Title: Feelings
Warnings: Slash, Mentions of sex
Disclaimer: Character are property of the wonderful Tessa Stone who gave us Hinabn
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Love was never difficult for Finas. The pure emotion without any circumstances who could lead to problems, was always easy. Feelings weren't that important, they were there or they weren't. He never understood people who spend their time thinking about their inner-life. He acknowledged that he felt, he sometimes explained what he felt, but that was is. The main reason for his inner peace was the fact that everything troubling him came from the outside. Nothing could confuse him. Love was no exception.
He remember the love he felt for his parents. The blind, puppy-like adoration he felt for his mother. The muffled and heavy respect whenever he saw his father. It were two, vague different, kinds of love, but the effect was the same. When he was fifteen he noticed another kind of love.
Floating and touching, It was a nice feeling. He asked the girl if she'd liked to go out with him. She said yes and the following feelings were a stream of cold water on a hot summer day. A soft and relaxing sound he connected with happiness. With time the feeling of flying intensified. And it mixed with the wish for touching. Lust. He first was a bit confused. This feeling was connected with the love he felt, but it wasn't the same. It was more intense. It was lightning and thunder. It was mighty. He wanted more from the girl than fond glances, holding hands and butterfly kisses. He wanted to touch, to explore and conquer,to feel. And the girl seemed to want the same. One night the streaming water was replaced with a thundering waterfall. And he truly flied.
After that he was able to differ lust and love. They still were connected in some ways but lust could exist without love and love without lust. Also if the last weren't very appealing.
He loved. He sometimes admit it. It really wasn't that complicated. Then Casimiro came.
A feeling like boiling water. The sound of a piercing whistle. Casimiro was a battering ram, bashing himself again the wall made out of feelings, who steady Finas. It made him angry. Very angry.
''Not bad.'' He is laughing. His lower lip is bleeding slightly. ''Casimiro.'' He stretches his hand. Finas don't take it. ''Not the social type. Well, let's make a deal, big guy. It's a bit difficult to get out of the city. Let's work together.'' He don't answer. ''Oh, come on. Just 'till the city borders. You really think you can make it alone?'' Finas hesitates. This is worth being considered. '' 'Till the the city borders.'' he growls. Casimiro grins. ''No problem. Don't think I'd do that if there wouldn't be any other way.'' He laughs again and Finas clenchs his fist at this laugh that feels like weak electric shocks.
The anger stayed, just like Casimiro.
He wasn't even sure why. He could remember Casimiro babbling all the way. He could remember fighting side by side with Casimiro. He could remember Casimiro pointing out that they were a hell of a team. He could remember agreeing.
He couldn't remember the reason why Casimiro stayed. Maybe he said something about going together to the next city. Maybe he said, only 'till the next city. Maybe he just kept repeating it after they reached the city. He stopped saying it at some point. Finas couldn't remember when exactly. He was only sure that Casimiro was laughing.
That laugh still made him crazy. Everything about Casimiro was skin-deep. His feelings, his goals, his way of living. But his laugh got him bad. It was digging deep into him. He admit that he liked it.
But there was still anger. Sometimes a spinning swirl of pure rage. But they have become friends at one point. A difficult kind of friendship.
Then the glances started.
Casimiro is starring at him. Maybe he think he doesn't notice. Finas tries to concentrate on his book. The starring doesn't stop. ''Casimiro.'' A warning snarl. ''What?'' he is laughing again. But the starring stops immediately. He lets the matter rest.
But it didn't stopped. It was faltering. Sometimes it was so intense, it was burning his back. Sometimes it was softer. A striking with glances. He found a rhythm. Was Casimiro hungry, his view got nervous. It was a bit swimming and he didn't seem able to concentrate.
When Casimiro had fed, they became longer. Sometimes so long, Finas was sure this was the moment it would be happening. He didn't know what it was exactly. And he didn't know what he would do.
It made him even more angry. Casimiro confused him.
''Ever wonder what would be if we weren't vampires?'' Casimiro suddenly asks. Finas looks at him, slightly surprised. ''We would be dead right now.'' he says. ''Sure, sure. But... don't you wonder what it would be before you died?'' Casimiro supports his chin on his hand. ''I would have lived with my wife. Then we would have died.'' ''You were married?'' Casmirio manages to mix unbelief and amusement in voice. ''Hell, what kind of woman would marry you?'' he laughs. And Finas beats him. Casimiro looks surprised. His hand darted to his lip, carted over the bruise. Then he laughs. ''Just joking big boy.'' He looks at him a glinting in his eyes. ''Just joking.'' And he laughs.
He didn't know what to think about that. He maybe was trying to say something. But he didn't know what. He thought Casimioro wasn't complicated. It seems like he deluded himself with that. And after the glances the touching started.
He flinches slightly. He can feel Casimiro's hands wandering over his back. They stop at some point. ''What are you doing?'' ''You seem so tensed. Just trying to help you relax a bit.'' Casimiro whisperes. His breath feels hot on Finas neck. He shivers a bit. Casimiros hands are now resting on his blade-bone. He is adding extra weight, and moves his hand in a circular motion. Finas feels his body relaxing, easing into the comfort and the relief Casimiro is offering. His hand are warm. ''Good?'' He nods briefly. Casimiro snorts, a amused sound. Then his hands are wandering a bit deeper. ''It's enough now.'' He shoves him roughly away and slips away.
The bad thing was, that this didn't stopped him. He didn't tried something like that anymore, but he still touched him. When they stood near, their knees would brush. Sometimes his hand jerked and slightly streaked over his. Sometimes he wished he'd just stop. His feelings were getting complicated. He wasn't sure what to feel. He wasn't sure what was the right to feel. Maybe it was a shower of lust. Maybe it was friendship who got to deep, who bored a hole and invaded his inner-life just like that distracting, tingling laugh. He felt bad about his feelings for the first time in his life. Angry, guilty, sad, confused. And he didn't know why.
Then Casimiro kissed him.
It's a brush on his lips. It feels soft. It's a summer breeze. Still he could feel the force in Casimiro. He feels the trailer of a hurricane. Casimiro breaks the kiss. ''So big guy. Not gonna beat me?'' His eyes are concentrated, his body is tense, ready to run, should he made a move. Finas shakes his head. ''Not sure.'' he says. Casimiro's eyes couches. ''Going to kiss me back, then?'' he whispers.
''Don't know.'' For a moment they stare at each other. Casimiros eyes are breaking. Too much emotions. Sadness trying to drown anger, mixed with curiosity. ''Why not?'' his voice is harsh and rough. ''I'm a bit... confused.'' The words are hanging between them. And then Casimiro laughs. ''Hell. I knew you weren't very social. But that's bad, even for you.'' He laughs again. That buzzing, drumming sound, that manages to make shivers running down Finas spine. ''Give me some time.'' he says. ''Sure. We have time. We won't die. We have all the time of the world.'' He put his arms around Finas shoulders, grinning and laughing at him at the same time. And Finas feels angry. And smiles slighty, too.