It had been sixteen months - sixteen long months - since he walked away from her. It had been sixteen months of crappy motel rooms and crappy coffee, of her wanting to call him every day, of the waves of reality not relenting like her mother had promised all that time ago. She'd thought sixteen months was nothing, that nothing would have changed, but everything had. She realized that as soon as she saw the picture and title at the top of her laptop screen. 'Huntzberger Heir Hits Rock Bottom' with a picture of Colin and Finn holding him up as they walked into a rehab facility.
It wasn't as if she didn't know what was going on in his life. She'd kept contact with Stephanie and Finn - Colin still wanting to blame her more than Logan. But the other two, they knew it was Logan who'd screwed up, who had pushed until they broke. Before she knew what she was doing, she was laying it out as it was.
"You were supposed to be there for him!" she practically yelled into the phone. "You were supposed to make sure he was okay!"
"Rory," the Australian on the other line said. She could hear it in his voice that he was tired and worn out. "You don't think I tried. I was the one who dragged him out of the bars every night. I was the one who helped him with his hangovers until he decided he'd rather be drunk than in a hungover state. You think I was bad in college? Logan became a thousand times worse than I ever was." She heard him start to become angry. "I was the one who walked into his apartment to see broken glass and bottles strewn about! I was the one who found him passed out on the bathroom floor, and the one who took him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped! I was the one who had to call Honor to tell her that her baby brother was in the hospital! I was the one who went back to the apartment to clean up for him, only to find his Black Card stained white next to a line of cocaine!"
"Finn," she said softly. Obviously, she didn't know these details. She didn't know the small things in his life. She'd only been clued into the bigger ones: he started sleeping around again, he was drunk half the time, he sold his share in the company, he sold the house, he moved back to Hartford to work for his father. She didn't know anything else until Finn told her in that moment of pain.
"You weren't the one to tell him he was killing himself, Rory." His voice had softened, and she could hear he was about to break. "You gotta move on. He didn't, love."
"You know better than that, Finn," she responded to his last comment. "I went on one date that ended with me crying on his shoulder. I've been working my ass off the last sixteen months, drowning myself in my work. He decided to drown himself in booze. I regret letting him walk away that day, but I made my bed and I laid in it. He chose to run from it."
"I know you're in town," he told her. He wasn't wrong. She was in Hartford for her mom's wedding that had occurred that day. "I'm visiting him tomorrow. I think you should come." He gave her the address, and she wrote it down.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Finn." With that, she hung up and looked at the piece of paper. If she went, she knew she wouldn't be able to walk away again. She wouldn't be able to tell him goodbye again. A part of her knew she wanted that, knew she wanted to be with him. However, the other part knew that this wasn't the same Logan she'd fallen in love with and wasn't the same one who walked away that day. This Logan was broken and defeated, and she didn't know if she could see him like that. She didn't know if she would be able to see the shell of the man she loved.
The next morning, she woke up to the sound of her alarm clock. Slowly, she opened her eyes to the sun pouring through the curtains of the hotel she was staying at. This was it. This was the day she saw him again, and she didn't know what was worse. Was it seeing him or was it walking away? She knew she wouldn't be able to stay, wouldn't be able to be there for him since she had to go back on the campaign trail. Her life didn't end at Logan Huntzberger, and she was damned if she would give up this job just because he screwed his life up. She sighed before standing and getting dressed, grabbing the piece of paper and walking out to hail a taxi.
The driver pulled up outside of the building. It didn't look like she would have imagined it. It wasn't sterile or ominous. It actually looked inviting. She paid the man before stepping out and walking over to Finn who was standing on the sidewalk, looking up at the building.
"Hey," she said softly as he enveloped her in a hug. She reciprocated before pulling away and looking at him. "Let's do this." She wanted to take his hand in hers, to be sure he wasn't going to leave. At the same time, she knew better than that. Finn wouldn't be the one to leave, she would.
"We're here to see Logan Huntzberger. Finn Rothschild," he told the receptionist. She knew this was one of the places where your name had to be on the list to see the patients. "And guest." Money could buy you anything, but not happiness.
He lead her through the door to the common room. She had found out he'd been there for a week. How had it taken a week for her to learn this? Why didn't Finn call sooner? She knew all these questions were only a distraction to try and delay what was about to come.
It took a minute of scanning the room before she saw him. He was wearing jeans and a Yale sweater. Even from this distance, she could see the stubble forming across his face, the dark circles under his eyes. His legs were bouncing up and down while his arms were crossed across his chest. He looked so small, so broken. She looked away, looking at Finn who still looked at him. A wave of emotions flashed across his face, and she knew it hurt him to see his best friend this way. She knew that they both knew it should be Finn in that spot, not Logan. Finn was the alcoholic afterall.
It took another minute for Finn to move from his spot, and she followed closely behind as they neared him. He didn't look up, staring at the floor. His eyes were glassy. God, he wasn't the same.
"Hey, man," Finn said, sitting next to him. He still didn't look up. "I brought someone I thought you'd like to see. Don't worry, it's not your father. Honor made sure to blacklist him," he said with a small laugh. Logan still didn't look up. She wasn't sure if it was the withdrawal or if it was because Finn was practically the one who told Logan he had to get sober.
"Hi," she said softly. For a moment, she thought he was going to look up at her. For an even briefer moment, she thought she saw him at least glance. His legs halted before returning to their alternating bouncing. "I miss you." Three words she thought she'd never say to him, and the three that finally made him react.
"You don't get to miss me." She shouldn't have been shocked, but she was. She wanted to believe he would have been more receptive. But she'd turned down his proposal, she'd let him walk away. But she didn't blame herself. He gave her the ultimatum. He walked away. She just tried to continue living her life.
"Logan," Finn said almost harsh. "Let her say what she needs to say." It was just like Finn to know more than he let on. It was how it always was in college. He was drunk a majority of the time, but not to where he wasn't receptive. In fact, it was the running joke that drunk Finn knew more than sober anybody.
"You could have called, Logan. I wish you would have. This isn't who you are. You're smart and caring and a damn good businessman. When you sold your share of the company and went back to your father, I wanted to tear you a new one. But I knew it wasn't my place. When I found out you went back to being Logan Huntzberger the playboy, I wanted to call, but it wasn't my place. But I draw the line here, Logan. It's my place to get angry about this. In all the years I've known you, I've seen you high once. This isn't who you are. I know I didn't call, but the phone works both ways." The unspoken 'I love you' was there, and she hoped he knew it.
"Why didn't you? It's always been your place to call me and tell me how much I've fucked up. I admit it. I fucked up!" he practically yelled. "I walked away from the best thing I had, so I dealt with it the best way I could! To try and forget it!" He still refused to look up, still in the same position. So, she did the only thing that made sense. She got down on his level, on her knees in front of him looking at him and him looking at her. She saw the hurt in his eyes, saw all the masked emotions. Her hands rested on his knees, planting his feet on the ground.
"Logan," she said softly.
"You're actually here," he replied. "This isn't me finally losing my mind?" She smiled sadly. She knew a mixture of alcohol and cocaine could cause hallucinations, and it pained her that he thought she was one. It made her wonder how many times he thought she was with him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Finn walk away.
"I'm here. And I'm not leaving. We're going to take this one day at a time. Together." After seeing him, she knew she couldn't go back to those motel rooms and the bus and the horrible excuse for coffee. She knew this is where she belonged, that she belonged with him all along.