Understanding

In the aftermath of Alan's kidnapping (The Greatest Gift), he is surprised to find one person who truly can understand what he is going through.

Still don't own Thunderbirds... sigh. Disclaimers are annoyng.

Christmas, in many ways, had been wonderful on Tracy Island. While the family had been looking forward to this Christmas more than they had in years, Alan's abduction just a few days before the holiday had made the preciousness of family even clearer to them. Gifts had been exchanged, carols sung and Onaha's exquisite meal had been enjoyed by all.

It was now almost a week since – as Gordon had phrased it – "The Nightmare before Christmas". Alan was waking in the night, plagued by nightmares of his ordeal. Luckily, the Thunderbirds had been on "rescue light", with only a couple of simple rescues in the past week. Between Alan's cries in the night and their own nightmares from the kidnapping, the family was steadily losing sleep.

Katherine "Kate" Eppes was an FBI Agent, who happened to be at Tracy Towers in Jeff's office when a Tracy employee named Jackson Mitchell abducted Alan who had been finishing up his Christmas shopping with Jeff's secretary. While she had been there to arrest Jack Mitchell, it had been for industrial espionage, intellectual theft and treason, since the software Mitchell had tried to steal from Tracy Industries was considered vital to American Security. In the end, he also added charges of kidnapping, extortion, assault on a minor (Alan), aggravated assault (Scott) and attempted murder of a federal agent (Kate). Afterwards, Jeff Tracy had invited the attractive young agent to recover from her injury – a gunshot to the right leg – on Tracy Island.

It was more than gratitude for the life of two of his sons that moved Jeff to invite Kate to spend Christmas with the family. Kate and Scott had been attracted to each other from the moment they met in Tracy Towers, working together to save Alan from the man who was threatening to kill the teenager. Only seeing the fire that burned between the two had stopped Kate's own father, FBI Director Don Eppes, from taking his daughter back to her own family.

As a plus, the Tracys did not have to hide the fact that they were International Rescue from Kate. To their shock, Kate had figured it out on her own. She had tried to explain the logic to them, but it still amazed them that in a few short hours she had reasoned out a secret successfully hidden from most of the world. Kate had taken it all in stride, neither amazed nor confused. To her, it made perfect sense. The Tracys had the wealth, access to the technology needed and the motivation to form International Rescue. Why shouldn't they?

While Alan had been happy to simply be home, as the days passed, the nightmares had worsened. Something was bothering the teen, but he seemed to be unwilling or unable to say what it was. The Tracy family couldn't get him to talk to them and Alan began to withdraw further away.

Finally, Kate decided to take matters in her own hands. Still limping from the injury to her leg, she approached Alan, sitting morosely by the pool, while the rest of the family pretended not to watch from the breakfast table

"Hey." Alan did not even look up at Kate's greeting. Ignoring his sulky attitude, Kate awkwardly sat next to the boy, letting her toes trace the warm water.

"You know your family is pretty worried." Alan's only response was a lackluster shrug. "Alan they love you very much. They just want to help. You need to talk about what happened, how you are feeling. They will understand." Alan shook his head. Kate sighed and kept trying. "Then how about me? I am a neutral party, good listener, and as long as you aren't violating any state or federal statutes, fairly non-judgmental. I may surprise you at how well I understand what you are going through."

Alan leapt to his feet, startling his family, who was hard-pressed not to rush to his side. But Kate had made them promise not to come out unless she indicated they should.

"You could not possibly understand how I feel! You think being a Fed means you know what it is like to have someone repeatedly hold a gun on you, telling you how much they want to kill you because of who your father is? You think you know what it is like to be taken from somewhere you should be safe, physically assaulted, told over and over what awful things will happen to you when you have done nothing to deserve it? How could you ever get what I am feeling? I thought I was going to die! Or worse, he told me he knew of some men," Alan went pale at the memory, pausing at remembered fear. "Men who would pay him lots of money to use me…." Alan was unable to continue that thought.

After a few short but deep breathes, the youngest Tracy did resume his rant. "Mitchell kept that up the whole time he had me. And even when you and Scott came in, he had seen you first. He told me he would kill Scott in front of me and if I was lucky – LUCKY – he would kill me next. And for me to never forget that it was all my Dad's fault. That my Dad had failed to protect me, that my Dad's actions were responsible for everything."

"And he nearly did kill Scott didn't he?" Alan had begun to wind down. "He hurt us, and I can't stop hearing Mitchell's words, seeing his face." The teenager looked at the FBI Agent with contempt. "So you think you can understand that a fifteen year old kid is stuck in a hell that even the Thunderbirds can't get him out of?"

"I was nine."

Alan looked back at Kate, stunned. "W-w-what?"

"I was nine when a drug lord my father had sent away came after us, bent on revenge. His name was Antonio Valdez. Valdez had sworn at his sentencing he would get out, and when he did he would take all that was precious from my father before taking my father's life. Five years after he went to prison, Valdez escaped."

Kate still sat by the pool, making circles in the water with her left foot. Her body was there, but her mind had drifted into the past, locked in her childhood trauma.

"My parents and my brothers had gone over to my Uncle Charlie's house for dinner. We live two houses over and at least once a week we would go back and forth, both families together. I was sulking. Before Valdez escaped, my soccer team had qualified to play in a regional tournament. Afterwards, it had been decided it was too dangerous. Brilliant me, I decided if I couldn't be with my friends then I wanted to be by myself." Kate sighed, hard-pressed to continue, but knowing Alan needed to hear the tale.

"We each had an agent assigned to us when we left the house. But Dad was nervous about me staying by myself. He called in a few favors, and another agent agreed to come over and help my agent. I still remember my agent's name. Scott McMullikin. He was 29, married, with a two year old son. Agent McMullikin convinced Dad I would be fine until the other agent arrived."

"When my family arrived at Uncle Charlie's, Grandpa Alan demanded to know where I was. Dad explained, but Grandpa wasn't satisfied. He walked into the backyard, and stood there watching the house. Grandpa was the one who first noticed something was wrong at our house. He called to Dad, who rushed back over, calling his team as he went." Another deep sigh emerged, and Kate pressed on, her voice increasingly shaky with suppressed emotions.

"Dad was too late to save Agent McMullikin. He was killed when Valdez broke into the house to grab me. As Valdez was dragging me out of the house, he kept telling me how my father was responsible for anything that would happen to me. Valdez was debating if he should kill me and dump my body somewhere no one would ever find me, or if he should sell me to a child prostitution or kiddie porn ring." A shudder ran through Kate at the memory. She still couldn't bring herself to look at Alan. Kate knew she couldn't look up at Scott, not while this horrid feeling was drowning her.

Alan sat back down next to Kate, and waited with baited breath for Kate to continue.

"His team wasn't there yet. Dad came running up to yard where Valdez had me. Valdez had his arm wrapped around my throat and his gun up against the back of my head. He forced my Dad to drop his gun and get down on his knees. Then Valdez told my Dad what he had been telling me. That I would be dead – or worse than dead- and that it was all my father's fault."

Alan finally looked over at Kate and was shocked to see that she was silently crying as the memories overwhelmed her.

"He made my Dad cry. I didn't think Daddies cried."

Kate felt Alan's hand on hers, but she still couldn't look at him. "My Dad's team had shown up by then. Three shots fired, almost as one. Colby and David killed Valdez, but he had gotten off a shot as well." Kate moved her dark hair over slightly, showing a faded scar near her neck. "I spent three weeks in the hospital, a week of it in ICU. I had physical problems for almost a year afterwards. But the nightmares, God, they were awful. And the anger issues!" Kate finally looked over at Alan. "I wouldn't talk about it. Because I was afraid that Valdez was right. That it was my Dad's fault and he couldn't protect me from, well, anything or anyone. Valdez was dead, I had no one else to blame."

"But I do, don't I?" Alan mused. Suddenly the boy looked ill. "I didn't want to think of Dad as being responsible. I know he wasn't. But…." Alan's voice trailed off before resuming in a softer, more shaky voice. "I saw Dad's face after. He had been crying, hadn't he?"

Kate finally took Alan's hand firmly in hers. "Yes. But you need to see what I did. To lose a parent hurts but is the way of the world. A spouse? Your Dad can tell you that can tear out your heart. But to lose a child means the loss of your soul. And remember how much you remind your family, your father of your mother. Remember that he nearly lost you once already this year." At the look on Alan's face, Kate shrugged. "Scott told me all about the Hood."

With some difficulty, Kate stood up. Alan joined her, reluctantly releasing her hand. "You should tell your Father about this." Alan started out looking mulish, but then relaxed. Kate motioned to Jeff, who obviously had been waiting anxiously for her signal. As the Tracy patriarch joined his son by the pool, Kate smiled at the desperate father. "I think you and Alan need to go for a walk Mr. Tracy." Reaching over, Kate snagged Jeff's cell phone. "This will be waiting in your study. The two of you need time and privacy."

Kate smiled at the sight of the eldest and youngest members of the Tracy family slowly making their way towards the beach. Jeff held onto Alan, giving him not only his physical but emotional support.

"Why do I get the feeling I owe you more than I can ever repay once more?" Kate did not turn around. She knew the voice, knew he would be close behind his father, in case he was needed. Kate did not resist as Scott Tracy drew he into his arms, sighing as he moved his face into her hair, breathing in her scent.

"No thanks Scott. Like I told your Dad, saving Alan the first time was my job; no matter what you all tell me."

"And saving him now?"

Kate turned in Scott's arms, reveling in the strength of his embrace. "I didn't save him. I just showed him that someone could understand. And once he knew he wasn't alone, Alan could see that he never had been. He was treasured, he was loved, and he was part of a family. Now," she smiled up at the eldest Tracy son, "he will be willing to accept that understanding can come from anywhere, as long as there is love."

The End