A/N: I always said that I wasn't going to have two stories going at once, and I probably have no business starting another one, but here it is anyway. My other story, Whispers, has been quite intense lately, and I felt the need to write something of the lighter variety, which this is going to be. Of course, as is becoming the trend with all my stories, there always has to be at least a little angst, and this is that obligatory 'angsty' chapter. :)
I have been writing a lot lately, and hopefully this story doesn't feel too rushed and sloppy. I plan to work on Whispers and this story simultaneously, with posts probably together.
As always, I'd love to hear what you think, so if you can, leave me a quick note! Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, just the emotions!
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It had been a good day.
Lazily stretching his arms over his head, Adam Cartwright yawned loudly as he stood from where he'd been sitting at his desk. The rain had been relentless all afternoon, and he had taken advantage of the fact by thoroughly taking it easy, spending the time reading one of his favorite books and updating his journal. His eyes brightened with excitement, a wide grin crossing his face as he looked back down at the letter lying open on the desk. It had only come that morning—all the way from Boston. The acceptance letter still had him slightly in shock, and even as he'd dreamed of the day when he could go back east to go to college, the actuality of it still struck him as unreal.
But it was real, very real, and everything was coming together quickly. After his father had returned from town with the mail and the contents of the letter had been divulged, the two of them had sat and discussed the matter thoroughly. The pride in Ben Cartwright's eyes at the news had caused the characteristically stoic young man to blush, and the discussion that had followed had been serious and respectful, between two men. Since neither had expected an unfavorable answer when Adam had first sent in his application, the plans had already been tentatively put in place, leaving only a few details to be discussed. It made him slightly dizzy to think about how quickly it was all coming together-he would be leaving in one month's time, first by stage to St. Louis, then by train to Massachusetts where he was to stay with his grandfather for the duration of his education.
Adam had always known that he wanted to get a further education, but the uncertainness of life on the Ponderosa had often given him cause to think that his dream would never become a reality. This new and now-certain realization that the acceptance letter meant was almost too incredible to be true. If he was to be truthful to himself however, his insatiable appetite for learning was only one of the reasons that he was so eager to go away to school.
He was going to be staying with his grandfather, his mother's father, a man he had never met yet had always been curious about. His mother having died when he was born, the only things Adam knew about her were the memories that his father would occasionally share. His heart had always ached to know more about her, to really learn about that part of his family, and now he was being given just that opportunity. It was enough to break through his normally serious exterior, leaving him practically giddy with excitement.
Adam had exited his room and descended down the stairs, still smiling to himself as he continued to think about the letter sitting on his desk. He had just reached the bottom step when a slight whimpering noise suddenly caught his attention. Pausing for a moment to listen, he heard a slight shuffling sound coming from somewhere in the spacious living area. Curious as to the source of the sound, Adam's eyes darted around the big room, finally stopping at his father's large desk in the far corner. Hearing another whimper, he strode quickly across the large room, his hazel eyes darkening in concern as he saw the slight form curled up behind it.
'Joe! Little buddy, what is it? What's the matter?'
Adam dropped to his knees next to the child, leaning over the sobbing little boy. Joe was lying on the floor, his face buried in his arms as he tried to smother his cries. The little boy lifted his head and looked up with teary eyes at the sound of his older brother's voice, his face pinching tightly as if he was in pain when he realized who was talking to him. Adam held out his arms, anticipating Joe's usual need to cling tightly for comfort in times of distress, but instead of moving closer to his older brother, the six-year-old only pushed himself further under the desk and away from Adam's reach, his sobs growing louder by the minute. Adam was both confused and hurt by his little brother's reaction, and he took a second to steady his voice before attempting again.
'Little buddy…what's wrong? Why are you crying?' Adam attempted to crawl under the desk, trying to reach for his little brother, but he couldn't quite get his arms around the distraught child, his fingers just touching Joe's leg. He stared anxiously at the figure under the desk, his heart quickening as sudden concern washed over him. 'Are you hurt? Tell me, Joe, please. Just tell me what's wrong…'
Joe gulped back a sob, and moved a trembling hand in an unsuccessful attempt at brushing away the tears that streamed unhindered down his cheeks. The little boy's bright green eyes flashed with such sadness that Adam felt his heart twist, a feeling of dread beginning to overwhelm him as the little boy continued to refuse to answer. Burying his head in his arms again, the little boy finally managed to stutter out a response to his older brother's question.
'I h-heard P-pa talkin' to H-hoss,' the small voice cried brokenly. 'He…he said that y-you're gonna g-go away…you're gonna l-leave…' Unable to say anything else, Joe's sobs grew louder, his breath starting to hitch in his throat.
Adam felt his heart drop in his chest as he watched the little boy crying, his own eyes filling with tears. He'd known of his father's plan to tell his younger brother Hoss about his impending departure, but they hadn't decided yet on how to inform Joe, worried about how the little boy might react. It was apparent that Joe had overheard pieces of the conversation, and, just as they had both feared, the small child hadn't taken the news well. Feeling all of the excitement he'd had since getting the acceptance letter suddenly evaporating into thin air, Adam's eyes reflected the sorrow he could see showing so plainly in the small, shaking form hiding under the desk. Joe's next words tore at his older brother's heart.
'W-why, Adam?' Joe lifted pained eyes to stare at Adam sadly, the tears still running down his face. 'Why ya gotta go away? D-don't ya love us no m-more?'
'Oh, Joe…' Adam's voice was barely a whisper as he stretched open his arms in another attempt to reach the little boy. His own tears threatening to overflow, his eyes implored his little brother to come close enough so that he could reach him. After another tense moment, Joe's resolve to stay away finally failed, and the little boy submitted to his older brother's request.
Joe crawled out from under the desk into his brother's waiting arms, and Adam pulled him close, hugging him tightly to his chest. The little boy buried his face in his brother's shirt, his sobs increasing again as Adam's arms wrapped securely around him. Memories of similar instances of comforting his little brother in the same way flooded Adam's mind as he began to rock the child in an effort to calm him. The soothing motion gradually caused Joe's sobs to lessen, eventually the tears ending in sniffles and an occasional hiccup. Joe stared up at his brother with wide eyes, and Adam ran his hand over the tear-stained cheeks as he wiped the residual moisture off of the little boy's face.
'Please, Adam…don't … don't go away,' the small voice pleaded sadly, tears threatening to spill again.
Adam just stared at the little boy, taking note of the absolute devastation on Joe's face. Emotions welling inside of him, it took all of his self-control to not begin crying himself, and when he was finally able to speak, his words came out in a choked whisper.
'Oh, Joe…little buddy, it's not like that at all. I'd never stop loving you, or Hoss, or Pa.' He smiled faintly as he tried to keep his voice steady. 'You know what I've always told you about getting an education, right?' The little boy nodded, remembering all of the times Adam had told him going to school was important. 'Well, that's what I'm going to be doing, I'm going to school. Now, the school I'm going to go to, it's far away and I'll have to go away, but it's just for a little while. But then I'll be back, I promise.'
'But why ya got to go away to git an e'jicat'on?' The little boy's lip quivered as the tears shone in his green eyes. Joe pondered his own question for a moment, and his next words were whispered excitedly; the little boy obviously relieved that he'd just managed to come up with a solution to the problem at hand. 'Ya can come with me to school, ya don't hafta go. Miss Adams is real nice, she'd let ya come with me….please Adam, ya can come with me…can't ya? P-please…just don't go…' Joe finished his rambled idea and lifted hopeful yet pleading eyes to watch his older brother's anguished reaction.
Adam's emotions were whirling, and he sighed as he struggled to find the words to say. As much as he'd been excited to be actually going to college, he'd never thought about how hard it was going to be to leave his family behind. Four years was an incredibly long time, too long to try to explain to a little boy who had just thought he had solved the problem. He stared down at his little brother, sucking in a sharp breath as he watched the hope fade from the boy's brilliant green eyes. Joe sighed deeply as the tears began to trickle down his face again, Adam's silence speaking to the little boy louder than any words ever could. Adam wasn't sure if he could bear it.
'Oh, Joe…' he whispered, pushing Joe from his chest for a moment so that he could look straight into the little boy's eyes. 'I promise you, even though I'm going away for a while…I'm coming back. I would never, never leave you…you're my brother, and brothers stick together.'
Joe just whimpered in reply, and Adam pulled him back into a tight hug, resting his chin on the little boy's curly hair. 'But I have to go. It's just something I have to do.' He rushed to continue before his own tears choked him. 'I know it doesn't seem to make much sense, and it doesn't seem fair, but I'm hoping that you'll try to understand. I've never told you something that wasn't true, right?' He waited expectantly as Joe solemnly shook his head. No, Adam had never lied to him before. Adam smiled softly. 'I need you to believe me that I'm telling you the truth. I'll be back, I promise.'
'I…I believe you, Adam,' the little boy cried, burying his face again in his brother's shift, his voice muffled by the fabric. 'It's just, I'm…I'm gonna miss you a whole lot!'
'I'm going to miss you too, little buddy,' Adam whispered, eyes blurring with tears as he felt a slight relief course through his body at Joe's acceptance, albeit a reluctant one at that, of his impending departure. He hugged the little boy tighter, suddenly feeling the full weight of the realization of just how hard all of this was going to be to give up in the pursuit of his dream.
Adam rocked his little brother gently until he felt Joe fall limp against him, and he smiled softly as he watched the little boy sleeping in his arms. His fingers trailed gently down the sleep-flushed cheeks, tender in their touch as he wiped away the last remaining tear stains. As he sat watching the little boy sleep, Adam came to the sudden realization that he needed to speak to someone else. Awkwardly pulling himself up from the floor, he managed to stand, still holding the sleeping child cradled to his chest. Moving slowly across the room, he carried his brother into the kitchen, depositing the drowsy Joe on a chair that stood next to the woodstove. He then turned his eyes to a rather irritated looking Hop Sing, the man grumbling about the intrusion into his kitchen. Trying his best to appease the wiry man, Adam was finally excused, not without a disapproving look from Hop Sing. Before Adam had even left the kitchen, the man had already turned his attention to the youngest Cartwright, a cookie already finding it's way into the little boy's hand.
Adam smiled weakly at the thought of how his youngest brother had a way of wrapping all of them around his little finger, even as he appeared to be unaware of the influential power he possessed. A plan beginning to take shape in his mind, he hurried outside to the barn. He had another brother to talk to.
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He was just where Adam had figured he'd find him, Hoss standing in Chance's stall, brushing and combing the horse's long mane. Adam smiled again as he thought about the way his gentle younger brother reacted in times of distress. His coping mechanism never changing, Hoss's caring heart always found comfort in taking care of one of the horses or some wounded animal he was always finding and rescuing.
'Hiya, Adam,' the pale eyed boy spoke softly, as to not alarm the horse, and Adam smiled again at his brother's inherently gentle touch with the animal. He also wasn't surprised at how his younger brother had known it was him without even turning around.
'Hi, yourself,' Adam grinned as his brother turned around to face him for the first time. 'Can we talk for a minute?'
'Yeah, sure.'
Hoss smiled back at him, but Adam could clearly see that the smile didn't reach up to the teenager's pale eyes. Just turned thirteen, Hoss had a gentleness about him that contradicted his physical stature. Five years younger than Adam, he was almost as tall as his older brother and was quickly gaining on the difference. But for all that his size could be used to intimidate, Adam knew that his brother would never act on it. Hoss was one of the most kind-hearted, good-natured people he knew, and he was proud to call him his brother. Loyal to a fault, Adam knew that his brother would give him a straight answer to the question he was about to ask, even as he already knew how much his younger brother was hurting.
'Pa told you?' The question was asked softly, and Adam scrutinized his brother's response, flinching at the dark shadow of sadness that flashed through Hoss's eyes. Quickly recovering, Hoss looked up and met his brother's gaze, nodding slightly.
'Yeah, he told me ya got the letter from that school.' He smiled brightly, but Adam could hear the slight tremor in the boy's voice. 'Congratulations, Adam…I guess ya'll be gettin' that education you always wanted.'
'Hoss, I…'
'I'm happy fer ya, Adam,' Hoss said quickly, a slight flush crossing his features. His gaze dropped down to his feet and he kicked at a tuft of hay on the barn floor. 'It's jist, it's gonna be so different here…without ya…' his voice trailed off awkwardly. 'Joe's sure gonna be upset…'
'He already knows,' Adam said dejectedly, the words causing Hoss's head to snap up, his eyes shining brightly with instant concern.
'How? Did Pa tell 'im already? I thought he was gonna wait…'
'No, Pa didn't tell him,' Adam shook his head sadly. 'I don't know how he heard it, but he did.' Seeing the wide eyes staring at him, he hurried to continue. 'Hoss, it's not your fault…besides, he was going to find out anyway.' He stared intently at his younger brother. 'I came out here because I want to know something. How do you really feel about all of this?'
'Well, I…uh…' Hoss's brow furrowed as he tried to think of the words he wanted to say. He suddenly reached out and grabbed his older brother in a fierce hug, the gesture surprising Adam. His voice trembled as he spoke quickly. 'Augh, dang it, Adam! I'm happy fer ya, I know how long ya've wanted to go to that fancy college back East…read more of 'em books ya like so much…spend time learnin' about yer Ma…'
The astuteness of his younger brother's words surprised Adam; only he and his Pa had spoken of such things, but somehow, Hoss had not only picked up on his older brother's thoughts but was accepting and understanding of them as well. It only served to remind Adam of how close his family actually was, causing another wave of sadness to wash over him at the thought of leaving them all behind.
'You know that I'll miss you, too,' he whispered softly, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. 'I promise you, I'll write every week…and when I come back…' his voice caught in his throat. He changed the subject, giving his brother a faint smile. 'Will you take care of him for me?'
'What?' Hoss's eyes widened again as he looked at his brother with momentary confusion, relaxing again as he quickly realized what Adam meant. 'Ya meanin' Joe? Course I will, Adam. Ya don't have ta ask me that. He's as much my responsibility as he is yours.' His smile grew as he looked at his older brother fondly. 'I'll take good care of 'im, I promise.'
Adam blinked furiously to stop the mist forming in his eyes, nodding his head in approval. Taking a minute to compose himself, he cleared his throat gruffly and proceeded to share with his brother the plan that he'd begun to develop.
'Really, Adam? Ya mean it?' Hoss's eyes lit up with excitement as Adam smiled brightly and nodded his head. 'Just the three of us?'
'Just the three of us,' Adam confirmed, the excitement on his brother's face becoming contagious. 'So what do you think, you want to do this?' His voice was teasing, and he actually laughed at Hoss's eager head bobbing. 'I was thinking we could leave in a couple of days…if that suits you.'
'Suits me jist fine!' Hoss teased back. It was only when a sudden thought came to him that his excitement deflated slightly. 'But what's Pa gonna say?'
Adam looked at his brother knowingly. 'Don't worry about Pa,' he said softly, 'I'll talk to him. Besides,' his voice took on the teasing tone again, 'once Joe gets wind of this, there will be nothing Pa will be able to say, anyway. You know how Joe gets when he wants something, and you know Pa just can't ever refuse him.'
Hoss roared with laughter, nodding his head in agreement. 'Yeah, guess yer right 'bout that.' His face sobered slightly as he looked at his older brother. 'Thanks, Adam.'
Adam shook his head, the smile still on his face. The grateful smile on his younger brother's face said it all. If Hoss only knew the reality, Adam mused silently. It was he who needed to thank his younger brothers. He sprinted towards the house, the grin widening on his face as he thought about the adventure they were about to start on. He wasn't going to miss this for the world.
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So, what do you think? Should I continue?
