You never meant it to turn out this way, you never wanted this to happen. You want to say it wasn't your fault that you weren't yourself, but you know that's a lie, it will always be a lie and no amount of self denial will make a difference. It's all your fault and you know it, it's something you can't ever deny. It's something you don't want to deny, because it's so evident around you, it can't be pushed to the realms of fakery, not like the magic you have denied, even after the Jade-Blood gave you your precious 'science-wand'
Their blood is on your hands, no matter how much you try to wash it away it is still there. Shades of purple, red, green and blue, a single yellow and though it wasn't you, splatters of brown. The rainbows of the hemospectrum cover you and won't go away, not even after you scrub so hard your royal purple mixes with the rest of the colours, because the blood isn't real, it's just your guilty mind torturing you, forcing you to cry and scream and continue trying to claw the colours away until your voice is hoarse and you can barely see the others through a haze of violet tears, or maybe it is the blood running down your face from where you have dug sharpened fingernails into your scalp.
You start to feel dizzy and weak and you aren't entirely sure if it's from the screaming, crying or the blood you have lost so much of, but you really don't care, you're okay with this. You let your body curl to lay on the cold floor and wrap your cloak around your body and as the purple obscuring your sight starts to darken until all you can see is black. You hope when you open your eyes, if you ever do, that this was all a dream, that the angry Mutant-Blood will scream at you for falling asleep and everyone will be alive and the blood would finally be gone.
You are Eridan Ampora and you have killed all your friends. All of them. And you are not okay with this.