So this is the first chapter of the new story in the "Fun Times" series. I hope you all enjoy this story and remember the classic warning about insanity and all that jazz. I would also like to point out that I was watching Madea Goes to Jail and this is where I got this idea. With the exception of the ending that is. So I no own Twilight or Madea or the kind therapist doctor or a Han Glider
Summary: It's around the holidays and once again with nothing to do at the Cullen house, Charlie stops by to drop off a package for Bella. When Bella opens it there is a note and…you guessed it, videos! What was Bella really like in Phoenix? Why does therapy seem like fun now? Why am I asking you? This story has more drama, espionage, rebellion, and most importantly hilarity that will knock your fluffy bunny socks off! R&R
Fun Times in Phoenix.
Bella POV-
I watched as the snowflakes fall outside the window. Jake and Nessie huddled by the TV, but sadly nothing is on for them to watch.
"Why do they have to show stale Christmas specials?" Emmett yelled flicking through the channels, "I mean come on there are only so many times that we can watch the freak with the red nose!"
"HEY! I resent that!" Jasper yelled back at him
"What it's true…seriously boohoo poor freak reindeer that gets teased and whoopee doo he saves Christmas. Big whoop!" Emmett said giving up as he turned the TV off.
"Wow someone is a Scrooge today." Jake muttered and Nessie giggled. I giggled too as Edward kissed my head.
Everything seemed to simmer down since the Rocky Horror incident, which was good. We all vowed to never watch another home movie for a very long time.
Just then we heard a hum of an engine come up the driveway and everyone that got involved with the Christmas special argument stopped. That was when Charlie's cruiser came into view.
Carlisle and Esme looked at us and asked, "What did you all do this time?"
We all started to sputter when the bell rang…wow some vamps we are.
I answered the door and saw Charlie holding a box. He smiled gratefully as Edward snuck around to take the box out of his arms, "Thanks Edward, now Bells I can fully greet you. How have you been Bells?" He asked and gave me one of his awkward hugs.
"Ok Dad…would you like to come in?" I asked
"Nah I'm good. Billy and I are going ice fishing by a lake that he just found. But yea I got that thing today and noticed it was meant for you. The return address is from Phoenix so I figured it was from one of your friends. Well have fun and see you soon. By the way Renee says hi." He hugged me again and walked to the cruiser and I watched him go out of sight…that was when the final sentence hit me: From Phoenix. Crap!
"Wait don't open-"
"YES BYE BYE BORDOM!" Emmett's voice rang through the halls.
"Sorry love I tried to stop them but-" Edward said not looking the slightest bit sorry.
"Here mommy there was a note." Nessie handed me the note and I saw it was from Stacy and read:
Dear Izzy,
Sup Gurl! Way to keep in touch! Well anyway I heard you found yourself a man from YOUR MOM! Really Izzy a simple e-mail would have been nice…but noooo too busy in your love life to even think of remembering your friends…for shame.
So in hopes you remember here is a belated wedding gift for you…have fun!
Love,
Stacy
P.S You will thank me
I let out a growl, "We are not watching these."
"Yes we are!" There was a chorus of responses even from Esme and Carlisle
"But we agreed that-"
Emmett strode up to me and placed an arm around my shoulder, "See the thing that you have not learned yet is that we Cullens are bad a sticking to agreements…"
"Especially when it involves our favorite sister." Alice finished with a smile
I was screwed five ways to Sunday on this one as Nessie pulled out a video labeled, "Izzy's Han Gliding Therapy."
Here we go again.
I did not want to do this but the odds of me getting out of this were next to nothing. Hey at least I can give them a warning right?
"Guys can I just say that-" I got interrupted by Rose.
"No now shut up Bella." She said as the tape was put into the VCR.
"Fine. Edward do not go into shock again ok? Promise me?" I begged him.
Edward stared and said, "Why would I go into shock?"
"You'll see love…you will shortly see."
Now everyone gave me a wary look as the TV fuzzed and the tape began.
I looked to be about 16 and dressed in ripped black cargo pants and a "My Chemical Romance" t-shirt. I also wore a black leather jacket and work boots. Crazy since it was hot in Phoenix, but also these were my rebel days.
"Stacy can you turn the damn camera off already?" I growled at Stacy who was holding the camera.
"Nope. This is classic. I knew that one day your mom would send you to therapy for anger management…especially after you blew up at the judge." Stacy laughed.
I growled and walked into the room followed by Stacy who entered the closet. Just as the doctor came into the room.
"IS THAT DR. PHIL?" Emmett shouted/asked
"Therapy love?" Edward asked
"Judge?" Jake asked
"Anger Management?" Esme asked
I didn't say anything, but thought of how this is going against patient confidentiality and how is Emmett the only smart one who noticed that therapist is Dr. Phil?
"I told them I didn't need to come here and see you, okay?" I growled at the doctor.
"Well, you know, I don't usually see people individually. I saw the videotape of you getting arrested and I thought...I've got to see this kid," He sighed and then started the session, "You can't think what you did was okay."
"You don't know what happened." I said getting a little bit irritated.
"What do you mean? I saw it on tape. I saw you forklift the lady's car...out of a parking space!" He said astounded.
"Wait what?" Everyone yelled.
"Mommy you got arrested?" Nessie yelled at me
"You fork lifted a lady's car?" Carlisle was amazed at me.
I shrugged, "I wanted to warn you guys but noooo you did not want to listen. Besides this is no big deal. The car chase is even more epic and amazing."
They just stared at me.
"You're talking about that time. I didn't know what you were talking about. So, they had that on video too? Well, you know what, that woman just..." I shook my head, "I've been riding in that parking lot...my air conditioner doesn't work in my 1993 Saturn and I was driving around and could not get a parking spot. There she was, zoomed in there, knew I was waiting for that spot. What else was I supposed to do?" I asked. Silent giggles could be heard but we did not pay attention.
Dr. Phil looked amazed with a look that said 'is this girl serious?' then he stated the obvious, "Well, you go on to another space. Do you have to be in control all the time?"
"No, I don't have to be in control. That was my parking spot. I wasn't going to another space because I drove for like five minutes looking for a damn space, besides that was the closest to the door and that's the one I wanted." I concluded proud of my reasoning. I sat with a triumphant smile on my face with my arms crossed.
Dr. Phil sighed and said, "Other people want stuff too. It's not just about you. It's not just about you all the time."
I groaned, "In my world, it's about me. This is Izzy's world. It's about me, Dr. Phil."
Everyone now looked at me.
"What?" I asked, "It's true."
"Bella it is not always about you." Alice said
"Really? Cuz I can fork lift your pretty little yellow Porsche." I said smugly
"No not my baby!" Alice cried as if she was told that Louis Vuitton was no longer being made.
"And they say I am shallow." Rose muttered
I just smiled.
"Do you get angry when you feel out of control?" Dr. Phil asked
"I'm never angry. I keep telling people I am not angry, okay?" I said frustrated, "Somebody do something to me, I do something. You don't bother me, I don't bother you."
Dr. Phil nodded his head and asked, "So just for the record you weren't angry when you flipped over this car?"
I nodded, "I was calm and cool as a cucumber. I was sitting there smoking a cigarette."
"You smoked?" Jasper asked
"Oh hell yea! You could not possibly think I was a perfect angel did you?" I asked smiling
"You know there is something called lung cancer right?" Carlisle asked
"Yup but hey live for the moment you know." I said
"Bella what am I to do with you?" Edward asked
I again smiled.
"Are you crazy?" Dr. Phil finally asked
"A little bit." I admitted
"I got a question for you." He stated
"I got a question too." I stated back
"What about your childhood?" He asked ready to take notes
I smirked and shot back, "What about your childhood?"
He scolded me, "Talking about my childhood is not gonna help your anger."
I got annoyed, "Why must I keep saying this? I keep saying I'm not angry. But you keep insisting I am."
"Are you happy to be talking to me?"
"To tell you the truth I would much rather be at the casino playing blackjack or something. But they told me I have to see you. So I'm here." I said grudgingly
"Why?" He asked smirking thinking that he got a rise out of me.
"Because the court made me." I said in a 'duh factor' voice.
"You forklift a woman's car out of the parking lot. Does that seem reasonable to you?" He asked in a disbelieving voice
"She took the parking spot." I fired back
"It isn't your parking spot." He said
"Yes, it was."
"Did it have your name on it?"He asked
"It had handicap. That matches what I had in my car. She took it with her little convertible
so I lifted it, flipped it." I replied
"Why were you handicap?" Esme asked
"Uhm…because…" I started to say
"Because why?" Esme asked back
I couldn't answer her.
"Well, yeah, I believe the handicapped part. I got that." He said in a obvious voice.
"What are you trying to say? Something's wrong with me? Did you see me walk in here? I'm fine." I was insulted by a fifty year old crack pot therapist.
"What are you doing in the handicapped space?" He asked
"Because it was closer to the door. Duh!" I said
"What?"
"It's closer to the door." I repeated slowly
"They always leave the handicap close to the door." He said
"That's why I take it." I said as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do.
"Do you feel like you always have to get even?"
"Hell, yeah."
"Why do you always have to get even? Why can't you just let it roll off like water off a duck's back?"
"Because I am not a damn duck. That's why!" I yelled
"You don't have to attack people." He said
"Somebody do something to you, you do something to you. The Bible said in second Deutoronomo, the book of Jericho that: 'The eye for a tooth, a tooth for the people. If everybody got the eye, punch them in it.'" I recited
"Bella I am offended right now. I am a preacher's son and there is no way that is in the Bible." Carlisle said
"Hey I never stated that I read it." I responded
"But you just said that you quoted that from the Bible. Seriously Bella does that seem right to you?"
"And allow me to ask do you really want to go all therapist on me?" I asked
Carlisle wisely shut his mouth, "I thought so."
"What?" It was clear that the good doctor was confused
"I can tell you don't read the Bible. Bible say, 'Turn the other cheek'. Somebody hit that cheek, turn the other. You have two cheeks. How many you gonna let them hit before you whoop their ass?" I asked
"I don't think you have to whoop their ass. It's not about ass-whooping. You don't open up a can of whoop-ass on everybody that you meet. You go with the flow."
I got fed up and walked over to the window, "Ok I am done listening to this nonsense. Tell the judge anything you want because this is not working." I opened the window and stood on the fire escape.
"Wait we are not done! Do not jump!" Dr. Phil shouted
"Cyea doc!" I ripped my jacket off to reveal Han Gliding wings on my back and jumped. I was flying over the office. Dr. Phil fell unconscious on to the floor.
Stacy came out of the closet and turned to face the camera so we saw her face, "And that is how to escape from therapy."
Now all eyes were on me. Edward's especially was giving me is analytical face as he tried to decipher my actions, "Why love?"
I shrugged, "Well it was no big deal. I may have had a wild side but I didn't care. Phil lived as you can clearly see so no big."
"Why was Phil involved anyway?" Jake asked
"Well again wild child. Besides my track record was kind of long and ridiculous."
"Does Charlie know?" Jasper asked the million dollar question.
"Surprisingly no."
Everyone fell silent and Alice pulled out another video, "Sticking to the Status Quo…NOT!"
"Get ready for a high school musical," I said.