Author's note: I published a ficlet on tumblr some time ago and decided to expand it into a story. I hope you enjoy, please review!
The 21th of June 1861 is usually seen as the day the angels first came to earth; however, some historians have contested that date, claiming that the visions of many who were seen as prophets or lunatics in the centuries and even millennia before were indeed visited by angels; this intriguing hypothesis is of course sadly improvable.
Thomas Astern, History of the Relations between Humans and Angels, p.136
"As you can imagine, people were shocked" Dean explained. "I mean, you're just living your life and suddenly a guy with big wings is standing right in front of you and babbling about Heaven".
His students chuckled. Many of his colleagues didn't like to use colloquial speech, but Dean had found that it worked best with 16-year-olds.
"Priests and generally religious people just went crazy. There are many accounts of how they reacted. Some even became atheists".
Krissy Chambers raised her hand. "Why? They found out angels existed".
"But not the way they thought. Angels were neither warriors of God nor guardians of mankind; they were just doing their own thing up in Heaven, are still doing it, and if they know what happens after we die, they aren't telling us."
Dean believed that they didn't know themselves, for the simple reason that his best friend, who should know better than anybody – well, human, had sworn he had no idea, but he didn't tell his students. There were some dreams, some hopes you shouldn't take away from someone so young. And especially not from Krissy, whose mother had died a few years before. Dean knew that pain.
As usual, the students hung on his every word when he talked about angels. He could count the number of times all of them had paid attention in English on one hand, but put them in angelology and the greatest trouble makers became prodigies of good behaviour.
He took a deep breath. Now came the one thing that put his class apart from any other in the country, the one thing that had ensured him the spot of Favourite Teacher of Lawrence High School in the last few years.
A familiar pain started pounding in his chest as he thought of it, but he pushed it aside. He'd deal with it later.
"As you no doubt know, my best friend is an angel. He'll be joining us next week so you can see they're not that different from us, really".
"Except for the wings and superpowers and immortality" Tom muttered and Dean felt another small stab at the last word.
He should be used to it by now. He should have made his peace with it. He should never have allowed it to go this far.
But he had, and now he had to deal with it.
"Yeah, about that" he began. He had to tell them. Word would travel fast; he wouldn't have to explain it to his students next year, or the year after that, or the year after that, if he told this bunch, if he said it once.
"And it will be a special occasion, because Castiel" he always forced himself to say Cas' full name before his pupils, even if the angel introduced himself as "Cas" to them, "is turning 35 in ten days. Can anyone tell me why this makes his visit here special?"
Krissy's hand shot up. Dean would readily admit to himself that she was his favourite student; however, he was always careful to call them out equally in class.
Screw that, today. This subject was bad enough, he didn't need to worry about class dynamics.
"Yes, Krissy?"
"Angels at thirty-five are required to find a mate".
One stab more, the reminder that Cas had to find someone who made him happy, whose Grace could mingle with his own, someone who would spend eternity with him.
"Excellent. And?"
"They have to return to Heaven to look for a mate, and they aren't allowed to return to earth until they do". Suddenly, Krissy's voice dropped and an expression Dean didn't like, that was too much like pity, crossed her face. "It often takes decades for an angel to mate, centuries even".
Dean nodded, forced himself to speak through the lump in his throat.
"Correct. Old man that I am, it's highly unlikely that I see him again, but you could get lucky".
He said it lightly to get rid of the pity he could feel from his favourite student, but if anything, it became worse, and he wondered when he had given it away, whether he had pronounced Cas' name to often or if it had been a look, an expression, the tone of his voice.
Teenagers were incredibly perceptive when it came to stuff like that. He should have paid attention.
A glance at his watch confirmed that thankfully, only a few minutes remained, and when the bell rang he said his goodbye and made his way to the teacher's room, careful not to walk too quickly so that they wouldn't think he was upset.
It was, but it was problem, of his doing alone, and he could pretend everything was alright.
Of course others could not.
"How are you?"
He sighed as he recognized Charlie's voice. The bubbly IT teacher was his best friend aside from Cas, but she tended to ask questions when she really should have kept her mouth shut.
That precise question had become annoyingly familiar in the last few months. Not that he hadn't been asked before; but it seemed that every single member of his family, as well as his friends, had decided to begin conversations like that. Sam and Bobby, of course, watched him like hawks, Charlie hung on his every word when they were together, Benny thankfully kept to pats on his back and invitations to talk if he felt like it, Garth had begun looking at him like Mr. Fizzles might make an appearance soon and even Aaron had come visit from his Rabbi Seminary to see how he was doing.
"I'm fine" Dean said gruffly, putting the folder he'd been carrying in his hands on the desk with more force than strictly necessary.
"I can see that" was Charlie's only comment as she put a coffee-to-go in his hand, one from the good expensive shop not far from the school, and he smiled at her, feeling guilty.
It wasn't Charlie's fault that he was so bummed out.
It wasn't Cas'.
It was his own, nobody's but his own, and he wouldn't force anyone to share his bad mood.
"Sorry".
"No problem, my friend. So, you up for a girl's night out?"
Charlie had always invited all her friends to a "girl's night out" because she "didn't judge".
Another wave of guilt crashed over Dean as he realized he hadn't gone out with her in at least three months, but he shook his head.
"I've got plans".
He turned away because he didn't want to see the same pity in her eyes that he'd noticed in Krissy's.
In ten days, he reflected at the end of the day, his students rushing out of the classroom as the eager teenagers that they were, he would have all the time in the world to spend with Charlie and Benny and his brother.
In ten days, there would be nothing occupying his evenings.
In ten days Cas would be gone.
It didn't matter that Dean felt like his world was falling apart. It didn't matter that Cas had spent more time on earth than in Heaven since they had met in a Laundromat, where a twenty-five year old angel on his first tour downstairs had been fascinated by the necessity of washing one's clothes and had asked Dean if it was hard to do.
It didn't matter that Dean loved Cas.
Cas was leaving to find someone he could love, someone who was worthy of his love, someone he could spend forever with, and Dean wouldn't mar his farewell to earth by telling him he wanted what he couldn't have, that he'd spent the last few years wishing he could just kiss Cas when he chuckled at one of his bad joked or when he stared wide-eyed at the animals in the zoo or when he rambled on and on about bees.
Dean would give Cas the best ten days he had ever had on their planet, and then –
Then he would live his life without his best friend at his side. If he was lucky, he would see Casa gin when he was an old man, and he wasn't sure that Cas would even visit him then.
There'd be no reason to. Ten years were a mere nothing for an angel, for a being that was born to live millennia, to eventually watch the earth die.
There was of course one other possibility, but Dean didn't allow himself to think about it. If he did, he would wish for it, and that would be wrong.
Angels couldn't only merge their Grace with another. They could merge it with a human soul.
They then became mortal and powerless, their Grace turning soul-like, all that was left their wings and ability to fly.
Cas had beautiful wings; from their rare hugs Dean knew them to be warm and soft, and sometimes he wondered –
No; he couldn't even risk telling Cas about his feelings, not even as a goodbye, because Cas had a big heart and might take him just because he asked and he loved earth and humans so much, and Dean would condemn Cas to death.
He couldn't do that. His love for his best friend would stay buried, a shameful secret to be hidden, and when he was old and grey and alone and watched Sam's grandchildren running around it would still burn, still sting, still remind him of what he never should have let himself wish for.
He had brought this on himself, had indulged in too many touches, too many smiles, too many thoughts, until it had been too late and he was stuck loving someone who was not only incapable, but forbidden to love him back.
It was good that Dean was worth so little. If he'd been Sam, or Benny, or even Garth, it might have been dangerous to see Cas as often as he did, but enough failed relationships had proven that there was little to love about him. As long as he played along and kept his mouth shut, there was no danger to Cas.
Enough of the self-pity party, he decided, closing Baby's door with slightly more force than usual. It was time to make Cas' last few days on earth awesome.
He'd asked him what he wanted to do, naturally, but he knew him inside out, so he'd already planned the trip to the zoo and the visit to the lake where he'd tried to teach Cas fishing; he was also desperately hoping that Cas agreed with his plan to have one last movie marathon.
It was the one thing he allowed himself to wish for. One more evening with Cas at his side on the sofa, a soft wing now and then brushing against his shoulder or cheek when they moved, his profile soft in the light from the tv...
He shook his head. He wasn't going to act convincingly if he started to dwell on all this. And Cas knew him better than anyone, except Sam.
He had fooled him so far. He could fool him for the short time left.
He could do this. Ten days. He could do this. Ten days and Cas would be gone. Ten days and it would all be over.
A knock on his door. He recognized it immediately. It was Cas' knock, only he ever knocked that way, with a single, precise bump right in the middle of his door. He'd never hear it again after he left, and suddenly, that hurt more than anything.
He opened his door and forced himself to smile widely.
"Hey, Cas".
"Hello, Dean".
Even after The Reveal, as the first visit of the new species was commonly called, angels preferred to stay in Heaven as they had done before. To this day, there have been only a few who stayed on Earth long enough to form meaningful relationships with humans; estimates range from 30 to 100 cases.
Melody Carrews, The Handbook of Modern Angelology, p.312