Summary: They've all heard how 'mean' Zach could be. Claire learned from her sister Karen, Owen heard from Claire (or rather, was forced to, as Claire wanted to prove that she knew her nephews, even though she can't remember their ages). And so when Zach started being 'mean', no one thought it strange because they were all expecting it. They were all so focused on waiting for Zach to mess up that none of them realized what was really happening until it was nearly too late.

by seeking and blundering, we learn
Chapter One

It happened so suddenly.

Or rather, it happened gradually but no one noticed until it was almost too late.

Owen had no idea how the boys were normally like so he thought nothing of Zach's strange behavior. Claire, as well as Gray and Zach's parents were calm, happy even, at the chance of another start, and so he ignored his mental warning bells telling him that something was wrong. Gray, on the other hand, kept throwing worried glances at his brother but even he wasn't saying anything.

But then, none of them really knew what it was like to have a concussion. Owen, on the other hand, learned and experienced all the signs from his time in the Navy and yet, he too failed to make the connection.

It started when Zach wanted to leave the hangar, to go home.

Back then, Claire was still needed by the authorities for questioning. She wasn't in any kind of trouble but she was the head of operations and so they asked her to wait to help out. Though none of it was her fault, she willingly stayed, trying to help wherever or however she could. Owen stayed right beside her, for 'survival'. It wasn't like he had anywhere to be after all and there was still that nagging feeling that he could lose her if they separated. It was the beginning of PTSD, Owen knew that. He was seeing signs of it in Claire as well, as she too, refused to let him out of her sight. Right now, however, Owen wasn't thinking too much about it- there was no doubt in his mind that they'd be able to deal with it. Together.

So when Zach started arguing with his parents to go home, Owen couldn't help that little irritation from bubbling through. He'd heard from Claire that Zach could get mean at times, but this wasn't just being 'mean'. It was an insult to Claire because, hadn't she risked life and limb just to find them? Couldn't the boy wait for a few more hours for her in return? Owen would have voiced these thoughts out loud if Zach's parents weren't doing the same thing.

It became quickly obvious that this wasn't the first time something like this happened. Judging by the amount of frustration on their faces, Owen could tell that they were near breaking point with Zach.

Zach, on the other hand, didn't seem like anything was getting through to him at all. He kept the argument going, sometimes repeating himself, as if he couldn't remember what was said. The boy's gestures were sloppy, uncoordinated. And he would slur his words from time to time. All this should have rung warning bells in Owen's head, but it only served to irritate him and Zach's parents more. So the argument built in intensity until the father took Zach's arms and said enough, that they were going to walk it off, and that Zach should, "Try and act more like your brother, please? Sometimes, you're more trouble than you're worth."

Gray was silent as he watched his brother argue endlessly with their parents, the expression on his face worried and terrified at the same time. Claire was behind him, her arms wrapped tightly around the boy with Gray clutching at her just as tightly. When it was over, Gray watched his father march his brother away before turning to Claire and saying, "I've never seen Zach act like that before," with a question in his eyes as if he couldn't believe that Zach was acting like that.

The mother, Karen, turned towards them then and, with an expression that told Owen she'd done this a thousand times before, said, "I'm so sorry you had to see that. Zach's always been... a bit hard to handle. And Scott doesn't really help out-," she stopped, looking regretfully at Gray. She looked torn for a moment, then her face cleared and with a gentle smile asked Gray, "Are you all right, honey? I know you don't like seeing people argue so I'm sorry you had to see that. Hopefully, Zach will be more reasonable by the time he gets back."

He wasn't.

Zach was sullen when he came back. He sat away from their little group, staring listlessly at the crowd. When asked a question, he turned to the speaker slowly, and he answered slowly too. Sometimes, he'd snap his replies at them, getting irrationally irritable as time wore on. Owen could tell Zach's behavior was grating more and more on everyone's nerves, himself included.

And so when Gray tried to get Zach to go with him to get food, one his many attempts to lighten his brother's mood, and when Zach roughly pushed the boy away, angrily yelling at him to, "Get the hell off me!" Owen had enough of it.

In the stunned silence he stood up, forced a smile on his face and loudly declared, "Oookay Zach! You and I are getting some grub right now. Come on, come on! Up you go!" Owen said, pulling Zach to stand up.

And just in time too, because it looked like Karen was so close to losing it, the father, Scott, had a frown on his face that was getting deeper by the second, Claire herself was near lecture mode, and Gray… Owen couldn't bear the sight of that kid looking so betrayed like that.

Pulling Zach away from his family, Owen glanced back and offered them what he hoped was a reassuring smile. When they were out of earshot, Owen was ready to give the kid a piece of his mind, but before he could, Zach said, "Owen, I think something's wrong with me."

Owen couldn't stop the, "Yeah, no shit," from coming out. Or the, "One minute you're the greatest brother ever. Now you're starting to become the biggest jerk I know. And believe me I know a lot of jerks. So what gives?"

There was a flash of hurt in Zach's eyes when Owen turned to the boy, but it quickly vanished when he shook his head, as if forcing a bad thought away. He winced suddenly, like the movement caused him pain, but he bit his lip and said, "It's my head," Zach started, wincing again as they neared the entrance of the hangar, shielding his eyes from the light pouring through, "It was fine on the island, but when everything calmed down it just..."

"Come on, Zach," Owen urged, Gray's betrayed expression still fresh on his mind, "A headache, really? Everyone's probably got a headache because of how you've been acting but no one's become a jerk yet. You were awesome back at the island! I would have given you Best Elder Brother of the Year award! So what happened? Why do you keep on pushing us away? Pushing Gray away? Don't you care about your brother?"

Owen saw Zach gritting his teeth at that, a frown deeply etched across his face. Under his breath, he muttered, "Gray. It's always Gray. Why does it always come back to Gray?"

The boy wasn't looking at him when he said that, just again, staring listlessly at something far away. From time to time he would stumble, as if inebriated. And his eyes, from what Owen could see, were dull and lifeless. The boy looked so exhausted that he looked like he could fall asleep any moment.

Owen saw all of this, but the emotions he felt for these kids were blinding him. As much as he felt the need to be with Claire at all times, he too felt that he had to watch out for these kids. They kept each other alive back at the island. No matter how short it had been, a bond had already formed. He felt protective of them, as if they were his own, like they were part of his pack.

Owen couldn't bear the thought of seeing any of them hurt.

And right now, it was clear to him that Zach was hurting Gray. And because Claire must feel that same need to watch over her nephews; by extension, Zach was hurting Claire as well. So focused was he on Gray and Claire, Owen wasn't quite thinking as straight as he normally does. He heard jealousy in Zach's voice and nothing else, so when he took Zach's arms and turned him around so that they were facing each other, Owen didn't quite catch that flash of fear in Zach's eyes.

Overcome with emotion, Owen only tightened his grip on Zach's arms and, frowning hard, said, "Zach, would you listen to yourself? This is your brother we're talking about! We've just been through-," there were no words to describe what they've been through, only, "Hell. We've been through hell and what do you do? Gray looks up to you. Anyone with eyes can see how he's been leaning on you for support. Don't be insensitive, Zach. You're the elder brother. Taking care of Gray is supposed to be your job!"

Zach angrily pulled away, frowning just as hard at Owen. Rubbing his arms, he took a step closer to the elder man, and with so much anger and frustration, said, "What do you know about my family? About me and Gray? What gives you the right to tell me I'm not doing 'my job'? I never left Gray alone in that park! I did everything I could to keep him safe! I don't need you to tell me that it's my job! I already know that it is! My whole life I've been told that it is."

Breathing deeply as the anger left him, Zach glared once more at Owen before turning resolutely away. Jamming his hands inside the pocket of his jeans, he hunched in on himself, and softly said, "'s 'bout the only thing I'm good for most days."

Owen heard all of this but his distraction was preventing him from understanding what Zach just said. Because when Zach looked at him in the eyes, Owen was just as angry at first. But then something started to nag at him. Something wrong. Owen was about to get Zach to look at him once more when a man walked near them, carrying a tray filled with food.

Owen felt his stomach drop when Zach took one look at the food, recoiled, then began to heave. Zach quickly placed his hands over his mouth, eyes closed tightly as he tried to calm his stomach down. But before Owen could reach Zach, the boy was already dashing madly towards one of the trash bins randomly scattered around the hangar. Not caring one bit about what was in it, Zach knelt in front of one, knocked the lid off and started to retch in to it.

Owen was at Zach's side not even a beat later. Forgetting every frustration he felt towards the kid, Owen started to rub comfortingly at the boy's back, pulling some of Zach's hair back as they were beginning to stick to his forehead. As far as Owen could remember, Zach was the only who hadn't eaten. He'd been acting out at that time, so everyone else was content to ignore the boy.

Now, though.

Watching as Zach dry-heaved into the bin, constantly spitting out globs of saliva, Owen couldn't help but feel worried. If it wasn't because of the food...

A staff came near him and placed a bottle of water beside Owen, its cap already off. Owen nodded gratefully at the man, before turning quickly back to Zach who was now panting heavily from the ordeal, his head resting against his hands still clutching tightly at the rim of the trash bin. Wrapping one arm around Zach's still shaking shoulders, Owen gently took the bin away from Zach, placing it somewhere beside him. After getting Zach to rest back against him, Owen reached for the uncapped water bottle and while softly telling Zach to drink a bit of it, Owen carefully, slowly tipped the bottle back.

Zach had only taken a bit of water before he groaned and pushed weakly at Owen's hands. His eyes still screwed shut, Zach buried his face on Owen's shoulder, trying to find a bit of solace in darkness. Then he brought his hands to his head and began to rub at his temple, getting more and more aggressive as his frustration grew.

Owen, afraid that Zach will hurt himself, took one of Zach's wrist and gently lowered it down. With the arm wrapped around Zach's shoulders, Owen pulled the boy closer to him and as softly as he could, said, "Zach? Open your eyes for me, please? Look at me, Zach. Look at me."

Zach didn't move for a while and just when Owen thought the boy hadn't heard him, Zach slowly lifted his head against Owen's shoulder, turned to him and opened his eyes.

He really should have realized it sooner. Against the light, Zach's pupils weren't reacting like they were supposed to. Zach quickly closed his eyes afterwards, but that was enough for Owen.

Forcing the panic down, Owen said, "Zach, I want you to listen to me. We're going to carefully stand up, okay? We're going to the medical tents outside. It's going to be bright, but it's just a few steps away, I promise. If you start to feel nauseous, tell me. It's okay. We'll stop and let you get settled. I'm worried about that headache," readying himself to support the boy, Owen began to stand up but Zach pulled away, shaking his head once before groaning painfully.

Opening his eyes to glare at Owen, Zach took a moment to gather himself before standing up without help. He swayed as he got to his feet, but before Owen could help steady him, Zach stepped away, frowning balefully at the elder man.

Owen looked questioningly at Zach before gesturing towards where the medical tents were, "Come on, kid. Let's get you checked out."

Zach nearly shook his head but instead settled with a resolute, "No."

Owen raised his brows in surprise at that, and then taking a step forward, said, "Zach, I'm serious."

"Well I'm serious, too," Zach replied, frowning, "Leave me alone, Owen."

"Zach-,"

"I said," Zach interrupted, taking another step back from Owen, "Leave me alone! Just minutes ago you were telling me I'm a liar. Now you want me to get checked out because of my fictional headache! You don't even really care, right? You're just doing this because of Aunt Claire. And for some reason, Gray. But then everyone loves Gray anyway so I guess that's not surprising. So can you just go back to them already and leave me alone?"

"Zach, you don't understand-,"

"Oh, no. No, no, no," he said, scoffing, "I understand perfectly. You're doing this to get in Aunt Claire's good graces, right? Or her family? Well, newsflash! You don't have to. You saved Gray's life after all. And Gray," Zach continued, matter-of-factly, "Gray is important. So go back to him already. And Aunt Claire. I mean, 'anyone with eyes'", Zach parroted Owen, "anyone with eyes can see she can't take her eyes off of you. She could be looking for you right now. So don't waste your time on me anymore and go back to her already! I'm not important anyway."

It was at this point that Owen remembered what Zach was saying before. Frowning hard, Owen asked, "Why would you say that? That is not true."

Zach just shrugged, "Like I said. What do you know about my family?" He turned away from Owen then, and began to walk. Owen was behind him a second later.

"Stop following me! You just wanted me gone from there, right? 'Cause I've been giving everyone headaches? Now I'm gone, so there. No need to make up all that medical tent bullshit. I get it. Just find me when we can leave. Or not. Whatever. I don't care."

Matching his pace with Zach's, who was now briskly walking in an effort to get away, Owen said, "Zach, I know we got off on the wrong start but I swear to you, I just want to help. We really need to go to the tents. You've got a concu-,"

"Just stop it!" reaching one of the hangar's walls and with no where else to go, Zach whirled angrily facing Owen and asked, "What do you want from me? Fine! I'll go to the damn tents! Just go back, okay? If you're gone too long they'll probably blame it on me. Because I did something 'wrong' or 'mean'. Then Dad will be pissed. Mom will be pissed because of Dad. And Gray will get all depressed because he doesn't like to see them fight. In the end, it'll all be my fault! You want to help? Then go back already."

"Wha- Zach, I'm not leaving you!"

"Because you can't trust me?!"

"Because I care about you!" Owen exclaimed, looking at Zach straight in the eyes, "I care about you, Zach. Not just Claire. Not just Gray. You are important to me, too."

That admission made Zach pause. But he frowned a moment later and whispered, "Adults shouldn't lie."

"Well, I'm not lying. Not about this," taking a step closer to Zach, Owen reached out and squeezed one of Zach's arms, "So, please. Come with me to the medical tents? Everyone cares about you, Zach. Me. Claire. Gray. Your parents. None of us like to see you-,"

"Shut up!" Zach suddenly said, angry once again. He jerked away from Owen when he said that, trying to get Owen's hand off, but in his anger Zach used a bit too much strength. Owen was pushed backwards. Zach, whose balance was already compromised because of the concussion, crashed against the wall, his back hitting it rather painfully. With his breath knocked away from the impact, Zach slid bonelessly against the wall to the ground, panting heavily as he tried to get his breathing back.

Once again, Owen was immediately at Zach's side kneeling beside him, a hand wrapped around the side of Zach's neck, urgently telling the boy to, "Breathe, Zach. Just breathe. You're okay. I'm right here. You're gonna be okay."

Then before Owen could call for help, because watching the kid die wasn't something he wanted to do, Zach croaked, "That's a lie, you know. About Mom and Dad. And Aunt Claire."

"What is?"

"They don't care. Not about me. Just Gray. Gray is important. He's the one keeping this family together."

Owen knew that this was the concussion talking, and that whatever he said, Zach would probably forget, but still. With Zach slumped against the wall, his eyes lidded with pain, with hurt, Owen had to say, "That's not true. Zach, you know that's not true. Your Aunt was in hysterics trying to find you. You remember what she said in the jeep, right? She said that she was't going to take her eyes off of you. Both of you. Not just Gray. And your parents. You're right. What do I know about your family? But I was there when they saw you. Your mother was in tears when she hugged you. Your dad couldn't let you go for a whole minute! Zach, there's no way they don't care about you!"

"But it's true!" Zach immediately countered, "I keep hoping that it isn't, but it is. I was a mistake you know. Aunt Claire told me. Mom and Dad never wanted me. They weren't ready yet, weren't even married yet, and then suddenly there I was. They had no choice but to get married! If they hadn't, if they hadn't had me, maybe they'd both be happy. Not like this."

Owen shook his head, "Kid, that is not your fault. Never ever think that that's your fault. No child is a mistake. And I don't ever want to hear you say that again."

Laughing without mirth, Zach looked away from Owen then pulled his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and buried his head within his arms.

"They always have time when it comes to Gray. I used to think I had to be better than him to get their attention. Except, you know that Gray's a genius, right? So I've never even gotten close. It doesn't help that whenever I try it blows up in my face," tightening his arms around his knees, Zach continued, "I've never resented Gray for that. None of it is his fault. It's just, sometimes I get so frustrated I lash out. He's my brother and I love him but... When's it gonna be my turn, you know? When will I ever be good enough?"

Lifting his head from within his arms, Zach looked at Owen and Owen's heart broke. No one should look so tired. So Owen did the only thing he could do. Looking at Zach straight in the eyes, he promised,

"I can't say that I'll be there for you always because that's impossible. But I will promise you this: You will always be important to me. Not because you're Claire's nephew. Or because you're Gray's brother. But because I care about you. We've only known each other for less than a day, but the things we experienced on that island far surpasses anything else we can if we'd met anywhere else. I've seen you at your worst, Zach. And your best. You are more than just 'good enough'. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

Zach stared at Owen for a while, searching. Then he took a deep, shuddering breath, and as he let it out Owen was glad to see a bit of light back in his eyes.

Taking the chance, Owen said, "Will you let me go with you to the tents? You've got a concussion, kid. 's why your head's been hurting like a bitch. I just want to make sure it's nothing we can't handle."

Zach didn't answer immediately, but just when Owen thought he hadn't gotten through the boy after all, Zach said with a smirk, "You're not supposed to say that word."

Owen barked out a laugh at that, shaking his head at the memory it brought. Still chuckling lightly, Owen stood up and offered a hand to Zach.

Zach took one look at Owen's hand and sighed.

"Concussion, huh? I had one before, doing soccer. It didn't feel like this at all. This one really sucks."

"Which is why off to the tents we go!" Owen replied, smiling, "Maybe they can give you something so that it'll suck a little less."

"I think it's from when we jumped," he slurred, "From the waterfall. I twisted to make sure Gray followed. I must have landed badly or something. Not sure. I don' real rem'mber."

Owen's smile disappeared at that.

Falling at that height into water and getting out without injury was possible. But if they'd landed wrong...

Feeling the urgency, Owen bended so that he could take one of Zach's arms. Pulling the boy gently, Owen told Zach, "Let's get you checked out now, okay? Zach?"

Owen waited but Zach didn't respond.

Kneeling once again to look at Zach's face, Owen's eyes widened in alarm when he found Zach's eyes were closed. Not caring about the nausea Zach was feeling, Owen shook Zach and nearly yelled, "Zach? Zach! Come on, kid! Open your eyes! Zach!"

Zach didn't even stir.

Swallowing his panic down, Owen prayed to everything holy and yelled, "Help! Someone get a medic here! I need help!"