Prologue
Every night as I lie in bed next to my husband, my thoughts inevitably turn towards her. Memories gather like rainclouds on the horizon of my mind, creating the perfect storm of longing and loss. I remember the first time I ever saw her, standing alone on the platform amidst the black smoke of the train engine. I think about our first kiss, awkward and rushed, and I remember the way that her pale face flushed after the first time we made love.
I feel guilty for remembering Narcissa when I am lying next to James. But these nocturnal moments when I allow myself to dwell in the transient world of memory are vital to my existence. In a rare display of emotion Narcissa once told me "You cannot live without me, nor I without you." I have found these words to be true. Even if I can only possess her in my memory, possess her I must.
As James's breathing becomes steady and deep, I allow myself to drift quietly down the river of remembrance, and for a few moments every night Narcissa is mine once more.
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