Disclaimers and such: Paramount owns "Day of Honour" and everything Star Trek, except for possibly the fans. Bob Parker and Bob Vicente are based on characters created by two of my friends in our fourth grade play, and they based them on random sports announcers...
Spoilers: Day of Honour, as this is what they're reviewing.
Note to Americans: there may be a few stray 'u's, but that's what you get for being Canadian and having a Canadian spellchecker!
This news bulletin works best if you imagine that the Bobs are behind one of them sports-desks on ESPN... (I have even less to do with the powers that be at ESPN than I do with the powers that be at Paramount...) It also works best if you warp yourselves back a few years and pretend that "Day of Honor" is breaking news in the Star Trek Universe.
The WORLD IN TREK News Bulletin
Parker: Well, hello, this is Bob Parker reporting for The World in Trek, and this is Bob Vicente. What do you have to say about last night's Voyager episode "Day of Honor"?
Vicente: Well, Bob, it certainly promoted some response among the fans! Let's just say that everyone's more than a bit relieved that B'Elanna Torres does NOT have Doctor Crusher Syndrome!
Parker: Yes, Bob, it certainly looks that way. I tell you, Bob, to me it was the high point of the entire episode knowing that they have finally evolved beyond "Jean-Luc, there's something I've always wanted to tell you..." Vicente: Tell me about it, Bob. I had to rewind the tape just to hear it again to make sure it wasn't just wishful thinking. Wait, you said this was the high point of the entire episode?
Parker: It certainly was un-trek, I'll tell you that. Now, I ask you, Bob, why is it that no one ever says "I love you" unless under threat of death? Now she'll just pass this off as oxygen deprivation. Vicente: I know, Bob. But what a scene, I mean, the windows were fogging up and they weren't even in the same suit!
Parker: Speaking of suits, did you check out Seven of Nine? Ooh, what a fox.
Vicente: Settle down, Bob. We're here to talk about the show, not your personal life. Come on, it seriously shows that she hasn't eaten for the 18 years she's been with the Borg!
Parker: You're walking on dangerous ground here, Bob.
Vicente: I think, from a strictly objective point of view, that her character adds spice to a program with Ryan's talented portrayal of a complex and very intriguing character.
Parker: That's not all she adds to the show...
Vicente: I think that Seven has added a new, much-needed stress factor to the show. The tension she brings as a borg is easily matched by the tension I see coming just because she's a woman.
Parker: Boy what a woman.
Vicente: I mean, trouble is virtually clawing to get onto the set when Paris, following the comment that he is not bothered by her past-
Parker: I wouldn't be, either,
Vicente: My point exactly. "If there's anything I can do to help you adjust to life on this ship..."
Parker: Stay back, Paris, she's mine!
Vicente: Please, Bob, go take some prozac! Back to Voyager, this scene must be just the first step on a very treacherous path. I mean, B'Elanna's been not much more than a perfect bitch to her since she's arrived on board already. "Do you always fly at women at warp speed, Mr. Paris?"
Parker: Only when they're in visual range, Bob, and if this one was in visual range... Full power to engines! Warp speed ahead!
Vicente: It appears we're running out of time, everyone. We'll be back, reporting to you *live* from The World in Trek, if my friend Bob here doesn't die of hormone OD. Bob, ahem...
Parker: Yes, it's quite time for us to stop chatting. I have a date with my couch to watch "Day of Honor" again. I suggest all of you viewers do, as well. Chances are you were so busy drooling that you missed the deep message involving the Caatati and Seven's great offer of self-sacrifice, yada, yada, yada, so forth, et cetera. This is Bob Vicente and I am Bob Parker saying good night from The World in Trek.
(theme music)
Vicente: Bob, why is it called the World in Trek? Why not the Galaxy in Trek or the Universe in Trek, or the Continuum in Trek...
Parker: Shut up, Bob.
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feedback to coppertopcanada@hotmail.com, and you can tell me if people are at all interested in what the Bobs have to say about future Voyagers... (if no, I can accept that, and please tell me rather than silently plot my demise... but I have a fragile little college mind so please break it to me gently...)
Star Trek Forever!