at least he had Donna. Despite a small bit of jealously that Donna would go on traveling in her place, she knew the Doctor would be in good hands. Although truth be told, that didn't really make it much easier.
The Doctor seemed to understand Rose's hesitancy and let go of her hand, albeit reluctantly.
"Suppose there's a chip shop round here?" he ventured lightly.
Rose smiled despite herself, "Probably in about an hour or so that direction. Dunno why you had to go and drop us off in the middle of nowhere. You never could fly the TARDIS to right place… or get to the right time period. "
"…Oi! It wasn't me, well, it wasn't, not technically. And it doesn't really fly, it just sort of materializes from one place to the next."
Despite her new new Doctor wariness, Rose found herself comfortably linking her arm through his and leading him off toward her mum, who was still waiting patiently on the side of the road. The half-human Doctor looked down at Rose jovially.
"Well at least we'll have some time to catch up. I have so many things to tell you… I met Shakespeare and Agatha Christie! Great guy that Shakespeare, I gave him a couple of my best lines…I'll tell you all about it over chips."
Jackie looked over at them, and it was obvious to both of them that she was royally pissed-off.
"Sweetheart did you remember to bring your mobile with you?"
Rose looked down and pulled a square lump from her jacket pocket and holding it in her outstretched palm.
"Mum it doesn't matter. There's no service out here."
"Actually," the Doctor chimed in, "I can probably fix that."
Taking the phone gingerly from Rose's hand, he flipped it over and with a certain excited flare pulled from his pocket the sonic screwdriver.
"Is that the proper Doctors?" Rose asked astonished.
"Rose, first of all I am the proper Doctor. And secondly, it's not like I stole it or anything. It was in my suit pocket."
"Won't he need it?"
"Nah… he's clever! He'll make a new one, a better one, well or so River Song says…"
"Who's River Song?"
"That is a looong complicated story… and… oh here you go Jackie, it should work now. I'll tell you about it someday Rose. But not today. Today I want to think about happier things. I only have one life now. Best not to dwell."
Once again, Rose tentatively put her hand over his heart, feeling the mad beat beneath her fingers.
"One life." she repeated before adding, "a life together."