This is my short story for a school application could you give me feedback? It's not really
an Artemis Fowl fanfic but I guess I was thinking of Artemis Fowl when I wrote it.
Remember to check out my account on Deviantart. I go by the name blagra1679 there too.
Remeber to rate and review.
Sophie glared out the car window. As the car passed tall pines that were growing beside the winding
mountain path, she wished she was back home or at least what used to be home. Because of her dad's
stupid job as a geologist, and that oil company, they had been forced to move to some desolate wasteland
known as "Colorado". Now she had to leave her best friends Abby and Jamie, that she had known since
kindergarten, to live here! Sophie's mom claimed that she would make lots of new friends, but Sophie
didn't want new friends, her old ones were just fine.
"My life sucks!" she mumbled to herself.
Her mom drowsily stretched from the front passenger seat. "What was that Sophie?"
"Nothing!" Sophie grumbled and retreated to looking gloomily out the window. Her mom blinked at
Sophie, sighed and then faced front again.
"Don't look so glum chum!" Her dad said cheerily. "We're almost there!"
"What ever." Sophie mumbled.
"Now Sophie!" Said her mom sternly, "You talk to your father respectfully!" Sophie opened her mouth to
bark back a sarcastic reply but a strangled yelp came out instead. "What is that!?" She squeaked.
"That!" Her dad said proudly, "Is our new home!"
Sophie stared open mouthed in disbelief at the decrepit mansion in front of her. Huge and run down; it
looked like it was straight out of a horror movie. The paint was crumbling and peeling away and the
windows were broken and boarded up. Most of the shingles from the roof were missing and littered the
damp ground around the house. It looked as if there was supposed to be a homely porch and stairs
leading up to the front door but those had obviously rotted away a long time ago.
Sophie let out a long groan and banged her head against the car door. "Please tell me this is some kind
of sick joke!"
Her dad looked up at the house. "I'm sure it will look better once we take a closer look!" He said smiling
uncertainly.
Sophie squinted at him doubtfully. "I am not sleeping in that!" She said stubbornly crossing her arms.
"Oh yes you are!" Her mother snapped just as stubbornly.
"But-but-!" Sophie stuttered.
"No buts! You will sleep here. And that's that!"
Sophie groaned again. "Fine! But don't blame me if it falls down on all of our heads as soon as we open
the door."
Her mother sighed, "Just come and help carry the luggage inside."
Sophie grumbled as she grabbed some bags and headed towards the ramshackle house.
It's appearance did not improve as she got closer. When she reached the door Sophie realized it had no
doorknob! She tried pushing against it with her shoulder. Nothing! Putting down her bags, and avoiding
the suspicious damp sections, she put her full weight against the door. Still nothing!
"Mom!" Sophie whined, "The door's stuck!"
Sophie's mother sighed and looked over at her husband, "Darling would you go help Sophie get the door
open?"
"Sure honey." Sophie's father's dropped his suitcase and walked over to the door. "Now what's the
problem little lady?" He said cheerfully, crouching next to Sophie.
"The door won't open!" Sophie said crankily.
"All righty!" Her dad replied, "Let me see what I can do!" He turned to the door and started. "There's...
no handle?"
"Yup!" Sophie said matter-of-factly.
Her dad nodded after a short pause, and pushed against the door with both hands. It didn't budge. He
tried again but nothing happened. Finally, he backed up slightly, and rammed his shoulder against the
door. With that the door burst open and sent her dad stumbling through. He fumbled for the banister of
the stairs to steady himself, but the rotten wood broke underneath his weight and he crashed onto the
floor.
Sophie rushed forward. "Dad! Are you OK?"
"Fine, thanks!" Her dad said spitting out some cobwebs.
"Ewww!" Sophie sniffed and helped him up.
"We'll have to replace the banister." Sophie's father walked across the room and tried to put the
banister back in place. Suddenly, his foot burst through the also apparently weak and rotten floorboards.
Sophie caught him before he could fall down again.
"And... the floor." Sophie's dad added with a grimace.
Sophie's mother walked into the house.
"Goodness Gracious!" She put the heavy trunks she was carrying aside and shuffled over carefully to
pull her husband's foot out of the floorboards.
"This place is a dump!" Her mom exclaimed as she helped Sophie's father out of the Newly-made hole.
"That's what I said!" Sophie exclaimed, annoyed.
"Not now, Sophie." Her mom inspected the broken floorboards, ignoring Sophie's comment.
Sensing the tension between them, Sophie's father cleared his throat. "It's not that bad!" Her dad said
optimistically. "We just need to... upgrade a few things."
Sophie scoffed. "We need to do more than upgrade."
Her mother shot her an exasperated look. "Sophie just go bring in our bags!"
"Whatever." Sophie replied sullenly and trudged outside slamming the door behind her. It merely
bounced off the door lining causing plaster to rain down on her parents.
"What am I going to do with her!?" Sophie's mom asked sinking to the floor. Her husband crouched
down next to her, while skillfully avoiding the hole made by his own leg, and put his hand on her shoulder.
"She just... needs some time to get used to all of this, remember she's still upset about having to move
away from her friends, just give her some time."
"I suppose." Her mom replied as she stared wistfully out the open doorway. Sophie, who was still angry,
clumsily struggled to pull one of the larger bags out of the trunk causing it to fall on her foot. She
screamed curses at the suitcase and sat on the ground, not caring about the mud, and refused to go
anywhere near the car again.
"I'll go help her." Sophie's father said and with an alarming creak of the floorboards he stood up and
walked over to Sophie to console her. Sophie's mom breathed out deeply. Hearing yelling she looked over
to check on her husband. It didn't seem like he was making much progress. With a sigh Sophie's mom
rested her head against the wall which sent more plaster raining down on her head.
Picking a piece out of her hair she thought, "Why me?"