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Crucifix
Sometimes.
"Sometimes" is a very scary concept to Sasuke.
Sometimes, at night, when he can't go to sleep, Sasuke will lay between the twisted off-white sheets and wonder. Wondering isn't as bad as sometimes, since it's much more vague, and, well, vague has never really made sense to him.
Sometimes, at night, Sasuke wonders what things would be like if.
That's more dangerous than it is scary, because it's so scary.
Sometimes, at night, Sasuke dreams about the ifs he's so hung up on jeopardising before bed.
In his thoughts he sometimes wonders what if their situations had been reversed and Naruto the one to run off looking for vengeance. What if Naruto was the rogue and he, Sasuke, the one who chased him tirelessly. Then, he sometimes (sometimes) wonders if he would.
(He doesn't think he would.)
(He likes the dobe, but not that much.)
(And he's totally lying right now, though the thought seems awkward and out of place, to be inspected on further notice.)
(He doubts he would do a lot of things that Naruto's done; for Naruto, who is probably the closest person he has to being special right now, much less anyone else.)
Sometimes is a very dangerous, scary weapon to Sasuke. One he practices on himself on a daily basis. When he's all alone to make himself feel things that aren't anger or hatred or malice. So every day he takes up his little hobby, repeating it like a mantra; a sick verse that he goes over again and again and again like religious text (the condemning act) in his own crucifixion in a cruel parody of guilt and love and his twisted, twisted masochism.
He thinks it must be vanity to be so fixed on the same thing. It's not quite his reflection he practically worships, but it's damn close enough for it not to matter. After all, vanity is synonymous with "evil".
Sasuke knows it's probably wrong to use Naruto as an outlet of his guilt. It's probably wrong to defile his person in such a vile manner, but Sasuke figures that if he's the one who's going to end up killing his would-be saviour, he has the right to defile him in any way he sees fit.
Well, in his mind at least.
(And his mind whispers that there's – oh, – so much to defile!)
The tasks Sasuke's assigned now are all long and arduous things he'd rather not do, and often take up much of his "Religious Guilt Naruto Time" as he's come to call it.
Sasuke doesn't know why he bothers working with Akatsuki now, but he knows that there's no room for him in Konoha anymore.
Now that he's finished his task and avenged Itachi (finally, finally), he has nothing to do.
Sometimes (and there's that damn concept again), Sasuke wonders why he even bothers with Akatsuki. He doesn't necessarily believe in what they're doing, and it's not like he supports them. But then he remembers, 'cause all he can do in the miserable little hell he's built himself is remember and he's so sick of it he thinks he might puke, so he remembers.
He remembers that Akatsuki is the closest he'll ever get to Naruto again.
And he remembers.
Because he has nothing to do, he remembers.
Because there's no room in Konoha for Sasuke.
He remembers, because of Naruto.
So he submits to his crucifix like midnight obsession, addicted to the pain.
(Masochist, masochist the stillness screeches.)
And sometimes is a scary word.
(Because he remembers.)
(I'm so tired of just seeing things from Naruto's perspective and decided, hey, why not run with Sasuke? It's only 500-ish words, but it's somewhat fresh-ish. Morose, thy name is Requisite. Reviews make me squeaky. – Requisite)