[The turtles are bored in the sewer lair. Splinter is sleeping. Oh the possibilities.]
Mikey: I'm so boredededed.
Leo: Dude, how many 'ed's were in the word.
Mikey: Uhhhh..... [thinks really hard]
Dona: Four, you nimrod.
Mikey: Thank you.
Dona: Anytime.
Leo: Raphael isn't talking. I think he's sick.
Mikey: I figure he's more ill than sick.
Dona: What's the difference?
Mikey: Well, sick is when you're nauseous. When you're ill, you don't act like yourself.
Raph: You guys can shut up now. And, so you know, I was thinking of the ways I should kill you all.
[awkward silence]
Leo: Anyway.
Mikey: I think we should talk about cheese.
[at the same time]
Leo: Why cheese?
Dona: My feet smell like cheese.
Raphael: You're such a retard!!!
Mikey: Too...... many..... voices..... mind...... too...... small
Raphael: Are you feeling pain?
Mikey: Very much so.
Raphy: We should do this more often.
Leo: You're so mean.
Mikey: [singing] Why you gotta be so mean to me.
Raphy: I can't help it. I was born this way.
Mikey: [still singing] Why you gotta drag me down just to make me see.
Leo: You could go to therapy for that.
Mikey: [still still singing] You know I don't listen good and I'm always in need.
Raphy: Will you just shut up already!?!?
Mikey: [whispering] Why you gotta be so mean to me.
Dona: My feet STILL smell like cheese!
Leo: Well, quit stepping on the pizza then.
Dona: But it feels all soft and squishy.
Raphy: I am surrounded by morons.
Mikey: I prefer the phrase 'retards', thank you very mucho Mr. Roboto.
Raphy. Oh, shut up. Who cares?
Dona: I care.
Raphy: And who cares about you?
Leo: I DO!!!!!
Raphy: Just leave me alone already.
Mikey: You brought yourself into this family, you can't get out.
Leo: Uh, I don't think that's right, man.
Mikey: Oh well, I tried.
Dona: [stepping on pizza] Ahhhh....
Leo: I thought I told you to stop?!?
Dona: I didn't listen.
Leo: Well, maybe you should.
Dona: I'll make a note of that.
Mikey: [wanders to Splinter's door] [to himself] I wonder if he'll mind if I wake him up. [starts to open the door.]
Raphy: [catches him] Hey, idiot!!!
[Mikey looks over]
Raphy: Don't wake him up.
Mikey: But, it seems fun.
Raphy: He gets crabby when he is disturbed from his slumber.
Mikey: And.....?
Raphy: And he'll go kung fu on your ass.
Mikey: But that's your job!!!
Raphy: He'll steal it from me.
Mikey: But, that's not nice.
Raphy: So don't make him get up.
Mikey: But......
Raphy: NO 'BUT'S!!!
Mikey: [laughs] You just said 'butt'.
Dona: I have a butt!!!!!
Raphy: I'm about to kick your butt if you don't be quiet.
Leo: I think that would hurt.
Dona: Just slightly.
Raphy: The whole point is so that it hurts.
Dona: Oh.
[They are quiet for awhile. Leo gets some pizza. Mikey lays down for his nap. Raphy looks at a magazine. Dona is sniffing his feet.]
Raphy: Dude, stop.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: It's gross.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: 'Cause your feet stink.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: 'Cause you were walking on pizza!!
Dona: Why?
Raphy: I don't know. That's how your ADHD mind works.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: Shut the fuck up.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: I don't know. Why?
Dona: Because I'm dumb?
Raphy: EXACTLY!!
Dona: Oh, I get it...... [pauses] now. [another pause] What?
[Leo comes back from the kitchen]
Dona: Hey Leo.
Leo: What?
Dona: Wanna know my favorite word?
Leo: Sure.
Dona: Why.
Leo: Is that a question or an answer.
Dona: Uhhhhh...... [pause] D. all of the above.
Leo: WHAT?!?! THERE WAS NO 'D'!! ONLY 'Z' AND '5'!!!
Dona: F2. I sunk your battleship!!!! Yay!!!!!
Leo: If you don't shut up, I'm gonna kill you with a can of soup.
Dona: [amazed] We own soup?!?!? Astounding.
Raphy: Wow, he knows a big word.
Mikey: [wakes up and yawns]
Leo: Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty.
Mikey: [girly] You think I'm pretty?
Leo: Uhhh....no.
Dona: Crush his dreams, why don't you?
Raphy: You mean I didn't before. I am slacking today.
Mikey: I wanna go back to sleep.
Dona: Sleep away.
Mikey: ok
[a few moments pass]
Mikey: [snoring]
Raphy: He gives me a headache.
Leo: Like the way your face is nauseating?
Raphy: How bout no.
Dona: Was that a question or a statement?
Raphy: Both.
Leo: How could it be both?
Raphy: Because I said it is.
Dona: You just broke the rule.
Raphy: How did I break the rule?
Leo: It has to be all of the above.
Raphy: No it doesn't
Dona: Yes it does.
Raphy: No it doesn't
Leo: Yes it does.
Raphy: FINE! ALL OF THE ABOVE!
Mikey: Did you have to yell in my fragile ear?
Raphy: YES!!!!!
Mikey: [pause] ok [goes back to sleep]
Leo: I think he was sleep talking again.
Dona: What's new?
Raphy: I think I need to go to sleep.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: 'Cause yelling at you guys makes me tired.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: DON'T START THAT WITH ME AGAIN!!!
Dona: [pause] Why?
[Raphael slaps Donatello]
Leo: You are so evil!
Mikey: You have permission to use my theme song, Don.
Dona: [singing] Why you gotta be so mean to me.
Raphy: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! [goes into his room and slams the door]
[pause]
Mikey: I'm awake now.
Leo: [sarcastically] Wow. I never realized that.
Dona: You must be stupid. Even I knew that.
Leo: I knew he was. I was just being sarcastic.
Mikey: You sounded serious to me.
Leo: Sorry to break it to ya, but I was joking.
Dona: Ohhhh, joking.
Mikey: There's a difference between sarcasticism and jokingism.
Leo: Do you even know what you're talking about, Mike?
Mikey: [pause] Maybe.
Dona: Maybe yes or maybe no?
Mikey: [another pause] Why do you want to know?
Dona: It's a simple question, Mike.
Leo: Nothing's simple to Mikey.
[pause]
Mikey: Hey!!!!
[Leonardo and Donatello laugh]
Mikey: Now that's not nice.
Mikey: I'm so boredededed.
Leo: Dude, how many 'ed's were in the word.
Mikey: Uhhhh..... [thinks really hard]
Dona: Four, you nimrod.
Mikey: Thank you.
Dona: Anytime.
Leo: Raphael isn't talking. I think he's sick.
Mikey: I figure he's more ill than sick.
Dona: What's the difference?
Mikey: Well, sick is when you're nauseous. When you're ill, you don't act like yourself.
Raph: You guys can shut up now. And, so you know, I was thinking of the ways I should kill you all.
[awkward silence]
Leo: Anyway.
Mikey: I think we should talk about cheese.
[at the same time]
Leo: Why cheese?
Dona: My feet smell like cheese.
Raphael: You're such a retard!!!
Mikey: Too...... many..... voices..... mind...... too...... small
Raphael: Are you feeling pain?
Mikey: Very much so.
Raphy: We should do this more often.
Leo: You're so mean.
Mikey: [singing] Why you gotta be so mean to me.
Raphy: I can't help it. I was born this way.
Mikey: [still singing] Why you gotta drag me down just to make me see.
Leo: You could go to therapy for that.
Mikey: [still still singing] You know I don't listen good and I'm always in need.
Raphy: Will you just shut up already!?!?
Mikey: [whispering] Why you gotta be so mean to me.
Dona: My feet STILL smell like cheese!
Leo: Well, quit stepping on the pizza then.
Dona: But it feels all soft and squishy.
Raphy: I am surrounded by morons.
Mikey: I prefer the phrase 'retards', thank you very mucho Mr. Roboto.
Raphy. Oh, shut up. Who cares?
Dona: I care.
Raphy: And who cares about you?
Leo: I DO!!!!!
Raphy: Just leave me alone already.
Mikey: You brought yourself into this family, you can't get out.
Leo: Uh, I don't think that's right, man.
Mikey: Oh well, I tried.
Dona: [stepping on pizza] Ahhhh....
Leo: I thought I told you to stop?!?
Dona: I didn't listen.
Leo: Well, maybe you should.
Dona: I'll make a note of that.
Mikey: [wanders to Splinter's door] [to himself] I wonder if he'll mind if I wake him up. [starts to open the door.]
Raphy: [catches him] Hey, idiot!!!
[Mikey looks over]
Raphy: Don't wake him up.
Mikey: But, it seems fun.
Raphy: He gets crabby when he is disturbed from his slumber.
Mikey: And.....?
Raphy: And he'll go kung fu on your ass.
Mikey: But that's your job!!!
Raphy: He'll steal it from me.
Mikey: But, that's not nice.
Raphy: So don't make him get up.
Mikey: But......
Raphy: NO 'BUT'S!!!
Mikey: [laughs] You just said 'butt'.
Dona: I have a butt!!!!!
Raphy: I'm about to kick your butt if you don't be quiet.
Leo: I think that would hurt.
Dona: Just slightly.
Raphy: The whole point is so that it hurts.
Dona: Oh.
[They are quiet for awhile. Leo gets some pizza. Mikey lays down for his nap. Raphy looks at a magazine. Dona is sniffing his feet.]
Raphy: Dude, stop.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: It's gross.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: 'Cause your feet stink.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: 'Cause you were walking on pizza!!
Dona: Why?
Raphy: I don't know. That's how your ADHD mind works.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: Shut the fuck up.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: I don't know. Why?
Dona: Because I'm dumb?
Raphy: EXACTLY!!
Dona: Oh, I get it...... [pauses] now. [another pause] What?
[Leo comes back from the kitchen]
Dona: Hey Leo.
Leo: What?
Dona: Wanna know my favorite word?
Leo: Sure.
Dona: Why.
Leo: Is that a question or an answer.
Dona: Uhhhhh...... [pause] D. all of the above.
Leo: WHAT?!?! THERE WAS NO 'D'!! ONLY 'Z' AND '5'!!!
Dona: F2. I sunk your battleship!!!! Yay!!!!!
Leo: If you don't shut up, I'm gonna kill you with a can of soup.
Dona: [amazed] We own soup?!?!? Astounding.
Raphy: Wow, he knows a big word.
Mikey: [wakes up and yawns]
Leo: Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty.
Mikey: [girly] You think I'm pretty?
Leo: Uhhh....no.
Dona: Crush his dreams, why don't you?
Raphy: You mean I didn't before. I am slacking today.
Mikey: I wanna go back to sleep.
Dona: Sleep away.
Mikey: ok
[a few moments pass]
Mikey: [snoring]
Raphy: He gives me a headache.
Leo: Like the way your face is nauseating?
Raphy: How bout no.
Dona: Was that a question or a statement?
Raphy: Both.
Leo: How could it be both?
Raphy: Because I said it is.
Dona: You just broke the rule.
Raphy: How did I break the rule?
Leo: It has to be all of the above.
Raphy: No it doesn't
Dona: Yes it does.
Raphy: No it doesn't
Leo: Yes it does.
Raphy: FINE! ALL OF THE ABOVE!
Mikey: Did you have to yell in my fragile ear?
Raphy: YES!!!!!
Mikey: [pause] ok [goes back to sleep]
Leo: I think he was sleep talking again.
Dona: What's new?
Raphy: I think I need to go to sleep.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: 'Cause yelling at you guys makes me tired.
Dona: Why?
Raphy: DON'T START THAT WITH ME AGAIN!!!
Dona: [pause] Why?
[Raphael slaps Donatello]
Leo: You are so evil!
Mikey: You have permission to use my theme song, Don.
Dona: [singing] Why you gotta be so mean to me.
Raphy: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! [goes into his room and slams the door]
[pause]
Mikey: I'm awake now.
Leo: [sarcastically] Wow. I never realized that.
Dona: You must be stupid. Even I knew that.
Leo: I knew he was. I was just being sarcastic.
Mikey: You sounded serious to me.
Leo: Sorry to break it to ya, but I was joking.
Dona: Ohhhh, joking.
Mikey: There's a difference between sarcasticism and jokingism.
Leo: Do you even know what you're talking about, Mike?
Mikey: [pause] Maybe.
Dona: Maybe yes or maybe no?
Mikey: [another pause] Why do you want to know?
Dona: It's a simple question, Mike.
Leo: Nothing's simple to Mikey.
[pause]
Mikey: Hey!!!!
[Leonardo and Donatello laugh]
Mikey: Now that's not nice.