The Essence of Love

AN: The idea slapped me in the face a few weeks ago, and it just wouldn't leave me alone. This is my first Naruto story, so I'm not sure if it's any good or not. I do not own Naruto, If I did Shikamaru would be the main character, because I LOVE him!! (This isn't really related but will someone PLEASE check out my blog www. Maxalone. Blogspot. Com Just take off the unnecessary spaces...

Chapter One: Good Enough

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

It's been a long three years since Sasuke left us. It's also been three weeks since his return. I sit in my living room, looking through old photos of myself and my former childhood team. A very nostalgic feeling creeps it's way into my battered heart. If only I could go back to those days.

There's so much I could change, so much I could make better. I was nothing more than a shallow girl, with innocent eyes. Yet, somehow over the years my eyes have changed. Guilt and shame have replaced the emptiness that used to make me hunger for attention.

Looking back at his behavior towards me, I should have known his love wasn't real. Even a blind man could see how deeply I aggravated him, but my heart needed this lie; the lie that he loved me as well. My eyes longed to see him, my hands burned to touch him.

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you

I changed myself, if only for his approval. I lost the convictions needed to be strong, to be a leader and a friend. I turned down those who really cared for me, people so happy now. I allowed myself to stay weak, for all my lingering eyes wanted was to watch him as he trained. Which is why it took his departure to get me to move forward.

I grew my hair for him, when I preferred it short. I ended up cutting my hair for him, actually. Though, in that moment it wasn't just about Sasuke. It was about Naruto, a friend dear to me, even then. I tried to hide my faults from him. He always found a way to chip at my heart.

I was never strong enough, good enough for the Uchiha too see me. I was never brave enough or smart enough for him. Yet, as a child I felt deserving of him. I felt as if he needed me as much as I needed him. I felt equal to him in a way, if not slightly better than his brooding self.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

He owns every thought that passed through my trembling mind, and every dream both good and bad. I confided in Naruto not long after his arrival about how unnerved I was at the infamous Uchiha's return to the village he abandoned. Naruto informed me that Sasuke was a changed man, and he needed forgiveness.

After seeing him again, I gave him my forgiveness. Stupidly enough, I gave him my heart as well. He looked at me differently, or so it seems. Hopes eye seems to deceive me a lot more recently. It's tricked me into thinking he's actually better now. Even though he seems to have changed for the better I'm still uncertain.

Even after all of this time I still cling to the possibility of him coming to my window and declaring his undying love to me. It's childish, this I am aware of. I have more of a chance at becoming Hokage than I have of ever winning the heart of Uchiha Sasuke.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

I'm still sitting on my living room floor, looking over old pictures. Scanning some of the old reports from missions back when leaving the village was scarier than facing a dragon. It's funny how time changes you. How even the simplest memories can make your saddest day brighter.

I fight back familiar tears, not of sadness, but of the longing and joy I possessed in my youth. I look at pictures of smiling faces, before and after everything started getting complicated. I saw pictures of myself from when I was twelve to when I was fourteen, and now today. I still smile the same, full of hope and spirit.

I feel like I haven't smile in years, or laughed in forever. I haven't been able to rest my head until now. I enjoy this. It's peaceful. A subtle reminder of how everything changes, how everything had been. I could feel the smile twitching at the edges of my lips.

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

I flip through a few more pictures. Most of them holding specific meaning from the past. The rest of them painful reminders of what I've lost. I put down the picture I now grasped. It was one of me on my way to one of my first missions as ANBU.

I was so nervous, you could see it written clearly on me. I was sent alone, with only a letter written by Tsunade-samma telling me what to do. I made a devastating mistake on this mission, in which I'll never forgive myself, but I finished the mission in success.

This had been another time I'd went looking to Naruto for advice. I told him the story, and he told me, in all honesty, that casualties happen when you fight in the big leagues. I couldn't except that. I didn't except it. Troubles such as these aren't meant to be left untouched.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

I almost jump out of my skin at a knocking on my door. I stand, pressing the wrinkles from my shirt, and answer the door. A bittersweet feeling grabs a hold of me, as my one fatal flaw stands smiling at me from my porch.

"Sasuke-kun?" My words are surprised, a little more than I meant them to be,

"Me and the idiot are on our way to the ramen shop, I would like it if you'd come along."

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.

I looked up at Sasuke and smiled, "Alright."

AN: THIS IS NOT A ONE SHOT!! That was a song by the GREAT Evanescence called Good Enough. It adds to the effect of the story if you listen to the song at the same time. The ending of this chapter came put sweeter than indended. This IS a Sakura/Sasuke story. It's from the POV of an older Sakura.