"Witless For the Prosecution"
An original Kim Possible fanfic by Mona and John "Herodotus" Wax
Disclaimer: All characters from the show are copyright Disney. While used without permission, they are used with respect. All non-KP characters are the creation of the authors.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." -- Sherlock Holmes
"I have graded your Geometry exams," announced Mrs. Canid to her class. It was ten minutes to the afternoon bell at Middleton High School. "I was pleasantly surprised at some of your scores, but disappointed at others." The teacher began to pass out the graded tests.
Kim Possible squeezed her palms together. Let me pass. I tried to find time to study, but was so busy with that English essay and the new set of cheers, AND preventing an evil psycho from melting the North Pole. A face down sheet of paper landed on her desk. Oh, why can't Geometry be as simple as algebra?
Bonnie Rockwaller waved her own paper. "I got a 100%!" She shot a glance in her main rival's direction.
Oy, Kim thought. She could practically read 'Top that' in Bonnie's expression. She flipped the paper over. A bright red 75 was written at the top. See me after class was also written in Mrs. Canid's loopy handwriting.
The bell rang.
Mrs. Canid clapped her hands. "The class has ended. Go in peace."
Kim waited until the room was empty, then trudged to her teacher's desk.
"I'll be honest with you. I'm a little concerned about your grades in my class," began the teacher. "Your average has dropped from an A- to a B-. I'm sure you know report cards go out in two weeks. If you get below a C on your report card, you can kiss the cheerleading squad good-bye."
"No!" gasped Kim. Without thinking, she blurted out, "Bonnie will never let me live it down!"
Mrs. Canid chuckled. "Oh, yes. I've known girls like Bon-Bon. In high school, this one gal -- Lucretia Miller -- stepped on my favorite white blouse with her muddy boot one morning. I had to go the rest of the day with a big black footprint on my front. My first name is Stephanie. I was known the rest of the year as 'Step on Me.' "
"Ouch. Major embarrassment."
"Anyway, a girl from one of my other classes volunteered to tutor you after school. Perhaps you know her. Does the name 'Lin Vincibel' ring a bell?"
"Not really."
"She wants you to meet her in the library after your cheerleading practice."
"All right."
"The Mad Dogs are first rate! We're the best in the state! Go, Mad Dogs! Go, Mad Dogs!"
Bonnie clapped her hands. "That's a wrap." The squad disassembled and dispersed. "So, Kim, what did you get on your test?"
"What test?"
"The one we got back today in Geometry?"
If I told her what I really got, she'll have it all over the school by Monday. Lying doesn't seem like such a good idea either.
The gym door opened. In stepped Kim's best friend, Ron Stoppable. Ron was staggering under the weight of a large beverage cooler. "Whoa!" The container crashed to the floor. The lid opened, spilling bright green liquid on the gym floor -- and a certain brunette cheerleader's uniform.
Bonnie shrieked. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to rinse that stuff out of your uniform?" She stormed off, wringing her skirt.
Kim sighed. "Thank you."
A naked molerat leaped from Ron's pants pocket and eagerly began to lap up the remaining fluid in the cooler.
"Rufus! Don't drink that! It's worse than Mountain Dew with sixty pixie sticks." Ron groaned. "I wonder if naked mole rats get hyper. So, Kim, what are we doing today?"
"I have to go to the library for tutoring. Know anyone named Lin Vincibel?"
"She's in my Geometry class. Always gets perfect scores on tests and always answers the board questions in class."
"Stoppable!" shrilled a deep voice. "I asked you to refill the power drink vat! Coach wants it ASAP!" Mr. Barkin entered and shot a look at the splattered liquid on the floor. "Never mind. I'll get it myself. You're dismissed."
Ron picked up his backpack. "Love to stay, but gotta jet. My mother's birthday is next week and I still have to buy a present. Come on, Rufus."
Kim turned and headed for the school library. She pulled open the glass door and scanned the area. The librarian was shelving books. Several students, none of whom she recognized, were reading or talking in hushed voices.
"Kim," came a whisper from one of the tables. Lin Vincibel was seated on one of two chairs. Half the table was covered in sharpened pencils, stacks of books on math, and pictures of Euclid and Pythagoras. She was slim, wearing a white blouse complete with pocket protector as well as thick glasses. "Welcome."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure. What?"
"Don't tell ANYONE you're doing this for me."
"My lips are sealed. One session will probably do the trick anyway. Your problem is that you understand the algebra, but get confused on the way it's incorporated into the shapes."
"Exactly. Homework takes forever since I have to keep looking back at my notes and then I totally freeze on tests."
"You'll just need a few memory tricks."
An hour later, Kim put down her pencil. "Thanks so much for this. My position on the cheerleading squad is safe, and my study time's been torn in half."
"Don't mention it."
"I mean it. Let's go eat dinner. Ever gone to Bueno Nacho?"
"I don't usually eat Mexican food. Too much monosodium glutamate, but I guess one little burrito won't hurt."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I know I shouldn't be gossiping, but how can you stand that Bonnie girl? Could she stand to get over herself a little."
"You hit the nail on the head." Kim laughed. "By the way, why are you even at this school?"
"A genius I am not." Lin popped a nacho in her mouth and swallowed. "I only know a little about a lot of things. Five years ago, I attempted to test out of middle and high school. It didn't work out."
"What happened?"
"The deal was this: any child who could win first place on a TV game show called Whiz Kid would be skipped ahead. I won second place after being ousted by a five year old who's since graduated from high school AND college. It was so embarrassing. If only I could remember his name."
"Short, pudgy, thick dark hair, lives on a diet of chips and fruit fizzies?"
"Yes. How did you know?"
Kim's jaw dropped. "Wade?"
"You know him?"
"Sort of. He runs my web site. Never seen him up close and personal though."
Lin checked her watch. "Eight o' clock! I have to go home and finish my homework."
"On a Friday night?"
"What else is there to do?"
"Never mind."
-------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, Dr. Possible shook her daughter awake. "Wakey, wakey, Kimmie-Wimmie."
"No, Mommy. I don't wanna look at brains for Take-Your-Daughter-To-Work Day."
"Kimmie, wake all the way up!"
"Huh?"
"Ron's here."
"This early?" Kim rolled over, landing on the floor with a crash.
"Hey, Jim! Look at this!" Tim, one of Kim's twin brothers, spewed milk through his ears.
"Awesome! Let me try!" Jim gulped down a glass of milk and snorted. The foamy white liquid flowed out of his nostrils.
"You have to snort while it's still in the esophagus so it'll go through the Eustachian tube," explained Tim.
"I never learned that one," commented Ron. "You're going to have to teach me."
"Gross," came Kim's voice from the hallway. The doorbell rang. "I'll get that." She opened the front door. A trio of police officers was standing on the doorstep. "May I help you?"
The tallest of the threesome, obviously their leader, held up a badge. "Officer Yurin Deeptrouble, Middleton Police Department. We need to ask you a few questions, Miss Possible."
"Come on in."
Officer Deeptrouble held up a photo of Ron. "Know this guy?"
"Yes. That's my friend, Ronald Stoppable. Why?"
"I'll be asking the questions. Do you know where he was last night from around 5:30 through 7:00?"
"No. I was with someone else at the time."
Ron came in. "What's with the cops?"
Officer Deeptrouble stepped forward, but one of his comrades held him back. "What is it, Marguerite?"
"Can't we at least wait until we've got more evidence?"
"Evidence of what?" asked Kim.
"Fine. Phobe, search his pocket."
"Roger." Phobe, the third officer, reached into Ron's cargo pants pocket and drew out Rufus. Both screamed.
Phobe leapt into Marguerite's arms, who threw him down. She glared at him. "It's just a little naked mole rat. I have one myself. Her name's Aphrodite."
Ron stroked his startled pet. "It's okay, Rufus. He's just a big doofus."
Officer Deeptrouble sighed. "I meant the other one. Never mind. I'll do it myself." He reached into the other pocket and pulled out his fist. "I trust this is enough for you, Marg."
"What evidence? What's going on here?" demanded Kim.
Deeptrouble opened his fist, revealing three sparkling diamonds.
Ron chuckled nervously. "How did those get in there?"
"We received a report of stolen diamonds. A blonde teenager and a hairless rodent were caught on the surveillance camera." He handed the gemstones to his female colleague. "Ronald Stoppable, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you." Officer Deeptrouble clamped a handcuff on Ron's wrist.
"But I didn't do it!" insisted Ron. "This is a case of mistaken identifiable!"
"You can't do this!" snapped Kim.
"Miss Possible, attempting to hinder justice is a federal offense. You of all people should know that."
"Shut up, Yurin," snapped Marguerite. She turned to Kim. "We're just going to take Ron downtown and ask a few questions. You can come with us if you'd like."
"No mug shots?" asked Ron.
"No mug shots. I promise. Besides, no one on our squad drinks coffee."
Officer Deeptrouble threw up his hands. "Fine." He turned toward the door. "Coming, Phobe?"
"I want to keep three feet between me and that vicious animal!"
Rufus stuck out his tongue.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ron sat down on a small metal chair. A bare light bulb hung above his head.
"At exactly 6:34 PM last night, the Clutchcoin family was robbed. Only one thing was stolen from their concrete safe: a necklace containing six colorless diamonds and three rubies. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, you'll talk," began Officer Deeptrouble. "It's your choice."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't steal those jewels," answered Ron.
"Hard way, then." Deeptrouble reached for the flashlight at his waist and coughed. "My throat's getting dry. Phobe, take over for me."
"Uh...okay. Has that beast had all his shots?"
"I meant about the burglary!"
Marguerite rolled her eyes. "Yurin, can't you admit maybe this kid's telling the truth?"
"Three words. Open and shut."
"Weren't you listening in police academy? There are very few open and shut cases."
"You've got to straighten out these crooks. Show them no mercy. That's how you earn respect."
"Respect?" Marguerite laughed. "Every teenager in Middleton hates you!" She turned back to Ron. "Where were you last night, then?"
"I was all over Middleton."
"Doing what?"
"Shopping for a birthday gift for my mother."
"That's so sweet," sighed Marguerite. "My brothers would never give my mother anything--"
Phobe leaned closer to her. "I give my mother a gift every birthday, Christmas, and Mother's Day." He attempted to catch his balance as his coworker shoved him away. "Whoa!" He grabbed a small table for support, but toppled anyway.
"Never mind, Phobe." Deeptrouble turned to Ron. "Due to the extremely low crime rate in Middleton, your trial is tomorrow. Marg, do you know who the prosecutor is?"
Marguerite sighed. "Another one of Miranda's supposedly reformed criminals. And you're gonna love this one."
"I find that a little hard to believe," commented Ron.
"So who is it?" asked Phobe.
"Don't know. Some mad scientist."
"Mad angry or mad crazy?"
"Probably both."
The color drained from Ron's face. "What did he look like?"
"He had black hair in a ponytail and a scar on his cheek. A real wacko if you ask me."
"Dr. Drakken?!"
"Yes. How'd you know?"
Kim arched an eyebrow. "Whose idiotic idea was it to let Dr. Drakken practice law?"
"That's what I keep telling Miranda, but does she listen? Noooo. She claims this one got a hundred on his bar exam."
Ron slumped in the metal chair. "I'm dead."
"So not the drama, Ron." Kim sighed. "Drakken doesn't even know your name."
Dr. Drakken crossed the hall to the interrogation room. "I'll peek first."
"You always peek first," whined his assistant, Shego.
"I flip you for it," offered Drakken.
"Fine," Shego stuck out her hand. Drakken grabbed it and flipped her over his head. The hapless assistant landed in a mop closet. When she stumbled out, her head was stuck in a bucket. With a snarl, she yanked it off and climbed on her boss' shoulders.
"Don't you two have somewhere else to be?" The voice behind them sounded firm and annoyed. "Like maybe reviewing the evidence for the trial tomorrow?"
Shego tumbled off Dr. Drakken's back and fell to the floor. Her boss tripped over her and landed with a crash on his substantial bottom.
Miranda Wright sighed. "Why do I even try?"
"KP, I have something to ask you."
"What, Ron?"
"Be my lawyer."
"What?!"
"You've foiled Drakken's plans plenty of times. Is this really any different?"
"Well, yeah, but I've never practiced law before! I've never attended law school--"
"Your web site says you can do anything. I'm sure practicing law without a license is covered. The point is, you're not an evil, bloodsucking lawyer."
"The point is, would they let me?"
"Why not?" asked Marguerite. "This is juvenile court, and she is a juvenile."
Officer Deeptrouble sighed. "Fine, fine, fine. If Miranda's 'reformed' criminal really did get 100% on his bar exam, he'll win the case and our defendant will be locked away."
"That seems a little unfair," commented Phobe as Rufus bared his rather large front teeth. "Eeep...maybe it is fair!"
"Good grief, Phobe. Not this rodent trepidation of yours," sighed Officer Deeptrouble.
"It's not a trepidation! When I was a little kid, I was chased out of my grandparents' house by a mouse the size of a stationwagon."
"Why didn't I think of that?" asked Drakken from behind the door.
"Beats the nano-tick idea," Shego hissed back.
Miranda groaned again.
Kim turned toward the door. "Excuse me. I have to make a call." She threw the heavy wooden door, open, hitting Dr. Drakken in the face and walked down the hall.
Shego peeled her boss from the door. "Are you all right?"
"Mommy, can we go ride the horsies again?" asked the rather dazed mad scientist.
"So, what's our new case, Bailiff?" asked Judge Bettina Strickley.
"You're not gonna like this..."
End of Chapter One
An original Kim Possible fanfic by Mona and John "Herodotus" Wax
Disclaimer: All characters from the show are copyright Disney. While used without permission, they are used with respect. All non-KP characters are the creation of the authors.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." -- Sherlock Holmes
"I have graded your Geometry exams," announced Mrs. Canid to her class. It was ten minutes to the afternoon bell at Middleton High School. "I was pleasantly surprised at some of your scores, but disappointed at others." The teacher began to pass out the graded tests.
Kim Possible squeezed her palms together. Let me pass. I tried to find time to study, but was so busy with that English essay and the new set of cheers, AND preventing an evil psycho from melting the North Pole. A face down sheet of paper landed on her desk. Oh, why can't Geometry be as simple as algebra?
Bonnie Rockwaller waved her own paper. "I got a 100%!" She shot a glance in her main rival's direction.
Oy, Kim thought. She could practically read 'Top that' in Bonnie's expression. She flipped the paper over. A bright red 75 was written at the top. See me after class was also written in Mrs. Canid's loopy handwriting.
The bell rang.
Mrs. Canid clapped her hands. "The class has ended. Go in peace."
Kim waited until the room was empty, then trudged to her teacher's desk.
"I'll be honest with you. I'm a little concerned about your grades in my class," began the teacher. "Your average has dropped from an A- to a B-. I'm sure you know report cards go out in two weeks. If you get below a C on your report card, you can kiss the cheerleading squad good-bye."
"No!" gasped Kim. Without thinking, she blurted out, "Bonnie will never let me live it down!"
Mrs. Canid chuckled. "Oh, yes. I've known girls like Bon-Bon. In high school, this one gal -- Lucretia Miller -- stepped on my favorite white blouse with her muddy boot one morning. I had to go the rest of the day with a big black footprint on my front. My first name is Stephanie. I was known the rest of the year as 'Step on Me.' "
"Ouch. Major embarrassment."
"Anyway, a girl from one of my other classes volunteered to tutor you after school. Perhaps you know her. Does the name 'Lin Vincibel' ring a bell?"
"Not really."
"She wants you to meet her in the library after your cheerleading practice."
"All right."
"The Mad Dogs are first rate! We're the best in the state! Go, Mad Dogs! Go, Mad Dogs!"
Bonnie clapped her hands. "That's a wrap." The squad disassembled and dispersed. "So, Kim, what did you get on your test?"
"What test?"
"The one we got back today in Geometry?"
If I told her what I really got, she'll have it all over the school by Monday. Lying doesn't seem like such a good idea either.
The gym door opened. In stepped Kim's best friend, Ron Stoppable. Ron was staggering under the weight of a large beverage cooler. "Whoa!" The container crashed to the floor. The lid opened, spilling bright green liquid on the gym floor -- and a certain brunette cheerleader's uniform.
Bonnie shrieked. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to rinse that stuff out of your uniform?" She stormed off, wringing her skirt.
Kim sighed. "Thank you."
A naked molerat leaped from Ron's pants pocket and eagerly began to lap up the remaining fluid in the cooler.
"Rufus! Don't drink that! It's worse than Mountain Dew with sixty pixie sticks." Ron groaned. "I wonder if naked mole rats get hyper. So, Kim, what are we doing today?"
"I have to go to the library for tutoring. Know anyone named Lin Vincibel?"
"She's in my Geometry class. Always gets perfect scores on tests and always answers the board questions in class."
"Stoppable!" shrilled a deep voice. "I asked you to refill the power drink vat! Coach wants it ASAP!" Mr. Barkin entered and shot a look at the splattered liquid on the floor. "Never mind. I'll get it myself. You're dismissed."
Ron picked up his backpack. "Love to stay, but gotta jet. My mother's birthday is next week and I still have to buy a present. Come on, Rufus."
Kim turned and headed for the school library. She pulled open the glass door and scanned the area. The librarian was shelving books. Several students, none of whom she recognized, were reading or talking in hushed voices.
"Kim," came a whisper from one of the tables. Lin Vincibel was seated on one of two chairs. Half the table was covered in sharpened pencils, stacks of books on math, and pictures of Euclid and Pythagoras. She was slim, wearing a white blouse complete with pocket protector as well as thick glasses. "Welcome."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure. What?"
"Don't tell ANYONE you're doing this for me."
"My lips are sealed. One session will probably do the trick anyway. Your problem is that you understand the algebra, but get confused on the way it's incorporated into the shapes."
"Exactly. Homework takes forever since I have to keep looking back at my notes and then I totally freeze on tests."
"You'll just need a few memory tricks."
An hour later, Kim put down her pencil. "Thanks so much for this. My position on the cheerleading squad is safe, and my study time's been torn in half."
"Don't mention it."
"I mean it. Let's go eat dinner. Ever gone to Bueno Nacho?"
"I don't usually eat Mexican food. Too much monosodium glutamate, but I guess one little burrito won't hurt."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I know I shouldn't be gossiping, but how can you stand that Bonnie girl? Could she stand to get over herself a little."
"You hit the nail on the head." Kim laughed. "By the way, why are you even at this school?"
"A genius I am not." Lin popped a nacho in her mouth and swallowed. "I only know a little about a lot of things. Five years ago, I attempted to test out of middle and high school. It didn't work out."
"What happened?"
"The deal was this: any child who could win first place on a TV game show called Whiz Kid would be skipped ahead. I won second place after being ousted by a five year old who's since graduated from high school AND college. It was so embarrassing. If only I could remember his name."
"Short, pudgy, thick dark hair, lives on a diet of chips and fruit fizzies?"
"Yes. How did you know?"
Kim's jaw dropped. "Wade?"
"You know him?"
"Sort of. He runs my web site. Never seen him up close and personal though."
Lin checked her watch. "Eight o' clock! I have to go home and finish my homework."
"On a Friday night?"
"What else is there to do?"
"Never mind."
-------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, Dr. Possible shook her daughter awake. "Wakey, wakey, Kimmie-Wimmie."
"No, Mommy. I don't wanna look at brains for Take-Your-Daughter-To-Work Day."
"Kimmie, wake all the way up!"
"Huh?"
"Ron's here."
"This early?" Kim rolled over, landing on the floor with a crash.
"Hey, Jim! Look at this!" Tim, one of Kim's twin brothers, spewed milk through his ears.
"Awesome! Let me try!" Jim gulped down a glass of milk and snorted. The foamy white liquid flowed out of his nostrils.
"You have to snort while it's still in the esophagus so it'll go through the Eustachian tube," explained Tim.
"I never learned that one," commented Ron. "You're going to have to teach me."
"Gross," came Kim's voice from the hallway. The doorbell rang. "I'll get that." She opened the front door. A trio of police officers was standing on the doorstep. "May I help you?"
The tallest of the threesome, obviously their leader, held up a badge. "Officer Yurin Deeptrouble, Middleton Police Department. We need to ask you a few questions, Miss Possible."
"Come on in."
Officer Deeptrouble held up a photo of Ron. "Know this guy?"
"Yes. That's my friend, Ronald Stoppable. Why?"
"I'll be asking the questions. Do you know where he was last night from around 5:30 through 7:00?"
"No. I was with someone else at the time."
Ron came in. "What's with the cops?"
Officer Deeptrouble stepped forward, but one of his comrades held him back. "What is it, Marguerite?"
"Can't we at least wait until we've got more evidence?"
"Evidence of what?" asked Kim.
"Fine. Phobe, search his pocket."
"Roger." Phobe, the third officer, reached into Ron's cargo pants pocket and drew out Rufus. Both screamed.
Phobe leapt into Marguerite's arms, who threw him down. She glared at him. "It's just a little naked mole rat. I have one myself. Her name's Aphrodite."
Ron stroked his startled pet. "It's okay, Rufus. He's just a big doofus."
Officer Deeptrouble sighed. "I meant the other one. Never mind. I'll do it myself." He reached into the other pocket and pulled out his fist. "I trust this is enough for you, Marg."
"What evidence? What's going on here?" demanded Kim.
Deeptrouble opened his fist, revealing three sparkling diamonds.
Ron chuckled nervously. "How did those get in there?"
"We received a report of stolen diamonds. A blonde teenager and a hairless rodent were caught on the surveillance camera." He handed the gemstones to his female colleague. "Ronald Stoppable, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you." Officer Deeptrouble clamped a handcuff on Ron's wrist.
"But I didn't do it!" insisted Ron. "This is a case of mistaken identifiable!"
"You can't do this!" snapped Kim.
"Miss Possible, attempting to hinder justice is a federal offense. You of all people should know that."
"Shut up, Yurin," snapped Marguerite. She turned to Kim. "We're just going to take Ron downtown and ask a few questions. You can come with us if you'd like."
"No mug shots?" asked Ron.
"No mug shots. I promise. Besides, no one on our squad drinks coffee."
Officer Deeptrouble threw up his hands. "Fine." He turned toward the door. "Coming, Phobe?"
"I want to keep three feet between me and that vicious animal!"
Rufus stuck out his tongue.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ron sat down on a small metal chair. A bare light bulb hung above his head.
"At exactly 6:34 PM last night, the Clutchcoin family was robbed. Only one thing was stolen from their concrete safe: a necklace containing six colorless diamonds and three rubies. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, you'll talk," began Officer Deeptrouble. "It's your choice."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't steal those jewels," answered Ron.
"Hard way, then." Deeptrouble reached for the flashlight at his waist and coughed. "My throat's getting dry. Phobe, take over for me."
"Uh...okay. Has that beast had all his shots?"
"I meant about the burglary!"
Marguerite rolled her eyes. "Yurin, can't you admit maybe this kid's telling the truth?"
"Three words. Open and shut."
"Weren't you listening in police academy? There are very few open and shut cases."
"You've got to straighten out these crooks. Show them no mercy. That's how you earn respect."
"Respect?" Marguerite laughed. "Every teenager in Middleton hates you!" She turned back to Ron. "Where were you last night, then?"
"I was all over Middleton."
"Doing what?"
"Shopping for a birthday gift for my mother."
"That's so sweet," sighed Marguerite. "My brothers would never give my mother anything--"
Phobe leaned closer to her. "I give my mother a gift every birthday, Christmas, and Mother's Day." He attempted to catch his balance as his coworker shoved him away. "Whoa!" He grabbed a small table for support, but toppled anyway.
"Never mind, Phobe." Deeptrouble turned to Ron. "Due to the extremely low crime rate in Middleton, your trial is tomorrow. Marg, do you know who the prosecutor is?"
Marguerite sighed. "Another one of Miranda's supposedly reformed criminals. And you're gonna love this one."
"I find that a little hard to believe," commented Ron.
"So who is it?" asked Phobe.
"Don't know. Some mad scientist."
"Mad angry or mad crazy?"
"Probably both."
The color drained from Ron's face. "What did he look like?"
"He had black hair in a ponytail and a scar on his cheek. A real wacko if you ask me."
"Dr. Drakken?!"
"Yes. How'd you know?"
Kim arched an eyebrow. "Whose idiotic idea was it to let Dr. Drakken practice law?"
"That's what I keep telling Miranda, but does she listen? Noooo. She claims this one got a hundred on his bar exam."
Ron slumped in the metal chair. "I'm dead."
"So not the drama, Ron." Kim sighed. "Drakken doesn't even know your name."
Dr. Drakken crossed the hall to the interrogation room. "I'll peek first."
"You always peek first," whined his assistant, Shego.
"I flip you for it," offered Drakken.
"Fine," Shego stuck out her hand. Drakken grabbed it and flipped her over his head. The hapless assistant landed in a mop closet. When she stumbled out, her head was stuck in a bucket. With a snarl, she yanked it off and climbed on her boss' shoulders.
"Don't you two have somewhere else to be?" The voice behind them sounded firm and annoyed. "Like maybe reviewing the evidence for the trial tomorrow?"
Shego tumbled off Dr. Drakken's back and fell to the floor. Her boss tripped over her and landed with a crash on his substantial bottom.
Miranda Wright sighed. "Why do I even try?"
"KP, I have something to ask you."
"What, Ron?"
"Be my lawyer."
"What?!"
"You've foiled Drakken's plans plenty of times. Is this really any different?"
"Well, yeah, but I've never practiced law before! I've never attended law school--"
"Your web site says you can do anything. I'm sure practicing law without a license is covered. The point is, you're not an evil, bloodsucking lawyer."
"The point is, would they let me?"
"Why not?" asked Marguerite. "This is juvenile court, and she is a juvenile."
Officer Deeptrouble sighed. "Fine, fine, fine. If Miranda's 'reformed' criminal really did get 100% on his bar exam, he'll win the case and our defendant will be locked away."
"That seems a little unfair," commented Phobe as Rufus bared his rather large front teeth. "Eeep...maybe it is fair!"
"Good grief, Phobe. Not this rodent trepidation of yours," sighed Officer Deeptrouble.
"It's not a trepidation! When I was a little kid, I was chased out of my grandparents' house by a mouse the size of a stationwagon."
"Why didn't I think of that?" asked Drakken from behind the door.
"Beats the nano-tick idea," Shego hissed back.
Miranda groaned again.
Kim turned toward the door. "Excuse me. I have to make a call." She threw the heavy wooden door, open, hitting Dr. Drakken in the face and walked down the hall.
Shego peeled her boss from the door. "Are you all right?"
"Mommy, can we go ride the horsies again?" asked the rather dazed mad scientist.
"So, what's our new case, Bailiff?" asked Judge Bettina Strickley.
"You're not gonna like this..."
End of Chapter One