I haven't written in a long time, but I really wanted to do a one shot based on the incredible episode On My Way. Max Adler was amazing, by the way.
Will continued talking about the time in his Junior year when he thought about killing himself. Others were silent, unsure of what to say. Blaine saw the way Kurt was looking and decided to clear his throat.
"I would like to say something," he said quietly and Will looked at him with surprise and smiled.
"Go head."
Kurt looked at Blaine curiously. Blaine sighed and his body started to shake. He wasn't used to sharing this part of himself with everyone else.
"I too...considered it," he said eyes widened. Even Kurt was shocked.
"Honey, you've never said anything about that to me." Kurt also looked hurt.
"That's because I've been ashamed of it," Blaine admitted.
"But..you're so confident," Quinn protested. "You seem so happy and sure of yourself."
"I wasn't always like that," scoffed Blaine. "Trust me." He looked at Kurt and cleared his throat.
"When...I first came out at my old school, before Dalton,things weren't exactly great. When I first came out...I asked my friend, who was also gay, to the Sadie's Hawkins dance." Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand when he mentioned that name.
"Blaine, you don't have to-"
"But I want to." Blaine squeezed back. He started up again. "When we were waiting for his parents to come home...these 3 guys beat the living daylights out of us." He said this in a rush, like pealing off a band aid. Everyone in the room gasped and Will closed his eyes. Finn stared at him, and then at Kurt.
"Kurt, did you know?"
"Yes, but it wasn't my place to tell you," said Kurt defensively.
"Plus, I asked him not to," Blaine added quickly.
"Blaine," Rachel said with tears on her cheeks. "I am so sorry, I had no idea." Blaine gave her a small it's okay hugged his knees to his chest.
"After...the incident my friend was in a coma for a couple of months. I had broken my leg...they didn't know if my friend would wake up. I thought about it...then."
Will nodded sadly and blinked back tears as Kurt leaned his head onto Blaine's shoulder in comfort.
Blaine looked down at his hands in shame.
"I had a box of pills for my pain," he added. "Whenever I went to sleep...I kept seeing them. One night...I woke up panicked...and I just...couldn't stand it anymore. I took that bottle and stared at it for the longest time. It seemed so easy, you know? If I just swallow them all it'll be over with."
The others stared at Blaine. Almost every eyes were watery. Kurt squeezed Blaine's arm as a tear rolled down his cheek. They were all shocked to have seen this side of Blaine. They almost didn't know what to think. Tina was crying at the thought of someone wanting to hurt him.
"What stopped you?" Will asked quietly. Blaine shook his head "I...I really don't know. I just..couldn't." Blaine hung his head, unable to continue. Everyone shifted in uncomfortable silence. It was then when Will continued, deciding to have them tell everyone what they are looking forward to in life.
After the meeting Kurt went up to Blaine in the hallway.
"How come you never told me about that?" He whispered as Blaine cast his eyes downward.
Blaine shrugged.
"I didn't want you to think I was weak, I guess." He mumbled. Kurt stared at him.
"I could never think that," he whispered. He stared at his boyfriend. "You know...I thought about it myself," he admitted and Blaine looked at him sharply.
"When?" He mumbled in shock.
Kurt swallowed.
"Last year, when the bullying got really bad...when David threatened me...that's when I considered it...I wondered if anyone would ever really miss me if I was gone."
Blaine grabbed his hand quickly.
"I want you to promise me something," he said as his voice shook.
"What?" Kurt whispered.
"I want you to promise me you will never think about killing yourself again, and if you can't stop thinking about it, at least tell me, okay? I don't want there to be anymore secrets between us."
Kurt nodded and cleared his throat.
"I'll promise, if you promise."
Blaine kissed him on the lips.
"I promise," he mumbled as they embraced in a hug.
sorry for it being so short, but I'm still kind of emotional over the episode, but I wanted to write something about it.